Diaryposting - Blog Posts

my rights are melting into oil-slick puddles all around me. the saint louis blues are having one hell of a season. if i don’t keep going, i’ll collapse. psalm 23: a psalm of our lord; a psalm of david… surely the goodness and mercy of the lord our god will follow me all the days of my life.

Wednesday, 19 April; Day 1.

Felt bad (cold + headache), went home and made some coltsfoot tea. It somehow tastes really good but I vividly remember hating it as a child.

Going to make more tea later, if anyone sees this, recommend me some good blends.

So, because I’m not gonna incriminate myself I’m using code names when referencing people in my life and this is a break down of everyone and who they are to me

Lazy girl: ex best friend, used to be best friend from 12-14 but this bitch really knows how to be a two-faced manipulative bitch

Bible freak: girl who I’ve been in friend group with since last year. Thinks I’m stupid and she’s the most intelligent person because she reads books and has the audacity to criticize Shakespeare as well as make it clear to me that because I was conceived through artificial insemination that I “shouldn’t be here” aka shouldn’t be alive

Miss Yes: kind of a friend but never states her own opinions or thoughts and is Bible freaks best friend

My wife: my closest friend who also loves gossip and just gets me. Amazing human being 💖

Asshole: my ex bf (first bf ever) from when I was 14 who basically cheated on me and gaslit me the entire relationship

Two faced bitch: stupid whore who encouraged me to date asshole and then cheats on assholes best friend with asshole and betrays me completely, always rubs it in my face that they’re kinda dating but kinda not

Tarzan: current bf, kinda looks like Tarzan hence the name, really amazing guy but has said a hurtful thing to me

Think that’s everyone for now. So I’ll see you in my first entry 💋

Just an introduction to anyone who might be reading 💕

Name: Odette

Age: 17

Country: South Africa

Big 3: Aquarius ☀️ Virgo 🌙 Gemini 🌅. (I know)

Currently in my second last year of high school and despising every minute of exams

Have a big group of “friends” but only a few actual friends the rest are fake bitches.

MBTI: INFP or INFJ I’ve gotten both

Love dilfs 💖

See through everyone’s bullshit 👀

Currently in a relationship

If you don’t find me and my high school gossip entertaining keep scrolling

a reminder for you (but mainly for me)

the ideal university experience is a myth - all your mutuals on instagram posting about all their cool parties and cool friends don't live everyday like that, they probably don't look like that everyday either, people will only show you their best moments. people can be immature in uni just like they were in college and in school, coming to uni doesn't suddenly make you mature and neither does it make anyone else either. friendship breakups and all that petty shit happens to everyone. you're there to get a degree and not make friends, if the living environment or the people put you off, do you really want it that badly? i think i lost all my uni friends today because of a misunderstanding, some of them are in my classes and one is my flatmate who i can't avoid. but its only my foundation year and i'll meet other people next year. and when people have real jobs they have to work with people they dont like aswell, so its kinda like practice for the future. i think i'm gonna get back into movie reviews, drawing and painting again, and i was considering starting fencing? i think it would be fun. and i'm going to take my iron medication and vitamins too. because being alone isn't the end of the world. until next time (which is probably soon) Amina

september struggles

Sat 30th Sep - 22:06 what's up! it's the start of a new (and for me, final) academic year.

this month has been so much and so little at the same time? if that even makes sense. i'm slowly learning to use an actual camera. so far i've borrowed two different models from my youth foundation, the canon eos m50 and the canon 200d with a 50mm kit lense. I found the m50 really fun to use and i picked up on how to use it really quickly! i had more difficulty with the 200D, or more specifically the ability to zoom in and out? i looked up tutorials on youtube but i couldn't find anything. anyways it was really zoomed in which i didn't really like seeing as i'm learning to use cameras for the sake of making a film portfolio, so i found i liked the other camera more as it felt more flexible. on the more school-focused side of things, i had a ton of trouble on my media coursework, which i found incredibly hard to start on - the aim was to make a film magazine which i haven't done a lot for yet - my teacher said my initial drafts feel more like a fashion or editorial magazine than anything else i had aimed to catch up for sociology entirely, but i only managed to do one of 4 sections.

