Latest Posts by manumagic11 - Page 2

If everything is meaningless and this is a dream, why are you still continuing living then? Why don’t we all crawl up in a hole and die since everything is an “illusion”

You're misunderstanding what's being said. This isn't about a real person living in a fake world — it's not "me the real person" vs. "the illusion out there." That’s not it at all. That entire split is already a misperception.

You are not the one experiencing the illusion. You are the Knowing itself — not-knowing conceptually, but the raw, direct Seeing. That’s the only thing not appearing and disappearing. It's not something to believe in or debate. It’s to be noticed, directly.

Neither “you,” nor “me,” nor the world — not any idea, label, or form — is the Actuality being pointed to. When I say You are Actuality, I’m not speaking about a body, a person, or any mental concept. I’m referring to the constant, silent, untouched Beingness — the Is-ness that exists before and without name, image, or thought. That’s what’s always here, never born, never leaving. That has always been here — before any idea of “me” or “you” ever arose.

Also: people seriously misinterpret the words illusory and meaningless — assuming they imply something negative, depressing, or empty in a hopeless way. That’s just not it. That’s not what these words mean in this context.

When something is called illusory, it means it’s not solid, not permanent — like a dream, or a mirage. It appears, but it has no independent, lasting existence and relies on "Awareness/Knowing" to be perceived. That doesn’t mean it’s “bad” or that it shouldn’t appear. It’s just seen for what it is — a fleeting expression of something that doesn’t need form to be.

And when we say meaningless, it doesn’t mean sad or pointless. It means: it has no fixed, pre-given meaning unless one is assigned. Like pure open space — no labels, no judgment, no category, no good/bad, right/wrong. It just is, undefined. That freedom is what most people miss — because they think “meaningless” equals despair. But that only comes from assuming the person is real and now floating in some empty shell. But that “person” is part of the illusion too.

This isn’t about crawling in a hole because “life is meaningless.” That reaction comes from misidentifying with the one who experiences the illusion. But that “experiencer” is a mirage. The only constant is the silent Knowing — not a knower, not a thinker, but Knowing itself, unshaped, untouched. Noticing that is what ends the confusion. Nothing needs to be changed, added, or removed. Just seen.

call me perfect. this blog will help you learn about your true selves: consciousness, and about non dualism. i occasionally post self care and self love posts too. im 17 years old, pronouns she/her. click the star for the link 2 all my other socials: ⭐️

understanding consciousness & non dualism series: part 1 : how to know you are only consciousness part 2 : why everything is consciousness; non dualism part 3 : everything is imagination & an illusion part 4 : what exactly is consciousness (you)? part 5 : ego + when "you" dont understand non dualism part 6 : time, thoughts & meditation part 7 : proof that everything is imaginary part 8 : stop and just observe part 9 : non dualism vs law of assumption part 10 : the world within the mind + the 5 senses part 11 : the unreal vs the real part 12: finally, play a new game

You don't want it - enough.

You: noooo sora of course I do thats why I've been reading about it for months

If you did, you would act upon the knowledge. You would let go and just be. Instead you treat yourself like a clown running around chasing for your glasses that are on your head.

You tell me you act on it but it might last for a second or two and then you're back to chasing. How to be, how to be. This is not temporary. This is a radical change of everything "you" thought "you" knew.

Have discipline. You cannot let habit limit the Self. Discipline, discipline and discipline until the Self shines through because you are always you, is there a time where you are not you?

You just think that the you I'm referring to is the person, but then you I'm referring to is your very being. Have you ever not just been? Removing all labels, are you not? You know all this, you do but the addiction of chasing is just so strong. You don't want to give up on the body-mind yet, you're attached but you tell me you are not.

Even if illusory objects make "you" happy, material possessions can provide only a temporary happiness. A glimpse. Your happiness relies on a world of falsities; you are creating a world, identifying with it then working to change it, then gathering data from the world You created. Stuck in a loop.

If you wanted it, you'd give every-thing up and be "reborn" , completely free from thought. Just BE. Not for an hour or 2 hours but constantly. This means giving up hatred, regret, guilt, blame, need-based love and attachments of all kind essentially because they're all illusory. It can feel scary and it can feel sad but it is not how You feel because You are no-thing. It is just an emotion arising that you think is yours.

Resistance might be felt but go against it! Have will and determination! It might seem easier to be in a life where it's what "you" always knew but it's not even real! There is no time, you are just thinking you have lived a life when you haven't because every experience is FRESH!

SO PLEASE just continue going back to who you are; " ". No labels, no attachments, no expectations; just " ". Don't let an illusory object You created control You.

Get to a place where if a seeming someone says "the name you think you are", you KNOW it is not YOU. You know You are Dimitris, Maria, Irene all at once because these are just thoughts, you're free.

How to be Awareness (The guide to all you need to know)

First off, realize you are never not it. We are actually fully realized all the time. We are fully realized Beings saying that we are not. So all we do is let go of “we are not” and what's left over is the fully realized Being that we are.

Second, if you're able to understand it intellectually but not able to use it, it's because you're not looking at yourself honestly, truthfully, with deep desire to see your Self, in the process of which you have set up as the subconscious mind all the things you will not look at.

However, it's not necessary to dig up this unconscious mind, in fact it's much better to try to quiet the mind. When we're able to get the mind totally quiet, what's left over is the infinite Self. Every thought is a thing of limitation. Therefore when we quiet the mind, we still these limiting thoughts and this infinite Being that we are becomes self obvious to us. The Self is then not occluded by the limiting thoughts! We see It, we recognize that we never were that mind, that body, and from that moment on, the mind and body have no influence upon us. We determine for the body as we would a puppet and it has no effect upon us, as a puppet that we would be controlling would have no effect upon us.

If you want a "method", then the very best method of all methods is to quiet the mind to see the Being that you are. Pose the question: “Who am I?” and if other thoughts come in, ask, “To whom are these thoughts?” The answer is “To me.” “Well, who am I?” and you're back on the track, seeking to see your Self.

''Who am I?” is the final question that everyone answers, so why not begin with the final question?

There are two ways of growing: one is what I call the negative way, eliminating the negative, going into the mind, seeing the cause of the problem that originated in a thought some time in the past. When we see this thought, when we bring it up into consciousness, we naturally let go of it. We see how silly it is to hold onto it and therefore correct that thought and behavior.

However, the other way is better. It is the positive way. Quiet the mind and see who and what you really are, the infinite Self, pure Awareness. In the over all, there's really only two ways: eliminating the negative and the better, putting in the positive, “I am that I am,” “I am It.” The latter is by far the faster.

Let's now take a look at this so-called apparency, the world. The world is only an illusion that we created mentally. It is not external but in reality within us, within our mind. Someday you'll discover that you created this entire universe that you see. The method of creating is by first creating what we call a mind. We create our mind, which is nothing but a composite of all our thoughts, conscious and subconscious, and the thoughts create the material world. Every little thing that happens to each and everyone of us is created in our thinking. We mentally set up a thing called time which makes it even more difficult to see things because we think now and things happen years later. But the only creator there is, is the mind, your mind.

So now you discover that you created your trouble, then you discover that you can create anything you desire. After you discover that there is nothing that you cannot create, you're still unhappy. The reason is that you have separated yourself from the all that is.

You say you realize you are Awareness but you still "lack" things

If there are any problems that remain, they only remain because you are holding onto them in thought. The moment you let go of them, they are gone! If you tell me that isn't so for you, that isn't true. The truth is you're still holding onto them, telling me that it doesn't work. Now trying to get rid of a problem is holding onto it. Anything we try to get rid of we are holding in mind and thereby sustaining that problem. So the only way to correct a problem is to let go of it. See not the problem, see only what you want. If you would only from this moment on see what you want that is all that you would get. But you hold in mind the things you do not want. You struggle to eliminate the things you don't want, thereby sustaining them.

Now the very highest state is simply Beingness, and if we could only be, just be, we could see our Infinity. We would see that there are no limitations. We would see that we are the All. We would be in a perfectly satiated, permanent, changeless state. And it is not a nothingness, it is not a boredom, it is an Allness, an Everythingness, a Total Satiation that is eternal. You will never, never lose your individuality. The word “I” as you use it to mean your individuality will never ever leave you. It expands. What happens as you re-remember what you are is that you'll begin to see that others are you, that you are me, that you are now and always have been gloriously Infinite.

This subject cannot be learned intellectually, it cannot be learned through the mind because it's perceived just behind the mind. We can use the mind to gradually undo the limitations enough so that we can get behind the mind by getting it quieter. If it were possible to get this subject through the mind intellectually, all we would need to do is to read the books on it and we would have it. But it doesn't work that way. We have to very concentratedly dwell upon our Self that is just behind the mind. Turn the mind back upon the mind to discover what the mind is, and then go beyond the mind to the Self. So to get this subject, each one must experience it, realize it, make it real by going to the place just behind the mind and perceiving it there.

If you examine thoroughly the mind, you will discover that it isn't, it's an illusion. Let it go its way, just watch the mind. The ultimate witness is the Self. It's a tremendous thing to watch the mind. Not only does it quiet it, it makes the mind not you. If you trace the source of the mind, you find it is nothingness. This whole world is a dream illusion, which means that it isn't!

Unlimited joy is our natural, inherent state which we have, through ignorance, undone by imposing concepts of limitations. Anytime we have trouble, anytime we have a problem, we're being the limited ego. We’re trying to express the Self through the limited ego, and it's too small, we get squeezed and it hurts. If you'll just accept that you are not that, that what you are is God, Awareness -- and God is All, God is Perfect, that's all you'll ever meet with!

No matter what you say, no matter what law or concept you want to follow, only upon recognizing that what you are is Awareness are you perfectly satisfied.

Hello, what do you mean when you say "just be aware of it" when it comes to "manifesting" something? How do I realize that there is no separation?

Well there’s actually nothing you have to do because this isn’t a forced effort that you have to put time into, this is what I love about separating this from concepts and methods, because it isn’t. This is the natural way all things are and always will be. This is explaining what all of this experience is. What I describe isn’t something to hone or master, and you can’t get any better at it. It’s finding who you are, it’s all about the identity of conciousness, which is whole and complete, and from this, manifestation constantly occurs.

So for example, you are manifestation, as in, you ARE it, you don’t “become aware of” something, because awareness, or conciseness is what you are, the manifestation is the moment it’s known, like how you can conjure “everything works in my favor”, and we can trace back where this idea came from. It came from you, and the moment it was manifested from you, it became real, otherwise well it wouldn’t exist. Usually we see things that we want as something that we have to manifest and put effort into to get; but we don’t keep the same rules for things we don’t like or want. Take the idea “it’s hard to make money”, if you’ve been persisting in this then you have constantly been manifesting this. You don’t say it because you hope or wish to see it happen, but you just state it as a matter of fact, but if it wasn’t for you claiming it, it wouldn’t exist to begin with. It’s our choice what ideas we formulate (manifestation).

Yes, Im Back

Here it is you guys, this is going to be the clearest and most simple explanation I’ve done so far of manifestation and your identity as conciousness and what that means for experience & the world unfolding. Don’t worry if you’re new to this, this will help!

THIS IS A MASSIVE POST, TAKE YOUR TIME AND GRAB SOME WATER, YOUR ABOUT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 😉🤭🤭

————————————————————

So around 7 years ago I started stepping into the world of what people typically call manifestation. I went down the rabbit hole of Subliminals, Law of Attraction, Law of assumption, NonDuality and finally to where I am now, the unlabeled.

I want to preface by saying, I have been through an unimaginable amount of turmoil, and growth while on my journey to understanding reality and the way the world appears.

I’ve spent all of my time from back to when I first found out about this side of reality, to today while I’m writing this post, constantly looking at a multiplicity of teachings and teachers to figure it out, except until the very end. I really want you to know this because it’s very important to not brush this off as if it’s not possible for you, as if you have to adapt a technique or secret. This isn’t something that’s to be exhausting. With that being said, let’s move forward.

We all want things, we all have ideas of a life we hope to live, we want to fill it with all the experiences and specific details that match our taste. But this is actually, where the problem begins.

The way manifestation is taught is inherently wrong, I’ve fully stopped watching and consuming content that has anything to do with manifesting all together, because no matter what it is, Law of assumption, Law of attraction, all of the other ideologies that promise your desires, they all have a fundamental flaw, identity.

They usually all entail a similarity: methods, techniques, specific things you can do and ways you can act to make an outcome happen. All the while throwing in a random “because you’re the god of your reality”. And instead of focusing on the phrases that relate to the center of all of it, YOU, it’s simply just brushed past.

And not just the typical “your source”, “your operant power”, “you are the manifestation,

We get it but wtf does that actually mean, and why should you care??? Well, let’s get into this, because once you start from point A, everything else makes sense.

What all these teachings of the world get wrong is the idea that you can want things and desire, as source. Fundamentally this is a paradox, you can’t exist in desire and want if you are the source of reality. It’s not to say you aren’t, but it’s to say, you don’t ACTUALLY want and desire, but the illusion of being separate from the world is what makes you want and desire.

Let’s break the illusion.

Ask yourself this for me. “Am I aware”.

The answer will always be yes. Undeniably. And no matter how many times you repeat this, the answer is always yes, no matter a feeling, no matter a pleasant or unpleasant experience in the world, no matter any circumstance, you will always say yes.

