Latest Posts by writer-dreamer-survivor-blog - Page 9

whats the difference between outlaws and inlaws

yesterday in economic botany we were learning about plant based oil compounds and stuff and my botany professor was talking about lynn seed oil, which in woodworking is rubbed on over furniture as a varnish. this oil has an exothermic chemical reaction with oxygen, meaning that the reaction creates heat. what often happens, apparently, is that woodworkers will finish rubbing on the oil with a rag and then will ball up the rag and throw it away, but because the reaction is taking place and the heat can’t escape (like it would on a piece of furniture where it can be cooled) it gets trapped in the rag, which gets hotter and hotter until it reaches the temperature where it bursts into flame. apparently many woodworking shops have been burned down by this. the proper way to dispose of rags with this oil is to hang them up on a clothesline, so again the reaction never gets enough heat to start a fire. im telling you this because im a writer and ive never heard of substance that will just…spontaneously combust conveniently like that so long as it’s in a confined space. my botany professor tried it in a trash can in his driveway and it did indeed burst into flame after 45 minutes, which is an exceptionally convenient time delay. im sorry im tying this so fast my laptop is on 2% battery and theres no outlet an

mumble’s story is an inherently gay narrative

“You can do the thing.” Rae Dizzle 

“Guys, Gals, and Non-Binary Pals.” Thomas Sanders

“Stay up on that rise.” Brendon Urie 

You have my gun

i’m going through some 19th century travel diaries of people traveling from england to australia, and there’s this diary dated 1835, by a woman called eliza taylor. she’s fascinated by flying fish and dolphins, sees seagulls (”they are like pigeons but make a similar noise to ducks”), stargazes “till tea time” with the captain and another woman passenger, describes the boatswain playing the violin very well. these two paragraphs struck me, this one she writes during some party on deck:

Their merriment accorded not with my gloomy reflections both for the past and the future. I am very melancholy this warm weather and often wonder whether in any future years I shall ever have a taste of the joys and scenes of happiness I had in my childhood. My evil genius whispers No.

(what happened to you, eliza? we won’t know. just a glimpse of her sadness in a travelogue is all we’re allowed to see)

and then, on another evening, she sees something that may be bioluminescence, or maybe just starlight:

In a fine blue sea, the foam caused by the vessel at night seems full of stars. The snow white ferment, with the golden sparkles in it is beautiful beyond description. You look over and devour it with your eyes, as you would do much etherial syllabub. Finalmente, the stars issue forth, and the Moon always more lovely the farther you get South, completed the magnificience of the imposing scene.

it’s such a lovely description, so full of wonder.

Image Prompt

So… You wanna explore the Universe.

If you are reading this guide, then you and any potential peers want to leave the comfort and security of your warm mother star and expand into the cold, dark, and unforgivable void. A mistake, really, but I am not here to stop you; I am here to lay out some basic rules that you puny mortals must abide by.

Don’t ask questions you are not prepared to know the answer to.

There’s always bigger.

Never cross the Elder Gods.

Always remember rule 1.

Fusion based energy is your best friend. If you are still using fossil fuels then your species sucks. Period.

Speaking of fossil fuels, chemical based rockets suck. Try using space bending warp drives or quantum bridges. Light speed sucks, too.

It’s not a bad idea for your species to be genocidal xenophobic maniacs to everything but yourselves. Just make sure you have the firepower to back it up.

I highly recommend total unity within your species. If you are too busy fighting amongst yourselves, what are you going to do when Needledorp arrives?

Fear Needledorp.

Always remember rule 9.

If you find a desolate, rocky planet with the only inhabitant named “Frank”, avoid that planet at all costs. I don’t care if it’s rich in resources, just avoid it.

Some black holes are alive. They are aggressive. Do not pet the black holes.

It’s just like that, sometimes.

Make sure nothing is following you.

