Tw Anxiety - Blog Posts

I realized I never posted all my stuff so here we go !

Wasn‘t sure if this needed a trigger warning but I thought might as well be safe

They mean a lot to me 🐰🐢

Health anxiety sucks because

You know what I changed my mind I’m not elaborating. Health anxiety sucks. That’s it, that’s the tweet.

Due to the fact that I get lucid dreams quite often and they’re always incredibly worrying/anxiety inducing, I have decided that Katsuki gets them too. 

I just keep thinking about Katsuki falling asleep and suddenly he’s in the river, he’s kneeling in the water and his head is aching, he can feel how much it hurts but his mind is muddled and everything is moving too fast and too slow at the same time. The water starts to raise higher and higher until his entire head is engulfed and he can hear the muffled screams of the kids above him. It takes him a few seconds of gasping for air, clutching at his throat and screaming into the water to realize he’s dreaming. The panic is still there, he feels as if this might be in, this time he won’t wake up at all. But he lets his body go, he closes his eyes and allows himself to fall deeper into the river.

He gasps awake. 

He’s awake. It’s fine, he is awake.

He’s still in the river, but he thinks this time, this is real, this isn’t a dream.

But then the river raises once again.

It’s up to his neck, tears streaming down his cheeks and fuck, he’ll stay in this hell forever - constantly tricking himself into thinking he was safe before drowning once again.

He’s dreaming, he knows he is. He tries to look around, to glance down at his fingers and see if there are more of them, to focus on something that would take him out of it before he drowned. 

Suddenly, there’s a hand in front of him.

“Kacchan, are you okay?”

The voice is all he hears.

He knows he’s dreaming, he knows those stubby little fingers in front of him aren’t real, and neither are those worry-filled green eyes.

But maybe he could take this chance, just this once. Maybe, in some universe, this will make things right.

“Yeah, Izuku, I’m alright.”

He grasps that tiny hand.

Suddenly, he’s back in his bed, eyes wide and staring up at his ceiling.

It was okay.

He wasn’t drowning anymore.

open starter ⊹₊ ⋆ plotdrop#003 : spirit of fear; @inaducursehqstarters muses ⊹₊ ⋆ gabriela chavez-lockwood location ⊹₊ ⋆paradigm garden

before the blue light could be seen, gabriela felt a shiver run down her spine, causing her mouth to grow dry and her body to tense. the bonfire was dying down, everyone mingling with tired smiles on their faces, it seemed as if the event had actually gone well. until that feeling rose causing, the demon to look for any signs of what might be on the attack. before they could even figure it out, a faint but mesmerizing light caught their eye, filling them with dread.

all that came to mind now, was that her family was danger and they needed gabi to save them. looking around with wide eyes, the demon scanned the gardens for familiar faces. "where the hell are they?" the demon muttered, frantic as horrible scenarios of the people she loved played on a loop in their mind.

josie had lived her worst fear for three long years. so you'd think there'd be nothing the siphoner couldn't handle. well she wasn't that strong, all her life she'd been overcome with irrational fears. a faint blue light caught her attention, only moments ago she'd been looking for benni and then seconds later fear rose from her stomach. at first, josie wasn't even sure what she was scared of, just hyperaware of the way her chest began to tighten. before she could even pin point the source of the issue, someone ran into her causing her to fall backwards into the ground.

letting out a loud “oph” as she hit the ground, she looked up to see the other begging for her life. getting on her hands she crawled towards the other and did her best to calm them. "hey, it's okay i'm not making you chose anything." if there was something she understood, it was the overbearing fear of destiny.

Open for @inaducursehqstarters; plotdrop003

You have to chose. You have to choose. To be the bringer of Balance, Seventh Daughter.

Nova was shaking in fear. The witch didn't know what to choose. She tried to talk with the delusion of her mind almost pleading.

"That's a fluke! I don't have to choose anything!" Nova said.

You have to chose. You have to choose. To be the bringer of Balance, Seventh Daughter.

Nova gulped before she starting to run as fast as she could. She didn't have to choose if she ran from it right. Nova kept running as the delusion made the path twist and turn. Nova unknowingly collided into something.

The witch looked up with freightened eyes panting.