Why is this so important to explore?

Because you are able to see from direct experience what source is.

When you asked yourself that question, did you notice something weird that happened? It’s almost like everything paused for a split second and your attention went somewhere to find the answer, and a response came from there. Look closer, ask yourself the question again, and this time try to find where the answer is coming from.

You’ll find that it comes out of nowhere, and if you try to trace it as far back as you can, to even before you answer yes, there this empty space of knowing that the answer conjures in.

This is consciousness. This is you.

Whether you name it consciousness/awarness or knowing, it doesn’t matter, it’s all interchangeable. But the important thing to note is, this thing doesn’t ever go anywhere. That is your true identity, the starting point of all ideas, the starting point to anything that can possibly be known. Every decision is from here, every expression comes from here, everything leads back to knowing. When there is emotion, it is known, when there is idea, it is known.

You being able to know that you are aware comes from this. This is the unseeable, the thing that can’t be perceived in any way, this is origin, its source, and its you. Take a shot at it, try to see what knowing looks like, its weight, its shape, its color, its dimensions, what its favorite color is, what it doesn’t like or does like. You’ll be left with nothing, as in no descriptions, but definitely knowing that there is a presence there that never goes away. Now try finding its name, its age, its skin color, its voice. You cant, and yet, from this very nothingness comes your undeniable answer that you exist and you are aware of your existence.

You don’t need and feelings to know, you dont need sight, sound, and sense of perception, you don’t even need to acknowledge the body in any way, but you know you “are”.

At some point when there were no worlds and universes, there was an unseeable, dimensionless plane from what everything came from, does this sound familiar? Before there were things, there was no-thing, a presence yes, but no objects. And from this, reality was expressed, but source can’t go away, the fundamental key to everything there is today, has to remain, or else everything else would not exist.

Concouisness is what you are. And it IS the origin.

Now how tf do you live you dream life???

By understanding that the world is also just an expression of source, conciousness/you.

I need you to understand something that I thing we can all agree on, if everything has one source, it would only make sense for everything to be the extension of that thing that gives it life. The world is no different, and trust me I know this without a reasonable doubt. I’ve spent closer to a decade trying to figure this out. Everything exists in/on the field of consciousness/you.

I need you to trust me, because no matter how far you have been in your journey and how tiring it might have been like it was for me, I promise you, this is worth it all.

Step away from the ideas of wanting and needing, put on your neutrality glasses and perceive the world as 2 simple things, conciousness and conscious expression. These are the only 2 things that drive experience itself.

Understanding that you are source, more things become clear. Where do all the stories of all the unfavorable problems in your life activate from? Where does the idea of good events activate from? Where is it that any form of knowing come from, you. Whether it’s about struggling with money, or about someone loving you, the story or ideas, conjure from you.

We already know that we are conciousness, but now let’s acknowledge the second mosy important part, reality begins at us, draw yourself into something that you don’t really like, something you’d like to change, now notice where it activates from.

From knowing. Knowing the idea or story is its creation

Now when we see it casually, as just another thougt about something the world is showing us we brush it off and move on with our day, until we have to face that thing, but, what if this was actually in reverse?

Because if everything is an expression of source, doesn’t that mean the world is too? It would have to be. Doesn’t that mean, anything registered by the senses has to abide by its source? And doesn’t that mean, that the world is not truly something of its own will?

The short answer is yes absolutely. And I can tell you, this is it. THIS WILL BE VERY F$&#*NG IMPORTANT.

Admitting to the idea that there is one source for everything is literally acknowledging that everything can only show up IN ACCORDANCE AND RESPECT TO WHATEVER ITS SOURCE IS.

THIS MEANS, the the world is a PROJECTION of source, IT DOES NOT STAND ALONE. It does not OPERATE ON ITS OWN.

The world is the projection of consciousness.

Following me??

Like a hologram, like a school projector QUITE LITERALLY a projection.

From us, an infinite array of stories and ideas come, and they only become activate or exist if we allow them to, if we give permission to this thing to exist.

That story that you’ve had about SP (Specific Person) or Money or Success, has always been activated by you. TELL ME WHERE ELSE IT STARTS. You can literally even prove this to yourself right now. WHERE DOES THE STORY BEGIN.

And because the world is just an expression/extension of its source (YOU) it is ONLY GOING TO BE WHAT SOURCE IS. Because it is source, just with senses and perception. It is coming face to face with what you are aware of.

The way the world shows and all of its details are projections of whatever you decide to activate. How do you activate something? BY KNOWING IT.

How do you know “red apple” ? By knowing it. That is the origin for this idea. And you can run this test for every single story you play on loop, find its source, it will always be you.

Now, for the important steps moving forward. Stop treating this like an on and off switch, truly stop caring about a feeling, stop letting yourself get so swayed out of understanding your identity as the source, do NOT give up this beautiful opprotunity just because it seems or feels different.

You’ve been taught for so long that the world has to be struggle, so that’s all you know, you’ve been told that things don’t always come easy, this is all you know, take the time, take the days and weeks you need to break out of this useless cycle of exhaustion and understand who you are as source

Do not double down on doubts, double down on the truth, regardless of how you feel, take your time to feel, take your time to be, but never allow yourself to slip back into the brainwashing of the world.

Moving forward you need to understand the world objectively, not with the ideas of wants and desire, but for what it is. Source can’t want, you turn it into desire by creating a sense of divide for yourself. You pretend the world is something to change, drop this. You pretend that the body is all you are, drop it, you pretend that there has to be more to this but knowing, DROPKICK this into the damn ground.

This all is very simple. Everything being the expression of source is only projecting what source (You) are. The world is a direct projection of conscious activity. Whatever is know is given permission to exist, it’s given life. It’s created. THIS. IS. IT.

Whether it be blue butterflies, getting a free coffee, or changing your eye color, it all is just knowing. And this isn’t something that turns off. This is reality, this is you. Start noticing the random things the world shows up as when you were just thinking about it the other day or a few hours ago. It is not a coincidence I assure you.

That friend you were thinking about calling you? Yeah.

That song you were thinking about suddenly popping up? Yeah

That “problem” you were thinking about suddenly reappearing? Yeah

It is all the same, yes it will take getting used to, but please understand me when I say this, it took me a painful amount of time and effort to finally see this as the truth, the amount of months I’ve spent isolating from content and other teachings allowed me to take ONLY personal experience, I tested it day in day out and this IS it.

Currently I expand my comfort on how seamless existing is, and I can assure you, if I can come to this conclusion, you 100% can because it has NOT been easy for me, and it almost didn’t want to accept it. But the moment I did, and kept seeing it to be true time and time again, I knew I had to go fully in.

You create the idea of wanting by doing this.

“I really want Sp to text me”

This is what you’ve given permission to exist, this is now activated, it now is conscious activity, and because the world is source projected with senses the world IS this.

You treat it like an absolute, but when it comes to something like this:

“Sp loves texting me”

You treat it as effort, and something to do and wait on. Now tell me, does that make sense? Does the idea of waiting, wanting, desiring, changing, even make sense with the knowledge you have up to this point? Nope.

You need to understand. The world is not a story, it’s projection, and it can only be projecting you. Stop turning to the world as if it can make statements, as if it’s feeding you ideas, when you’re the one activating them. You NEVER actually change the world, it’s you that activates a new idea. THATS IT. It exists because you know it. A feeling cannot stop you from knowing, the world cannot stop you from knowing, ONLY YOU can stop yourself from activating a story. A story can’t exist if it isn’t known.

So, don’t you think it’s about time you see past the illusion of wanting and see for yourself what you are?

Don’t you think it’s time, to wake up.

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

i guess you don’t answer anymore but i’m hoping you at least read this because it’s genuine and i feel like i have nowhere else to post this. i just want someone to hear me. ignore this if it’s too long. i want to thank you for your posts. they are the only writings that have truly resonated with me ever since i discovered the law, neville, states, being, whatever we call this thing. but i’ll be honest i’m giving up today. i discovered the ‘law of attraction’ in 2019 when i was 18 years old. it is now getting to the last quarter of 2024 and i am 23 where i’ve evolved in understanding to where i found ‘nondualism’. i went from law of attraction -> law of assumption & neville goddard -> robotic affirming -> mindset fixing & joe dispensa -> states & edward art -> nondualism. however… i have never manifested a single thing in my life. i used to be filled with anxiety when i said this. fearing these words would cause it to keep going on but i don’t even want to fear anymore. it’s just the truth. your posts taught me that i don’t have to fear my words anymore anyways. i’ve had a dream for a long time. i don’t believe i will ever reach this dream anymore. along with that dream i also just really wanted good for my family and i. you know the basics like financial freedom, happiness, mended relationships. but throughout everything i’ve learned i could never make it work and i’m just done. i guess i will return to living a normal life and just hoping i make it. i hope i find happiness or just.. anything. i’m just letting go of it all because i feel like things shouldn’t be this hard. even going to caleb’s channel and watching his recent ‘your manifestation isn’t taking long, you are’ video…. i’m just… exhausted. i just dont know how to do this and i don’t think i can take life anymore anyways. but yeah i just wanted to say thank you. even though i could never find success, you taught me who I Am. and i’ll forever be grateful for your wisdom even though you’re a bit younger than me. i hope you find continued success and live a happy life. sincerely

THIS IS JUST THE FIRST PART TO THE HUGE POST, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME

After what felt like months away from tumblr I really dove into self-inquiry fully, and of course still am, and I promised you guys a mega post so here’s the initial information so far. There is more to come.

IM SORRY IF THERE ARE ERRORS IN GRAMMAR OR SMTH I WROTE THIS AT MANY DIFFERENT MOMENTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY!! FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS, ETC BUT PLS DONT ASK BY RESPONDING TO THIS POST, ITLL CAUSE SO MUCH SPAM ON THE FEED AND MY ASKS PAGE

Hello! Yes I have started looking back into my inbox (THERE ALLOT OF ASKS 😭😭🫶) but I absolutely plan on answering as many as possible, and because your post resonated with how I used to feel, I want to answer yours first.

So to begin with, It makes me so happy to know that what I’ve written has some kind of affect (that being positive). I can’t remember if I told you guys how old I was but I must have cus you seem to know 😭😭, yes I’m 19 we’re very close in age, this moment in life is when allot of us who figure out this stuff lean into it more because we realize how much of a leg up we have if we just “apply” the teachings this early on.

So first what I want to say to you is, no, your not giving up on a dream and neither are you going to live a normal life, I’ll make sure of that, this beautiful world that we step into gives us so much insight on what we inherently are. But I need to remind you and everyone else, this is not some big secret that has to be practiced, it’s a look at what we are and always will be. You have purpose and you deserve to be happy and enjoy a life that’s easy and fulfilling. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a pretty long post!! 🫶🫶

Let’s get rid of the labels and titles we’ve given these understandings as if they are for someone to learn and master. No one masters manifestation, no one will ever master manifestation and I truly don’t care for how many “success stories” they have, it doesn’t hold proving value of what they are (notice how I didn’t say who), we are not who’s, but that’s for later in the post.

The reason I’ve stepped away from the concept of manifesting is because it is inherently lack and separation based. No matter the teaching, they all seem to glorify the idea of getting and achieving which puts great pressure on success stories and all that rubbish. (Not me turning British) 😝😝, okay sorry, so yeah this also goes for nondualism, I don’t associate a title with what I learn, it’s not NonDualism it’s actually just self discovery in disguise of a teaching. But for this exact reason I don’t think to myself “I need to learn NonDualism better”, nononooooo I made this mistake wayyy to much due to the sole fact that I came in with the expectation that this would now teach me the secrets of manifesting. This is kind of the set up to more desire and lack, which is actually the opposite of the self-realization “journey”.

So, when you say you have never manifested anything in your life, I say this with incredible pleasure, that this is impossible, I know I know, before you start thinking to yourself that youve heard this before but I don’t think people go that in depth as to what that even means. So, your life and your problems, are not actually problems.

Self-realization is not the journey for the person to become consciousness, but to understand that you ARE consciousness to begin with. You does no reference a someone, but “ “.

This is going to be, quite a post so PLEASE hang in there. And I just want to add in, this is still not a seperate being trying to understand that it’s connected to conciousness, no, you as conciousness, infinite knowing, are so involved with the content that you appear as, you’ve tricked yourself into thinking that you are just 1 thing of the content. Let me use my first example.

We have given ourselves the greatest interpretation and key to knowing ourself, and that’s dreaming.

Every night, we sleep, HOORRAAYYYY, now let’s get into the details because this is where the magic happens and it clicks.

Take the moment before a dream appears, recognize that when the eyes are closed there’s this presence. Not the darkness, the presence. Something, but not a thing.

Stay here and forget the rest of the world exists for a moment. Now there is only this presence, it’s knowing, it’s being right? Now there’s no actual material but regardless, it is, something. This isn’t something out of this world it’s literally, you. From this, knowing or no-thingness, comes expressions, absolutely infinite potential, this is registered as a dream, but, before the dream in any way can be experienced, there always has to be some type of interpreter/lens, this comes in the form a person or better yet, senses. Of course, there’s nothing to the senses or the person but whatever it’s formulated from, which was that presence/knowing. The activity of this infinite potential that is the knowing, (you asleep) appears, only with the help of a pov/sight.

