I Really Like When U Talk Abt Ur Own Experiences When Dealing With All This!! Could U Expand More On

i really like when u talk abt ur own experiences when dealing with all this!! could u expand more on how u manifested ur apartment? like what ur daily life looked like, etc. bc im in a similar situation w a mentally exhausting family and im trying to get tf out lol

TW: narcissistic/co-dependent parent

yeah! so my older sister got married and moved out, leaving me alone with a narcissistic parent, so i knew i really wanted to move out and live on my own. but i had negative circumstances. for instance my parent was really co-dependent, which led to them never letting me get my drivers license or a job. even when i was 20-21. plus this was during lockdown so i didn't really have the ability to learn how to drive from other means. plus along with not being able to drive and not having the money to afford living on my own, i knew my parent would never let me move out bc they didn't want to be alone. so i was really depressed because my situation felt very hopeless.

but then i remembered the power of manifestation. i had manifested an sp at this point and other things, such as appearance changes and money here and there, but this was a "big" manifestation. big meaning that so many dominoes had to fall in just the right places, so to speak. for instance i was nervous that i'd wake up in a new apartment and not be able to pay the rent to live there and have to move out. so i was unsure if i should manifest money first, and then manifest the apartment. but what i was imagining as my end was me in my apartment with more than enough money to survive, so i decided not to manifest in steps.

i was triggered a LOT at first, bc like i mentioned i was dealing with a co-dependent narcissistic parent. like sometimes they'd talk about how i'd still be living at home till i was 25+ and the idea made me go absolutely crazy. i went through months of being miserable at the idea, thinking about how all my peers were living on their own and not having to deal with the shit i did. but eventually i just got so fed up and i decided i just needed to go completely in, because i had been putting off really applying for the longest time.

so what i did was make a note in my notes app describing my dream apartment, and i included pics i found on Pinterest of different features i wanted in my apartment. like what i wanted the kitchen and bathroom to look like, the specific vanity i wanted, etc.

then whenever i thought about it, i'd tell myself i was already there and the apartment was mine. similarly to Abdullah slamming the door on Neville and saying "you are in Barbados", any time i wondered how it would happen or think about how it hadn't reflected yet, i'd tell myself "you are in your dream apartment." it was a reminder that i wouldn't be wondering any of those things, or worrying or doubting, if i was already in my dream apartment. and i already was there in my imagination! so there was no room for me to be dwelling on stuff like that.

throughout the day, i liked to retreat to my imagination when i had time and felt upset about my 3D. i'd do so by imagining that my surroundings were different. for instance i had a picture saved of what i wanted my shower to look like (it was always my dream to have a really really nice bathroom bc my shower has always been a safe space for me of sorts lmao) so when i was in the shower, i'd close my eyes and imagine i was in that shower i had saved from Pinterest. i also did this in the kitchen when i was cleaning or cooking, and while i laid in bed at night before falling asleep.

i also never really let people come over to my house when i lived with my parent(s) bc my co-dependent narcissistic parent would always come up with some completely insane and random reason why they didn't like that friend and i'd never hear the end of it. so i'd have inner convos with myself about how i was excited my friend was coming over later and i'd come up with different things we'd be doing. this was another way i liked to fulfill myself in my imagination.

whenever i was interacting with my parent, as i way to dismiss my 3D, i just pretended i was visiting home and that's why i was with them/at their house. it helped me remind myself that being there wasn't permanent.

this manifestation took me a couple of months, as i was triggered a lot. eventually, after fulfilling myself enough and finding solace in my imagination whenever i felt bad, i was triggered less and less by my 3d and circumstances. i also manifested my parent being chiller and blowing up a lot less.

the final thing i was missing was that i was in a neutral state a lot and i thought because i wasn't upset by my 3d that meant i wasn't in the state of lack. i just had this epiphany recently on my twitter, so it took me a while to correct this issue because i didn't even know it was an issue. i had that epiphany well after successfully manifesting my apartment.

the neutral state was me being like "oh my 3d isn't too bad i kinda like chilling in my room unbothered." so i wasn't upset at my 3d, but i was still also acknowledging i didn't have what i wanted. this was fixed when i started imagining my surroundings as my dream apartment, like i mentioned a few paragraphs up.

and then one day, i woke up and my surroundings felt different. i sleep with a sleeping mask on, so when i wake up and open my eyes, it's still pitch black. but i felt the air around me was different, and the sounds around me were different. like the sound of my ceiling fan in my room was different. then i took off my sleeping mask and i was in my new room, in my new apartment!

it was kinda spooky at first im ngl. at first i thought i was dreaming, but i wasn't (i checked). then i just explored the apartment! i was paranoid i was gonna find someone in my apartment or something 😭 but the apt was exactly how i wanted it to look, and i had plenty of money in my bank account to cover rent and bills and food! and i've been living here ever since with virtually 0 problems :)

More Posts from Manumagic11 and Others

3 months ago

I just need a tutorial on how to become self.

