Latest Posts by deathtoyouandtoyours - Page 4
Anti-voting rhetoric will be the death of the left. Literally.
Not a single fucking Republican voted to protect roe. It was fucking overturned in the first place bc trump got three Supreme Court appointments.
Every fucking thing wrong in this country is almost certainly the result of Republicans being in power. In 2020, Texas cut half of the polling places in black neighborhoods, and doubled them in white ones, regardless of population. It was Republicans bitching about mail in voting, and constantly, constantly fearmonger about voter fraud. Literally, their platform is about making civil rights harder to practice.
Would you like to know why? It’s because Republican politicians know better than anyone that higher voter participation means higher republican loss.
But what do I see from the online left, champions of the oppressed?
“Voting doesn’t do anything, the parties are the same, the system is rigged, etc, etc”
Don’t sit here and tell me you give a fuck about marginalized people if you aren’t ready to march your ass to the voting booth and vote out the party actively stripping their rights away.
Protest, donate, community build, unionize, and vote, vote, vote.
By the time direct action is the only option, it will be too fucking late.
I think it's a misuse of your big platform to allow the spreading of transgenderism! We do not need those freaks on this earth
I need those freaks actually, and I'm going to use my platform to spread transgenderism like Judas spread his legs for Jesus.
"if you want attention you must ask for it" ID RATHER DIE!!!
Dungeon Meshi - Izutsumi bedtime notes
A second senshi has hit the fucking tower
Yknow how people say they picture senshi and it helps them cook? I think I’m doing something wrong (DO NOT DO THIS)
a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints
When you're autistic, it's impossible to miss how much society normalizes child abuse.
I could dedicate my entire life to studying how to interact with people and I'd still never master the social skills that young children are expected to have on command.
Say the wrong thing? That's disrespectful and you're punished. And you don't even have to actually say anything wrong. Pretty much anything you say can be considered "giving lip" if your parent wants some excuse to punish you. But if you say nothing, then you get punished for ignoring. You also have to calculate your response to their mind game quickly because taking too long to respond is considered ignoring. Also, if you're being wrongly accused of something, saying nothing is considered a confession. And even if you somehow manage to say exactly what your parent wants in exactly the correct tone, they'll still punish you for "sarcasm" or "not really meaning it".
First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this
compilation
Holy shit. The Israeli whistleblower story CNN just broke is insane. I cannot believe what I’m reading
Palestinian gofundme’s with zero donations as of May 11, 2024:
URGENT: Evacuate My Diabetic Kid Out of GAZA WAR
Help Abood Evacuate Gaza, Rebuild, and Pursue Education
Saving a dental student and his family from war
Family evacuation
Help me to complete my education
We are raising 6000$ to allow Razan to leave Gaza
Save Me, So I Can Live and Continue My Life Safely
Donate to help me and my family in Gaza
They helped Abdullah's family to escape the war on
Gaza Hope: Support Belal, Ameera & Baby Hala
Help Nada and her family to survive in Gaza
Help Ayah to pursuing her education
Help Leen get out of Gaza and get the treatment
Help Ahmed Mughani's brother & companion evacuate
Urgent Appeal for Maria's Medical Treatment
Helping me and my family.
Donte to save my mother from death in Gaza
Support Hadeel for education abroad
Evacuate young Dr Oday and family from Gaza
Help Support samah Family Evacuate from Gaza
Helping me and my family get out of Gaza
A Dream Deferred: A Student's Journey from Gaza
Support Aya's Family's Journey to Safety
help me and my family evacuate from death in Gaza
Support Youssef and Afnan's Medical Journey
Help Abdallah to continue his studies and dream
Support Jamil's Journey to Heart Surgery
HELP ABDALLAH AND HIS FAMILY EVACUATE FOR MEDICAL TR
Help Ahmed and Heba Breathe Easier in Gaza
Help me treat my father, my brother, and my family in Gaza.
Help Us Escape the Horrors of War and Save Zahra’s Life
Help Hadeel to Evacuate from Gaze & Resume her Dreams
Rebuilding Dreams : A medical student's in Gaza Genocide
Donate to support us to restore our home and our lives
Please help my father to receive treatment outside Gaza
Help my family to get out of Gaza
Help Maram and her daughter!
Help treat Jud and Fares after they were injured in the Gaza
I need urgent help for my son, Louay, who has autism.