Nonetheless, it plays out, it plays stories of absolutely anything, for no reason at all, and as it does, we get lost to it, it starts to become real, and without even realizing it, it’s no longer a dream but something we’re experiencing, now you are the character in the dream and you naturally play out the dialogue and storyline and explore the fields, magic towers, and laugh and dance and make friends, and then you wake up.

When you wake up, you recognize “oh, nothing was actually happening”, now of course, when your the person in the dream it is very real, but even then, is it? Knowing what you know, there wasn’t actually a place with dialogue, no character of its own experience or life, no actual forests or fields and magic, no one actually laughing and dancing or friends, but simply the appearance of that. The illusion.

And it’s not that it’s only a formulation of you when you realize it is, but it always is, the dream doesn’t only become an illusion or “fake” when you wake up, it’s naturally just fake, REGARDLESS of how it seems to be. And regardless we sleep every night knowing that we’ll forget it’s a dream.

So I think you can see where I’m headed with this, I’m going to use the example Rupert Spira uses but twist it a bit.

You go to sleep in Australia and dream yourself in the streets of Paris, and you take on the identity of John, you don’t actually become John and experience the streets of Paris.

Now, John drinks coffee and he feels the sunlight warm his skin, sees the greenery, feels the wind, all of it. But despite the way it all seems the sunlight, the sensations that John has, is not actually real, and neither is John. John isn’t actually feeling anything, he doesn’t exist and there is no Paris being traveled. And it’s not John that realizes/awakens to the understanding that he’s fake and this is all a dream, it’s you, asleep in Australia that realizes it as you modulate/formulate as the streets of Paris, the coffee, and the greenery, and John, understand?

The activity of that presence, if you recall when we talked about closing your eyes, formulated as something that seemed so real, and that doesn’t give any reality to the dream itself, because there is no separating the knowing from the content known. Without the “space” for it to appear or form from, how on earth would there be the content? A bigger step forward is to realize that there isn’t even an actual dream occurring but it’s all the self knowing presence of, well, knowing. I want to add something very important before moving on.

Knowing does not happen for the purpose of pleasure, we naturally deconstruct false ideas like this as we go, but something you MUST understand about the nature of existence is, none of this is appearing for the purpose of ant experience, there isn’t actually an experience. No one is enjoying nor hating the illusion, it is simply an appearance.

In the same way that the aware/presence before the dream appears from it simply is, in this way, we are. It’s like saying the TV screen plays a movie and experiences it, or does it for the purpose of experience, no that’s silly, knowing has no inherent motive, it is, you (infinite knowing) don’t “happen” for a purpose, never mind happen at all, you are, and in this do you take form of something, your self aware nature of course knows the content of your own being, but that doesn’t mean the illusion can enjoy itself, or that you enjoy or experience the illusion, it’s just a plain appearance, and that’s it.

For example, when you close your eyes on this next demonstration, truly try to grasp the essence of what I’m trying to explain.

Bring from the nothingness/knowing when you close your eyes, a blue vase, know it in every aspect you can, incorporate every sense you can (even taste if your a little freaky 🫦🫦😭) and make it as present as possible. After you open your eyes I have a question for you. (I’m serious, do the damn practice it’ll help you) please take as much time you need to truly get in there (not too long I can’t wait all day)

okay hey, your back, now answer me this, from what did this immersive appearance take reality from? You and I know that there’s no actual vase despite its presence, no matter the vibrant or dull colors, no matter the feel, rough or glossy, its taste 🫦😭, its feel, etc. So what was the substance that formulated this? If you guessed knowing, your soooooo correct, if you didn’t it’s okay you get brownie points 🫶. But yes, now I need you to understand this verrrry clearly, the vase was not real!!!! Yet it appeared that way! This is AN ILLUSION SURPIRISISIEIEIEIEIEIEISISBWHH- yes. No matter how much you want to convince yourself and go back to the vase and its appearance and its feel or colors or any aspect of it, it wasn’t ACTUALLY happening and that means it didn’t take place for anyone or anywhere!!! All there was present was knowing, from knowing forms vase and every seemingly alternate way that it is known, feeling is a form of knowing, literally every sense is just a form of knowing. Every sense that was “used” to understand the vase was all just aspects and appearances of knowing, the color, the sounds, the taste, the feels, they didn’t formulate anywhere else, but nonetheless appeared as immersive and real because YOU BECAME FOCUSED ON THE CONTENT OF THE APPEARANCE RATHER THAN RECOGNIZE THAT IT WAS JUST APPEARANCE. And even though the content of the appearance you formed as became the focus, it still didn’t change the objective fact that there wasn’t someone actually there and experiencing it in any way.

The knowing in/on which appearances formulate is not something different than the appearance, there is nothing to the illusion but its reality, and its reality is knowing. In this way, the illusion couldn’t even be described as something real or taking place, as if it could exist apart from the source of it.

Knowing this is also knowing there is no such thing as the knowing OF, we never know of things or of experiences as if they are something seperate and exist seperatley from knowing itself, that’s literally impossible. Moving forward

You are not the person/character, and it’s not that you are a limited being and you have to wake up to the idea that you are infinite knowing, you have to realize that you were never something seperate, and that this is simply the modulation of your being, and it’s not a someone it’s more of a something.

Let’s starts stabilizing this.

To all of the experiences across centuries, theres one constant amongst the billions of people who’ve lived and are now and that is, I Am. We might not know for certain about anything else ever in this entire universe, and we might not even know who or what we are but for a fact we can say, yes, I am.

There’s no true word that can describe the infinite essence of being, so we use knowing or conciousness or god, all completely the same.

So, to every experience, without an ounce of doubt, there can be the claim, I am. This is knowing, and only from knowing comes the statement, because we must know we are in order to claim that we are. I think something that can capture this is a newborn, imagine yourself to be newly born, mere seconds I mean, eyes closed. You have no understand of anything, no thoughts, no memories, no identity, your pure experience is simply being/knowing, and I don’t mean the action of knowing, that’s not a real thing. Knowing is inherent, you don’t force it.

Going back to experiences. Any experience that is recognized, any seeing, and hearing, tasting touching, and of course feeling, is assumed to be the experience of the body and this is therefore falsely established as “me”, in doing so, we forget our true nature of freedom and limit our understanding and abilities to the limitations of the body.

I’m now going to help you realize the body is an interpreter, and not of a world that’s happening somewhere in time and space, but that the world is the interpretation/modulation/illusion/dream/appearance of our shared infinite being, AFTER being recognized through the interpretations, (sensations and perceptions). This also means that it’s in no way an actual measurement to what you fully are.

What experience is there to seeing? Better yet let me narrow it down, there is nothing to seeing as if there is someone doing the seeing. Seeing simply is. There’s no one to do it, just what is. There is sight, how is there an acknowledgment of the sight/seeing? There must be something to it that gives the understanding “oh I’m seeing this”. (Hint, it’s the same thing that let you know, that “I Am”). Knowing, yes, not knowing as an action, that’s not real, people don’t know, knowing is the essence of what we are (we are not people). But just wait for that. So all there is to sight is knowing, and I don’t think I have to do this but you can say the same about absolutely every other sense, because every single “experience” absolutely requires knowing. Without knowing, “experience” never is, I think we can all acknowledge that.

There is no such thing as the experience of being a human, Why are we deciding that this is what’s it’s like to be humans, we know humans we acknowledge humans but there is no such thing as being a human, in the same way that there’s no true way that there is something to being a fox or a bird or a rock, it’s only with labels are these ideas decided.

The only thing you’ll be able to muster up is memories, emotions, etc, but that doesn’t make it the inherent experience of being a human. Our first and only experience of what we are is knowing, and then knowing that we are, that’s it. In the same way that a babies first experience is not “I am a baby” or “I am a human”, rather it’s just knowing. If being human was our nature, that’s all we’d recognize, and from the very beginning. Our experience does not actually change from being/knowing, we simply forget that there is the knowing, and decide to focus on the body to be “me” or “human”.

You don’t need senses to know you are. Knowing is something unimaginable. Go ahead and try to find it by closing your eyes or even with them open. Can you grab or touch the knowing. Can you recognize its dimensions or what its appearance is? How old or young is it?

Do me a favor and find the edge where knowing starts and stops.

Let me know when you find it because you never will.

Even when you try, it’s only conciousness itself that searches for its own parameters.

By recognizing that your truly not the body, or this person you as knowing have pretended to become, the made up problems of the person disappear, well actually, you realize that there is no person that has problems, only an idea. Only the idea that I am someone and something is happening to me, I am something seperate and need saving. There isn’t actually a seperate self, the seperate self is the activity that you as knowing are, when you become involved with the content and forget your true nature. And what’s truly the main takeaway from this is that, even when it seems like you’ve lost it and now you have to restart and understand it all over again, you as knowing haven’t gone anywhere, your the one pretending to be something lost, and not on purpose, but because you involve yourself too heavily in the appearances without recognizing where they originate from.

From what we know so far, I hope in some way you’re able to recognize that there is no one doing manifestations and having success stories. You ARE the manifestation and it will NEVER be any other way, whether we recognize it or not, that’s the beauty. So no matter if we go on about this appearance of life and say we don’t get it and move on, you as conciousness will continue to play the roles, because there is no off switch to this.

I’m hope this has been able to start untying the blinds over your “eyes” and you’re starting to somewhat understand the truth of what you/we are. This is only the beginning and it’s only going to get more incredible and beautiful from here. But for now I’m shleeepy hehehe, I’ll talk to you soon, never ever give up on your dreams!!!! 🫶❤️❤️

How do I stop worrying once I set the intention that I am experiencing something else? Doubts are constant and I can’t seem to stop them. I’m just worried I won’t get it

So what I need you first to realize is that, you aren’t setting an intention, and certainly not setting an intention to experience something “later on”. The realization of ANYTHING quite literally is the experience. I need you to recognize that nothing inherently has any meaning. When you strip labels from feelings and emotions they just remain as “sensations”. Try saying what a bad or good feeling is without describing it as a good or bad. It just is a sensation right? Right, so please start viewing it as what it really is. I truly understand how debilitating it can feel, however, if you truly wish to see past the hollow, weak illusions, you must start viewing everything as it TRULY is, not as it seems from the surface level.

There is no getting, desiring, wanting, these are labels made by this illusionary self who strives and relishes in goal, in journey, in doing. Without all these things the sense of self really has no purpose, look further into this. Who desires, who wants, who needs? Certainly not god, certainly not the true “ “ that is.

I’m not just telling you guys another technique or manifesting method, guys this is in reality what we are. The existence of all that is and appears to be is what we are. Your God, your “ “, your everything, how can you possibly crave when you are it.

Falsely identifying as the self and as the person, there will always be journey, there will always be an end goal, that never seems to be reached. When you experience that thing what happens? Another desire, need, journey appears, because as the self, nothing will actually be enough. (Trust me I know). Self exists for the illusionary experience. It’s literally the only purpose of it. Now I’m not in any way telling you to sit in misery and not be happy and live a dream life, but I want you to understand, it’s always going to seem like a never ending cycle of desiring if the only appearance you hold as real is self. Instead of the infinity you exist as.

This infinity you are tricks itself into being a limited self, a separate self. Recognize yourself again. You as it all is instant “manifestation”

Recognition of an experience is the experience, there’s nothing to chase

I’m telling you, your all of existence and appear as the experience, how can you possibly lack anything? There is no you that lacks, YOUR EVERYTHING. $500k? Alright it’s your, congratulations you just received it. Wondering where it is? Don’t you remember it’s you, you have it it’s yours! Relish! Be excited! Be Sad! Do whateveeeerrrr u want!

You are free to feel as you want because a sensation does not change the identity of god!

Just remember that the sensation (feeling) doesn’t dictate anything. Anyways I rambled for a while, take care!! 🥥🌴☀️🫶

consciousness masterlist

this masterlist is for non dualism, spirituality and law of assumption posts that talk abt being consciousness. take what you resonate with! these posts are pretty much the most condensed ways to explain consciouness. of course words are limited, but this is a good starting point. ik nondualism and manifesting aren't really mixable, but loa posts explain consciousness pretty well & consciousness is the basis for both loa and nondualism

nondualism / advaita vedanta.

how to actually manifest & how it works - awarenessis.

the complete guide to nondualism - multiversebaddie

how to be awareness - 4dbarbie

the true you - 4dbarbie

i am that q&a pt1 - 4dbarbie

something important to know - starinparisdream

you are god - oneirosophist

right here, right now - oneirosophist

what is the 3d, how do i change it? - 4dbarbie

fully embrace who you are - awarenessis

nothing has ever stained your being - lainsreality

law of assumption

the true you - blushydior

original reality - lovilyy deactivated

you're already home - ndeyebaby

acceptance of your true power - starbursts777

the reason why you are limitless - multiversebaddie

you are inside your mind - aphroditeapprenticee

trying - heavenythea

fufill - reverieaa

I AM - aphroditeapprenticee

law and love - iivenusii

who are you? - thisdreamplace

spirituality

speak life - jh4l

shut up and listen - aspiritualwarrior

anon asks

what does it mean to be infinite - 4dbarbie

to make my life perfect ... - 4dbarbie

i feel like people don't understand - aphroditeaprenticee

the 3d and the 4d are the same - piercedblunt

self remembering - anonimus

lack and god - sexydreamgirl

Do not want, simply choose

“Don’t condemn yourself for the state into which you have fallen. If you don’t like it, move into another.”