i think the first month back to school is always the hardest, it weirds me out thinking this is my last first month back ever. growing up feels weird. until next time! Amina p.s - times flown by so fast, its weird looking back and editing this in my drafts, i'm somehow posting on new years eve but its better late than never!

november nutshell

26/11/22 nonsensical. as of writing this it's 1:18pm, my rooms a mess and i feel gross. this month has been really shit i'm not going to lie but i'll write about it anyways because who knows, it'll probably be a turning point that i'll look back on. there's been friend drama, dropping grades and a confession i stressed over for a year, took slander for and threw my exams away for, that boiled down to absolutely nothing. my efforts and tears meant nothing at all. i guess it's had it's good moments now and then though. like the BBC Share Your Story Tour! that visited my academy which was really unexpected and cool. i feel kind of numb after yesterday to be honest. i don't know what to think anymore. that aside, there's some cool things going on and things to look forward to. in art we're starting an independent project to test how well we work without support, simply being given a list of themes to choose from and interpret however we like. the theme i chose was telling stories. that sends me back to the BBC share your story tour in which the story of BBC Correspondent Navtej Johal really stuck with me. i decided i'll create work based off of not only fairytales and fantasy, fiction and myths, but real stories aswell and hopefully he replies to my email! my final piece for this independent project is what i'm the most stoked for, it'll be a popup book with a handpainted cover. whether it'll tell a story or simply be one spectacular scene i'm not sure yet, but i'm really excited to make something. there's also a trip to london i'll be going to with school! which will be super fun. thinking of all these cool things has really cheered me up, so thank you to the people who read these little posts and like because it makes me want to keep writing these, i'd love to see you in the comments and interact with you more! until next time! Amimi

october onslaught (obstacles and others)

01:01 - Friday 28th October that title does not make sense but i spent a good however many minutes scrolling through synonyms on thesaurus.com to come up with it and i refuse to waste those efforts.

so sixth form turned up a notch in the past month, it's been flashing by really quick, i'm unorganised and flustered by every little thing - not to mention how thrown off i am by not only the sheer amount of work, but how much i have to try and catch up on due to sick days. now that i don't partake in anything other than school (as i've dropped my religious studies), i find myself growing really restless. i'm considering getting a job? but i'd have to make a cv and figure out how to make a bank account and tons of other things before even considering applying. idk i feel kinda dumb for not knowing these things already. it's half term holiday! well, almost the end seeing as i have the weekend and then have to go back to school. i plan on somehow plowing through all of the work i've missed (particularly sociology) and being fully up to speed by friday. wish me luck! i'll probably be doing tons of school posts to motivate me so i'll see you soon. until next time! ~Amimi

september start, struggles and sixth form

the alliteration came so naturally to me i didn't even realise. soooo september has been something. starting sixth form has been striking to say the least. i thought i'd instantly take to my subjects but surprisingly i haven't. they've been engaging and i've definitely enjoyed media the most, i'm so stoked for when we actually get to make our own projects and such later on in the school year. i have somehow already managed to lose my fine art folder but it's just experimental work so it's whatever. why is september like january? speaking of september its officially autumn yayayayayayay. i can't wait to buy some jumpers and such to go with the brown and beige flares i bought!! i'm doing my best to channel my dark academia phase and romanticise school so i'll do better! oh and my math gcse was sent off for a remark - i was only two marks off of a 7 (A) so i'll tell you how that turns out when i hear back! i gtg catch up with sociology work, i'm sorry if this post was a bit bland but there's not a lot to talk about from this month. until next time! ~Amimi posting this a bit late because i forgot to queue this but oh well.