Help me evacuate Gaza and treat my hand urgently
Help Mohammed and Doaa’s Family Find Safety
Help Darren's Family Survive in Rafah
Help my aunt Wala from gaza
Help Ali and Naema get out of Gaza
Help tariq's family survive the war in gaza
Help me, my children, and my wife to leave Goza
No Survival Without You : Help Malak,And Her Family Survive
Help for my children and family life
Urgent Support for Zainab and Mais's Medical Care fom Gaza
Help Israa leave Gaza and complete its treatment
Help Zain's family evacuate Gaza so he can get medical help
Help my family to get out of Gaza
Donate for peace to us
Help me to get out of Gaza & Back to my studies
Give Sami & his family a chance to get out of Gaza
Help Baraa's family get out of Gaza and not die
Overcoming Obstacles: From Gaza to Education
Help saja to get out of gaza
Evacuate Hamoudy from Gaza for medical treatment!
Help my family escape Gaza and receive Medical aid
Help My Family In Gaza
do you guys ever feel like an outcast even in a group full of outcasts. like i'm autistic and even in groups full of neurodivergent people i'm still excluded sometimes. i don't understand why
Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.
Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.
I feel like I’ll never catch up.
my apologies if this has already been posted here but im sharing this. here is what someone said on twitter along w this image:
the central image text reads: “@everyone I HAVE BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED GUARDIAN JOURNALISTS ARE SNOOPING AROUND ASKING FOR TRANS PEOPLE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT DIY HRT. THEY ARE PARTICULARLY LOOKING FOR UNDER-18S DOING DIY. SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID, BUT DO. NOT. ENGAGE. SPREAD WIDELY. DO NOT ENGAGE. WE NEED THIS NOTICE SPREAD OUT VIA EVERY GRASSROOTS SUPPORT GROUP AND SOCIAL CIRCLE IN THE COUNTRY.
URGENT. IF THEY GET EVEN ONE TO TAKE PART IT BECOMES A NATIONAL CONVERSATION. TOP ALERT.
Guardian journos are apparently asking trans people about DIY. Trans followers: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO THEM. NOT A WORD.
I also know I’ve got cis mutuals who have written for the Guardian. Please know I’ve always thought less of you because of that.
- https://x.com/TownTattle/status/1781045092049928551
I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside...
I got to hold a 500,000 year old hand axe at the museum today.
It's right-handed
I am right-handed
There are grooves for the thumb and knuckle to grip that fit my hand perfectly
I have calluses there from holding my stylus and pencils and the gardening tools.
There are sharper and blunter parts of the edge, for different types of cutting, as well as a point for piercing.
I know exactly how to use this to butcher a carcass.
A homo erectus made it
Some ancestor of mine, three species ago, made a tool that fits my hand perfectly, and that I still know how to use.
Who were you
A man? A woman? Did you even use those words?
Did you craft alone or were you with friends? Did you sing while you worked?
Did you find this stone yourself, or did you trade for it? Was it a gift?
Did you make it for yourself, or someone else, or does the distinction of personal property not really apply here?
Who were you?
What would you think today, seeing your descendant hold your tool and sob because it fits her hands as well?
What about your other descendant, the docent and caretaker of your tool, holding her hands under it the way you hold your hands under your baby's head when a stranger holds them.
Is it bizarre to you, that your most utilitarian object is now revered as holy?
Or has it always been divine?
Or is the divine in how I am watching videos on how to knap stone made by your other descendants, learning by example the way you did?
Tomorrow morning I am going to the local riverbed in search of the appropriate stones, and I will follow your example.
The first blood spilled on it will almost certainly be my own, as I learn the textures and rhythm of how it's done.
Did you have cuss words back then? Gods to blaspheme when the rock slips and you almost take your thumbnail off instead? Or did you just scream?
I'm not religious.
But if spilling my own blood to connect with a stranger who shared it isn't partaking in the divine
I don't know what is.
with adhd/autism it's funny like. people will call you weird all your life, people will bully you for your "outlandish" behaviour, people will criticize literally everything you do as "not normal", BUT THE SECOND YOU GET DIAGNOSED (or suggest you might have it) they're like "huh what but you're so normal, you're literally the most normal person I've ever seen, you're literally so normal and absolutely nothing is wrong with you? why would you have that now all of a sudden???"
Don't you dare. They used to be merged until orange trees> orange fruit> orange color.
It's why we have terms like "red fox," or "red head" when they're usually more orange.
Please don't send us back to the middle ages. I'm on my knees begging. We'll have dumbasses within a few years asking stupid shit like "why is called an orange if it's red or yellow?" Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
If you could make a new color what would you name it and how does it sound more real than magenta.
oh oh oh!! I have a really cool fact as part of my answer!!