"Please. I beg of you don't make me choose."

open starter ⊹₊ ⋆ plotdrop#003 : spirit of fear; @inaducursehqstarters muses ⊹₊ ⋆ eleanor hildegard location ⊹₊ ⋆paradigm garden

one moment, eleanor was about to enjoy her last s'more of the night, the next she saw the most interesting light in the sky, followed by the feeling as if the sweet treat in her hand was going to poison her. throwing the beautiful crafted delicacy right into the bonfire, she then jumped back and began to look at the people around her. all of them had the same look of fear in their eyes. what had trigged this distress out of nowhere? but she couldn't question it long as the morbid thoughts bubbled in her chest once more. every single person around her was a threat, hell the last time she died it was at the hands of someone trusted, so what was to stop total strangers?

gripping her belongings, elle made a dash for the exit. the only thought on her mind was survival from the scary world that surrounded.

open starter ⊹₊ ⋆ after mini plot drop @inaducursehqstarters muses ⊹₊ ⋆ gabriela chavez location ⊹₊ ⋆ lakeview shore plots ⊹₊ ⋆ utp

there was a fog that refused to lift, gabriela had tried everything possible to not let her anger and frustration burst. sitting on a rock near the shore, her knees pressed tightly to her chest. anything to provide comfort to her overgrowing worries. raymis was back, managed to kidnap and torture her daughter. to make matters worse raymis also got kaya to use her demonic powers, something that gabi had hoped to do. because it opens the floodgates and raymis was not the person to help with the task.

he took everything from her, hopes that her family could find happiness in all the chaos. fears only swirled, like how there was so much more at stake all because she wanted to have a true family. there was still so much she didn't know, how her husband had also been killed and sired to a hope or how kaya wasn't even in this realm anymore. tears filled their eyes as they finally allowed it all to come out, the sorrow, the anger, the grief.

the demon had never been this vulnerable in public, but there really is a first time for everything.

a hybrid's hearing was both a gift and curse, especially when you're a mother who kids inherit your own loud remarks. this time she wasn't hearing something that would scar her or cause an eye roll, this sound caused panic and fear to rise in her chest, instantly using superhuman speed to the source. what she saw broke her heart, elijah stood there but there was something else, something inside him that made his actions and heart different. the change was too easy to recognize, if there was someone she knew all too well it was her husband. the two had grown in their marriage to become people who cared so deeply for each others happiness and peace, even when the world refused to give it to them. so to see this scene unfold, it caused the hybrids heart to break, yet she had no time to process any of it, because there was an innocent in danger.

taking a deep breath, she walked over towards her husband, because he was still there, fighting so desperately to stay in control. "elijah, i need you to let them go." hayley's voice stayed calm, trying to only speak to him and not whatever was possessing his body. walking closer behind elijah, she placed her fingers on his wrist, feeling his pulse and how it raced, when her eyes met his, the clear desperation caused tears to well in her eyes. "you are going to let this person go and we are going to figure out what is going on. we won't let this win okay?"

The narrow alleyways of New Orleans were drenched in shadows, the night air thick with humidity. Elijah wandered them, but not as himself. His eyes glowed with an unnatural blue hue. From a distance, someone followed, carefully. Elijah halted abruptly, his senses sharpened by the Hollow's malevolent power. He could feel the presence behind him. Inadu stirred with interest, its attention now fully on the pursuer. A twisted smile crept across Elijah's face as the Hollow spoke through him in a low, mocking tone. “Yon lòt malere ki vle mouri," it hissed in Creole, the words laced with dark amusement. “Ann ba li yon leson."

Without warning, Elijah turned, his movements fluid and predatory. The follower froze, their heart racing. The Hollow's voice, dripping with malice, echoed through the alley. "Ou kouri dèyè m'," Elijah taunted in Creole, the words carrying an edge of sadistic delight. "Kounye a ou pral soufri."

Elijah moved with inhuman speed, closing the gap between them in an instant. The follower barely had time to react before dark energy crackled around Elijah's hands, ready to strike. But deep within, Elijah fought against the Hollow's control, his willpower straining against the dark force. “Run," he managed to whisper, his voice breaking through momentarily, filled with urgency and desperation. “Get away!”

@inaducursehqstarters

there were very few people who hadn't reacted with wide eyes and a dropped jaw as eleanor walked into the room, one of them happened to be felicity. this wasn't exactly that weird to witness when your family had done similar things for centuries. so despite all the anxious energy that filled the streets of new orleans, there was still this content energy that wasn't shocked by a person crawling out of her grave. right now, it was all that elle could handle every other type of environment overwhelmed her senses.

art was important to the gerard family, how could it not be when you've lived so many lives and seen it evolve? so as the two settled into comfortable conversation, the busy world around them began to melt. feeling as maybe the world didn't have to be as terrifying as eleanor thought. yet it couldn't be denied, the eerie feeling in the air that never left since the power went out, only to mysteriously come on. a chill ran down her spine, causing her eyes to grow wide. "sorry, i'm still adjusting to having a pulse." elle admitted, ever since coming back, she had become hyper aware of her heartbeat. the way it would quicken when someone gave her a certain look on the street. it caused her to feel vulnerable in such public places.