If you have an individual with psychic powers, expect them to go insane once they leave the confines of your mother star. Lock them up in a closet with a few markers and check up on them every once in a while. If they star my screaming about an entity named “Carol”, shoot them out the airlock. They will be the distraction.

Remember rule 1.

You are immortal until proven otherwise.

Any extraterrestrial rocks may have anomalous properties. Proceed with caution, or you may get space zombies or something.

Remember rule 13.

Make sure nothing is following you.

Violence may be an answer to a dispute with an extraterrestrial entity. Copulation is a last resort (control your thirst).

If bullets don’t work, punches will.

Remember rule 17.

Your objective: survive.

Babies are not food, they are weapons.

There are cheat codes.

Don’t ask about the cheat codes. Remember rule 1.

If the void is staring at you. Make it uncomfortable.

Avoid Frank. The anomalous one.

Remember rules 1, 2, and 3.

Rules For Ghost Hunting and Such For People Who Do Not Normally See Them

1. As someone who sees ghosts, I advise you to completely cover your skin, including ankles, hands, and your face. Except for your ears and eyes.

2. Do not ever cover your ears. You will need them to hear.

3. Do not speak aloud. Instead, focus on a mental connection. Ghost don’t like voices, and some latch onto you this way.

4. Always remember Rule 2.

5. Once they are open to you, you are open to them.

6. Experiences tend to be few and far in between. My first visual was at five, then ten, and then an unsettling amount of presences and mishaps at 15. If you are constantly seeing one, it is most likely tracking you.

7. If you have read this guide in the hopes of figuring out how to permanently get rid of a ghost, sorry. The most I know to tell you is to very clearly and loudly state they are not welcome here. This is most effective if you’ve never spoken to them before. Watch out for more tailing behind.

8. If you see a young girl named Victoria with a mangled leg, get the hell out of there and get a friend to tell her to leave. A tall man with no face may come for revenge. Prepare yourself. 

9. Always be prepared. 

10. A phone is more effective than a radio or walkie talkies if you want a buffer or distraction.

11. Stay calm and be firm. Fear is easily manipulated.

12. Your feet are the most vulnerable part of you. Make sure you can run fast and move nimbly.

13. Developing ghost tend to hide under things and in shadows. Avoid that.

14. You really shouldn’t be ghost hunting. 

15. Remember Rule 5. It is the most vital thing to know.

16. It is not always plausible to close yourself from the supernatural once you are open to it. Most chose to open themselves. Ones like me are born without a choice.

17. Do not imagine anything in particular about a ghost. You will warp the connection.

18. Stay focused on your objective.

19. Everything has an objective and a personality. Observe it.

20. Do not let them touch you. You may feel them, but if you see them attempting to touch you, break the connection. They may touch you before you see them and that is less dangerous.

21. Breaking a connection is not easy without another person who doesn’t feel it. Screaming and motion can help.

22. Footsteps when you are alone is not something to be ignored.

23. The best protection is a non-believer, or someone the ghost has decided Unnecessary.

24. Avoid anything that feels off or malicious.

25. If you saw something, you most definitely saw something. Don’t disregard it. 

26. Under no circumstances, should you panic. Period.

27. Do not expect a ghost to deem you Necessary. It is usually better to be left alone.

28. Ghost mostly appear in white and black. Watch out for colors. 

29. If you’re colorblind, do not go alone.

30. Going alone makes you both more vulnerable and more open.

31. Most ghost will stare at you. If you can’t feel that, leave. Just leave.

32. You can always move. Even when you are frozen in fear. Do not allow them to render you motionless.

33. Most ghosts are tied to a location, usually a house.

34. Trust your instincts. The connection generally defies logical thinking and the ghost will attempt to push you towards certain decisions.

