What Do You Mean That Nothing Is Happening And That There's Nothing?

How’s your dream going?

it’s been a while since i’ve heard about you!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Dearest anon, my dream is well and peaceful although I am indifferent to it either way now which is what makes it peaceful and effortless :)

I considered writing a post on my learnings but was a bit hesitant because it's just another version of an experience that's already been spoken/written about many times before and there's nothing particularly special about this one. However, since you've asked, I will share some things about my journey and what has helped me personally which might help other Vanessas/versions of me out there. Please only take what resonates, my journey is not a blueprint for all journeys however I have noticed some commonalities in truth seekers.

The biggest thing was quite literally giving up entirely. I actually wrote a post on giving up about 3 months ago when I was earlier into this 'journey' and I still agree of course with what I wrote however I would write it differently if I were to write it now (it would be a more expanded version); perhaps I will write a part 2 although this answer here can sort of be taken as a part 2. You see, this Vanessa's life was quite comfortable in general so when she started on the ND path, while she was very determined to "get it", I wasn't motivated or entirely willing to give her up. We spent a lot of time letting go of concepts and limitations (and that definitely helped later on so I'm not saying it's not helpful, do what resonates for you!) and Vanessa/the ego was becoming subtler and subtler but it was still something I held onto. There was still identification with not much motivation to give it up entirely - sure there had been desire and interest to 'materialize' things but when we gave that up too, there wasn't anything. I was still lost in Maya despite the dream not being all that captivating or enjoyable.

Then quite literally life circumstances all of a sudden threw some major curveballs and Vanessa was terrified despite all that she had learned - it felt like all knowledge had suddenly disappeared and she had absolutely nothing to hold onto. After trying various things and going round in circles trying to keep everything at bay, the only thing left that really resonated was to quite literally give up on everything - it felt like there was no other option for peace but to do so because she was so mentally exhausted and drained from caring about every single thing that it was so much more appealing to be nothing and no one, to just BE… oh just the thought of being nothing and no one was freeing.

4dbarbie's words here gave Vanessa a lot of strength and direction (although her answer there was for a new identity, I did not use it for that as it was exhausting to even think of a new identity. I just wanted to be nothing and no one, that was most peaceful)

Give UP: It is what it is and 'you' can't do anything about it. Just let it all happen, we all die one day and it's over anyway. Worrying, fearing, doubting, striving, searching, desiring - how tiring, you would much rather sleep a hundred years. No matter what, you can't force life to give you what you want. Allow everything its being and leave it alone. Expect nothing from your body or mind. Let them do whatever they want, cease caring. Literally dgaf, if life wants to beat you, just let it beat you. (Ever had a bully? They get bored when you stop reacting and they leave you alone. They may increase the strength of their punches at first, but so what? You're already getting bullied... you can do nothing about it but cease caring and let it happen.)

And also this from 4dbarbie helped me understand the indifference that I had to embody:

I did not fake a lack of disturbance, I just let things happen to 'me' painful or not, I did not try not to react, I just didn't get involved emotionally with what was going on because I was tired, completely, of both desiring and being scared. The emotions didn't interest me anymore, I became indifferent to whatever was happening, neutral. If 'I' got what I wanted, whatever, if I didn't whatever again. I didn't try to change anything, the events just passed without leaving a 'footprint', all the bad/unwanted things had no reverberations anymore, it was like they never existed. Then there comes the idea of: what if they never actually did? And you fiddle and play with that a little. It's just play because you don't really care anymore, it's a real feeling of being unaffected, it's not manufactured because you aren't trying to get anything, not even 'realization', you want nothing anymore. This detached feeling, of needing nothing - it brings a lot of power, try to at least reach that and worry about the rest later.

She knew she had to stop trying to fight life but she was afraid of what would happen if she did stop trying. Eventually she got exhausted and had nothing left. Then no longer wanting/searching/trying to make happen any particular outcome or caring anymore, just pure indifference being in the present moment with no conditions/labels/problems is what gave her peace and then things just starting to ease up on their own. Things even happening on their own with just a random thought without any particular input.

I realized all the practices that Vanessa did before the curveballs had a 'doing' intention, a 'purpose' behind them (quieting the mind, self-realization, dropping beliefs etc) while afterwards, the same 'practices' were engaged again but with the intention of just being with no labels, no agenda, just being nothing and no one and this made all the difference - when you are no longer doing anything - you are not the doer/body/ego/mind; you're just being with no identification and no longer care about anything. And the indifference here is not forced or pretend like she used to have before as a defense mechanism, its genuine true indifference and full acceptance of everything (see the second 4dbarbie excerpt above - understanding and experiencing this subtle difference will help a lot).

