The Boy Who Swallowed A Star

I don't understand. Bloggers are saying to disregard the senses. I do and nothing happens, no matter how much I continue in my knowing... what am I doing wrong?

"Disregard the senses"???

Do you not realize what that is saying is just loa repackaged.... "ignore the 3D", basically.

3D = world

You are aware of the world, world IS.

Senses are part of the body. You are aware of the body -> body is and its seeing is PERFECT AND FINE. Ignore senses why? You are making them be, they ARE. You are the knower of those TOO if you are the knower of the body. You made senses the enemy now for some reason? Why? They exist through your awareness, they are just part of the body.

If you're not seeing what ego wants is simply because you're aware of yourself living in a world you don't want. Senses are totally under your dominion like everything else. You suddenly separated them for the body and started asking questions about them, to which I'm confused on what kind of answers besides what I've just said you could have gotten.

How do I stop worrying once I set the intention that I am experiencing something else? Doubts are constant and I can’t seem to stop them. I’m just worried I won’t get it

So what I need you first to realize is that, you aren’t setting an intention, and certainly not setting an intention to experience something “later on”. The realization of ANYTHING quite literally is the experience. I need you to recognize that nothing inherently has any meaning. When you strip labels from feelings and emotions they just remain as “sensations”. Try saying what a bad or good feeling is without describing it as a good or bad. It just is a sensation right? Right, so please start viewing it as what it really is. I truly understand how debilitating it can feel, however, if you truly wish to see past the hollow, weak illusions, you must start viewing everything as it TRULY is, not as it seems from the surface level.

There is no getting, desiring, wanting, these are labels made by this illusionary self who strives and relishes in goal, in journey, in doing. Without all these things the sense of self really has no purpose, look further into this. Who desires, who wants, who needs? Certainly not god, certainly not the true “ “ that is.

I’m not just telling you guys another technique or manifesting method, guys this is in reality what we are. The existence of all that is and appears to be is what we are. Your God, your “ “, your everything, how can you possibly crave when you are it.

Falsely identifying as the self and as the person, there will always be journey, there will always be an end goal, that never seems to be reached. When you experience that thing what happens? Another desire, need, journey appears, because as the self, nothing will actually be enough. (Trust me I know). Self exists for the illusionary experience. It’s literally the only purpose of it. Now I’m not in any way telling you to sit in misery and not be happy and live a dream life, but I want you to understand, it’s always going to seem like a never ending cycle of desiring if the only appearance you hold as real is self. Instead of the infinity you exist as.

This infinity you are tricks itself into being a limited self, a separate self. Recognize yourself again. You as it all is instant “manifestation”

Recognition of an experience is the experience, there’s nothing to chase

I’m telling you, your all of existence and appear as the experience, how can you possibly lack anything? There is no you that lacks, YOUR EVERYTHING. $500k? Alright it’s your, congratulations you just received it. Wondering where it is? Don’t you remember it’s you, you have it it’s yours! Relish! Be excited! Be Sad! Do whateveeeerrrr u want!

You are free to feel as you want because a sensation does not change the identity of god!

Just remember that the sensation (feeling) doesn’t dictate anything. Anyways I rambled for a while, take care!! 🥥🌴☀️🫶

i really like when u talk abt ur own experiences when dealing with all this!! could u expand more on how u manifested ur apartment? like what ur daily life looked like, etc. bc im in a similar situation w a mentally exhausting family and im trying to get tf out lol

TW: narcissistic/co-dependent parent

yeah! so my older sister got married and moved out, leaving me alone with a narcissistic parent, so i knew i really wanted to move out and live on my own. but i had negative circumstances. for instance my parent was really co-dependent, which led to them never letting me get my drivers license or a job. even when i was 20-21. plus this was during lockdown so i didn't really have the ability to learn how to drive from other means. plus along with not being able to drive and not having the money to afford living on my own, i knew my parent would never let me move out bc they didn't want to be alone. so i was really depressed because my situation felt very hopeless.

but then i remembered the power of manifestation. i had manifested an sp at this point and other things, such as appearance changes and money here and there, but this was a "big" manifestation. big meaning that so many dominoes had to fall in just the right places, so to speak. for instance i was nervous that i'd wake up in a new apartment and not be able to pay the rent to live there and have to move out. so i was unsure if i should manifest money first, and then manifest the apartment. but what i was imagining as my end was me in my apartment with more than enough money to survive, so i decided not to manifest in steps.

i was triggered a LOT at first, bc like i mentioned i was dealing with a co-dependent narcissistic parent. like sometimes they'd talk about how i'd still be living at home till i was 25+ and the idea made me go absolutely crazy. i went through months of being miserable at the idea, thinking about how all my peers were living on their own and not having to deal with the shit i did. but eventually i just got so fed up and i decided i just needed to go completely in, because i had been putting off really applying for the longest time.

so what i did was make a note in my notes app describing my dream apartment, and i included pics i found on Pinterest of different features i wanted in my apartment. like what i wanted the kitchen and bathroom to look like, the specific vanity i wanted, etc.