Neville Goddard

Take a moment, let these words sink in.

Every moment we inhabit different emotional states. Sometimes we are afraid. Sometimes we feel infused with love. You can choose to dwell in a state that is beneficial to you. Every day I choose to dwell in the knowing that my desires are mine, no matter what. I even tell myself these words out loud when I feel a need to.

Often I just say the word, “Unconditionally.” Because, every part of me – and every part of the universe already knows exactly what I want, and there really is no need to micromanage, unless I really, really want to.

When I see something I don’t like, I allow myself to feel whatever arises because I’m not afraid that my emotions will doom me to some horrible manifestation. I know that I am God, and so there is nothing to fear, not even fear itself. As I remember to Remember who I am, I find comfort in knowing that I am safe. I am whole, and that is true no matter what imperfections my sharp mind can detect.

I no longer allow anything to step between me and my relationship with myself. When nothing is allowed to come between my unending love and loyalty to myself – not even self-loathing – this can be referred to as embodying the state of divine unconditional love: the Godself. A god is always on her own side. She never beats herself up for anything.

It is important to remember that all emotions are only passing states of being. Just as the sun rises and throws Earth into a state of light, then falls to put Earth into a state of darkness, our states are fleeting. In fact, our states say very little about who we truly are. They can be helpful, and they can be unhelpful. The only thing that every state has in common is its impermanence.

If we choose to, we can consciously select to live within the state of the wish fulfilled. This means that we feel safe, secure, no matter the circumstances. Feeling safe also means that we can feel whatever we feel without being punished for it. So, the state that I choose to dwell in every day is knowing that all my desires are already mine and granted to me. I choose to dwell in the state of safety. This does not mean that I do not feel worry or concern. It means that my predominant state is one of safety, and of knowing that my desires are mine no matter what.

When ‘bad’ feelings arise, I remember that I’m merely visiting this state for a few fleeting moments. Sometimes this moment passes in a second, other times the moment can stretch into minutes, hours and days, and that’s okay. It’s only a state, and I’m not bothered by it because I know that it cannot intervene in my receiving of my desires. It might be uncomfortable, yes, but it has no power over my life and manifestations. I–the I that I AM—My GODSELF– remain unmoved from within. Like an enormous mountain that is unmoved by a gust of wind (temporary states). My true self is GOD.

When difficult emotions arise within you remember this: No matter how dark you go, or how painful it is it cannot stop you from manifesting and living the fulfillment of your desires. Let go of your fears of negativity right now. Letting go of the fear is the same as accepting it is there. Like Bruce Almighty, you can scream, “Smite me almighty smiter!” because you know that nothing that could ever happen you can destroy you, or get in the way of your desire. So why fight the powerless circumstances of your life? They mean nothing.

I deeply know the meaning of pain. I consider myself a Master of Pain, for I have suffered and hurt so deeply that I can not even understand how it is possible that I am still alive. Pain sucks and is completely unnecessary. And for a very long time, I suffered immensely because of my pain. I hated pain, warred against pain, cursed pain, and had I had a magic wand I would have ‘Avada Kedavrad ‘the living hell out of pain. Even worse, I was resisting my pain with my mind, and every bit of my consciousness. I had been destroyed so utterly so many times that I was at constant war with my own suffering. Then one day, out of pure desperate, *desperate,* desperation I could no longer hold on. The cost of holding on was so much greater than the cost of letting go and surrendering into the pain so that it might finally destroy me and obliterate me from within.

For so long, I had done my very best. Kept my vibration high, been good, done right… but the suffering had always continued because deep within I was rejecting life, I was rejecting my pain. I was rejecting myself and every life experience that had brought me to this point. I couldn’t believe or understand why God – I would cause me so much suffering. Why had death torn a deep trench of loss into the very core of my being, why had I been betrayed, abused, neglected, hurt… why oh why, of why?

All my life I had been searching for answers. All my life I had been trying to make things right. I did everything, other than allowing my pain to consume me. And in the end, that was the only choice left to me.

To tell you that it was easy to feel it all so deeply would be a lie. To tell you that my escape impulses were dormant, would also be to tell a life. Every part of me was in escape mode. Every instinct was to flee the suffering. To hide. To make it go away. But I refused. I knew that I only had this last option left, and I was in so much pain that it no longer mattered if **feeling** it all destroyed me. Nothing of who I was was worth preserving. There was no way I could continue living as I had. It was death or metaphorical death. Either way, I had to die to my suffering, and so I persisted. And so I did. I died a million deaths for each trauma that had been held prisoner within me. I cried so much that it felt as if I might actually die from dehydration, but I refused to return to my old way of being. I talked to my own heart, I spoke lovingly to my poor little human self. I told myself, “I am right here and I’m not leaving. If we die we die together.”

The aspect of me that spoke to soothe me was my Godself. That higher aspect of being that is always who we are, though our minds may go to great lengths to deny it.

The experience was darker than the darkest night of the soul, and I had experienced many in my life. Suffering had entered my reality early on. Loss has ravaged my heart since childhood. Tears, manic shouting at the universe, every dramatic thing - I did it. I allowed myself to do it. Because if there was one thing I’d never do again it was to stand in opposition of myself. I’d never abandon my human self again, no matter the mess of this human monstrosity.

And as I felt as if my very soul was ripping into a billion pieces, the only thing I could do was scream to myself, ”I love you anyway. I don’t care if you never get better. I don’t care if you never get what you want. I am here, right next to you and I will be with you until the end. Unconditionally. **Unconditionally.**”

I truly went Gollum style crazy.

My only solace was meditation and going within. Not as a form of escapism, but as a return home to the only place where I am whole. I meditated for hours a day because the only place left for me was going into the silence. It was my only sanctuary. And I allowed every shiver of panic and the empty hollow in my belly to get saturated by tears even as I meditated until, somehow, the silence met me and I became it. I was home within my being, mounted into the awareness of my Godself. I was elevated to the infinite field where I am a Witnesser of my human aspects, and my heart overflowed with love.

Beautiful, profound love. As the parent loves a child. As Earth loves all her creatures. As the Universe loves every star.

I treated myself as if I were my own child and each time I broke I simply held my whole self within my heart. The energy I gave myself was one of allowance and acceptance. I did not try to force my mind to love myself. I only allowed my mind to be itself. I did not try to fix or change.

I had tried that my whole life without true healing. I did not suppress - I was fed up with being silent and being held hostage to ’the school of positive thought’. I let the reins go, and surrendered into the loving arms of creation itself. My fate was no longer my own. I no longer had the stamina to let my mind control the show.

I decided that nothing, not even shitty failed manifestations would get in my way of accepting myself anymore. I wouldn’t even let my rejection of myself bring me down. Instead, I would feel my rejection fully and own how much I hated it all. I allowed myself to marinate in every judgment, fear and feeling. I told myself that even if all my doubts are real and I’m stuck in suffering forever at least I’ll reclaim the last ounce of power that I have left. The power to be my own best friend. The power I have to remain loyal to myself even if creation itself has shunned me.

And… in allowing myself - no exception - I was finally free. Free to get dark, scary and hateful without judgment. And as soon as I was free the true transformation began. I was able to naturally feel love and light again without fearful OCD. I finally gave myself permission to be good enough for myself even if I was good enough for nothing else.

I proved my loyalty to myself because I let go of all the conditions I had clung to as an excuse to withhold love from myself.

I mattered to me. The circumstances of my life could rot in hell for all I care. Screw everything. I’m sticking to myself.

My human self was my baby, perfect, vulnerable and so, so worthy of love and unconditional support. I would be her mother and father and love her - no matter what. No matter the pain, darkness or treachery. No matter a million failed manifestations and 1000 lifetimes of despair.

I am the only human that can do it. The only one who knows and sees all the hidden aspects of myself, and the only one who can fully appreciate how hard I battled and how utterly I was destroyed. So too, you are the only one that can do it for yourself.

I am my only true witness, as you are your only true witness. And your heart and human self have yearned to be witnessed for centuries upon centuries of lifetimes.

How then can we forsake our bleeding hearts by turning away from and resisting the pain of the traumatised human? The human needs you – GOD – to remain by her side and see her through the darkness.

The trauma is real for the human. We don't have to accept it. Yet when we allow it to exist our trauma transforms into the passageway that leads to our liberation. True freedom. A place beyond fear. Because you’ve already got your own back and that is truly all you need. And once you’ve stepped up and taken back your sovereign power, the universe will do nothing but mirror this back to you. You are awake. The time of suffering has come to a close.

Manifestation and life be damned. You are not obliged to do anything. But life, you will find, rewards the one who has made peace with themselves.

I argue that the only reward worth having is peace. The only manifestation worth chasing is the gentle allowing of unconditional love.

When peace is lacking we can never enjoy our manifestation anyway. We fear losing it. We fear that getting it was a fluke and we quickly find something new to obsess and worry about. That is not freedom, that is enslavement to the dominion of mind. And since your Godself/Spirit/Soul/True Self/Higher self wants to bring every aspect of you back to wholeness its actions behind the scenes may seem to cause and trigger pain as it ’withholds’ manifestations.

In reality, your entire being has decided that it will no longer be a slave. More than anything, you are called to freedom. And you will get there, no matter the cost.

When you sit with yourself and remember who you are, the fear falls away. You understand that you do not need to fear the state that you occupy at any given moment. You understand that no matter what you are always God, and to God, all things are always possible and created.

You are God. Not an overactive ego that seeks dominion over all things, but the only thing that ever was and ever will be. There is no separation. No worthy vs. unworthy. It is all one and this ONE is who you are: the I that I AM. It is all the same.

Each state, feeling, circumstance and manifestation belongs to you. Each can be transformed by you. Each is yours for the taking. You do not have to accept it to be true, it is the only truth no matter what you think, say or do.

When you try, this is the time to remind yourself of who you are. Trying implies that you see yourself as separate. Remember that nothing is required for you to be who you are because you can never stop being your essential nature, and this nature is GOD.

“It is your father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom. You do not earn it. It is not your due, it’s not a reward. It’s simply a gift, unmerited. And therefore you cannot lose it. The gift is irrevocable. So no man can take it from you, no man can give it to you, so let no one frighten you. It’s yours and it's coming on time, and the gift is nothing less than God himself. When he gives you the kingdom, he gives you himself. For the kingdom is not a realm, the kingdom is a character, it’s a body. And that body is perfect, and wherever you are clothed in that body, everything around you is perfect.”

There are no requirements to manifesting your desire, and you know **it is done** by reminding yourself of this absence of requirement. No matter what you do, think or feel, it is done regardless. You are free to be as you want to be. Without filters or alterations.

Even if you can’t feel the truth of these words then at least accept them as true. Accept that you are GOD, accept that your desires are true and that it is done. You cannot escape who you are and you are GOD, whether you believe it or not.

You choose the state you wish to occupy every time you state the words “I AM” or “MY”... will you choose victimhood? Or will you choose to remember who you truly are?

There are no requirements. You can be sucky if you want to. It won’t make any difference. It is still done. You might just not be as happy as you would like to be, but the thing is still yours. You don’t need to change or be perfect. You just are what you are, and everything will work out anyway. And as the need to adjust fades away, and makes space for surrendered awareness you will actually feel your power build. Ironically, you will feel freer than ever when you stop imposing your (mind/ego-centered) will. You will have embodied the truth of who you are–your GODSELF.

Every single littlest thing is part of the fulfillment of your desires. It is all the bridge of events that leads you to the experience of every desire. Without requirements, or exceptions: **It is Done.**

”Each person is born with an infinite power, against which no earthly force is of the slightest significance.” Neville Goddard

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

pls help

I know you’ve answered this question before, about ego and I apologize for asking the same question but I just don’t get it.

I’ve been into every corner of the internet asking for the same advice, how do I get away from ego? and I’ve gotten the typical advices “observe” “be aware of everything and notice it” and so on. I’m not saying that’s bad I know what “you’re supposed to do” but girl, I’ve tried it and I still feel like this limited bitch (sorry for the cursing is just I feel so lost) like I feel like I’m glued to her. Everyone I try not to identify it feels IMPOSSIBLE, I don’t even know that feeling of just feeling numb or feeling extreme happiness and love Ike Robert Adams says. I know this topic intelectually, but I don’t know it and I don’t understand it. I few when people are giving me these advices they’re talking about something non existent, it feels like they’re lying ( pls don’t take is as if I’m saying that what you write is fake but I just don’t understand them ) my ego feels like still needs to work and all I do is try, try and go insane. I don’t want to read a book no more, I don’t want to read a book about ND and be like “wow I’m limitless” and then be like “oh nvm”.

How do u guys not feel like humans? How do u do it Sophie? It seems so far away from me. I don’t want to work or figure out. Like I genuinely give up on trying, I just want to exist. I want to know, how? genuinely, how??

how guys when you cry u dont identify??? it’s that even possible? how could someone ever feel numb?

