Ferroxfluidgargoyle

What can I do, sir?

Just say the word, sir

Anything for you, sir

Your friends all say, sir

You don't deserve her

I disagree, sir

I live to serve, sir

"Billow me harder"

- our barbarian with a magical cloak of billowing after successfully seducing the vice mayor with a nat 20

Later: “My cloak doesn’t billow anymore, it’s limp”

candlelit baths are so good bc they involve all the earths elements:

fire

water

bare ass

Ways to refluff Vicious Mockery

You say something so utterly confusing the person takes psychic damage trying to figure out what the hell you're on about.

Call your opponent on the phone, which as we all know does irreparable psychological damage

A really scary story told really fast

You say a meme so dank it shuts down the listener's heart, like a focus-group-ran zoomer remake of Monty Python.

One of those needlessly mean songs they sing about people in disney movies.

UWU YOUR FOES TO DEATH! NYAAAAAA!

You say something so nice your enemy realizes they're the asshole here and does themselves psychic damage as an apology.

Tell your opponent you love them and cause deadly levels of social awkwardness.

Literally red-hot take about Steven Universe.

Gerrymander your opponent's vital biological functions.

Mumble something really quietly and when they come closer to hear it better you punch them in the face

Just read out the last thing Elon Musk said.

Ok, hear me out...Gun Mouth?

reblog if u like titties

you’re not for everyone. so what. literally so what. you still have people who will always love you & whom you mean the world to. and you also have yourself. you’re not missing out, they are

do you ever sabotage your own free time? like wtf is that about? i want to play this game or read or do something specific but instead i will just stare out the window or scroll mindlessly???

If tumblr is getting rid of reblog chains and other tumblr specific stuff then how will people make funny conversational posts that get reposted to Twitter and get hundreds of thousands of likes?

Staff, you do realize that the weird uniqueness of tumblr is what draws outsiders to it in the first place, right? When I came here from Twitter a couple of months ago do you know how long it took me to get adjusted? One day. One day was all it took to figure out tags and reblog chains and whatever and appreciate it more than all of the other sites I use.

Nobody wants tumblr to be Twitter. Not even people who have literally only ever used Twitter.