then whenever i thought about it, i'd tell myself i was already there and the apartment was mine. similarly to Abdullah slamming the door on Neville and saying "you are in Barbados", any time i wondered how it would happen or think about how it hadn't reflected yet, i'd tell myself "you are in your dream apartment." it was a reminder that i wouldn't be wondering any of those things, or worrying or doubting, if i was already in my dream apartment. and i already was there in my imagination! so there was no room for me to be dwelling on stuff like that.

throughout the day, i liked to retreat to my imagination when i had time and felt upset about my 3D. i'd do so by imagining that my surroundings were different. for instance i had a picture saved of what i wanted my shower to look like (it was always my dream to have a really really nice bathroom bc my shower has always been a safe space for me of sorts lmao) so when i was in the shower, i'd close my eyes and imagine i was in that shower i had saved from Pinterest. i also did this in the kitchen when i was cleaning or cooking, and while i laid in bed at night before falling asleep.

i also never really let people come over to my house when i lived with my parent(s) bc my co-dependent narcissistic parent would always come up with some completely insane and random reason why they didn't like that friend and i'd never hear the end of it. so i'd have inner convos with myself about how i was excited my friend was coming over later and i'd come up with different things we'd be doing. this was another way i liked to fulfill myself in my imagination.

whenever i was interacting with my parent, as i way to dismiss my 3D, i just pretended i was visiting home and that's why i was with them/at their house. it helped me remind myself that being there wasn't permanent.

this manifestation took me a couple of months, as i was triggered a lot. eventually, after fulfilling myself enough and finding solace in my imagination whenever i felt bad, i was triggered less and less by my 3d and circumstances. i also manifested my parent being chiller and blowing up a lot less.

the final thing i was missing was that i was in a neutral state a lot and i thought because i wasn't upset by my 3d that meant i wasn't in the state of lack. i just had this epiphany recently on my twitter, so it took me a while to correct this issue because i didn't even know it was an issue. i had that epiphany well after successfully manifesting my apartment.

the neutral state was me being like "oh my 3d isn't too bad i kinda like chilling in my room unbothered." so i wasn't upset at my 3d, but i was still also acknowledging i didn't have what i wanted. this was fixed when i started imagining my surroundings as my dream apartment, like i mentioned a few paragraphs up.

and then one day, i woke up and my surroundings felt different. i sleep with a sleeping mask on, so when i wake up and open my eyes, it's still pitch black. but i felt the air around me was different, and the sounds around me were different. like the sound of my ceiling fan in my room was different. then i took off my sleeping mask and i was in my new room, in my new apartment!

it was kinda spooky at first im ngl. at first i thought i was dreaming, but i wasn't (i checked). then i just explored the apartment! i was paranoid i was gonna find someone in my apartment or something 😭 but the apt was exactly how i wanted it to look, and i had plenty of money in my bank account to cover rent and bills and food! and i've been living here ever since with virtually 0 problems :)

Rebecca Perry, Beauty/Beauty; from 'Kintsugi 金継ぎ'

What I absolutely love about some of my favorite kdramas:

Goblin (2016): the bromance

Shopaholic Louie (2016): the fluff

Witch At Court (2017): the protagonist's character development

Lawless Lawyer (2018): how deliciously villainous the main villain was

Beauty Inside (2018): the second couple

Touch Your Heart (2019): sunny x grim reaper AU lol

Hotel del Luna (2019): IU's acting skills

It's Okay Not To Be Okay (2020): the creativity of the storyline

Do You Like Brahms? (2020): the realistic & mature romance + slowburn friends-to-lovers

The Penthouse (2020-2021): the rollercoaster ride and the absurdity of it all

Run On (2020): the life lessons & meaningful dialogues

Flower of Evil (2020): the endless plot twists

Hospital Playlist (2020-2021): the cohesiveness of the characterizations, even with the supporting & minor characters

Law School (2021): the mystery pervading the show's entirety

Tomorrow (2022): the deep, angsty love story with a happy ending

Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022): our beloved Woo Young-woo

Cafe Minamdang (2022): how everyone's a crackhead. in their own way. lmao

could you maybe explain the whole "dropping the desire" thing a bit more closely? cus idk but whenever i hear people saying to drop the desire, it makes me feel like i have to give up everything i "want" and accept this shitty life i have. like i just don't understand. what do i even do when i have nothing to "manifest"? when i have desires, i can tell myself that everything's okay because im gonna be outta here soon (and living my best life having all my desires) but with nd, i don't quite get what the "end goal" is. hope this doesn't sound stupid, it's just that i've been in the manifestation community since 2016 now, having desires every single day and looking forward to finally manifesting them (which never happened btw), so suddenly just dropping them feels so strange to me. it's already so late where i live and i'm tired so this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but i still hope you can tell what i'm trying to ask😵‍💫

Hello there 🫶☀️🪷 don’t ever feel bad for

Alrighty I can feel that this is gonna be a longer answer so I hope you’re ready.