Felicity looked up and, upon recognizing the familiar face before her, a smile of recognition tugged at the corners of her lips. "Oh, hey there! I'm sorry, I was so zoned in I didn't even notice you," she said apologetically, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Her friend chuckled softly, a warmth in their eyes as they responded, "No worries, you looked really focused. What are you drawing this time?" they asked, leaning in to get a better look at Felicity's sketchbook.

As Felicity eagerly shared her latest project, the two friends settled into an easy conversation, the bustling energy of the coffee shop providing a comforting backdrop to their reunion. In that moment, Felicity felt grateful for the interruption that had brought them together and looked forward to the shared moments of creativity and connection that awaited them.

@inaducursehqstarters

eleanor never actually made it into the ball, her nerves not allowing her to go any further than the steps, but with the events that unfolded she was now thankful. once seeing everyone else run, she decided to follow. there was one place she knew to go, the magic shop that she often visited before her death, a place she hadn't been in years. yet she knew the way and stumbled in, with messy hair and labored breaths. "yeah, i saw that but hunters they attacked the ball and everyone was running and i used to come here all the time so i thought it would be safe." the woman was rambling, a nervous tick some may say, but she had grown to just consider it part of her personality. "i'm sorry, really, i just need a moment."

fear swirled in her mind, wondering if everyone was safe that she cared for. then she began to curse herself for being such a coward and running away. tears filled her eyes and she allowed her shoulders to slouch forward in sadness.

open start ♔ @inaducursehqstarter location ♔ enchanted emporium bonnie's shop during 6/20 plot drop

something  was  wrong.  she  could  feel  it  in  the  very  air,  an  oppressive  heaviness  that  seemed  to  cling  to  her  skin ┈┈   weaving  through  the  magic  that  enveloped  them  all.     there  had  been  a  time  when  she  longed  for  simplicity ┈┈   when  lifting  feathers ┈┈   lighting  candles,  and  coaxing  plants  to  grow  were  the  pinnacles  of  her  magical  prowess.  she  reminisced  about  her  travels,  the  joy  of  discovery,  and  seeing  the  world  alongside  the  man  she  loved.  but  now,  especially  recently,  a  restlessness  churned  within  her  soul ┈┈   a  silent  call  from  the  spirits  that  echoed  in  her  bones.  they  sought  a  bennett  witch  ┈┈   and  she  felt  the  pull  keenly.  was  it  foolish  to  want  to  answer?

with  a  flick  of  her  wrist  ┈┈   one  of  the  tomes  flew  off  the  shelf  of  her  quaint  shop  on  to  the  counter  before  her,  its  pages  fluttering  open  under  her  magical  command.  her  eyes  narrowed  as  the  door  creaked  open  ┈┈   an  unwelcome  intrusion  into  her  sanctuary.  "pretty  sure  that  sign  says  we're  closed,"  she  called  out,  her  voice  laced  with  warning.  her  magic  ignited  at  her  fingertips  ┈┈    shimmering  with  a  readiness  to  be  unleashed.

open starter ⊹₊ ⋆ event 001 @inaducursehqstarters; after plot update 6/20 muse ⊹₊ ⋆ eleanor hildegard location ⊹₊ ⋆ outside vaso bar and venue ( bywater district) plots ⊹₊ ⋆ utp

she'd been standing outside the bar, palms sweaty and eyes shifting from her feet to the door, it felt like it had been hours and with how many people she saw go in, that was possible. everyone saw her as the dead girl, her death had made headlines, the whole thing managed to be very tragic and being young, well the press ate it up. so after crawling out of her grave a week ago, all people did was stare and she hated being perceived. these glares were so different than before, filled with confusion and then it'd hit her that these people knew far too much about her. all of it was an embarrassment so she was more than happy to attend a party with a mask. yet, she still couldn't find the courage to enter.

taking a deep breath, she shook her head and began to turn around and go home, only to stop in her tracks as the sounds of screams erupted, followed by people running out of the building in fear. "what the hell is happening?" she shouted, trying to get any grasp on the situation.

she held a of respect for nikolas's parents, honestly she was proud of any parent who actually care for their child's well being. however, she also didn't know the divide that was created thanks to her death. her vision was blurry, but there was no mistaking klaus's voice. turning towards the sound, he was already beside her, letting out a sigh of relief she took his arm. "do you know what is happening? i don't understand, klaus i was in a grave and i crawled out of it..." this was all so overwhelming, eleanor quickly began to feel panic rise from her chest. "i don't understand..." she repeated, as the world began to spin.