A little piece of me believes in this, like I’ve somehow experienced the proof of this, which is my existence. But why do I feel like this ego??? Am I connected with Grace (my real name lol) for ever??? All I read is content and I don’t even understand nothing no more. It all feels impossible and so far away. I’ve tried everything, and I don’t feel like it works for me.

this is kinda embarrassing, but please, what would you do in my place? I don’t even want to read about ND no more lol that’s how done I am with this. I know this is my ego complaining but I feel like I’m just repeating theory over and over. I’ve cried these days over and over to figure out how it; what do these people do to not feel like their ego???

#help

You can literally see me starting my journey here. All my progress happened live and in front of this site's eyes. I did it all BY myself with myself. I read Ada's posts when she was here and replying to asks (~3months maybe?) And then other 3 months of revising her words over and over and doing my best to apply.

So if I'm "rude" sometimes; it's because I started just like all of you also. I didn't start as an enlightened master but just a girl coming across this information on tumblr. And not in good circumstances AT ALL.

I haven't really cried in a long time; but if I did I wouldn't feel "numb". I would enjoy the experience like all the other experiences. It's your ego's judgements that make something anything but lovely and love.

If you're spiralling then it means you haven't even understood it intelectually. You really have no choice but to make yourself understand; read some more or just give up. If it's too much — move on from the topic for now and do something else with your life until you're ready to come back to Self realization again (because you will be back, the world can give you nothing of lasting value).

Lastly, you can't get away from ego because you are making it up. You make it up and then go "how to get rid of it?" It doesn't exist. Not without you here to experience it.

Ego is A THOUGHT. You're trying to get away from your own mind.

I don't understand. Bloggers are saying to disregard the senses. I do and nothing happens, no matter how much I continue in my knowing... what am I doing wrong?

"Disregard the senses"???

Do you not realize what that is saying is just loa repackaged.... "ignore the 3D", basically.

3D = world

You are aware of the world, world IS.

Senses are part of the body. You are aware of the body -> body is and its seeing is PERFECT AND FINE. Ignore senses why? You are making them be, they ARE. You are the knower of those TOO if you are the knower of the body. You made senses the enemy now for some reason? Why? They exist through your awareness, they are just part of the body.

If you're not seeing what ego wants is simply because you're aware of yourself living in a world you don't want. Senses are totally under your dominion like everything else. You suddenly separated them for the body and started asking questions about them, to which I'm confused on what kind of answers besides what I've just said you could have gotten.

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

Comfort within Pain

You find comfort in familiar suffering and pain, perhaps due to a sense of identity or a fear of the 'Unknown.' But how can your True Being be 'Unknown' to you? It's You. Notice that Boundlessness and recognize 'THAT.' It is not complicated; it does not take years. You make it complicated; you make it take years. By avoiding noticing what's already here, you create unnecessary limitations. What is the reason? Step beyond the cycle of suffering and notice what is right here, the deeper, unchanging 'Essence' – the boundless Void where true understanding and peace are. Only You can make yourself suffer, only You can help yourself, only you can free yourself. Only You.

PB

Warning!Nsfw audio

Mingi is definitely the type to tell you that he loves you when he’s filling you up🖤

Wow

Hi, i hope you're doing well.

First i want to say that i genuinely don't mean to trauma dump, so im sorry if it comes out this way. I just would want to get an advise on my specific situation. So the thing is that im ill and i have less than three months left and im panicking. I know you're probably going to say something like "time doesn't exist" but this doesn't make me feel better. I know that it's Vanessa who is sick and i try to remind myself everyday, but i feel like im just lying to myself. Every time when im dealing with pain, i try to remind myself that it's not me who's feeling pain, it's Vanessa, but i CAN'T convince myself at all. I know that im just awareness, the observer, and whatever i put my awareness on exists and what i take my awareness from, doesn't. So i just have to take my awareness away from this sick Vanessa and put it on the healthy Lara? But how? Or do i just keep doing what im doing, keep telling myself that im not Vanessa, until eventually something clicks and i start believing it? Im sorry, im just so lost.

Also, please don't feel like you HAVE to answer this. I guess I've already read the answer in one of your posts, but im struggling to apply it to this situation.

You're not trauma dumping, your ask is actually refreshing, coming from so many people having breakdowns over not having a mansion and a Porsche, this finally feels like a question that's worth answering.

You are awareness, you don't have to convince yourself.

Lester also got into this over a health scare, I got into this over a health scare, albeit not mine but a parent's, but just as severe.

Here's an excerpt from the book No Attachments, No Aversions, that I hope will help you:

I was told by the doctor not to exert myself, that I must live a sedentary life, because I could drop dead at any moment. This scared me almost to death! After several days I said to myself, "I'm still alive! Drop this useless fear and instead use all you've got to see what you can do about it." I resolved that either I get the answers or I'll take me off this earth, that no coronary was going to do it. And I had the where-with-all, enough morphine to do it-and in the most pleasant way. The doctors allowed me to have morphine to use when I would be overtaken by a kidney-stone attack. The major thing I did after my coronary thrombosis was cut out from the world, one hundred percent. Formerly, I had been very active socially in the arts, opera, jazz, ballet and theatre, whenever I was in New York. It was my necessity for escape. However, for three months I stopped all social activity, did no dating, and even cut out the weekend visits to my sisters and their families. I also cut off the phone. It was a total cut-out from the world. I isolated, right in New York City. I'd only go out to buy food between 2 and 5 A.M. when the city streets were the emptiest. Stores were open all night in Manhattan. I saw no one except the grocer. I was all out, hellbent on getting the answers.

I had spent over forty years of my life, mostly very unhappily. Friends would tell me, "Gee, Lester, you've got everything." I felt I had nothing. I had a nice family and an unusually loving mother. I was given a good education. I was living on 116 Central Park South-and in the penthouse. My friends were many. But my life was unhappy and sick. I had suffered twenty years with hay fever, fifteen years with ulcers and a half dozen perforated ulcers, enlarged liver and kidney stones. About twice a year I'd get jaundiced. I developed migraine headaches. Then heart trouble. And fear, anxiety and frustration all my life. After my coronary I was told I might drop dead any minute. "Don't climb a stair unless you absolutely have to," I was warned. That was in 1952. I was forty-three years old. I was desperate. This fear of dying scared me more than I've ever been scared in my life. It caused me to conclude with determination, "Either I get the answers, or I'll take me off this earth. No heart attack will do it!" That determination to get the answers was the thing that again gave me full realization of what life and happiness are. After a few days of fear of dying, I resolved that there was nothing I could do brooding about it. I started thinking of a way out. I sat alone in my apartment and just thinking, thinking, thinking. I had a problem and had to get the answer. So I sat me down and said, "Lester, you were considered smart. You were an honor student in high school. You won a scholarship when only three scholarships to Rutgers University were awarded through competitive, statewide examinations. You were an honor student in college." But for all of that, I was dumb! dumb! dumb! I did not know how to get the very elementary thing in life-how to be happy!

Well, what do I do? All of my past knowledge was useless. So I decided to drop it all and start from scratch. Okay. Well, what am I? What is this world? What is my relationship to it? I began reviewing the little happiness I had known and it was always related to a woman. "Oh, being loved by a woman is what happiness is!" Then I thought, "Well, here I am. I've had and still have lovely women wanting me. But I am still miserable!" I thought, "Then it's not being loved!" I began reviewing it again and I discovered that when I was loving them-then, I was happy. Conclusion: my happiness equates to my capacity to love.

Then I went through a very keen process of trying to love others. I would review my past behavior. Where I thought I had been loving, I saw I wanted to be loved. For instance, when I saw that I had been nice to a girl only because I wanted something from her, I would say, "You son-of-a-gun, Lester. Correct that!" Then I would love her for what she was, not for what I wanted from her. I kept on correcting this until I could find no more to correct. The next big awareness that came to me was what intelligence is. I got a picture of a single overall intelligence that each one of us is blindly using, available to us to the degree we do not cut off. I also discovered that I am responsible for everything that happens to me. Then I discovered that every thought materializes, sooner or later. Thereafter I took responsibility for everything that was happening to me. Looking for it, the initiating thought would come up in mind, and it being conscious, I would then be able to drop it. I was letting go and undoing the hell I had created. By squaring all with love, trying to love rather than trying to be loved, and by taking responsibility for all that was happening to me; finding my subconscious thought and correcting it, I became freer and freer, happier and happier. The picture of intelligence that I received I think is interesting. I suddenly got a picture of the amusement park entertainment consisting of bump-cars that are made difficult to steer so that the drivers continually bump into each other. They were all getting their electrical energy from the wire screen above, through a pole coming down to every car. The power above was symbolic of the overall intelligence and energy of the universe coming down the pole to me and everyone else, which we were all using and bumping into each other, instead of driving along together in harmony. We use this intelligence in life and we just bump! bump! bump! That was the first picture I got of life and intelligence. We all have a direct line to that infinite intelligence up there and we are using it blindly, wrongly, and against each other. For the first two months I was getting answers to, "What is happiness, intelligence and love?" As the answers came, I was gradually being unburdened of my miseries and tensions.

The very first insight was on love, seeing that my happiness was determined by my capacity to love. That was a tremendous insight. It began to free me. Any bit of freedom when you're plagued feels so good. I knew that I was in the right direction. I had gotten hold of a link of a chain and was determined not to let go until I had the entire chain. Then I saw that my sum-total thinking was responsible for everything happening to me, and that gave me more freedom. I could control my life by undoing the compulsive behavior, all of which had been determined in the past, and was now subconscious. The third phase was discovering and recognizing who and what I really am. I began to see that we are infinite beings with no limitations; that all limitations were only concepts in our minds, learned in the past, and being held on to. When we see what we really are, we can see that we are not that limited being that we had thought we were, and we can then easily drop the limitations. Working on those three things, I became freer and freer. My heart became lighter. I was happier, more at peace. My mind got quieter. Then my curiosity took me all the way. I said, "If this is so good, I must find just how good it can get. I'll go the limit."

I'd had a life mostly of misery. So when this wonderful thing of happiness began coming in, I wanted all of it. I doggedly kept at it. And then all of a sudden powers fell in on me. I could know anything anywhere. I saw there were people just like us on endless numbers of planets. Then I took a look across the country to Los Angeles. I called up this friend and said, "In the living room there are three persons," and so on. I started telling him what was going on. Dead air! Suddenly I realized I had frightened him. I had to cut the conversation short. I was amazed at the very pleasant sensation of watching divine laws in operation. The fascination was not the powers themselves, but the watching and witnessing of the divine laws operating. I really didn't feel like the doer. I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation-a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of.

Toward the end of my period of seeking, l one day saw that, my gosh! This whole thing is like a dream in my mind, just like a night dream! And it's a dream that never really was any more than a dream you had last night was. Was it a real thing, that dream you had last night? No. It was only in your mind. But of course until one awakens out of this everyday waking state, it seems real to one. The new reality was that I am, and that's all there is! That my beingness is the changeless essence of the universe, of course, I was punch-drunk, slap-happy, and in a state of euphoria. In this state the whole world looks perfect. Looking at my body, I also saw this body as part of that perfection. This instantly corrected all my ailments.

Several times on the way up I'd get a realization that would so supercharge my body, I'd have to walk for miles and miles at a good pace. Some of those realizations are really more than a body can take. You can't sit still. Many a time I was forced to walk off the new, intense energy. I was undoing the subconscious hang-ups, tendencies, preexisting dispositions, realizing more and more that I am free, that freedom is my basic nature. I was getting freer and freer and I automatically went into a state where, having undone enough of the mental limitations, the real Self of me began presenting itself to me. I saw that the real "I" of me was only beingness, was only existence, and that my beingness was exactly the beingness of the universe. And when I saw that, I identified with every being in this universe; I identified with every atom in it. And when you do that you lose all sense of being a separate individual, an ego. When I saw that, that I AM the Amness of his universe, I then saw the whole world as just an image in my imagination, like a dream. I imaged or dreamt that I was a body. And I'm dreaming right now that I'm this body. In reality, the only thing that is, is Isness, That's the real, changeless substance behind everything.

When I started, I couldn't have been much lower. I was plagued with all these ailments accumulated over the years topped with a coronary, and with deep depths of depression and intense misery. Three months later I was at the other extreme; I was so happy I had a smile on my face that I could not take off. I felt a euphoria and lightness that is really indescribable. Everything of life itself was open to me-the total understanding of it. It is simply that we are infinite beings, over which we have superimposed concepts of limitation. And we are smarting under these limitations that we accept for ourselves as though they are real, because they are opposed to our basic nature of total freedom. However, they are just hallucinations, mental concepts. Life before and after was at two different extremes. At first it was just extreme depression and sickness. After, it was a happiness and serenity that's indescribable.

Now, you don't have to follow exactly what he did - just ask yourself the questions and do what feels right for you. I will add this book to my drive as well so you can read it all if you want to, but in the end, you will be fine, don't worry. Love believes all things, nothing can happen against your will ♡

Hi, i hope you're doing well.