As in advice on what to do during the day. Like does saying “I Am” during the day suffice?

There is so much information everywhere and as someone who wants to become freedom, it is hard to just read asks or post and completely understand and apply it.

Does imaging help? Does just affirming I am help? Do I need to accept something? In that case what, and who is doing the acceptance?

I do feel confused. But telling me to let go is just hard to understand, because what am I letting go of? The thought or desires? Can you help the process by saying that you already are it/ have it/ I am?? Like what does it mean to let go?

Well, here's a practice.

I Just Need A Tutorial On How To Become Self.

I didn't follow this. I never repeated "I AM" to myself, I didn't need to remind myself of the fact that I exist.

All I did was remember what I was not, use everything to remind myself of who I truly am. Then, did what I wanted without considering ego (body/mind) and with no expectation.

Nisargadatta said he didn't condition his mind either, by telling himself "I am beyond", "I am God", etc. He trusted his teacher when he told him "I AM the Supreme Reality" and acted accordingly.

1 year ago

I will never be able to move on from this scene.

With Assemblyman Ko arrested and proven guilty, Han Joon Hwi was no longer indebted to Kang Sol A.

But then comes the line.

"I'll be rooting for you in your uncle's place."

Kang Sol A stepped up to root for him in replacement of someone who has passed away. Declared that she would always be there for him, take care of him, and be his family.

He smiled, right? I'm sure, by that time he realised--

Han Joon Hwi is forever indebted to Kang Sol A.

1 month ago

hey ada i need advice, i want to create me waking up to my ideal life ive been through the law of assumption and everything like that and am learning how to drop that there is something to get but whenever i would wake up and still see something undesirable i would attempt to change my consciousness and remind myself i am that of which i want to be but its only a temporary relief, i know i control/decide everything by being aware, do you have any tips for paying the the things you dont want any mind?

I don't like repetition, it keeps you in lack. Do you need to remind yourself that you are a man or a woman?

My tip is to realize your self, have enough courage to face Vanessa's fears. See how unnecessary is to pay them any mind at all.

After you realize yourself any bold assertion does it. There's no time delay.

There was one person which got mad I blocked them because they corrected me in the comments when I said that unbotherdness comes first and said there was no reason for the scale of emotions I shared. I won't stand for any spreading of misinformation on this page. It's impossible for indifference not to come when you see you aren't that. When you see the desires and fears aren't yours. This is not an opinion, this is what happens when you do it. You get uninterested naturally.

Act like this, and from this. That's my only tip. Let go of thinking you are this little helpless thing already.

2 months ago

Can you do a guide for how awakening ourself and change our life?

All my posts are guides if you want it enough :D

Can You Do A Guide For How Awakening Ourself And Change Our Life?

There is already one up, and this too should be useful :)

First and foremost get to a place where the person you're identified with right now doesn't bother you anymore. It's a kind of surrendering but to me, truthfully and honestly, it felt more like a giving up. Even if it makes you miserable, accept it until you no more fear it or care if you stay the same.

If anybody here started from law of attraction back in 2020, you may know they had a step to "let go", everybody revolted because if we want it of course we aren't gonna be able to let it go. They were right, but not in the way they thought they were. Both letting go or trying to convince our ego of something does nothing. It feels very unnatural and:

• delusional to claim you have something you do not see, depending on everyone's personality;

• rage inducing to be told to let go when the ego considers this desire a NEED, it has to have it and nothing will stop it.

Last year when I've read Lester's book for the first time, it made my heart drop each time he said "Let go of all desires" - it made me feel hopeless instead of empowered. I was like "you can't be serious, I CAN'T, you're supposed to help me not sink me". Nobody trusts in the "let go", especially now after law of assumption when you know you are the source of all that is. Let go and do what? Who's gonna give it to me if it's all my doing? It really made me feel nauseous when he told me to stop desiring because I really couldn't go on without having what I needed. It felt like he was telling me to just endure life. We all got into loa because we were at low bottom and wished ourselves better, what do you mean wish nothing? I half wanted to smack him.