35. Do not let fear taint you.

36. Banging, footsteps, scuttling, and whispering are common noises for ghosts and such.

37. Avoid small areas. 

38. Avoid rooms with too many dangerous or sharp objects.

39. Bullets do not work.

40. Do not bring any weapons beyond a heavy stick. Even that can be ill-advised.

41. Make sure clothing is form fitting. No holes, no gaps, no open zippers. Jackets are a good idea.

42. If you find yourself in a verbal conversation with a ghost, be prepared for anything. Even death. Most will not speak.

43. Powerful ones can bounce thoughts back and forth through the connection. The best thing to do is to project your thoughts at the ghost and narrate the situation. 

44. Remain in control. If a ghost attempts to take control, sever the connection.

45. The more stuff you meddle in, the more stuff that can come at you. Everything is complicated and most likely, harmful. Do not strike deals or make promises.

46. Staircases are very vulnerable. Avoid ones without handrails. You will eventually have to go down if you go up and ghost can make sure you fall.

47. Remember Rule 24, Rule 25, and Rule 34.

48. Windows and doors can be locked. I advise smashing windows if locked in and avoid rooms without them.

49. Not once I have ever encountered a ghost where it was above a cool temperature.

50. Do not follow a ghost anywhere. Water, ice, underground, forest, and anything above the first floor or flammable is a trap. Do not allow them to herd you into one either.

More guides

Surviving a Desert 

How to Befriend the Monster Under Your Bed

There is nothing new under the sun.

THIS ONE TIME A KID IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WAS LATE GETTING HOME BECAUSE HE WAS BUYING DRUGS SO HE TOLD HIS MOM HE GOT KIDNAPPED AND SHE MADE HIM REPORT IT TO THE POLICE AND HE DESCRIBED THE KIDNAPPER AS COUNT OLAF AND THEN THIS HAPPENED

Turn on the sound and watch this raven mimic a human voice. This is Mischief the white-necked raven. These ravens are found throughout eastern and southern Africa, and are common near human habitation.  Like all members of the Corvidae family, ravens are extremely intelligent. They use tools to get food if necessary, and can even mimic human speech! (Source)

The girl you loved was kidnapped four years ago on the way back from the local tavern, and you’ve been grieving for her ever since. You finally decided to assume she was dead and make an attempt to move on - that is, until rumours start circulating of a powerful sorceress who lives in the forest amongst the wolves, a sorceress whose attacks focus on men known for lewd behaviour and whose hair is said to be the same fiery red as your lost love.

By using a camera and computer vision software it is possible to make a fish control a robot car over land. By swimming towards an interesting object, the fish can explore the world beyond the limits of his tank. Via Studio diip

Mostly I just love the term “arch-nemesis” because it implies having so many committed nemeses that a formal hierarchy has developed among them. Like, living the dream or what?

Back pain? Have you tried:

out of boredom i decided to scan a stuffed shark. here are the results.

Always keep fighting, even when the road is tough. When you’re stumbling and its dark, you just gotta keep going. It’ll get better, I promise

A Dream I Had

I’m rereading Hamlet.

i think we, as a species, should go back to saying ‘alas’

just to be clear, I’m staying here as long as this site functions. I have 0 intentions of deleting this blog, I will go down with this ship if only to see exactly how bad it gets

fuck it until you make it

gather round, folks, that i may pass down the tale of Fuck-It Jonn, because that dude is just the GREATEST FUCKING CONMAN in the WORLD, and he WASN’T EVEN TRYING. he absolutely fucking STUMBLED ON ACCIDENT into THE SCAM THAT WOULD DEFINE HIS ENTIRE LIFE. the lie that transformed his ENTIRE EXISTENCE out of SHEER RANDOM BULLSHIT.

and his sole motivation was to EAT FINGER FOOD.

consider:

in the Wayback Days™ before i was born, the people who would later become my parents had this friend named… yeah, let’s say jonn. i’d rather not say his real name. bitches not snitches, and all that.

so. france in the late 80s. jonn and my parents had just finished school and all found jobs in computer engineering. (not that they STUDIED computer engineering, mind you. no, they were all studying how to become fish farmers or some shit. but those were simpler times, when knowing how to turn the fucking screen on got you a comfortable salary at the ripe old age of 24 years old.)