First i want to say that i genuinely don't mean to trauma dump, so im sorry if it comes out this way. I just would want to get an advise on my specific situation. So the thing is that im ill and i have less than three months left and im panicking. I know you're probably going to say something like "time doesn't exist" but this doesn't make me feel better. I know that it's Vanessa who is sick and i try to remind myself everyday, but i feel like im just lying to myself. Every time when im dealing with pain, i try to remind myself that it's not me who's feeling pain, it's Vanessa, but i CAN'T convince myself at all. I know that im just awareness, the observer, and whatever i put my awareness on exists and what i take my awareness from, doesn't. So i just have to take my awareness away from this sick Vanessa and put it on the healthy Lara? But how? Or do i just keep doing what im doing, keep telling myself that im not Vanessa, until eventually something clicks and i start believing it? Im sorry, im just so lost.

Also, please don't feel like you HAVE to answer this. I guess I've already read the answer in one of your posts, but im struggling to apply it to this situation.

You're not trauma dumping, your ask is actually refreshing, coming from so many people having breakdowns over not having a mansion and a Porsche, this finally feels like a question that's worth answering.

You are awareness, you don't have to convince yourself.

Lester also got into this over a health scare, I got into this over a health scare, albeit not mine but a parent's, but just as severe.

Here's an excerpt from the book No Attachments, No Aversions, that I hope will help you:

I was told by the doctor not to exert myself, that I must live a sedentary life, because I could drop dead at any moment. This scared me almost to death! After several days I said to myself, "I'm still alive! Drop this useless fear and instead use all you've got to see what you can do about it." I resolved that either I get the answers or I'll take me off this earth, that no coronary was going to do it. And I had the where-with-all, enough morphine to do it-and in the most pleasant way. The doctors allowed me to have morphine to use when I would be overtaken by a kidney-stone attack. The major thing I did after my coronary thrombosis was cut out from the world, one hundred percent. Formerly, I had been very active socially in the arts, opera, jazz, ballet and theatre, whenever I was in New York. It was my necessity for escape. However, for three months I stopped all social activity, did no dating, and even cut out the weekend visits to my sisters and their families. I also cut off the phone. It was a total cut-out from the world. I isolated, right in New York City. I'd only go out to buy food between 2 and 5 A.M. when the city streets were the emptiest. Stores were open all night in Manhattan. I saw no one except the grocer. I was all out, hellbent on getting the answers.

I had spent over forty years of my life, mostly very unhappily. Friends would tell me, "Gee, Lester, you've got everything." I felt I had nothing. I had a nice family and an unusually loving mother. I was given a good education. I was living on 116 Central Park South-and in the penthouse. My friends were many. But my life was unhappy and sick. I had suffered twenty years with hay fever, fifteen years with ulcers and a half dozen perforated ulcers, enlarged liver and kidney stones. About twice a year I'd get jaundiced. I developed migraine headaches. Then heart trouble. And fear, anxiety and frustration all my life. After my coronary I was told I might drop dead any minute. "Don't climb a stair unless you absolutely have to," I was warned. That was in 1952. I was forty-three years old. I was desperate. This fear of dying scared me more than I've ever been scared in my life. It caused me to conclude with determination, "Either I get the answers, or I'll take me off this earth. No heart attack will do it!" That determination to get the answers was the thing that again gave me full realization of what life and happiness are. After a few days of fear of dying, I resolved that there was nothing I could do brooding about it. I started thinking of a way out. I sat alone in my apartment and just thinking, thinking, thinking. I had a problem and had to get the answer. So I sat me down and said, "Lester, you were considered smart. You were an honor student in high school. You won a scholarship when only three scholarships to Rutgers University were awarded through competitive, statewide examinations. You were an honor student in college." But for all of that, I was dumb! dumb! dumb! I did not know how to get the very elementary thing in life-how to be happy!

Well, what do I do? All of my past knowledge was useless. So I decided to drop it all and start from scratch. Okay. Well, what am I? What is this world? What is my relationship to it? I began reviewing the little happiness I had known and it was always related to a woman. "Oh, being loved by a woman is what happiness is!" Then I thought, "Well, here I am. I've had and still have lovely women wanting me. But I am still miserable!" I thought, "Then it's not being loved!" I began reviewing it again and I discovered that when I was loving them-then, I was happy. Conclusion: my happiness equates to my capacity to love.

Then I went through a very keen process of trying to love others. I would review my past behavior. Where I thought I had been loving, I saw I wanted to be loved. For instance, when I saw that I had been nice to a girl only because I wanted something from her, I would say, "You son-of-a-gun, Lester. Correct that!" Then I would love her for what she was, not for what I wanted from her. I kept on correcting this until I could find no more to correct. The next big awareness that came to me was what intelligence is. I got a picture of a single overall intelligence that each one of us is blindly using, available to us to the degree we do not cut off. I also discovered that I am responsible for everything that happens to me. Then I discovered that every thought materializes, sooner or later. Thereafter I took responsibility for everything that was happening to me. Looking for it, the initiating thought would come up in mind, and it being conscious, I would then be able to drop it. I was letting go and undoing the hell I had created. By squaring all with love, trying to love rather than trying to be loved, and by taking responsibility for all that was happening to me; finding my subconscious thought and correcting it, I became freer and freer, happier and happier. The picture of intelligence that I received I think is interesting. I suddenly got a picture of the amusement park entertainment consisting of bump-cars that are made difficult to steer so that the drivers continually bump into each other. They were all getting their electrical energy from the wire screen above, through a pole coming down to every car. The power above was symbolic of the overall intelligence and energy of the universe coming down the pole to me and everyone else, which we were all using and bumping into each other, instead of driving along together in harmony. We use this intelligence in life and we just bump! bump! bump! That was the first picture I got of life and intelligence. We all have a direct line to that infinite intelligence up there and we are using it blindly, wrongly, and against each other. For the first two months I was getting answers to, "What is happiness, intelligence and love?" As the answers came, I was gradually being unburdened of my miseries and tensions.

The very first insight was on love, seeing that my happiness was determined by my capacity to love. That was a tremendous insight. It began to free me. Any bit of freedom when you're plagued feels so good. I knew that I was in the right direction. I had gotten hold of a link of a chain and was determined not to let go until I had the entire chain. Then I saw that my sum-total thinking was responsible for everything happening to me, and that gave me more freedom. I could control my life by undoing the compulsive behavior, all of which had been determined in the past, and was now subconscious. The third phase was discovering and recognizing who and what I really am. I began to see that we are infinite beings with no limitations; that all limitations were only concepts in our minds, learned in the past, and being held on to. When we see what we really are, we can see that we are not that limited being that we had thought we were, and we can then easily drop the limitations. Working on those three things, I became freer and freer. My heart became lighter. I was happier, more at peace. My mind got quieter. Then my curiosity took me all the way. I said, "If this is so good, I must find just how good it can get. I'll go the limit."

I'd had a life mostly of misery. So when this wonderful thing of happiness began coming in, I wanted all of it. I doggedly kept at it. And then all of a sudden powers fell in on me. I could know anything anywhere. I saw there were people just like us on endless numbers of planets. Then I took a look across the country to Los Angeles. I called up this friend and said, "In the living room there are three persons," and so on. I started telling him what was going on. Dead air! Suddenly I realized I had frightened him. I had to cut the conversation short. I was amazed at the very pleasant sensation of watching divine laws in operation. The fascination was not the powers themselves, but the watching and witnessing of the divine laws operating. I really didn't feel like the doer. I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation-a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of.

Toward the end of my period of seeking, l one day saw that, my gosh! This whole thing is like a dream in my mind, just like a night dream! And it's a dream that never really was any more than a dream you had last night was. Was it a real thing, that dream you had last night? No. It was only in your mind. But of course until one awakens out of this everyday waking state, it seems real to one. The new reality was that I am, and that's all there is! That my beingness is the changeless essence of the universe, of course, I was punch-drunk, slap-happy, and in a state of euphoria. In this state the whole world looks perfect. Looking at my body, I also saw this body as part of that perfection. This instantly corrected all my ailments.

Several times on the way up I'd get a realization that would so supercharge my body, I'd have to walk for miles and miles at a good pace. Some of those realizations are really more than a body can take. You can't sit still. Many a time I was forced to walk off the new, intense energy. I was undoing the subconscious hang-ups, tendencies, preexisting dispositions, realizing more and more that I am free, that freedom is my basic nature. I was getting freer and freer and I automatically went into a state where, having undone enough of the mental limitations, the real Self of me began presenting itself to me. I saw that the real "I" of me was only beingness, was only existence, and that my beingness was exactly the beingness of the universe. And when I saw that, I identified with every being in this universe; I identified with every atom in it. And when you do that you lose all sense of being a separate individual, an ego. When I saw that, that I AM the Amness of his universe, I then saw the whole world as just an image in my imagination, like a dream. I imaged or dreamt that I was a body. And I'm dreaming right now that I'm this body. In reality, the only thing that is, is Isness, That's the real, changeless substance behind everything.

When I started, I couldn't have been much lower. I was plagued with all these ailments accumulated over the years topped with a coronary, and with deep depths of depression and intense misery. Three months later I was at the other extreme; I was so happy I had a smile on my face that I could not take off. I felt a euphoria and lightness that is really indescribable. Everything of life itself was open to me-the total understanding of it. It is simply that we are infinite beings, over which we have superimposed concepts of limitation. And we are smarting under these limitations that we accept for ourselves as though they are real, because they are opposed to our basic nature of total freedom. However, they are just hallucinations, mental concepts. Life before and after was at two different extremes. At first it was just extreme depression and sickness. After, it was a happiness and serenity that's indescribable.

Now, you don't have to follow exactly what he did - just ask yourself the questions and do what feels right for you. I will add this book to my drive as well so you can read it all if you want to, but in the end, you will be fine, don't worry. Love believes all things, nothing can happen against your will ♡

Can you do a guide for how awakening ourself and change our life?

All my posts are guides if you want it enough :D

There is already one up, and this too should be useful :)

First and foremost get to a place where the person you're identified with right now doesn't bother you anymore. It's a kind of surrendering but to me, truthfully and honestly, it felt more like a giving up. Even if it makes you miserable, accept it until you no more fear it or care if you stay the same.

If anybody here started from law of attraction back in 2020, you may know they had a step to "let go", everybody revolted because if we want it of course we aren't gonna be able to let it go. They were right, but not in the way they thought they were. Both letting go or trying to convince our ego of something does nothing. It feels very unnatural and:

• delusional to claim you have something you do not see, depending on everyone's personality;

• rage inducing to be told to let go when the ego considers this desire a NEED, it has to have it and nothing will stop it.

Last year when I've read Lester's book for the first time, it made my heart drop each time he said "Let go of all desires" - it made me feel hopeless instead of empowered. I was like "you can't be serious, I CAN'T, you're supposed to help me not sink me". Nobody trusts in the "let go", especially now after law of assumption when you know you are the source of all that is. Let go and do what? Who's gonna give it to me if it's all my doing? It really made me feel nauseous when he told me to stop desiring because I really couldn't go on without having what I needed. It felt like he was telling me to just endure life. We all got into loa because we were at low bottom and wished ourselves better, what do you mean wish nothing? I half wanted to smack him.

After law of attraction, it was law of assumption - you lose patience and gain resentment when it doesn't show up when you want it to, sometimes (a lot) not at all. You aren't sure of anything, you're just supposed to blindly trust. Don't ask how, don't ask when, just fulfill yourself. Well I want it now and I want it like this, if it's all me why isn't it happening now and like this???? It was contradicting and nothing exponentially significant happened no matter how much I mentally acted as that person, since I still knew myself to be me (past ego).

Loa was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real Surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. And if you want to be a person, now can just pick another person who has none. You aren't anxious because you have no reason to, you were never what you thought to be your self so nothing can stop you from changing anymore. Doubts don't exist because they don't have "time" to. Creation is instantaneous with the creator. There's no rage or resentment since emotions are of the ego, your real self has an equal attitude toward everything.

