Latest Posts by writer-dreamer-survivor-blog - Page 10

My aesthetic: when you take off your glasses on a highway and all the lights go soft and smudged, a trail of amber behind you like a quiet afterthought

This morning passes as slow as the clouds crossing the sky 

Sometimes the wind picks up and it scurries on past 

For the most part though, it drags by 

A slow winter wind in a cold classroom

The drone of a teacher whom most would consider nice

He is simply energetic and draws from me too much 

I wonder if he draws from the other students 

Do they feel the effects of it the same way I do? 

I don’t know but I sit in the cold room 

Feeling as frozen as the morning dew in January 

And I wait for the day that I don’t have to return to this place

This cold, desolate place that haunts me

After your parents found out you are gay and kicked you out, the only place left for you to go was the magical forest. Write about your life.

Please reblog, this is so important.

i think part of why minecraft is such a well loved game is because you dont have to be good at it to play it

like, you can get into the complex shit of the game and memorize spawn patterns and learn redstone and all that but really you dont need to to have a fun experience… you can just… goof off and build a dirt hut and have a pet cow adn thats the dream

I know there is gender dyshporia, but that leads me to wondering what other types of dysphoria there are. Species dysphoria, I’m sure, is one of them. Sometimes - often, lately -  I feel like I’m experiencing it, feel like I don’t belong to the human race. I’m not sure what race I belong to, who my mother nor my sire are. 

I look back and we come from Ireland, and I’m curious to know if I’m a Fae from Celtic mythology, if I was born as part of the Seelie or Unseelie Courts - but I can’t know, because to my knowledge I’m human. It sucks to be human, you don’t have special powers, no one doubts your existence - no one has a firm and hopeful faith in you appearing to them. 

I exist as nonbinary. Around me I see men, and women, and boys, and girls - I see transitioning genders, I see a binary all around me that I exist outside of. I feel like a creature in a world of humans, trying to blend in, calling myself one thing to one side and another thing to the other, and I feel torn. Do I say I’m nonbinary, and risk rejection or mocking? Or do I say I’m a boy, and risk almost the same thing. 

Maybe there’s a monster burning inside me, aching to get out and wreak havoc. To consume people and rip them apart, paint with their blood and keep their eyes as pretty little trophies. I don’t know what I feel the impulse to do half of the time, just that I don’t because it would hurt others. I know that I do have that side of myself where the impulses come from, where my animalistic thoughts reside. I know I can’t ever let those out, lest I lose everything I care for.  

Morning Today

I enjoy silent early mornings. My cat is begging for my attention as of right now, nudging my arm, my leg, my shoulder - wherever he can reach, in all honesty. I have a fresh cup of coffee, it’s dark and silent. Just me and my thoughts, for at least another half hour. I can prepare for the world by myself right now, I can ready my thoughts to face the day. 

When my guardian wakes up, my coffee will either be cold or gone, and I will be in my room where she can’t see me. I enjoy being solitary in the mornings. The sound of coffee brewing, school buses stopping on my street to pick up silent kids, my own keyboard clacking away. It’s a comfort, this soft silence, the stillness of this morning. 

I hope that my day is good, that the rest of it reflects how peaceful and nice this moment is. I have taken my medicine, all that’s left is to get dressed, and brush my teeth. An easy feat, that I will soon accomplish - right after my coffee. 

Lethargic

Noun. /ləˈθɑr·dʒɪk/

Lacking in energy; feeling unable or unwilling to do anything.

The Spider Queen

They were the one thing her mother hated and her father loved, the three tarantulas that had come to visit the little girl with the pink toy teapot that poured out real tea. She was always happy to see them, would get out her mismatched teaset and hand out cups - light pink for Jer, hot pink for Kei, and yellow for Mey. 

She had always been a rather odd child. Her mother a bitter human and her father an elven druid in search of knowledge, and herself a half-elf. She had a proficiency for accidental magic, even before the expected age. Yet no one could explain how she conjured tea into her little pink teapot, fresh and steaming. She refused to say, simply smiling and saying that the spiders had taught her. 