except that jonn, who was a chill hippie kind of dude, was bored to death by his desk job. so bored that he decided to just up and quit. “fuck it”, was basically jonn’s motto. fuck it, he’d find something better! fuck it, and things would work out! EXCEPT (as you may have guessed) THEY DIDN’T. for months and months he didn’t find another job. and so he ended up depressed, struggling, and eating dinner at my future-parents’ tiny apartment, three times a week, so he wouldn’t literally starve.

time went by. jonn was still unemployed. so before his resources hit rock bottom, jonn did the only logical, reasonable thing. what’s that, you ask? begged for his old job back? went back to school? crawled home to his parents? ha ha! obviously you do not share jonn’s ADVENTUROUS AND ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT. and also you lack his BIZARRE LOGIC AND PLAIN WEIRD APPROACH TO LIFE.

what jonn did was: say “fuck it” (again) and leave for thailand.

because you see, thailand was cheap by french standards. so cheap that even a penniless dude on unemployment could live there for weeks on end, spending much less than he would have in france, as long as he didn’t mind roughing it. and jonn didn’t mind! “fuck it”, he’d said. and by god, he would stand by his words!

so jonn gamely scrounged up the money for the plane ticket and then… yeah. basically bummed it out in thailand. for two months. seeing the sights. sleeping on the street. making new friends.

and one of these news friends turned out to be very adept at FORGING PAPERS.

huh, jonn said to himself (probably high at the time) this sounds not at all shifty and more like a ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY; what could POSSIBLY GO WRONG. my new thai best friend is even offering me a FAMILY DISCOUNT. for fake papers. fuck it! let’s have some!

as far as i can tell, jonn… didn’t even need fake papers?? like, he was literally just trying not to pass up on an opportunity here. so he smoked some more weed (i can only assume) and got A BRILLIANT IDEA. fake ID card? LAME. fake driver’s licence? HACKNEYED. fake medical degree? PEDESTRIAN. no! jonn got himself a fake press card.

but why??

well, OBVIOUSLY, just so he could get into cultural events for free - conferences, art premieres, etc - and eat all the finger food. that was his grand plan. stroll into press-only events, wave his poorly-made card around, and gorge himself on canapés. no more going hungry! ever! jonn would live off tiny slices of toasted foie gras and flutes of cheap champagne for the rest of his life!

so now jonn, Very Obviously Fake Journalist™, is back in france and he’s DOING THE THING. and guess what? this was before google. before facebook. before linkedin. impersonating a journalist was very easy. if people asked where you worked you just said you were freelance, then steered the conversation to current politics and stealthily devoured the entire buffet while everybody was busy debating.

and so. this is what jonn is doing. his monumentally stupid plan is actually working. this is how he eats. with thai-made fake papers and sheer fucking confidence. and of course people start noticing him eventually! jonn is always fucking there! at all and any events in paris! because, again, THIS IS HOW HE EATS! but it’s always the same people running around in these circles, anyway. so nobody’s surprised to see the same dudes popping up over and over again. jonn blends in! and jonn is very good at making friends. and changing the subject. and eating canapés.

and then ONE DAY

one of jonn’s newfangled journalist friends (a REAL journalist, mind you, who has NO IDEA that jonn isn’t What He Seems) basically goes: “dude i’m so swamped rn. everyone wants everything all at once. fuck. shit. are you swamped too?”

“oh, for sure,” jonn says through a mouthful of his twenty-ninth serving of canapés that night. “not a second to myself”

“god. fuck. tell me about it. shit. i’m just so damn swamped.” Real Journalist shakes his head. “if i could only find someone to cover for me on this one article.”

now, i know i said before that jonn was smoking weed. but i must confess now i said it for humorous effect. i have no idea if jonn’s ever been within five hundred yards of a blunt his whole life. but what you must understand is that jonn is Chill™ on like. a soul-deep level. his whole mind is one long exhale of smoke followed by the words “fuck it”. this is a man who left his job for no reason, lived in thailand on a tourist’s visa for two months, got fake papers there for the lol of it all, and is now living off press-only events in paris. jonn was BORN HIGH.