After law of attraction, it was law of assumption - you lose patience and gain resentment when it doesn't show up when you want it to, sometimes (a lot) not at all. You aren't sure of anything, you're just supposed to blindly trust. Don't ask how, don't ask when, just fulfill yourself. Well I want it now and I want it like this, if it's all me why isn't it happening now and like this???? It was contradicting and nothing exponentially significant happened no matter how much I mentally acted as that person, since I still knew myself to be me (past ego).

Loa was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real Surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. And if you want to be a person, now can just pick another person who has none. You aren't anxious because you have no reason to, you were never what you thought to be your self so nothing can stop you from changing anymore. Doubts don't exist because they don't have "time" to. Creation is instantaneous with the creator. There's no rage or resentment since emotions are of the ego, your real self has an equal attitude toward everything.

See that you are first, with no labels; not even that of male/female. SEE THAT FOR EVERYTHING ELSE TO BE YOU NEED TO BE FIRST. See how there would be no thing if there wasn't someone for it to happen to! There is no world and no person without the one who experiences it. You are that one and not the thing you are conscious of.

Can You Do A Guide For How Awakening Ourself And Change Our Life?
2 months ago

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

7 months ago

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY

divider creds:

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE LOA SUCCESS STORY
2 years ago

“I have a million things to talk to you about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.”

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

2 years ago

🍒masterlist🍒

‘The Alchemist' Series

a definitive guide to actually fulfilling your desires

you create everything - even your fear

get to the root of the desire

remove the force

master manifestor vaunt

void vaunt

asks

2 months ago

Alright so what I do to release is I bring up a thought or desire that I want to let go of. For example, a desire like I want to have clear skin. I then ask 'can I let go of this desire?" And then ask 'would I let go of this desire?' And finally I ask 'When?'. (Because I obviously don't want to carry that desire with me anymore and would like to be done with it, my answer towards those questions are always yes.) After the process I do tend to feel a little light sometimes, but then when I think about the desire again I still want it.

I just finished reading a pdf that goes into details on Lester's experience with dropping limitations and how he did it within those 3 months. And he basically talked about how some thoughts would take some time to drop and he would basically just keep releasing those until they were fully gone. Reading that helped me realize that maybe I am doing this right and I just need to keep releasing the desire and it will soon completely go. I have had this desire for almost 7 years now so i guess my attachment to it might be too strong and so that it why it's not going away in one session?

But anyways your inputs are always appreciated so if there is anything you want to let me know about or help me with, like maybe the conclusions i came to aren't fully correct, you can.

It does look like you're releasing correctly. However, as I've reiterated in many of my previous posts/answers now, releasing is just one form of letting go of ego, not the only one. I've found it best not to get too fixated on sticking to the one method and try to make everything fit into it by necessarily applying it to absolutely everything, it's better to assess each limitation on a case by case basis, be flexible and then do what feels right intuitively. It may be that releasing is not the best way to go about it for this particular desire. (But yes, for certain thoughts that are deeply rooted, it can take more than one session to completely release. It's best not to have expectations on how long it takes to release something)

Here are some other forms of letting go of ego you could explore if it resonates with you.

Identify the causative thoughts for why you don't have clear skin (for your example) and then drop them.

If we want a perfect body and we don’t have a perfect body, it means that we don’t have the conviction that we can make the body perfect. It means we are subconsciously holding in our mind a consciousness of an imperfect body. The body is an exact copy of the mind, the body being only our consciousness projected outwardly. We must change our subconscious thinking until we subconsciously have the conviction that our body is perfect. That will do it. - Lester Levenson, The Keys to the Ultimate Freedom

