Hi ! Quickly Stopping By.

“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you

I realized that I am " " and nothing really exists ,this reality is a dream, so after realizing this is just a dream. I lost interest in everything ,I just wanna be silent but these imaginary people around me think I am depressed

I also think you are just depressed. That's not knowing yourself

Hey there!! I wanted to share an experience I had after reading your excerpt from The Ultimate Truth posted @4dbarbie-archive yesterday. It really resonated with me and it inspired me to want to practice conscious creation instead of letting it happen because of subconscious programming. In particular this part (which is most of the extract lol):

Man was never intended to be a victim of circumstances. He is the controller of them, but has lost awareness of this fact. When he regains his awareness of it, he again becomes the master of circumstances, and consciously controls his environment. Matter, energy, space, and time are in mind. When man realizes this, he has mental control over them and controls them at his will. Man is unconsciously determining the world. When he wakes up to this, he gains conscious control. Creation is just a mental projection.

Lester also said in the Introduction of the book that it is necessary to prove it to yourself and never accept anything completely on hearsay:

A unique characteristic of this Truth is that it must be seen my each one through his own perception. No one and no book can do it for him. Necessary is the proof of Truth, and necessary it is that each one must prove the Truth for himself. Nothing should ever be accepted on hearsay. One should listen to, reflect upon, and then prove. The best attitude one may take would be to not believe nor disbelieve, but to accept Truths for checking. Then, and only then, after one has proven them without a doubt should one accept them. As Truth begins to prove itself, one gains more confidence in it, and then proofs come more easily and more readily; until finally, one perceives the Absolute Truth, — that we are unlimited beings, unlimited in our knowledge, power and joy.

So I've understood non-duality to a certain extent starting my "journey" from when 4dbarbie was still around and it felt like I eventually came to a sort of standstill. I just sort of fell into a lull and didn't feel anything about life in general. I really resonated with the teachings, stopped desiring anything and had let go of a lot of things but still didn't really feel connected to Self entirely (it would come and go). Recently though, I thought about how my life is just a mental projection of subconscious thoughts and how I would rather be able to consciously control it. For background, I've been using energy manipulation to heal my body using my mind and I think that's when I started to truly know that everything is just a projection of the mind (there's a much deeper innate knowing that comes from experiencing it than reading something and accepting it as truth). Then I started thinking back on the things I had "manifested" simply by deciding it to be so. And then I saw your excerpt and it really clicked for me.

To me, consciously controlling your circumstances is a "skill" because we're so used to living in limitation, it can take some time and development in order to remove those illusions of limitation (of course, it needn't take time, it depends on the individual!). I know in some LOA blogs, they call it intention setting so it's within the same vein imo. Anyway, after reading that extract and reading some of the book, I decided I wanted to practice conscious creation and strengthen this innate ability in order to connect me closer to the understanding and knowing that I am an infinite limitless being. Lester said "Matter, energy, space, and time are in mind." so I want to test all these although less so energy manipulation as I have already done this in numerous ways already. To me this was easier than the others but I now recognize that is a concept of limitation that doesn't need to be so as they are all equally mental projections. And I am not doing this to "get" any desires since I don't have any anymore, I am only doing it to remember the real me and exercise my innate natural ability of conscious creation and also "prove" it to myself through experience that I am limitless as Lester teaches.

I will give one example of "success" since I started last night! There's too much background history that I won't go over but basically this friend of mine stopped messaging me a few weeks ago and this had been a repeating cycle for a few years and it used to trigger me so much. Through being on this path, I let go of caring about it or wanting things to be different. But last night I decided to use this case scenario as a test subject for practicing conscious creation because I know I used to have a lot of mental resistance and triggers when it came to this person and if I really did succeed, it would truly be proof to me that this was purely a result of my conscious creation and not anything else.

So I decided in my mind that this friend would message me on instagram, I decided I didn't care if it was a text message or sharing a reel (though he normally sent reels so that would be most likely). I could still feel uncertainty over this after deciding so I decided it would happen the next day (today) in order for the test results to be more verifiable as not having a deadline could mean he could message me next year lol, too vague. I briefly saw it in my mind's eye the message but didn't dwell on it after, I just decided it would happen. Aaaanyway, I opened my IG messages earlier and GUESS WHO MESSAGED ME WITH A REEL!! I just laughed and got so excited, not because of receiving the message itself (since I let go of desiring anything from him long ago) but because of the proof it represented of my conscious creation! I want to emphasize this distinction because I had tried to "manifest" a text from him in the same way so many times before (because it's been a repeating cycle for so long lol) but it also came from a desire and attachment for the message itself (and connection with the person), while this time there was none of that but was from a non-attached perspective of just experimenting and testing my ability and wanting to practice and improve it. I want to add that I also had previously used LOA to "reality shift" to a "different reality" where he had messaged me the same day instead of leaving me on read for several weeks through "imagination" (this was way before I learned about non-duality so it was still driven by attachment and desire) but I gotta say this way of simply deciding it to be so is so much easier, simpler and better than having to "live and persist in imagination" lol but to each their own I guess?