Firstly, believe me or not but I know exactly what you’re going through, I’m sure allot of people do.

So firstly let’s this out of the way, why do I keep saying there is no manifestation? To understand that, we also have to understand ND. Let’s break it down first from what ND is and what it states, then you’ll automatically get the answer to why manifesting is not real and the reality of the situation is 100x better in my opinion.

Nonduality is the understanding that there is, well, no duality, no separation in any of “this”. Everything is included in this, thoughts, ideas, the world, people, feelings, events, food, cars, money, desire, you, sense of self, all of it. All of existence is just one, all the same. And this is what you are, dissolving labels and everything, we can realize there is no point where you end and the entire universe begins. Without labels, nothing is named, nothing is decided as yes or no or good or bad, it all just is, a nameless is-ness. You are this infinite presence, nameless, timeless, formless, appearing as everything. No-thing appearing as something. A hollow appearance at that but regardless, an appearance.

And if you are everything, if it’s all just one, and this is what we are, then everything is just what we appear as. So the realization of “$100” is the experience of it. There is nothing to do, there is nothing to achieve because it’s all you and the realization or awareness of this idea is the experience. It doesn’t matter how you feel so you can cry, get mad and do whatever you want because it doesn’t change the nature of what you are, this “ “ nameless thing you are remains untouched. There’s no worrying about the what ifs or time delays because again, this is what you appear as by realizing it.

You say your “manifestation” never happened, and I think it’s time to be clear with yourself (as I have done this many times before). Are you affirming and visualizing to change or get something, or as a means to remind yourself of what is yours. And affirmation does not get you anything, it’s what it means to you in terms of identity that matters.

I could look at a rock and rub it 3 times, and because to me it means I’m going to get a free coffee, it’s instantly true.

You can make anything mean you have what you want, you don’t just make the rules your are the rules. This whole idea of dropping is also just a way for people to not worry about their desire. Personally I do what I want. I’m everything, If I feel like thinking about it cus it makes me happy I will, but if I’m thinking about it in a “I need to affirm to get this” kind of way, ima just stop, remember that this is not a technique but a reminder of what naturally we exist as.

You never have to give up on what you like because this life is meant to be cherished and enjoyed.

There’s no reason to live a life that makes you unhappy, your literally god, god is all, you are everything. You. Got. This. Don’t make it a process, don’t make it a journey, and most definitely don’t thing ND is a technique to manifest. There is no manifesting, only being, so this isn’t something you turn off and on. I hope this helped, I myself have been pretty sleepy so I hope this made sense 😭🤭🫶☀️🪷🌚🌝

Thyme decided to find all the victims and apologize.

If everything is meaningless and this is a dream, why are you still continuing living then? Why don’t we all crawl up in a hole and die since everything is an “illusion”

You're misunderstanding what's being said. This isn't about a real person living in a fake world — it's not "me the real person" vs. "the illusion out there." That’s not it at all. That entire split is already a misperception.

You are not the one experiencing the illusion. You are the Knowing itself — not-knowing conceptually, but the raw, direct Seeing. That’s the only thing not appearing and disappearing. It's not something to believe in or debate. It’s to be noticed, directly.

Neither “you,” nor “me,” nor the world — not any idea, label, or form — is the Actuality being pointed to. When I say You are Actuality, I’m not speaking about a body, a person, or any mental concept. I’m referring to the constant, silent, untouched Beingness — the Is-ness that exists before and without name, image, or thought. That’s what’s always here, never born, never leaving. That has always been here — before any idea of “me” or “you” ever arose.

Also: people seriously misinterpret the words illusory and meaningless — assuming they imply something negative, depressing, or empty in a hopeless way. That’s just not it. That’s not what these words mean in this context.

When something is called illusory, it means it’s not solid, not permanent — like a dream, or a mirage. It appears, but it has no independent, lasting existence and relies on "Awareness/Knowing" to be perceived. That doesn’t mean it’s “bad” or that it shouldn’t appear. It’s just seen for what it is — a fleeting expression of something that doesn’t need form to be.

And when we say meaningless, it doesn’t mean sad or pointless. It means: it has no fixed, pre-given meaning unless one is assigned. Like pure open space — no labels, no judgment, no category, no good/bad, right/wrong. It just is, undefined. That freedom is what most people miss — because they think “meaningless” equals despair. But that only comes from assuming the person is real and now floating in some empty shell. But that “person” is part of the illusion too.

This isn’t about crawling in a hole because “life is meaningless.” That reaction comes from misidentifying with the one who experiences the illusion. But that “experiencer” is a mirage. The only constant is the silent Knowing — not a knower, not a thinker, but Knowing itself, unshaped, untouched. Noticing that is what ends the confusion. Nothing needs to be changed, added, or removed. Just seen.

really amazing post from edwardarts reddit/series!

this is the meditation he’s talking about btw

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!