He hasn't expected to see her given she was meant to be dead. But the moment he did, he stepped out of his car and made a v-line towards Eleanor. Klaus dismissed the person that Eleanor had been trying to get the attention of before she stepped in next to her. "Eleanor," he said, reaching out an arm to support her if she was going to fall before looking at her over. "Lets get you inside."

TW: BLOOD

....

I will go jogging routinely...

Don't Panic

This... This can't be real... Right?

Looking at something so small that made such a big difference in her crappy mundane life. Between her fingers was a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test.

How was this even possible?! She didn't sleep with a human—her first and only time was with a monster! And there have been no records of human and monsters hybrids! How the hell did she get pregnant?! But... Say this was true, that right now, there is a magical monster bun in the oven. That would explain the strange stares from other monsters you get. Monsters can see souls. And the stares were a result from... Well... Something they didn't even think was possible, most likely.

"Shit... I really can't believe this. I'm... Like, legit pregnant. I'm... I'm gonna be a Mom. I... I should try to go to Grillby's. Maybe he can gimme some advice or maybe get in contact with the skeleton monster I was with?"

This wasn't a joke. Not at all. The monster doctor said it and taking 3 at home tests to be sure said it—pregnant. This is... Life now. This meana trying to find a new job and maybe a better place to live so the kid can grow up in a good and safe environment. But for right now, let's go to Grillby's to find info on where Baby Daddy went off to.

After a long shower, Julia threw on some clothes and with the note and black rose in hand, she heads out the door.

—

"You're... Pregnant?"

"Yeah. It, uh... The real deal. Grillby, please don't make that face, I'm trying my best to put on a brave one for my own sake..."

"You're pregnant with a boss monster's child. How is this—?"

"The skeleton monster I met that one night. We, uh, really hit it off and kinda... Had a one night stand situation thing. Eheheh... Grillby, you're making a face—what did I just say, dude?"

"Sorry, it's just... I didn't think Orion would be the type of monster to do that." Grillby sets down the glass and cloth on the bar.

"'Orion'? So that's his name? You know him Grillby?! Where is he? He needs to know this and... And what we should do—the monster doctor said with with pregnancy, both parents need to be present, especially in my case since I'm not a monster and the souling's survival relies on the monster parent providing magic!" Julia couldn't help but raise her voice as she grew more and more anxious. She didn't want to, but was already attached to the little souling. It was as if shd could feel what they felt. Confused. Concerned. Hungry. Tired. Where is Daddy?

"Julia, breathe... Orion is a regular here, but is probably on the job. He makes delieveries here and should be stopping by sometime today. Just sit down for a bit, relax, and I'll make you your usual with some extra magic. It's not much, but enough magic for you and your souling. I'll try to send Orion a message." Grillby guides Julia towards one of the booths to sit down and pats her shoulder before heading into the back.

—

After sometime, Julia lifted her head up immediately when she felt a pressure in the air and suddenly, she wasn't alone in the pub. Over by the bar, sitting or... Rather floating over the bar stool was a skeleton monster. Was... Was this the Orion she met that one night? Had to be. Dressed in that same ultra fluffy but sparkly looking hoodie. Those freckles that looked like pretty nebula, but... Something was... Off. Something felt off. Was this really the same skeleton? His... Eyelights are... Different. His... No, no, this had to be the same monster who rocked her world and knocked her up that night.

No time like the present.

Getting up, Julia makes her way over towards him. Her nerves getting worse as she felt each step she took forward getting heavier. But she has to do this. For her sake and their baby.

"Um. Excuse me. Orion?"

"that's my name, don't wear it out."

"Um do you... Remember me? We, uh, met a while back."

"hmm... nope, don't think so. not too many humans visit this grillby's and i think i'd remember a cute face like yours, kiddo."

...What? No, no, something is way off.

"No? We have met. I remember you distinctly. You tried comforting me when I was crying into my drink that night. We joked around and exchanged a few puns. I mean, yeah, we got kinda shitfaced, but... I remember you. I... You were my first and... And that night we... We had sex. I-I know it was a one night stand, but surely yo—"

"whoa whoa whoa!" Orion looked absolutely stunned and confused. His zygomatic bones flushing a mixture of blue and gold, bringing out his sparkly freckles more. "i-i dunno who you slept with, but i know for sure it wasn't me! i swear! you got me confused for someone else..."

