I Had To Wake Up Early Today Because I’m Gonna Drive AGAIN. Yesterday Wasn’t As Good As Last Time

When I hung out with the fit guy and thin girl last year they also asked me what kind of music I liked. I didn’t know how to reply because I like all types of music as long as it’s depressing or something. Been like that my entire life, no matter what new genre I got into, I always picked out the most depressing songs and liked those best. So I told them that. Which was incredibly stupid of me. The fit guy said “I’d be depressed all the time too in that case”. Which yea I get it, I get how that sort of stuff affects people. But god damnit the music doesn’t depress me, I listen to that music because I am depressed. Ahhhshahskrocjenjdms I wish I never spoke. I should have stayed mute.

I tried

I tried loving my body I tried liking curves I tried accepting myself I tried eating

And it’s shit, i hate it, i wanna be 80lbs

people say i'm gonna die if i fast too long

🤔🤔🤔🤔where’s the drawback tho, i’m gonna fast until my ugw or die trying lmao

Why I need to be skinny:

- In the past, my friends used to video chat with me, and I would ALWAYS be eating something, and they kept laughing and joking about how much I ate. It made me feel like complete, utter shit. And I don’t ever want to feel like that again. 

- No one ever looks at me like you look at attractive people. Everyone always looks at my friends, my skinny, beautiful, worthy friends. I’m clearly the fat ‘duff’ in the group. 

- No one ever invites me to things because I’m the ‘ugly’ last choice.

- I don’t want to feel so fat anymore. I want to feel weightless

- I want people to see that I can be skinny, pretty and better than them all. 

- I will prove everyone wrong. 

- People will get crushes on me

- I will finally be worth something. 

- I will finally be happy with myself

- I will finally love myself

- others will adore me.

- I will make my family proud

One day, you’ll look like her. Don’t give up, stay strong. I believe in you 🌸

Losing weight is like quitting smoking. You have to really and truly want it before it becomes reality. And I mean really and truly.

More than you really and truly want that snack, sweet or extra helping at dinner.