Okay, so you know how colour is a spectrum, right? Your eyes only REALLY perceive blends of three base colours- red, blue, and green. (Yes, green.) All other colours are blends of these three primaries- red and green make yellow, red and blue make magenta, and blue and green make cyan.
As you mentioned, magenta is a ""fake"" color- this is because colours are made of waves! The waves on the red end of the spectrum are Low Frequency and the waves on the blue end are High Frequency. You'd *think" halfway between both wavelengths would be the result, but that's green, and we already have a colour for green! So to fix this paradox, the line from red to blue becomes a circle and we see magenta instead!
Now again, this spectrum- it looks like this:
And most of the world recognizes the six listed colours as distinct. Which means that we take this blended gradient and add hard lines, like this, to clearly separate them from each other:
BUT, not all societies do this!! There are some whose languages don't *have* different words for "blue" or "green", and as a result, people raised speaking these languages have a REALLY HARD TIME distinguishing between what we recognize as "obviously" either green OR blue.
THEIR colour spectrum looks like this:
Which is correct and valid and makes COMPLETE sense, because we argue about differences in colour all the fucling time- "is this dark blue or dark purple", "is this neon yellow or neon green", and "is this orange or red" are some common examples. Any of those in-betweens could be treated as whole and distinct blocks with distinct boundaries.
And so, I propose this:
We merge orange and red cause i can't be fucking arsed
which one of these did you believe was normal throughout your childhood:
Parents telling you that you're a financial burden to them
Parents insisting you need to work if you want to live in their house
Parents threatening to kick you out if you don't do as they say
Parents threatening death to you
Parents convincing you that you would die without them
Parents expecting you to know information you've never been taught or shown
Parents convincing you that you're unlovable
Parents telling you that any harm done to you is deserved
Parents not caring if you're sick/injured and shaming you for it
Parents expecting you to not have needs
Parents telling you that you're 'crazy' when you remember something traumatic they did to you
Parents acting like you're not a part of the family whenever is convenient
Being told to keep silent to 'keep the family together'
'What happens in my house stay in my house'
Parents inflicting physical abuse, marks and injuries on you
Parents having the right to do whatever they please to their kid
Parents insisting they must be automatically forgiven for everything
Parents telling you that you're the abusive one if you disobey
Parents throwing rage tantrums and screaming hateful atrocities at you in the 'heat of the moment' then later pretending thats normal and forgivable
Parents being allowed to act immature while children are not
Parents simply 'not noticing' when you have emotional/mental issues
Being suicidal and nobody caring or paying attention to it
Struggling with eating disorders/mental illnesses/disability and only being shamed and blamed for it
Parents insisting that their right to hurt you is above law and reason and that you are the only one who can be punished
Idea that 'everyone has it this hard' and 'you're the only one who is being this badly affected by otherwise normal treatment of children
Being told that it would only be worse for you somewhere else and you're lucky that you're only having 'only that amount of abuse'
Parents comparing their parenting to worse examples and wanting gratitude that they're 'not as bad'
Parents telling you that you'll never amount to anything and undermining everything you've done in life continually
Parents acting like your experience and perspective don't matter, or insisting you don't have the right to one in the first place.