SO. when RJ asks him: “dude. jonn. you said you were working freelance. i know you’re busy but don’t you think you could maybe cover for me? just this once?”

jonn NATURALLY answers: “fuck it. sure”

then goes to an unemployment center and applies for one of their free one-week classes. on journalism. jonn spends ALL OF ONE WEEK learning How To Write An Article Like A Real Journalist With A Real Press Card. then writes the article. basically bullshitting his way through that thing. half-assing the life out of it. faking his heart out. because why not? FUCK IT.

i have NO IDEA if he actually did a good job or not. but it was in fact good enough for RJ who really must have been truly swamped, and was so truly grateful that he told all of their mutual journalists friends. who were ALL SWAMPED. i’m given to understand it’s the natural state of the journalist in the wild.

and so jonn is now REGULARLY COVERING FOR ALL SORTS OF JOURNALISTS.

not making much money i assume. but still, not bad for a dude who studied journalism for five whole days.

and well, it’s kinda fun! better than moping around at home waiting for the next free canapé press-only premiere. so jonn keeps at it. and eventually it occurs to him that hey! he spent two months in thailand. why not make an article out of that? so he writes himself a lil paper, retelling his Bumtastic Adventures in the Land of Thai People, Cheap Living and Forged Papers (That Last One Having Nothing to Do With Him Personally of Course). and he’s kinda proud of it. so much that he gives it to his journalist friends. can they maybe pass it around? see if anybody would be interested in publishing it? for a modest fee and some more canapés?

and yeah. someone was in fact interested in publishing it. and that someone was:

THE

NATIONAL

GEOGRAPHIC

(french edition.)

so jonn got a REAL press card. got a FULL-TIME JOB at the national geographic. and spent the REST OF HIS WORK LIFE traveling abroad for six months, then going back to paris the rest of the year to write about his wacky journeys. he’s retired now, having published several books full of his articles and photographs. he’s bought a b&b in the french countryside with all his money. and continues to say “fuck it” to any problem that comes his way like the absolute fucking legend he is.

as far as i know, none of his journalist buddies nor his boss ever found out about any of this.

I think the problem with email vs social media is the amount of people you reach. I remember in one of my communications classes, my teacher said that email wasn’t a mass media, it was more of a private one. That makes it a little harder, but I do think it’s worth looking into 

Protect your blogs and content my friends, tumblr is going to crash and burn at this rate

A better, more positive Tumblr

Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.

Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).  

Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.

So what is changing?

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.

Why are we doing this?

It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.

So what’s next?

Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.

Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.

Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.

Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.

Jeff D’Onofrio CEO

Alternatives to Tumblr if Yahoo goes any further

Soup.io - well-known alternative to Tumblr. Reblogging, post types, themes, collab blogs, dashboard, artsy, great community already there. Soup can auto-import everything you’ve posted on Tumblr.

TypePad - Includes reblogging. Dashboard and post types similar to Tumblr.

Jux - Artful posts, beautiful blogging experience

I really want a movie where there’s this Dark Brooding Male Hero who’s like, a total badass, and during all the fight scenes he keeps getting flashbacks to happy images of his wife, and like his whole narrative is framed around his wife, and all the other heroes on his team know that he’s got this passion and vengeance and think it all has to do with his dead wife… but then near the end of the movie his wife shows up and he’s like “hey babe” they’re all shocked and they’re like, “Wait I thought all your power and passion came from avenging your dead wife?” and he’s like “no bro, I just really love my wife, she’s really cool, she’s what keeps me going” like… a reverse fridge

aesthetic: the three headed rat queen from the russian nutcracker movie and her three headed rat son