This follows the principle of taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, including the body and all circumstances. The body is simply a manifestation of your thoughts. For example, when people get sick, it's really that they are doing it to themselves (most often it's unconscious) as a result of various thoughts they had previously that became a habit and mindset. Taking Lester as an example, he found out that his health issues were a result of wanting love and approval from the world, wanting to change things in the world and fearing death itself. For past me who had health challenges, I realized I was used to thinking as the victim and believed that I needed to be in a state that garnered pity (such as being sick) in order to be safe and perceived as non-threatening and this naturally manifested eventually in health issues because I wanted to be safe and felt I wasn't! In other examples Lester has said, he has mentioned that skin rashes are really manifestations of mental irritations or conflicts that have now surfaced and to correct this is to identify what it is and then resolve it (undo it, see it isn't true, drop it). I've also realized that everything on the body are quite literally just thoughts that have taken form and are being expressed on the body (including suppressed emotions which is why releasing is important!) - if the body is not in a state of harmony, then the mind is not either because all comes from the mind. Obviously all limitations are silly to hold onto once you identify what they are and they should be dropped. These are just examples and your own thoughts that manifested into skin that you don't prefer won't necessarily be the same as these.

2. Identify why this particular desire exists. What does it symbolize to you? Beauty? Freedom? Purity? Health? All of the above or something else? Be honest with yourself and see what it represents to you. This is the lack that you perceive, this is what you think you don't have but in fact as infinite beings we never lack anything, the lack and limitations are just illusions, old programming & conditioning we once believed and accepted that are now operating automatically in the background but it isn't true. Then can you see how that lack isn't true after identifying it (feel free to reason it out and use logic to see how it is untrue)? If not, apply the exercise detailed here to what you perceive you lack (replace love with whatever it is you identified).

Once this core lack has been properly addressed and dissolved, you could see yourself having the symbol too (in whatever way suits you) but I think it's important not to attribute fulfillment or happiness to these externals. See first that it is all coming from within you then once you've set that right, you can have the symbol too if you want - so long you understand it's only a symbol and you aren't being dependent on it for fulfilling perceived lack.

You could try let go of it in a 4 step process as I've detailed in the second part of this ask here. I recommend doing each step completely and mindfully before moving onto the next rather than rush through them and then have to repeat the whole thing again.

Release any emotions and feelings attached to the limitation that is to be dropped by bringing it to mind and allowing them to be. You can use this method as a guide and modify it how you feel is best

Investigate within and identify the causative thoughts for the limitation then drop them

Identify what the core essence(s) are that you believe you lack (that this limitation represents or what you want this symbol to fulfill) and then either drop the belief of lack or allow yourself to see, feel and know that you are complete, whole and fulfilled (using whatever method feels right).

(Optional) See yourself having the symbol if you want - so long you understand it's only a symbol and aren't dependent on it for fulfilling perceived lack.

In all of this, the attitude is not to try to get rid of or fix something that is "wrong". Apply lots of love, kindness, compassion, understanding and patience. Don't fight the dream - the more you resist, the more it persists but what you look at and accept is given the opportunity to be released and dissolved. Accept everything and see them as neutral, even the parts that you don't prefer. Allow everything to be as it is. Then allow yourself to change your mind and think differently in ways that you prefer, without trying to make anything happen in the world. As Neville said "Indifference is the knife that severs. Feeling is the tie that binds."

Patience is key. Drop all expectations. Just focus on your state of consciousness, instead of getting things in the world. Don't look to the world for what is within.

2 months ago

Hi, i hope you're doing well.

First i want to say that i genuinely don't mean to trauma dump, so im sorry if it comes out this way. I just would want to get an advise on my specific situation. So the thing is that im ill and i have less than three months left and im panicking. I know you're probably going to say something like "time doesn't exist" but this doesn't make me feel better. I know that it's Vanessa who is sick and i try to remind myself everyday, but i feel like im just lying to myself. Every time when im dealing with pain, i try to remind myself that it's not me who's feeling pain, it's Vanessa, but i CAN'T convince myself at all. I know that im just awareness, the observer, and whatever i put my awareness on exists and what i take my awareness from, doesn't. So i just have to take my awareness away from this sick Vanessa and put it on the healthy Lara? But how? Or do i just keep doing what im doing, keep telling myself that im not Vanessa, until eventually something clicks and i start believing it? Im sorry, im just so lost.

Also, please don't feel like you HAVE to answer this. I guess I've already read the answer in one of your posts, but im struggling to apply it to this situation.

You're not trauma dumping, your ask is actually refreshing, coming from so many people having breakdowns over not having a mansion and a Porsche, this finally feels like a question that's worth answering.

You are awareness, you don't have to convince yourself.

Lester also got into this over a health scare, I got into this over a health scare, albeit not mine but a parent's, but just as severe.