See that you are first, with no labels; not even that of male/female. SEE THAT FOR EVERYTHING ELSE TO BE YOU NEED TO BE FIRST. See how there would be no thing if there wasn't someone for it to happen to! There is no world and no person without the one who experiences it. You are that one and not the thing you are conscious of.

hey lain! im so sorry if this post is long asf but i just spent like 25+ minutes reading your posts and replies to anons. i (well ego, actually) has spent every day since she learned about non-dualism seeking something that would "click." she was desperately trying to find what she needed to do to realize self, because as much as she told herself in her mind that she understands non-dualism, she really wasn't understanding. so anyway, she basically just had this feeling of "i'm done trying. this is exhausting and i'm so damn tired of this. there's nothing to try. the fact that i desire things and want to understand things etc., is all irrelevant." so with that, she started scrolling thru your posts, reading them fully rather than skimming them (she's lazy and doesn't like reading all the way, she always just skimmed long posts💀💀)

she just wanted the most simplest understanding on what to do and now she knows that it's literally just to stop identifying with ego. so i, my actual self, literally does not need to ask questions. i do not wonder what to do, all thoughts of "what do i have to fix" is ego. i do not have to convince ego that i am not her because... she isn't real and self doesn't think anyway, so anytime i have one of those exhausting mind battles where i think i'm telling ego that everything is fake and an illusion, i just need to remember that both of those thoughts are literally the ego. so feeling like i need to read more information, or i need to convince myself of something, will always be the ego, not ME. ALL THAT I NEED TO DO IS NOT IDENTIFY WITH EGO.

and let me tell you, i paused reading for a sec to "test it" (not necessarily testing anything but i was just getting into the feeling of not identifying) and i genuinely felt the difference. like i felt what i was supposed to, the freedom and desirelessness yk? every thought in my mind, every feeling i had, any desire i was thinking about "getting" i just said quietly said in my head, not me. that's all ego. and i didn't bother convincing or reassuring myself like "see its just ego so relax, okay i don't need to worry. i'm not ego! remember that!" because the only thing that ever needs reassurance is ego, and reassuring her is identifying with her. i didn't bother trying to "believe" anything because i knew anything further was ego. and if i am not ego, it is absolutely pointless to do anything more than just observe the thoughts and let it pass. i'd be holding my own self back from freedom by doing anything more than observing and letting it pass.

basically i just wanted to share that, because i got this giddy and relieving feeling because i know exactly what i need to do. it's not even something i "need to do", it's not a process, it's just a simple look at anything that makes me feel not free or like i'm desiring and thinking "not me, just ego." and moving on! i already feel less stressed because i'm not trying to achieve desires, i don't feel desire, ego does, but i'm not her so i don't have to fix it or remove the desire, i just let it pass on. i feel so relaxed now and just empty (in a good way. i'm emptied of hopelessness, desire, confusion) the "click" ego wanted so bad is basically this. and its so SIMPLE. i know that the habit of identifying is still kinda there for me though, but understanding the simplicity of this now and not feeling the need to search for "what to do" is gonna make it so easy to break the habit once and for all. thank you so much for your posts lain sincerely. i might delete tumblr to avoid the ego's habit of mindlessly opening the app and scrolling for hours cuz she thinks she needs to find the secret krabby patty formula to realizing self but at the same time your page brings such a comforting and safe feeling that i love 💙💙💙

i'm so glad you understand! it's good that you finally practised, you can read everything and get nowhere if you don't take the leap ♡

keep going!

Hey there!! I wanted to share an experience I had after reading your excerpt from The Ultimate Truth posted @4dbarbie-archive yesterday. It really resonated with me and it inspired me to want to practice conscious creation instead of letting it happen because of subconscious programming. In particular this part (which is most of the extract lol):

Man was never intended to be a victim of circumstances. He is the controller of them, but has lost awareness of this fact. When he regains his awareness of it, he again becomes the master of circumstances, and consciously controls his environment. Matter, energy, space, and time are in mind. When man realizes this, he has mental control over them and controls them at his will. Man is unconsciously determining the world. When he wakes up to this, he gains conscious control. Creation is just a mental projection.

Lester also said in the Introduction of the book that it is necessary to prove it to yourself and never accept anything completely on hearsay:

A unique characteristic of this Truth is that it must be seen my each one through his own perception. No one and no book can do it for him. Necessary is the proof of Truth, and necessary it is that each one must prove the Truth for himself. Nothing should ever be accepted on hearsay. One should listen to, reflect upon, and then prove. The best attitude one may take would be to not believe nor disbelieve, but to accept Truths for checking. Then, and only then, after one has proven them without a doubt should one accept them. As Truth begins to prove itself, one gains more confidence in it, and then proofs come more easily and more readily; until finally, one perceives the Absolute Truth, — that we are unlimited beings, unlimited in our knowledge, power and joy.

So I've understood non-duality to a certain extent starting my "journey" from when 4dbarbie was still around and it felt like I eventually came to a sort of standstill. I just sort of fell into a lull and didn't feel anything about life in general. I really resonated with the teachings, stopped desiring anything and had let go of a lot of things but still didn't really feel connected to Self entirely (it would come and go). Recently though, I thought about how my life is just a mental projection of subconscious thoughts and how I would rather be able to consciously control it. For background, I've been using energy manipulation to heal my body using my mind and I think that's when I started to truly know that everything is just a projection of the mind (there's a much deeper innate knowing that comes from experiencing it than reading something and accepting it as truth). Then I started thinking back on the things I had "manifested" simply by deciding it to be so. And then I saw your excerpt and it really clicked for me.

To me, consciously controlling your circumstances is a "skill" because we're so used to living in limitation, it can take some time and development in order to remove those illusions of limitation (of course, it needn't take time, it depends on the individual!). I know in some LOA blogs, they call it intention setting so it's within the same vein imo. Anyway, after reading that extract and reading some of the book, I decided I wanted to practice conscious creation and strengthen this innate ability in order to connect me closer to the understanding and knowing that I am an infinite limitless being. Lester said "Matter, energy, space, and time are in mind." so I want to test all these although less so energy manipulation as I have already done this in numerous ways already. To me this was easier than the others but I now recognize that is a concept of limitation that doesn't need to be so as they are all equally mental projections. And I am not doing this to "get" any desires since I don't have any anymore, I am only doing it to remember the real me and exercise my innate natural ability of conscious creation and also "prove" it to myself through experience that I am limitless as Lester teaches.

I will give one example of "success" since I started last night! There's too much background history that I won't go over but basically this friend of mine stopped messaging me a few weeks ago and this had been a repeating cycle for a few years and it used to trigger me so much. Through being on this path, I let go of caring about it or wanting things to be different. But last night I decided to use this case scenario as a test subject for practicing conscious creation because I know I used to have a lot of mental resistance and triggers when it came to this person and if I really did succeed, it would truly be proof to me that this was purely a result of my conscious creation and not anything else.

So I decided in my mind that this friend would message me on instagram, I decided I didn't care if it was a text message or sharing a reel (though he normally sent reels so that would be most likely). I could still feel uncertainty over this after deciding so I decided it would happen the next day (today) in order for the test results to be more verifiable as not having a deadline could mean he could message me next year lol, too vague. I briefly saw it in my mind's eye the message but didn't dwell on it after, I just decided it would happen. Aaaanyway, I opened my IG messages earlier and GUESS WHO MESSAGED ME WITH A REEL!! I just laughed and got so excited, not because of receiving the message itself (since I let go of desiring anything from him long ago) but because of the proof it represented of my conscious creation! I want to emphasize this distinction because I had tried to "manifest" a text from him in the same way so many times before (because it's been a repeating cycle for so long lol) but it also came from a desire and attachment for the message itself (and connection with the person), while this time there was none of that but was from a non-attached perspective of just experimenting and testing my ability and wanting to practice and improve it. I want to add that I also had previously used LOA to "reality shift" to a "different reality" where he had messaged me the same day instead of leaving me on read for several weeks through "imagination" (this was way before I learned about non-duality so it was still driven by attachment and desire) but I gotta say this way of simply deciding it to be so is so much easier, simpler and better than having to "live and persist in imagination" lol but to each their own I guess?

So anyway, this is really exciting for me and I am going to continue on this way for fun!

🥳

Thank you for sharing your experience, that's awesome and I'm happy for you! 💖 Keep having fun and feel free to keep us updated on your future experiments!

This is the post anon was talking about. I highly recommend Lester's books for those who haven't read them yet (or have but want a refresher).

Edit: Adding this excerpt from The Ultimate Truth with my highlights

I just need a tutorial on how to become self.

As in advice on what to do during the day. Like does saying “I Am” during the day suffice?

There is so much information everywhere and as someone who wants to become freedom, it is hard to just read asks or post and completely understand and apply it.

Does imaging help? Does just affirming I am help? Do I need to accept something? In that case what, and who is doing the acceptance?

I do feel confused. But telling me to let go is just hard to understand, because what am I letting go of? The thought or desires? Can you help the process by saying that you already are it/ have it/ I am?? Like what does it mean to let go?

Well, here's a practice.

I didn't follow this. I never repeated "I AM" to myself, I didn't need to remind myself of the fact that I exist.

All I did was remember what I was not, use everything to remind myself of who I truly am. Then, did what I wanted without considering ego (body/mind) and with no expectation.

Nisargadatta said he didn't condition his mind either, by telling himself "I am beyond", "I am God", etc. He trusted his teacher when he told him "I AM the Supreme Reality" and acted accordingly.

4dbarbie interview: All about Desires

4dkelly notes: I had fun making this in an interview style Q&A between 4dbarbie and Vanessa. I thought "how would 4dbarbie answer anon questions if she were still here today?". Spoiler alert, it wouldn't be much different to the questions anons asked her lol. Most answers are just directly extracted from her posts/answered asks but some have been adapted a bit or rearranged to make it flow better. I have added some relevant posts for further reading. I may or may not make more of these. This was mainly just for fun (but then it really evolved into an educational piece lol). My highlight key: key concepts are in pink, action points in purple, really important points in red

Vanessa: I really like this guy and want to manifest him. 😢 How do I do that?

4dbarbie: IMAGINE KNOWING ALL THIS AND STRESSING OVER A GUY?!?!? Unbelievable. Who's holding you at gun point to type this out to me??? 😧😧😧 I refuse to believe this is what this material is getting wasted on. I refuse to believe this is the understanding you guys have after I explained who you are in so many ways. Imagine liking someone who didn't text you back right after to tell you how amazing you are as well 🤮 what do you like about this nobody? You want to give me a heart attack? I tell you there is no one out there but you and instead of being free and loving yourself you... you give a crumb of your precious attention to this? I tell you you are life and you try to make life better through dates?

Vanessa: Okay but what about my other desires? I want them...

4dbarbie: Everything about Vanessa is meaningless. She has a life and if it's boring, who cares? Forget it. What do you need these stories for? Do you not understand they have reality because you give it to them? YOU! They have no standing on their own! The whole world is just your mere thought. The body exists because you are aware of it being! Only you have this power. Only you are. Why are you dreaming like this? Gosh, you break my heart. If Vanessa is hurting you why do you keep on choosing her?

Vanessa: Then what should I do? I still have things I desire despite knowing I cannot desire because I am not a person, ego, mind...

4dbarbie: You know it intellectually, but have you acted on it at all? You know yourself as Vanessa by acting like Vanessa, know yourself as your Self by acting like yourself. Desires and fears dissipate then. You have desires still because you never stopped thinking you're Vanessa. Investigate who Vanessa actually is :) Spoiler alert: it's a thought! Think something else and see what happens.

Vanessa: How long will this take? When will I see a change?

4dbarbie: Now. Who is doing the change in attitude, what are you waiting for to happen for you to change your attitude? It's instant. You see it, you realize you have no reason to worry/doubt/desire/fear anymore, let things happen as they happen while you're undisturbed and they dissolve.

Vanessa: Should I just keep assuming that I don't desire things anymore because I already have it while I'm denying and dismissing my senses? It feels like I'm just waiting and being delusional though

4dbarbie: Your world is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the world is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts.

Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson

See it as it is and it will fix itself.

And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment or senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my mind!!!"

You won't be able to get rid of the waiting feeling as long as you're identified with your ego, it can manipulate nothing. And if you weren't your ego -- everything would already be materialized, so there would be nothing to wait for.

Vanessa: Well since I Am and I give life to everything, when Vanessa desires something, I can just "give" her her desires, right?

4dbarbie: The desire that *I*... the desire is of Vanessa, the Self can have that and it's nothing to it. It's just another experience. Those things are in you, not you in them.

You don't have to give her anything... you don't have to fulfill anybody... I Am is already everything... you only don't see you are all and have the all because you won't stop thinking you're the ego. All you're doing all the time is creating lack & limitation, perfection already is. You just add unsatisfying labels constantly with your wrong thinking.

Let go of the thinking, it's instant. No need to fulfill anybody. 1 My tip is to realize your Self, have enough courage to face Vanessa's fears. See how unnecessary is to pay them any mind at all. Let go of thinking you are this little helpless thing already. After you realize yourself, any bold assertion does it. There's no time delay. 2

Vanessa: Now I feel defeated, do I just give up on everything then?

4dbarbie: Feeling defeat is actually good, it prompts you to let go :D You don't need to reach for what is already within you. Give up the idea that you have not found it and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now, by letting go of all that is of the mind.

Abandon all sense of separation, see yourself in all and act accordingly - Nisargadatta Maharaj

You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person.

Vanessa: So as Awareness, I have to stop desiring?

4dbarbie: If you know yourself to be Awareness, then you know yourself to be the all. There is nothing to desire, because you have no reason to create desire.

That's why it's necessary to realize all that is is awareness and the person comes second. If you think all that is is the person, then the chances of believing you're suddenly a different person are slim, and the persuasion and convincing are nothing but a form of self-instilled mental torture. 1 All you're doing is imagining/thinking you're an ego who has to strive for things, but it is "I AM" imagining itself to be so.

What is beyond is clear of all striving. The cause of suffering is in the identification of the perceiver with the perceived. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

When that identification ceases, so does desire. Then, if you want to express yourself as being a person, nothing is stopping you from doing so, only know yourself first. After that, no matter what you choose to experience the world as, you will know you are not it and it can't hurt you.

Vanessa: What do I do when a desire or fear comes to my mind then? It doesn't feel right to suppress them...

4dbarbie: I am not talking of suppression. Just refuse attention. Nisargadatta has a saying "When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet — you just find your way between." Neville has another "Indifference is the knife that severs, feeling is the tie that binds." When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.

Vanessa: Then how do I stop feeling anxious about trying to change my life?

4dbarbie: You are not the one who is anxious or fearful, the ego is fearful. LOA was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. 1 Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them.