The reality only comes when you give up yourself, when you give up your ego, when you give up your needs, your wants, trying to make something happen, desires, when you give up trying to become self-realized, when you just give up. - Robert Adams

Life is just a giant mirror of your Self. When you stop fighting it, it will stop too. But you have to be the one to initiate it. It takes courage and faith for sure to take that leap.

It has no choice but to die. What you take to be reality is the same, take away your identification and it soon ceases to be. - 4dbarbie

It can be easy to get lost in the dream again if you get caught up in the 'materialization' aspect - it's all still a dream even if forms change. Lester also talked about this in No Attachments, No Aversions:

I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation - a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of. - Lester Levenson

Also remember these things happen on their own, it's not the ego that's doing any of this and Self doesn't 'do' - Self is just effortlessly being. There's no 'doing' involved. If there's effort, it's ego as Lester said.

Now when I read my past blog posts or read Lester or Robert, there's an entirely new level of understanding and resonance with their words from before. This excerpt from Silence of the Hearts speaks more on what I was experiencing as well.

Let go of everything. Do not hold on. Stand naked before God, without any crutches, without anything to hold on to. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to stand naked before God. By standing naked I mean no scripture, no fancy words, no preconceived ideas, no spiritual intellectual knowledge. - Robert Adams

Perhaps without those curveballs, Vanessa would have continued to live in the illusion like an NPC in a Sims game until something like that happened to her and forced her to completely give up on everything and stand naked before God (her Self).

A day will come when you will long for the ending of the dream with all your heart and mind, and be willing to pay any price; the price will be dispassion and detachment and the loss of interest in the dream itself. Once you have seen that you are dreaming, you shall wake up. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Now I know all happens by itself and I am just witness to it all. To all Vanessas out there, I know you got this. Follow your heart and trust in what resonates! And remember not to compare yourself to others, we are all One. Everything will be okay 💜💜💜

STOP CREATING THE ILLUSION OF FAILURE.

you have created an ego and then you have created the experience of failing. WHY?

"but how did i create it?"

BECAUSE you are too busy trying to change a world that does not exist instead of realising that the world is NOT separate from you.

"well if it's not separate then why is it projecting what 'i' dont want?"

because thats what you are aware of! you are too scared to let go of an 'undesirable' illusion and be aware of what you want to experience. the world is not separate from Self because it IS Self and You have imposed on YourSelf limitations. imagine limiting a 'GOD'. imagine limiting that which is formless. it is a bit silly, right?

stop resisting success. allow it to occur. stop expecting failure.

"I saw something unfavorable/something I dislike"

ponder this for a moment; who is deeming this illusory experience unfavorable? who is disliking it?

WHO is making these judgments, assigning all this meaning to blobs of intricate shapes and sensations felt through a human nervous system? who exactly is saying that the holograms birthed from consciousness are "bad", "unwanted", etc?

Ego.

"I had a bad experience" is just a thought. "I'm a person living in an external world where things just pop-up and happen spontaneously" is also just a thought.

you're **observing** these thoughts, **watching** a fake person invented by you dwell on them whilst inserting an equally fake narrative of opinionated perceptions deem things "good" or "bad".

you're not those thoughts, or the "person" thinking them. you are consciousness watching your very own creations. if you were ego and these thoughts, it wouldn't be possible to envision your body in third person or even watch the thoughts.

if ego "dislikes" something, recognize that the "bad" thing is and means nothing. it had no inherent meaning until that narrative was assigned to it.

does ego want to experience something different? just become aware of what ego wants. be aware of it already existing in full form. who cares about the "bad" thing? all of this is a dream anyways, you get to decide what's real or not.

feeling isn't actually necessary right?

In my opinion, trying to "feel it real" is an attempt to satisfy the ego when it doubts and has negative thoughts. Those have nothing to do with what you truly are, which is awareness/consciousness.

Consciousness is the only reality, and all you have to do is understand that everything, including your desires already exists within you.

*sigh*. i truly am THAT 😭🤯😽. no matter what "emotions" and "feelings" and "sensations" the "body" might go through, it is NEVER real. remembering that is such a relief.

how to shift into the GOD state

from iamlove

people realizing that they can do anything, have anything, delete anything, create anything because they are only pure consciousness and their reality is manageable to their will and have nothing to do but only imagine and not do literal witchcraft.

How can I get to where you are? You seem free from all limitations and I want to be like that but I keep going in circles

drop everything you thought you knew. Go back to zero and you'll be able to answer yourself.

Realize what makes things hard is just a thought

What makes things complex is just a thought

"I'm going in circles" is a thought.

"I want to be like that" is a thought.

Meaningless. You are where you want to Be

the key to everything

Becoming aware of who you are is the key to everything, so who you are? you are awareness, you are everything. So if you're everything there's nothing to get or become because you already are it.

You aren't just a human/thoughts/feelings. You are everything don't forget.