"What?! You're gonna tell me you got a twin or something?"

"... depends on your definition of what a twin is, because that's... heh..." Orion shrugs, sweat already beading and running down his skull.

"..."

With a frustrated groan, she pulls out the note and black rose.

"You left this note and rose for me the morning after remember?! Dude, please...don't be a dick. A little souling's life is on the line here!" Julia snaps, her voice already cracked and tears threatening to start running down her cheeks.

Orion looked over the note and rose before looking at Julia, or rather... The small souling she was carrying before he had a look of shock and nearly slipped off the barstool.

"... n o. there is no way that's possible. you said the skeleton you met that night looked like me? are you sure? nothin felt off?" Orion looked directly at Julia, taking on a serious tone.

"Yes. But... Wait, are you seriously going to tell me it wasn't you?"

"i know it wasn't me—i had to work overtime at my job and make a delivery to underfell's grillby's that night." Orion pulls out his phone and shows his route of deliveries that week.

"What the f... Then... WHO IN THE HELL DID I SLEEP WITH?!" Julia steps back, panicking.

"...i think you just slept with the most dangerous monster in the entire multiverse..."

"Who...?"

"nightmare. the god of negativity." Orion looked very uneasy, and the faint rattling of bones could be heard as he continued. "...but the most concerning thing is that souling. they shouldn't even be here."

"How fucking DARE—"

"no, no! i mean, that souling existing shouldn't be possible because as far as anyone who knows about nightmare... nightmare shouldn't be able to have kids. his corruption makes him infertile. yet, here you are, pregnant with his kid." Orion lets out a nervous chuckle, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here right now.

Julia was stunned. She had to take a moment to just... Collect and absorbed everything that was told to her to try and to understand. And once she did...

She fainted.

[Previous: A Black Rose]

[First: What A Night]

Tumblr

A Black Rose

…My head… …Fuck, it's like someone took a sledge hammer to it… My body is sore all over… …Where the hell am I? This isn't my apartment

A Black Rose

…My head…

…Fuck, it's like someone took a sledge hammer to it… My body is sore all over…

…Where the hell am I? This isn't my apartment or Grillby's loft…

As I sat up, I took a look around my surrounds to just… Gather my bearings if I'm even using that phrase correctly. Silk satin sheets, a bed bigger than a California King, and just a beautiful hotel room overall that I could never afford.

Shit. A hotel room? Wait…

…Yep. Naked as a jay bird—what the fuck and who the fuck did I do?! I just… i just blindly gave away my virginity just like that?! God, Julia, you fucking idiot! Who did…?

...Wait, I remember...

I was getting drunk off my ass last night and the skeleton monster I met was trying to cheer me up, telling bad puns left and right and my dumbass started firing back a few puns and flirts right back, cuz, hell, my inhibitions are all gone and I'm three sheets to the wind, so... Why not shoot my shot with a cute monster?

Shit, what else...?

Kissing...

Teeth pressing and rubbing against my lips...

The cold bricks pressing and rubbing against my back...

Warm bones pressing into the fat of my thighs, squeezing my breasts... It was like they wanted to touch as much of my flesh as they could; as if I could just disappear the moment they let go...

Their bones, cold, but oddly warm... The texture felt so different... rough and smooth... The texture of their magic on my tongue popped and fizzled like pop rocks or zotz fizz candy... The taste of whiskey and... apples...

It was hot...

It was too hot...

I wanted more and... I didn't care... I was like something deep inside me just didn't want to stop and I needed him and he needed me...

It felt like a blur... My body weightless and the void of everything until my body landed on something soft below me and above... That same skeleton monster. He looked at me in such a way I don't think I've ever seen before... Do skeleton monster's eye... lights??? Do they change depending on mood? They looked like a bright blue for a moment there... Maybe it was a drunken imagination...

God... We had sex, didn't we...?

How is that possible with a skeleton? Then again, if one could french kiss a skeleton, then it's probably possible to do the deed.

His eyelights were so beautiful... Like a galaxy... His bones were so pretty... We held hands and clung to each other... Nothing else mattered except us...

Well, what a way for one to lose their virginity. A one night stand. I'll probably never see that guy again... But it did feel nice to feel wanted, even if we were drunk.

Huh? A note with a... black rose?

"Until we meet again, starlight."