august accoutrements

we're really really reaching for the alliteration at this point. do family reunions just always suck or is it just me? anywayssss after ncs i went with my mum and brother to have a little reunion almost with my mums side (her siblings/ my uncles and aunts and all their kids/ my annoying chaotic mess of cousins) it was okay for like a week but icl i want to go home. i haven't done anything for my a level transition work, i brought my art equipment but i can't get it out due to all the kids so i'll have to just grind it all when i go home. haven't done a lot of sixth form shopping, bought a few cozy tops for the colder weather (a dark blue sweater, a chunky knit pink jumper, a giant oversized cream sweater which i swear is the softest thing i have ever touched, and a brown and blue oversized flannel, as well as a ribbed dark grey top) i plan on going out and buying more bottoms and such later until next time Amina

coming back from ncs (week one) [pt 2]

in case you haven't read pt 1 i hate that i cant post it at once. but carrying on! thursday was definitely the most interesting, watersports was the main event, canoeing and rafting, i almost drowned (i'll get back to that) . so first off we went rafting and just waded around the quarry while also panicking and failing to row away from our other demonic friends, got soaked after having water flicked at us and then row back to shore. everyone was screaming and it was terrifying but amazing. we were getting ambushed and had more water flicked at us as we got onto the canoes, there was a conga line with all 200 people in the marquee and big talent show where i sat next to who im calling bracelet boy (i realised how much i actually liked him after he snapped my glowstick bracelet and my cheeks burst into flame) , i made my first moves towards bracelet boy and accidentally accumulated a squad of wingmen including my ATL.

i probably could've written a whole post about thursday night by itself. i snuck out with two of my best wingmen and we went stargazing and listened to music in the night, i had nettle stings all over my legs and our cameras couldn't pick up the stars but i wouldn't change a thing. we were tucked away in the corner of the campsite in the dark and whenever we saw a flashlight we turned everything off and lied down in the grass while trying not to laugh. at one point we thought we saw boys sneak out of the tents and went to go check which was such an adrenaline rush, upon approaching we heard the voice of a stern staff member and started running, a flashlight quickly approaching and i tripped and grazed my knee but kept running which we laughed about as soon as we got into one of the tents. it was the most exhilarating thing i have ever done.

friday i talked to bracelet boy more and packed away, socialised, play games and made more friends, we took group pictures and i got bracelets insta (i'm screaming internally i've never liked someone so much). he's adorable (is that the right word to describe someone twice your height?) and said our final goodbyes as we got ready to go.

i would do anything to go back. it felt like something out of a dream.

there's so many things that i probably missed but i'll likely come back and edit this post later that's all for now! ~ Amimi

[ Mon, 1st August - 20:27] [ i think i lost the glowstick bracelet :( but i plan on making him a bracelet for when i confess ]

coming back from ncs (week one)

Sat, 30th July - 12:39 i'm back woahhh. this is going to be longgg. the first day of ncs was definitely the worst, but it was still interesting. i got to meet my group and surprisingly most were from my town, i was expecting it to be a lot more mixed with people from different places. the majority of my group (16 people including a Group Leader (GL) and Assistant Group Leader (ATL). in all honesty, my GL was overly enthusiastic and too strict but i really liked my ATL she was super duper cool (i'll talk about her more later) . the part that dragged it down was mainly expectations icl. i thought the place would be a lot nicer than what it actually was (we were expecting cabins but actually stayed in tents, the bathrooms being public were not amazing and the layout was kind of awkward) the food (a poorly made pie) was awful but it slowly got better through the week. the second day was mainly games - we did have a mini olympics but i didn't take part in much so i can't really talk about that - debates, getting to know eachother and a presentation on a sensitive topic - creating a social media campaign which was really cool, one group did a whole rap and it was vibes but they somehow didn't win :(. i made sooo many friends during free time who were mainly from my hometown which i was super happy about. there was some typical teenage drama and oml, tiktok was really not lying when they called it a teenagers love island because it literally was. the third day there was an almost 7-8 hour hike which included lots of activities, it was super sunny out and everyone wanted to go home after the torture but then it was just more free time, small games and activities and chilling so it all calmed down. it did not feel like as short as a time as it was. the days go SLOWWWW. so many instances where i thought it was like 3pm and it was only 11:45am. head on over to pt 2 bc i ended up being so long tumblr would not let me post it lol!