When she started school, both parents were relieved, hoping their daughter would begin to make friends with other elves or humans, or half-elves. For a bit, they thought it was working. Their daughter spoke of three little ones that she enjoyed spending time with, named Jer, Kei, and Mey. She came home with various gifts gift from the three, from a beautifully and expertly crafted white silk hair tie to a dress woven in patterns that even the most professional seamstress hadn’t seen before to a simple black friendship bracelet woven from what looked hair. Her parents were willing to ignore these strange gifts in favor of being happy that their child was interacting with other humans. 

Then, of course, the school sent a letter telling them to visit the school while the children were at lunch. The teacher sat them down, explaining that the girl didn’t interact with other children, and at recess sat beside a tree and talked to three large, alarming spiders. No matter how hard the school had tried, they were unable to either get the tarantulas off of the premises nor were they able to convince her to get them to leave. Her parents were disappointed, watching throughout recess as their daughter ran off from the group of children heading for the playground to sit beside a tree and talk to the spiders that had grown exponentially. They were now half the size that she was, and clicking their pincers excitedly. 

The parents could do nothing, no matter what they tried - banishing spells, fire, forbidding her to ever see the spiders again. They watched as their daughter grew up, hitting puberty and pimples breaking out along her face, her insecurities arising, the spiders following her nearly everywhere; her first heartbreak, and the ensuing hug(?) that lasted forever; when she graduated, they were waiting offstage for her and clicking their pincers along with the rest of the crowd’s applause. By that time, they were as large as she was. 

She got all A’s in her classes, excelling most in nature magic, a battered little pink teapot in her backpack always. When she went off to college, they went too, and her parents frowned in disapproval at it, but said nothing. She studied history, memorizing tales of the Spider Queen, an evil woman taught and mentored by three spiders who influenced her to take over the world. 

It made her think of herself, to an extent, but never once had Jer, Kae, or Mey ever tried to tell her to take over the world. Instead, they told her that she could accomplish her goals, she was better than she believed herself to be, and listening to the bullies of her school was a bad idea. She trusted them, after they had kept her from losing herself to her own low self-esteem. So, when they told her that she was who she read about, she trusted them. She refused however, to do as her previous self had done, and rule the world. 

Instead, she pursued a career as a Shaman, a helper and selfless person who didn’t worry for herself and instead helped maintain the balance of light at dark, knowing that without one there couldn’t be the other. Her career led to her own writings, published works that gave her a name in the history books, one her past life had already had. The Spider Queen. 

Image Prompt

I’ve been more productive today than I have been in a while - I even got out and did some yardwork. I’m making new friends, building my own little group. It’s a lot of fun and this Thursday I get to do two fun things. I get to go to a parade, and I get to go see a play! 

Maybe life isn’t perfect, it’s far from it actually. I had a fight with my aunt, my mother is trying to get back into contact with me, and I don’t get to talk to my girlfriend as much as I want, but life isn’t awful. There are plenty of good things in it. I look forward to finding those and sharing them. 

Accepting Myself

I struggle with self-acceptance, as I’m sure many of us do. There are sides of me that I hate, things that make me sick. But I can acknowledge these things, understand that as of right now, they are a part of me - and from there, I can work on overcoming them. 

These are things I would like to share with you, and maybe one day I will, but as of right now, they are private to me. The reason I want to share these things is so that those who struggle with it know that they are not alone, that there are others out here who are facing the same things. 

With my security in who I am, I can now work on my other insecurities. My body, my voice, etc. Things I am self conscious about, and that I don’t like about me. We can all work together for self acceptance, and when I get better I promise I’ll pull all of you up with me. 

About Me

My name is Micha, I’m 16 years old. I am non-binary, and use they/them/theirs. I am not new to tumblr, nor it’s drama, and have created this as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I hope to post regularly here, and look forward to using this platform once more - but this time with more purpose. 

The reason I chose my username (write-dreamer-survivor) is because it is who I am in three words. Writer. I am a writer, and that is one of the biggest aspects of who I am. I will always write, whether it be poetry, plays, or novellas. Dreamer. I am a dreamer, I dream of so many things - falling in love, getting married, becoming a well known author. I dream of a future where humanity can be at peace. Survivor. I am a survivor of sexual assault, self-harm, and depression. It’s an ongoing struggle, but I will continue to fight as I have for the past years. 

I am by no means important or influential, but I do hope to make a positive impact on the world in some way. Hopefully this blog can be a part of that. I look forward to a future with all of you in it.