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are. All craving is due to a sense of insufficiency. When you know that you lack nothing, that all there is, is you and yours, desire ceases. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Vanessa: How do I stop feeling doubts then?

4dbarbie: You shut them down. There is no reason to argue with them, contemplate them, or give them any kind of attention at all. See them for what they are, an illusion of the mind. When you catch yourself being aware of something that's undesirable, just go 'What problem?' and know it to be perfect again. Always remember, the real you can't have doubts, only your ego can.

Vanessa: I feel like I'm not doing enough to realize my true Self. How can I be more productive on this journey?

4dbarbie: There's nothing to be productive about. What a silly concept. Don't add another burden or worry onto yourself. Right now you make yourself guilty over not seeking more and doing more to attain realization, but you already have it. You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours.

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough.

welcome . . .

lain . they/them

this blog is about Self realisation & nondualism! my reblogs are kept on @lains-journal and book excerpts are on @ndbookstudy

all my understanding is mostly from ada (4dbarbie), lester levenson, & nisargadatta maharaj.

recommended resources:

blogs - realisophie, 4dkellysworld, 4dbarbie-archive.

articles - lester levenson transcribe (audio versions)

books - in the masterlist

read the masterlist. a q&a, most important posts, google doc archive and books are linked on there.

if you don't try it out for yourself, then this definitely is all just a bundle of words. make it useable knowledge.

all informational posts #lainsreality / diary posts #lainsthoughts / anon answers #lainsmail / reblogs #lainreblogs / masterlist #lainsmasterlist

Manifesting is struggling, life is effortless

You may or may not get what you want by "manifesting", and I'll explain to you why.

If you've been practicing for a while, you already know sometimes you get the things you want and sometimes you do not. Each time you do, though, it happens effortlessly. Almost aggravatingly so, since the times you do succeed with — you barely even try.

Your ego, depending on a lot of circumstances, conditions, thought patterns - may or may not believe it can manifest. Because, basically, before the concept was introduced to you - you never did it before. It is like studying for a test, you know this is the material you have to learn, you do so thoroughly, you settle it into your memory perfectly, and yet you can never be sure what the test may present you with. You may even have a lot of confidence in your knowledge and think you've got this under your thumb, but what's put on the test you still can't control. Likewise, you've learned how to manifest perfectly, you know all the methods/possibilities/techniques which you can use and you use them - however, the results are always shaky. So who decides what materializes and what not?

The one that's materializing the ego thinking and doing stuff right now.

The one thing you already have a lot of experience in, the one you do effortlessly and inescapably by existing is being. You've been something all your life, you can't say you don't know how to do that, because—you're being someone reading this post now.

Imagine if you knew yourself as who you really are, the way you materialize this body and this world live and instantly, the same way you'd be able to materialize a different one whenever. The test, the event, would now be put there by you. The confidence you thought yourself into before would now be replaced by a sureness, almost laughable inevitability, one you didn't attain but have. Circumstances you now leave to a "3D conforming" (the ego-body-mind, are circumstances too, btw) exist when you want to.

You don't want to "manifest", all you want is to be your self.

But to have it, you have to go beyond the mind, and to do that - you let go of all the things you think yourself to be, not add more labels on top of it like "God", "Master Manifestor", etc.

Those might satisfy your mind for a bit, but they won't stop you from being what you know yourself to be. To know yourself as the source of all that is you have to first remove the veil of what's stopping you from seeing it in the first place. The labels you may add, but do 'you' know how to operate as any? The only thing you know from experience how to operate is "I AM".

The process is one of letting go more and more until you find yourself having nothing, being nothing. The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything.

LISTEN UPPP. And listen up good.

all the questions in my asks are the same worded differently. so i'll make a long post answering multiple points

The idea that there is a world outside of yourself is just your thought that there is a world. Body dies, alright? It dies. And with no one, no senses to perceive a world, the world goes as well. Both poof, both disappear.

YOU still exist. Can you imagine not existing????

Even when body, which is matter, goes, who you think you are (the personality) still stays. Here's how I know, not just from my documentation:

Before I discovered manifesting, back in 2019, I had a very poor sleep schedule, it was like 9-10 in the morning, I haven't slept all night, mentally I was wide awake but my body was so exhausted it felt so heavy on me. Mentally I was completely fine, so I had a hard time falling asleep. But I did. Or so I thought. Because as soon as I did I found 'myself' above my body, looking down at it. Reminder, I had no experience with spirituality, I watched a series about astral projecting in the past (Through her eyes on Netflix) but I won't say I believed it, or even contemplated that I could do it. Obviously when this happened none of my thoughts went to astral projection. I panicked so hard, if I had a body I would have been having 10 panic attacks a second and hyperventilating. I thought I was dead. That was my first thought. I was dead. I went from my bedroom to my parents, desperately calling for my mom, but no one was home, it was 10AM, weekday in the summer, and both my parents were at work. I was afraid to leave my parents room and go outside the house, because 1) my screaming was inaudible, even though I WAS screaming "MOM save me" with everything I had 😆 2) nobody could see me, i couldn't even see me, i was not even a cloud, i was nothing, how could anybody interact with me? 3) i was scared that if i went much farther away from my body, outside, then I would be abandoning it & really make it disappear since I was nowhere around it. What I did was go back to my bedroom, scream my name in my face telling myself to wake up. It didn't work, 'I' didn't hear me either. So my next action plan was to give myself CPR. I had no body, but what other choice did I have except attempt at resurrecting myself? I went full in, wanting to push whatever weight I had (none) onto my chest, and I... plunged. I was in the body again, wide awake now, shaking like a leaf and ready to cry. I was so panicked, I had a hard time believing I was actually alive. I was looking at my arms still unsure if I was dreaming or awake. I texted the only friend I knew I'd find up at that hour to confirm that they were getting my texts and I was real. I did start crying when I started explaining to them of how I "dreamed" I was dead. I had no other way to explain it to myself, let alone another person. That was the scariest experience of my life. I was afraid to go back to sleep. I kept my friend up with me for longer than an hour just talking to me so I could come back to my senses. I was legitimately afraid that if I close my eyes and fall asleep, I'll lose my body again. That I would die for real now. Then I settled to this being "another chance" (lol now) and I swore I'll fix my sleeping habits (because they lead me to death LOL again)

If you want more technical info on my experience with astral projecting: I could see but not as clear as I see with my eyes. The images were blurry but not blurry enough to not know where I was or what I was seeing, but blurry enough to not be able to tell if the body was breathing, hence the extra panic. (I've read that the more you do it, the better it gets and you end up seeing normally/clearly) You can check out Bob Monroe's journey with astral projection if it's something you're interested in. I can only explain it as floating in the air, I could go down or go up, change the perspective of my sight in whichever way I wanted. Body is on the ground so you know, perspective is quite limited from it. My angle was from above but I had a wider range of perspectives.

Back to the point, body dies. Personality is left. You are left with 'yourself'. But what is 'yourself' is only an idea you made up about yourself. An idea that you were born, had this body, developed this personality, and that is you. What're you gonna do now when there's no world and no body to interact with? Why stay like this when there's no one to know what you were before? You stay like this because you're attached to this personality. But being like this in nothing will get boring, eventually, so boring that you will be willing to lose this you have now to be something/someone else because it's the only entertainment you have. So you become another person, and another, and another... so many you are attached to none any more and they're just experiences YOU want to have. WELL WHO IS YOU IF YOU CAN ADD ANOTHER PERSONALITY ONTO IT?

Free will and "real" life

The free will of the character is so limited it's none. The extent of Ada's free will in making decisions goes "Yeah, I'll break up with Joe and get with Rowan. Rowan is a better fit for me because my personality is this and his is that and we go well together yada yada" Who's to say Harry wouldn't have been an even better fit, but she had no choice because she only knew Joe and Rowan. TRANSLATION: character only makes do with what it has. It's all it can do. Making choices in a play you're a part of doesn't change the overall destiny (Have you ever played any of those 'choose your story' games? They give you the illusion that the choice you make alters the character's life, when in reality most is decided already and you're making no dent in the plot). And yes, it's true that I can change the beliefs Ada has, therefore alter the plot (what manifesting mostly is), but it's a very hard process, conditioning an already extremely limited and conditioned thing. I can change her destiny only if I manage to change her beliefs (which are usually very strong and egos are very stubborn). Past is remembered all the time so whenever I try to make a change in her thinking the reasoning part of her brain goes "But HOW can I suddenly be lucky when all my life I've had bad luck? It's just very hard to believe." And it is, and she is right. And then you think you're weak minded for not being able to do it.

Listen. Your brain is a very limited thing. It stores memories and habits of this body and that's all it knows.

Mind (is synonymous with consciousness!) contains all, every conception, but identifies itself with one in particular for the duration of the play. The brain is the mind of that character, and all the character knows.

BLIND FAITH IS STUPID.

If Vanessa isn't naive or easily trusting, that girl is never gonna take some stranger's word for it that she can change her life by thinking she's gorgeous and powerful all of a sudden. She will try and try (to recondition herself and do what she's been told that works) but she doesn't really believe because she doesn't see it so nothing comes of it. Changes are small, mindset might be better (she may be overall happier depending on the amount of reconditioning of her brain she managed to do, or she goes insane and her mental health is even worse because she's always finding things to change with herself, trying and trying and trying in this never ending cycle of being better, doing more). Basically, Vanessa is doomed either way and she has limited power even when she thinks she's the shit. "Trust in God, I AM, your higher self!", "Have faith and it will work!" Well, I, as Ada, can't. I am very stubborn you see. I can't believe in waiting bringing me stuff about. Who's this higher self anyway, why is it making me wait and have faith? What's this law with its blind faith, except remastered religion?

Enough. What you are, you see. You are Vanessa or Lara, okay, you are because you believe you are. And you're right! It's true, you are, your eyes are working fine and your life might be hell 😍 what do you have to lose if YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND and think "What if I wasn't?" Streams and floods of better ideas of what you could've been/could be come through, don't they? "That's so nice if it were true🥺" Alrightie then! That must be the solution, no? Not be Vanessa? Well how do I stop being Vanessa? How (the big HOW!!) do you know you are Vanessa except by your belief that you are Vanessa? 🤷‍♀️ To know a different thing you must stop thinking this one is true first? "Got it, it's not!", "But even if it's not me I am seeing her life and her 'reality'?", "I am unaffected by the events now, but how do I stop seeing them?" Are you, though? You sure it has nothing to do with you anymore? Fine I'll take your word for it ☺️ Now start thinking you're a different thing. BUT THE SAME EVENTS OF HER LIFE HAPPEN?! Really, how so? World has no standing except for your thought of it, be honest with yourselves, not me. I'll reenact what you're doing.

"Ada, your depression is not real. Your house is not real. Your parents are not real." "Yes, they are, I see them!", "Don't invalidate my experience, I have TRAUMA😠" that's how the convo goes. Then you get disinterested in the convo, "Alright I'm tired of your problems, not me". And you feel lighter, you feel better. You soothed your mind for the time being, there's no big feelings now that you don't identify yourself with her...

For a while, because then something happens and you still believe it's there and it's real and you have to somehow deal with it. You're back confusing the 'you' with Vanessa. "I'm seeing the parents and the world again, that must mean I did it wrong?" I need to ask, seek more. Where do I go from this? WOULD YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, SEEING THE SAME WORLD TOMORROW, IF YOU REALLY DISBELIEVED VANESSA IS YOU OR YOUR BUSINESS? WOULD YOU CARE, I ask you.

"I don't care... but what do I do next, I'm lost🥺"

"Of course I care!!! I want a better life!!!" Who's you?, you go back to the beginning of the post again, you especially read it five times more actually.

To answer the first:

Think what you want.

Past doesn't come up anymore, memories don't come up anymore after you've ignored - detached yourself enough. They just don't. You can think freely now about being something different. If you can't, don't get mad, don't blame, only know that the one that's doubting isn't you, so the doubts are totally fine to be. They'll be for a while and then they dissolve too, because by ignoring, not getting involved - you forget. And by forgetting not only do you free up so much mental space, but possibilities of what can be become unnumbered.

All you are doing is becoming lucid. Becoming able to control the dream. You won't be able to, unless you step out of it. That is, stop thinking this story you tell yourself is true. You won't be able to get mad, sad, or even frustrated at whatever is playing in front of you, because to be involved to this extent you have to think you're it, it's an actual thing "you" are going through. That's not to say you'll become an emotionless robot (the only thing unlimited abt you guys rn is your worries, so much that i have to address them in advance), but that you will feel your emotion in the present and not remain mentally scarred by it forever. You will be able to say "alright, no more" when you've had your fill of crying, being angry, throwing a fit. Emotions won't be able to rule you anymore, right now, they fully do. You are their prisoner. Your ego dominates you so completely.

When Vanessa is no longer all you are, you'll be able to 'change reality' the way you change the film in a video projector. You'll be able to have as much fun in the play as you want to, change it when you no longer want this one specifically. The emotions of the character are fun and welcomed, because they no longer imprison you, there's the background of love to it all - that once you gain, it can't be lost, it's ever present.

That being said, please stop asking me questions about fulfilling or persisting, they're from another planet in this state.