june jingle

exam season ended and i have officially finished secondary woah, however i'm going back for my schools sixth form so while it won't be the exact same i'll still be in the same place. i don't know why but it doesn't feel like everything is over, i still feel like i should be revising or something and i can't shake the feeling. it's super weird. i need to buy clothes for sixth form and ncs, kinda stumped i wont be going to prom but that shits rigged anyways so whatever, i'll probably go somewhere with my bestfriend which will be super cool. i should really get to cleaning my room since guests are coming tommorow so i'm gonna go do that that's all for now! - amimi

the last day of secondary school (surprisingly never cried)

i'm making this post as just a literal dump of all my memories today so forgive me if its all over the place. this morning i was in a panic over my chemistry exam (which i definitely didn't get an A in but oh well) i showed my outfit to my friends (a cottagecore-inspired thing with puff sleeves and a small flower pattern, black tights - i was supposed to wear pumps but i forgot them smh) and i really found out who my real friends were. upon showing them ( O and L is what we'll call them ) for my irl friends on here it's very very obvious who they are. L, i found has a problem she won't say to me - i dont want to look back on this with bad memories so i won't go into detail. O is one of the greatest friends i've ever had. she makes me feel like myself which is the best thing a friend can do for you today i danced (like a stripper at some moments) in a party with my best friend, in a hall with a DJ in the booth, smoke machines and flashing lights with a cup of ice in my hand. (and maybe heartbreak number one was staring but i found i didn't care about him) Life feels like a movie. I went to town, i felt like i was having a real teenage experience for the first time on the last day of secondary school. today was a confidence boost. maybe i got looks from cuties too (but don't base your self worth on men - gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss) i felt pretty for the first time in such a long time, even with my skin breaking out. when i walked back to school to pick up my bag and the equipment, i didn't go to the blue balcony outside the art rooms like i've done every day for a year to reminisce and cry. i'm so tired of crying. i think today i reached some kind of self acceptance too, which is one of the best parts. The sky is so blue today. God, I Love Life. ~ Amimi

may (miserable, not magical)

taysway ftw eng lit exam tommorow i haven't posted at all recently due to exams but i'll be back to it right after exam season is over (which means after june D; ) i thought i'd just hop on here and have a quick monthly diarypost which is actually just a dump of my thoughts for tommorow so my exam board is eduqas and they are the Hecate of all exam boards tommorow i'm doing two 1 hour papers - one on Macbeth and one on Lord of the Flies the topics (themes/ characters) i'm revising are: Macbeth Lady Macbeth Ambition Kingship Appearance vs Reality (i have given up completely on macduff but maybe i'll attempt banquo)

Ralph Simon Jack Piggy (brief on Roger) Savagery vs Civilisation the aim right now is just a 6 - then i'll resit it and do better in november next academic year wish me luck because i need it badly - Amimi

april anniversaire (always awful)

anniversaire = bday en francais oui oui mon francais est progression (yes yes my french is improving) i have my official french speaking exam in 4 days

i'm not prepared. i hope i can grind some revision and get a B. it was bday on the 15th! sweet 16! i had a nice countdown with friends and nice messages and wishes. otherwise, a pretty normal day i think lack of confidence is my fatal flaw similar to that of macbeths "vaulting ambition" being his hamartia. i'll ttyl! - Amimi

26/12/2021

study/diary post

general - motivation is something i’m really lacking, mock exams for sociology and french are in jan starting the week of jan 17th - i’m also expected to prepare myself and write applications and such for mock interviews with real employers. it’s weird because i don’t feel old enough to be doing these things, i’m not sure if that’s because of covid or if it’s due to other reasons. times passing awfully fast but slow at the same time?

english - i need to start going through macbeth which has already proven to be a challenge, shakespeare really isn’t my forte - language is something i’m really struggling on too - when it comes to timing and reading questions properly and not panicking - a christmas carol, lord of the flies and macbeth are the three books that will be covered in the literature exam - i hope i’ll be able to go through macbeth and completely memorise all three by march

wish me luck!

au revoir pour le moment ~Amimi

christmas day (and a christmas carol)