So anyway, this is really exciting for me and I am going to continue on this way for fun!

🥳

Thank you for sharing your experience, that's awesome and I'm happy for you! 💖 Keep having fun and feel free to keep us updated on your future experiments!

This is the post anon was talking about. I highly recommend Lester's books for those who haven't read them yet (or have but want a refresher).

Edit: Adding this excerpt from The Ultimate Truth with my highlights

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

“Do I need to undo conditioning / limiting beliefs, you can’t deny we went through shit and are affected by it”

Conditioning is a human made concept. What conditioning is there to be undone when you are not human and there is no past.

E.g. If you grew up without money and would like to bring money into your life and have “limiting beliefs” about money there is actually nothing to be done about them.

Why? Because they are nonexistent and have no value or meaning or power. You give them power by assuming they are an actual power holding you back and you must get rid of them or change them.

This is how powerful you are, you can fool yourself like this.

But you are not human and there is no past.

You can only assume there’s something to be done for a “physical” situation from the perspective of a “physical” human being.

But we all know there is no tangible physical. Even in science they say you can only see about 1% of your visual field. Whether you are a logical “realist”, religious, etc there are signs everywhere that this “physical / real” reality is not as real as you think it is.

It’s energy / God / awareness whatever you want to call it in form. It’s merely a hallucination.

I say whatever you want to call it because this power is so ineffable, it’s unknown, it’s so powerful.

Beyond what you can grasp.

And anything is possible in the unknown. How can you say something is impossible 😂 honestly how laughable.

You are that ineffable God / infinity / universe / consciousness.

Pure miracle.

Tell me now what “limiting beliefs” or “conditioning” you have when you are not human and there is no time.

Stop these complications, meaningless labels, false pretences.

Facing yourself and asking questions, or coming to a natural observation / understanding of this. It is up to you.

And then realise this is all a game to remember yourself.

This shouldn’t feel forced, it’s not hard work, it’s not unnatural.

It’s natural because it’s pure flow. It’s your nature of being.

It’s this ineffable infinite powerful existence.

I hope this doesn't come off as trauma dumping. If it does, I'm sorry. Please ignore this. But if not:

I appreciate how straight forward you are about things and not sugar coating things. I've been holding off on putting an ask in because you've answered the same questions multiple times and I go back to those posts when I'm confused or dealing with immersion back into Vanessa's life.

But right now, things are quite overwhelming. This Vanessa has MDD and deals with a lot of dark thoughts and has some more than crappy circumstances. As I'm typing this, I even am realizing how I sound. Identifying with this person as if I am this person and the things she deals with. It makes me feel stupid realizing how deeply I feel immersed in this situation that triggered the episode she's experiencing.

(For context: Big bill issues, upset mother, feelings of guilt and dark thoughts of offing herself, SH.)

I started typing this initially with the intention of asking you how to "fight" the immersion and feeling of these things happening to me as if I'm this person, as if it's real, as if I'm not "creating" these circumstances, as if I'm not being shown what I currently am. But you've already answered it a million times, so I won't ask you to repeat yourself.

I guess now I just want to thank you for all of the wisdom you've shared and thank you for not cutting corners and giving people space coddle themselves. I'm not gonna coddle myself here and look for hugs or outside validation. So thanks again, genuinely.

This, too, will pass. Let it happen to you, I know there's this tendency to WANT TO CHANGE IT SO BAD.... because it's so painful and you want to do more and more to just get rid of it. But you can't change what you're already identifying with.

I'm posting the scale of emotions again:

Apathy, grief, fear, hostility, anger, indifference, acceptance, freedom, joy.

Maybe you're at anger right now. Angry with yourself for not being able to change when you know all this.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is.

Here's an exercise I thought of last night when I read this:

Start doubting you'll wake up as Vanessa tomorrow. Not to get it, but consider it actually… What if… I wake up tomorrow and I realize an entire life has been just a dream?! Equal to the one I dreamt last night?!

What if you wake up and realize it all was a nightmare that you THOUGHT went on for years and it's just been a few hours... even get scared and terrified about that thought. Better than getting scared about non-reality.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?! That never was... but I felt it so real, I swear I was her?! Yet here you are, awake, and the dream never was.

Do it like that. Doubt that it's anything but a dream as much as possible.

Living in the end is easier than you think

CHAPTER I: What does it mean to live in the end ?