Damn, that... I think I felt my heart flutter. Maybe he's just being sweet. Time to do my first walk of shame and get to job hunting and trying to figure out my life before I become homeless, I guess...

--

The walk back home was... weird. I always had an anxiety and paranoia mixed cocktail of feelings being out in the open. Feeling like all eye would be on me. But today, it literally felt like people were freaking staring at me--mainly monsters. The area I stay at is mostly monster populated, and while I understand that some monsters were wary of humans, they never stared at me like they are today. It felt weird...

Looks of concern

Looks of digust

Looks of... Curiousity?

Why were they staring at me? I made sure to shower and look presentable like I totally didn't get my back blown out and didn't smell like I did, so why...?

Making it to my apartment building, I crossed paths with one of my neighbors--a dog monster named Eve. She lived here with her husband and their big litter of pups. We aren't friends, but we're friendly enough to where if they needed help, I'd try to do my best.

"Oh, Ms. Julia! Are you... Okay? I got worried when you didn't come home last night. I didn't hear you playing you Law & Order show you like to watch." She made a face, looking at me before speaking again, "Did you... Stay with Grillby? I know you two are close."

"No, no, it's not like that. Grillby and I are just friends. I just got drunk and... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. Is something wrong? You're making a face..."

"I'm alright, don't worry about me, just... Take care of yourself, alright? I'm right across the hall if you need anything, okay?" Eve have a have smile before taking the elevator.

Weird, but... Okay. Guess she's just being a mom and worried about me.

--

The next couple of... Fuck, days? Weeks? My mind is all muddled. I'm always so tired. I'm so drained... I almost collapsed grocery shopping and I barely wanna eat anymore. It like a piece of me is missing and I dunno why? Maybe it's stress from the job hunt or maybe trying to keep on top of my bills?

I tried to go to Grillby's to take my mind off things and vent, but he refused to serve me anything alcoholic, but made some food for me and just pointed at the bottled water since he doesn't touch the stuff himself. The food was... Very overpowering, but Grillby just told me to try and eat as much as I could anyway to keep my energy up. He just looked worried and wondered how I've been since that one night. After some chatting, he wondered how long I've been feeling crappy and recommended I go to the doctor nearby for a check up and medicine.

A pain in my ass and wallet, but...

The first doctor had no idea what was wrong, and just played it up to stress and to make sure I keep on top of my iron supplements so my anemia wouldn't act up again.

"Grillbs the doctor just said it was stress and my iron is prolly low. You know I have anemia issues..."

"Was it a human doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"I said to go to the one nearby. They're a monster doctor."

"Not to sound ignorant, but they're a monster doctor and I'm a squishy meat-sack human."

"Trust me, this will be the right doctor for you. Business is slow right now so if you need to call me back, I'll be available."

...No...

...No way...

No fucking way this is possible. I-I gotta go home right now. I'm gonna be sick. This has to be a joke.

This can't be real...

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit...! What the hell do I do? I can't do this! This can't be real... This is too much...!

[Previous: What A Night]

You can't dodge forever.

#me

Third Juno post but more serious this time. As someone who struggles with anxiety (generalized anxiety disorder) I find Juno speaking to me a lot.

Her respawn voice lines where she's panicking or forgetting to breathe alluded to something like a panic attack, and now after watching her cinematic, it definietely is a panic attack. Her anxiety makes her act out of panic or impulse when she kicked the rock the first time, which then leads to her becoming even more panicked when it doesn't work, (Something I find the hardest about anxiety, although there's too much I hate about anxiety to count, lets be real.)

She keeps on overthinking and panicking about things going wrong (That respawn voice when she says she's done for, before realizing she's still here, it's one of my favorites) just like I do with my anxiety

And seeing her get through it with her mother reassuring her was just..so sweet, she doesn't love her any less because of her anxiety, even when that causes her to mess up, she never gets mad and only loves her and just wants the best for her (I wish my parents were like that, or being as half as supportive with my anxiety as she did for hers)

At the end where she makes it back to the ship and her entire family/her mother claps for her, made me so happy, it's clear that they love her no matter how scared or unfamilar she might be and I just love her for that 🥺 I really hope they aren't dead in the lore, she deserves to be happy with her parents and on Earth too

having an absolutely horrible day. i am literally a ball of exposed nerves and anxiety. probably going to be slow, bc i can't stop crying.

Opening your phone to zero notifications is so painful.

I love when I’m so anxious and depressed that I can’t eat!

Everything feels very fucking wrong rn

How I have been feeling lately