Here's an excerpt from the book No Attachments, No Aversions, that I hope will help you:

I was told by the doctor not to exert myself, that I must live a sedentary life, because I could drop dead at any moment. This scared me almost to death! After several days I said to myself, "I'm still alive! Drop this useless fear and instead use all you've got to see what you can do about it." I resolved that either I get the answers or I'll take me off this earth, that no coronary was going to do it. And I had the where-with-all, enough morphine to do it-and in the most pleasant way. The doctors allowed me to have morphine to use when I would be overtaken by a kidney-stone attack. The major thing I did after my coronary thrombosis was cut out from the world, one hundred percent. Formerly, I had been very active socially in the arts, opera, jazz, ballet and theatre, whenever I was in New York. It was my necessity for escape. However, for three months I stopped all social activity, did no dating, and even cut out the weekend visits to my sisters and their families. I also cut off the phone. It was a total cut-out from the world. I isolated, right in New York City. I'd only go out to buy food between 2 and 5 A.M. when the city streets were the emptiest. Stores were open all night in Manhattan. I saw no one except the grocer. I was all out, hellbent on getting the answers.

I had spent over forty years of my life, mostly very unhappily. Friends would tell me, "Gee, Lester, you've got everything." I felt I had nothing. I had a nice family and an unusually loving mother. I was given a good education. I was living on 116 Central Park South-and in the penthouse. My friends were many. But my life was unhappy and sick. I had suffered twenty years with hay fever, fifteen years with ulcers and a half dozen perforated ulcers, enlarged liver and kidney stones. About twice a year I'd get jaundiced. I developed migraine headaches. Then heart trouble. And fear, anxiety and frustration all my life. After my coronary I was told I might drop dead any minute. "Don't climb a stair unless you absolutely have to," I was warned. That was in 1952. I was forty-three years old. I was desperate. This fear of dying scared me more than I've ever been scared in my life. It caused me to conclude with determination, "Either I get the answers, or I'll take me off this earth. No heart attack will do it!" That determination to get the answers was the thing that again gave me full realization of what life and happiness are. After a few days of fear of dying, I resolved that there was nothing I could do brooding about it. I started thinking of a way out. I sat alone in my apartment and just thinking, thinking, thinking. I had a problem and had to get the answer. So I sat me down and said, "Lester, you were considered smart. You were an honor student in high school. You won a scholarship when only three scholarships to Rutgers University were awarded through competitive, statewide examinations. You were an honor student in college." But for all of that, I was dumb! dumb! dumb! I did not know how to get the very elementary thing in life-how to be happy!

Well, what do I do? All of my past knowledge was useless. So I decided to drop it all and start from scratch. Okay. Well, what am I? What is this world? What is my relationship to it? I began reviewing the little happiness I had known and it was always related to a woman. "Oh, being loved by a woman is what happiness is!" Then I thought, "Well, here I am. I've had and still have lovely women wanting me. But I am still miserable!" I thought, "Then it's not being loved!" I began reviewing it again and I discovered that when I was loving them-then, I was happy. Conclusion: my happiness equates to my capacity to love.

Then I went through a very keen process of trying to love others. I would review my past behavior. Where I thought I had been loving, I saw I wanted to be loved. For instance, when I saw that I had been nice to a girl only because I wanted something from her, I would say, "You son-of-a-gun, Lester. Correct that!" Then I would love her for what she was, not for what I wanted from her. I kept on correcting this until I could find no more to correct. The next big awareness that came to me was what intelligence is. I got a picture of a single overall intelligence that each one of us is blindly using, available to us to the degree we do not cut off. I also discovered that I am responsible for everything that happens to me. Then I discovered that every thought materializes, sooner or later. Thereafter I took responsibility for everything that was happening to me. Looking for it, the initiating thought would come up in mind, and it being conscious, I would then be able to drop it. I was letting go and undoing the hell I had created. By squaring all with love, trying to love rather than trying to be loved, and by taking responsibility for all that was happening to me; finding my subconscious thought and correcting it, I became freer and freer, happier and happier. The picture of intelligence that I received I think is interesting. I suddenly got a picture of the amusement park entertainment consisting of bump-cars that are made difficult to steer so that the drivers continually bump into each other. They were all getting their electrical energy from the wire screen above, through a pole coming down to every car. The power above was symbolic of the overall intelligence and energy of the universe coming down the pole to me and everyone else, which we were all using and bumping into each other, instead of driving along together in harmony. We use this intelligence in life and we just bump! bump! bump! That was the first picture I got of life and intelligence. We all have a direct line to that infinite intelligence up there and we are using it blindly, wrongly, and against each other. For the first two months I was getting answers to, "What is happiness, intelligence and love?" As the answers came, I was gradually being unburdened of my miseries and tensions.

