Snake……… On………… Meeeee………… (snake On Me)

"bears repeating" and "time flies" are two kinds of creatures that fill similar ecological niches

tag yourself, then release yourself back into the wild, for scientific monitoring

it’s exhausting :(

do we like bellies in fishnets???

depression or whatever is soooo embarrassing oops i ruined a large chunk of my future because i just didn’t feel like doing anything for a while . Epic Cringe babe...

Ways to refluff Vicious Mockery

You say something so utterly confusing the person takes psychic damage trying to figure out what the hell you're on about.

Call your opponent on the phone, which as we all know does irreparable psychological damage

A really scary story told really fast

You say a meme so dank it shuts down the listener's heart, like a focus-group-ran zoomer remake of Monty Python.

One of those needlessly mean songs they sing about people in disney movies.

UWU YOUR FOES TO DEATH! NYAAAAAA!

You say something so nice your enemy realizes they're the asshole here and does themselves psychic damage as an apology.

Tell your opponent you love them and cause deadly levels of social awkwardness.

Literally red-hot take about Steven Universe.

Gerrymander your opponent's vital biological functions.

Mumble something really quietly and when they come closer to hear it better you punch them in the face

Just read out the last thing Elon Musk said.

Ok, hear me out...Gun Mouth?

i hope this doesn’t sound really weird but i feel really bad for the lady who came up with gender reveal parties. she had a very legitimate reason for throwing herself one–she’d had a few miscarriages, all of them miscarrying before she was able to find out the sex of her baby and due to really wanting to have children she was distraught, so when her pregnancy made it to the milestone of being able to find out her baby’s sex, she was understandably incredibly excited and threw a party to celebrate it. honestly she had every right to do so and was more celebrating the fact that she’d carried her baby to that point rather than celebrating if it was a girl or a boy

and now she’s the inventor of this horrible thing that makes stupid people cause wildfires. all this lady wanted to do was have some cake and celebrate her pregnancy after a few miscarriages. i feel fucking terrible for her. 

2020 isn’t all bad