When living in the end, you're basically pretending that you already have what you want. You act and you think like the person who already has what they want. It's that simple !

CHAPTER II : How to live in the end the correct way ?

A big mistake most people do when living in the end is that they wait for their desire, they think about it coming soon or they want it to come. The point of living in the end is that you're living as you already have it, not as waiting for it to arrive. When you stop waiting for your desire to appear, that's when you will get it because the 3D has no other choice than to reflect. When you look at yourself, imagine yourself as the person who has that desire. Whenever you think of your desire, remind yourself that you are already the person who has it. Keep doing this and there is no way you won't succeed. Whenever you have doubts, relax and ask yourself: "am I waiting for my desire to come to me or do I already have it? " There will be days of doubting and that's absolutely normal. Relax, clear your mind and focus on the basics. Tell yourself that it is done, you have what you want, because you do. Feel the joy of already having your desire, not of waiting for it to arrive.

What I absolutely love about some of my favorite kdramas:

Goblin (2016): the bromance

Shopaholic Louie (2016): the fluff

Witch At Court (2017): the protagonist's character development

Lawless Lawyer (2018): how deliciously villainous the main villain was

Beauty Inside (2018): the second couple

Touch Your Heart (2019): sunny x grim reaper AU lol

Hotel del Luna (2019): IU's acting skills

It's Okay Not To Be Okay (2020): the creativity of the storyline

Do You Like Brahms? (2020): the realistic & mature romance + slowburn friends-to-lovers

The Penthouse (2020-2021): the rollercoaster ride and the absurdity of it all

Run On (2020): the life lessons & meaningful dialogues

Flower of Evil (2020): the endless plot twists

Hospital Playlist (2020-2021): the cohesiveness of the characterizations, even with the supporting & minor characters

Law School (2021): the mystery pervading the show's entirety

Tomorrow (2022): the deep, angsty love story with a happy ending

Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022): our beloved Woo Young-woo

Cafe Minamdang (2022): how everyone's a crackhead. in their own way. lmao

Welcome ♡

Welcome to 4dkelly's world. You may call me 4dkelly or Kelly. @4dbarbie-archive and @ndjournal are my side blogs and I keep most of my reblogs @4dkellyreblogs. Most of my understanding of non-duality is from 4dbarbie (Ada), Lester Levenson, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Robert Adams and my own experiences as Self! I would say my primary teachers are Lester and Robert so a lot of the excerpts and quotes I share now are from them ❤️ I made an AI chatbot with Lester's teachings. If you want to ask it a question, see this post.

Everything that I share on this blog are intended to be pointers, suggestions and helpful tips for people on the same journey. If you resonate with it, feel free to explore it further and if it doesn't, you can disregard it :)

Note: I'm taking a break from Tumblr for an undecided amount of time. I feel like it's the right time to step away for now. Maybe (or maybe not) I'll pop back in in a few months and answer if there's any asks/submissions @askailester or @ndjournal. Take care everyone and don't forget that You are your best guide on this path. You don't need to take anything that doesn't resonate. Keep living your truth! ❤️

Navigation

Masterlists: My writings and My 4dbarbie adaptation posts

Other adaptations: Remixes, Highlights

From: Excerpts and Quotes (Buddha, Jesus, Conversations with God, Lester Levenson, Robert Adams, Walter C Lanyon, Neville Goddard, Paul Brunton, Siddharameshwar Maharaj, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ramana Maharshi, Ranjit Maharaj, One Truth One Law)

Practice: Self-inquiry, Witnessing, Surrender, Attitude, Exercise, Releasing

Topics: Ego, Desire, Problems, Pitfalls, Mind purification, Fears, Healing, Faith, Progress, Creation

Other: Asks, AI Writings, Resources, AI Chats, Diary notes, Thoughts, Reply notes (replies to anons), Reblogs, Personal, Realisophie, AI 4dbarbie, 4dbarbie GPT

For ND books, see my Google drive (only take what resonates for you)

Quick links: 4dbarbie GPT

If you're new to non-duality and want a place to start, I suggest reading my 4dbarbie adaptation posts first (in order from the masterlist) then the practical guidance tag. Also be discerning about what you read and your sources.

If you have a suggestion, leave a comment in my suggestion box

Read this if you are going through a difficult time on your journey.

4dbarbie highlights: Unclutter your mind

Drop the false ideas first and watch. After what keeps you stuck goes, you can do whatever you want. You can think the ugliest thoughts and nothing will happen if you know yourself as who you are. It's your identification with the thought that causes the thought to be true. 1

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough. 2

All you need is to get rid of the tendency to define your self. All definitions apply to your body only and to its expressions. Once this obsession with the body goes, you will revert to your natural state, spontaneously and effortlessly. 3