Sat, 25th Dec 2021 - 3:18pm

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!! last night (or rather early this morning) I had a cute small interaction with the first blog I ever followed here on tumblr years ago and was so starstruck I didn't sleep for an hour lol. this is kinda silly but i'd like to think it was the worlds little christmas present to me, cheering me up in these crappy times. since i don't celebrate i'm probably just gonna binge movies as there are lots streaming on tv today and i'd like to get started on some movie reviews that'll be gradually posted in the upcoming weeks so look forward to that! in honour of today, i also plan on finally reading A Christmas Carol in its entirety and also for the sake of revising for literature and being somewhat productive today. as of tomorrow, I plan on revising for my upcoming sociology and french exams in late jan/early feb as well as catching up on literature. although languages and shakespeare don't exactly come easy to me so we'll need motivation for that! - i'll be sure to post about it and keep you updated! while writing this post i also came across the new beta editor and so far its pretty cool! i hope you liked this amalgamation of a studyblr/diarypost?! see you soon! until next time!  ~ Amimi

something new

Thu, 23rd Dec 2021 - 6:23pm

heyo! as you can see changes have been made, i hope you like them! to pay homage to my og 2019 phase i decided to keep my pfp bts themed lol

things to look forward to in the future 

more scheduled posts after new years ( at least one post a week )

movie and book reviews

studyblr content

possibly extra content to do with writing on the side?

monthly diary posts

that’s all for now!

Amimi

december daze (depressing af)

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 - 11:28pm -11:57pm 

damn that

alliteration

decembers been kinda dismal ngl,

(take a shot every time you read a word beginning with d on this post)

feel like i’m in a daze, these past 5 days of christmas break have been lying in bed and listening to p!atd and maggie lindemann on repeat.

(productive i know)

it’s crazy to think i’ll be finishing secondary school within the next few months 

i feel like i was robbed of two years of my life and it’s so weird because it’s like how can you feel nostalgic for something that was never there? 

nostalgia in definition is 

a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past 

that’s not quite what i feel. i have a longing for a period in my past that never happened. i don’t feel wistful affection. i feel grief and loss for a time that never was. i’m almost 16 but i don’t feel that way. i feel like i lost what would have been two of the greatest years of my life and it’s like damn, 2020 and 2021 happened in a blur. where did they go.

(love that over dramaticness for me)

exams will be done and over with within the next 6 months, i’d like to make the most of that time inbetween studying to experience what i lost in that time stolen by covid.

NOTE:

i’d like to do monthly diary posts like these as something for my future self to look back on - from now on i’ll be including the date and times i started and finished writing posts at the top.

til next time  ~Amimi

Diary Blog: Letter to myself

"After years of overthinking and analysing I came to a conclusion about relationship. Exactly, why my relationships never lasts. You know, sometimes people doesn't put the same value to the things as you do. I'm not talking about romantical relationship, because you're going into that kind of attachment with some kind of expectations, you want love, just attachment maybe. I'm talking about friendships! I always kept my expectations low, as long I'm not expecting that person to do anything, I'm not overthinking. I remember telling someone to just text me whenever you can after your flight lands, they didn't even though they said they would! I waited the whole day and again realise why I don't have any expectations from people anymore. Expectations are the root of every problems. I don't think it's requires a lot of space or time to text someone, if any person couldn't find five seconds of their precious time to spend on the person they said their close friend, I can't stop myself thinking if I have any value in that person's life anymore. But at the same time I also think, no body is entitled to spend their time on anyone, there might be lot's of things that I don't know that they might be facing, struggling through. But I still can't stop myself from hoping. I can't stop myself from begging to have footnotes in their stories! I don't know I'm just incredibly heartbroken." I'm in dilemma!

A diary full of letters which I'll never publish 🍂🍂

Dairy Blog: Family

I don't think people realises how precious one's family is to them. For me family is home, home is where I can come back and be myself around my family, it's where I cry the most also where I feel the happiest! But most of the time I took them for granted believing they will be there for me forever & ever to forgive my past, my mistakes and my ignorance. So when I see people disrespecting my persons, i get so angry, so angry! I believe any relationship begins or more clearly to say the foundation of every relationship is faith and respect & love. But why we always disrespect our family, home so much? I put things down in disappointment when the people to whom I look up to, disrespect the humanity in me.Then the only thing i believe that all i can do is to break & burn things down. So, always treat your family, your home the way you would like to be treated with love & respect. I got nowhere to hide, to lick my wounds, please put my name on top of your list, handle my heart with care. Don't let it go! This is the last time.