The very first insight was on love, seeing that my happiness was determined by my capacity to love. That was a tremendous insight. It began to free me. Any bit of freedom when you're plagued feels so good. I knew that I was in the right direction. I had gotten hold of a link of a chain and was determined not to let go until I had the entire chain. Then I saw that my sum-total thinking was responsible for everything happening to me, and that gave me more freedom. I could control my life by undoing the compulsive behavior, all of which had been determined in the past, and was now subconscious. The third phase was discovering and recognizing who and what I really am. I began to see that we are infinite beings with no limitations; that all limitations were only concepts in our minds, learned in the past, and being held on to. When we see what we really are, we can see that we are not that limited being that we had thought we were, and we can then easily drop the limitations. Working on those three things, I became freer and freer. My heart became lighter. I was happier, more at peace. My mind got quieter. Then my curiosity took me all the way. I said, "If this is so good, I must find just how good it can get. I'll go the limit."

I'd had a life mostly of misery. So when this wonderful thing of happiness began coming in, I wanted all of it. I doggedly kept at it. And then all of a sudden powers fell in on me. I could know anything anywhere. I saw there were people just like us on endless numbers of planets. Then I took a look across the country to Los Angeles. I called up this friend and said, "In the living room there are three persons," and so on. I started telling him what was going on. Dead air! Suddenly I realized I had frightened him. I had to cut the conversation short. I was amazed at the very pleasant sensation of watching divine laws in operation. The fascination was not the powers themselves, but the watching and witnessing of the divine laws operating. I really didn't feel like the doer. I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation-a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of.

Toward the end of my period of seeking, l one day saw that, my gosh! This whole thing is like a dream in my mind, just like a night dream! And it's a dream that never really was any more than a dream you had last night was. Was it a real thing, that dream you had last night? No. It was only in your mind. But of course until one awakens out of this everyday waking state, it seems real to one. The new reality was that I am, and that's all there is! That my beingness is the changeless essence of the universe, of course, I was punch-drunk, slap-happy, and in a state of euphoria. In this state the whole world looks perfect. Looking at my body, I also saw this body as part of that perfection. This instantly corrected all my ailments.

Several times on the way up I'd get a realization that would so supercharge my body, I'd have to walk for miles and miles at a good pace. Some of those realizations are really more than a body can take. You can't sit still. Many a time I was forced to walk off the new, intense energy. I was undoing the subconscious hang-ups, tendencies, preexisting dispositions, realizing more and more that I am free, that freedom is my basic nature. I was getting freer and freer and I automatically went into a state where, having undone enough of the mental limitations, the real Self of me began presenting itself to me. I saw that the real "I" of me was only beingness, was only existence, and that my beingness was exactly the beingness of the universe. And when I saw that, I identified with every being in this universe; I identified with every atom in it. And when you do that you lose all sense of being a separate individual, an ego. When I saw that, that I AM the Amness of his universe, I then saw the whole world as just an image in my imagination, like a dream. I imaged or dreamt that I was a body. And I'm dreaming right now that I'm this body. In reality, the only thing that is, is Isness, That's the real, changeless substance behind everything.

When I started, I couldn't have been much lower. I was plagued with all these ailments accumulated over the years topped with a coronary, and with deep depths of depression and intense misery. Three months later I was at the other extreme; I was so happy I had a smile on my face that I could not take off. I felt a euphoria and lightness that is really indescribable. Everything of life itself was open to me-the total understanding of it. It is simply that we are infinite beings, over which we have superimposed concepts of limitation. And we are smarting under these limitations that we accept for ourselves as though they are real, because they are opposed to our basic nature of total freedom. However, they are just hallucinations, mental concepts. Life before and after was at two different extremes. At first it was just extreme depression and sickness. After, it was a happiness and serenity that's indescribable.

Now, you don't have to follow exactly what he did - just ask yourself the questions and do what feels right for you. I will add this book to my drive as well so you can read it all if you want to, but in the end, you will be fine, don't worry. Love believes all things, nothing can happen against your will ♡

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