(none of these are normal. this is brainwashing)
an impossible reality
Things abusers do to sabotage you from leaving, or ‘Why you can’t just leave’:
Parental
convince you that you couldn’t survive without them and you wouldn’t be able to support yourself or make it out there alone
refuse to teach you survival skills, find excuses like 'you’re too clumsy, you’re not capable, you wont be able to do this’
convince you of 'catastrophic events’ that would take place if you were out there; homelessness, starvation, social rejection, failing at everything, financial struggles, kidnapping, murder
convince you that the world is a scary place and you’d be a failure and dead 'in the real world’
traumatize you to the point where you struggle to get thru the day, which now also makes it seem like you wouldn’t be able to make it on your own
talk you out of finding work, tell you about awful things that would happen to you if you went and found a job, try to make you to 'work for them’ or at least in the close area
if you find work, they claim a part or entirety of your income, making sure you don’t have escape money
regularly make you feel ashamed of not being able to be independant, and letting you know that only people who are able to be independant deserve to have freedom and place out in the real world
guilt-trip you to feel like you owe them caretaking because they raised you, so you’re owing them to stay and take care of them instead of living your own life
Emotional
complain about how 'everyone abandons them’ in order to make you feel like you’re just 'one of the bad ones who betrayed them’ if you think about leaving
every time you try to leave, they overwhelm you with a new incident, sickness or drama that makes it seem like you’re abandoning them in the middle of a tragedy
act overly attached to you, making sure you know that if you left, they wouldn’t know what to do without you, and they’d be heartbroken, but still they refuse to respect your boundaries
convince you that you’re “all they’ve got”, you’re special and unique to them, only you can understand and help them
love-bomb you until you’re attached and bonded to them to the point where leaving feels unimaginably painful because you’d be losing your closest person in the world
begging, pleading, acting like they gave you no reason to leave, promising to change, promising to do anything you’ve wanted to happen for a long time, making you feel like things are just about to get good and like they regret everything bad they’ve ever done
launching an attack on your persona, pointing out every time you did something 'bad’ and insisting that you’re actually the worst of the two, so you can’t blame them for anything
guilt trips; reminding you of everything they’ve done for you and how ungrateful you are, reminding you of all of the nice things you’ve said about them before, asking if it ever meant anything, accusing you of being heartless if you go, of never loving them, of mistreating them, accusing you of being toxic, deciding you’re hurting them on purpose if you leave
deciding you’re leaving because of their specific problem/situation/disability/illness that you’ve always been considerate and supportive about (another guilt trip)
say it’s “your fault they’ll never get better” with whatever you were helping them with
deciding you only want to leave because of your unhealthy trust issues or 'you push people away’ or 'misinterpret things because of your trauma’ and asking you to be honest with yourself
asking you to explain in detail why you feel the need to leave, only to attack your reasoning and explain it all away and minimize it to make it seem like you have no good reason for leaving
tell you that 'nobody will ever love you again’ if you leave
threaten to expose your most vulnerable secrets if you leave
threaten to hurt themselves if you leave
Psychological
gaslight you into doubting whether you’re abused, to the point where you feel like you’re exaggerating, going insane, remembering things wrong, and unsure if the problem is you or them
time an event of abuse specifically when you’re trying to work on something, or you’re immensely stressed and trying to meet a deadline, so you’d be too overwhelmed with fear/anger/grief, and can’t make your work in time
regularly having intense violent or dramatic reactions to your harmless behaviour, making you feel like you can’t predict what they’ll do if you leave or how that could end for you
support your codependency on them, or financially support your addiction, so you feel tied to them and have to go back to them in order to feel normal again
undermine and trash your work, imply or outright say your work is stupid, meaningless, badly done, and not worth doing, trying to discourage you from working
verbally assault you and criticize your work to the point where you start to feel anxious and upset whenever you’re working, making work a trauma trigger for you
punish you for 'lying to them’ if you fail to mention something, making it clear that you will get hurt every time you make any move they don’t like, which makes it even more scary to leave
threaten to make a suicide attempt if you leave
threaten to hurt you if you leave
threaten to report you and try to get you imprisoned for a real or imagined crime if you leave
threaten to have you admitted to a mental institution (or any other kind of institution) where you’ll be even more controlled
threatening your family members, loved ones, friends, and/or pets, saying horrid things they would do to them if you dared to disobey or leave
threaten to find you and drag you back and hurt you if you try to leave
say outright they’re going to kill you if you ever leave, or that they’d rather have you dead than gone
Social Isolation
create insecurities in your behaviour, repeatedly imply or claim you’re too loud, obnoxious, sensitive, crazy, stupid, clueless, demanding, nagging, until you’re worried that everyone is secretly judging you and the world feels against you
take apart your appearance until you feel too insecure and lose confidence in socializing or meeting new people, constantly feeling like you need to 'fix yourself’ first
demean and condemn your personality, appearance, social standing, finances, capabilities, to the point where they decide you can’t do any better than them and you should feel lucky anyone is tolerating you at all
inflict punishments on you for socializing or hanging out with new people; break your things, throw jealous tantrums, ask why they’re not enough for you, go thru your things, rage
violate your privacy and take away things you need in order for them to control when you’re allowed to have them
smear-campaign you; spread lies about what you were like to them so everyone sides with them, and blames you and tells you what to do (exactly what the abuser wants you to do)
turn your family members and friends against you, and make sure they’ll be unnaccepting of you and refuse to help you if you try to leave
Physical
Physically assaulting you if you do something they don’t want you to do, making it clear they’re going to hurt you for any attempt at leaving them as well
Physically assault you if you try, or say you’re going to leave
Inflict injuries on you that will prevent you from working/being independent
Stalking, making it known they can always find you and seek revenge if you dare to leave
Influencing other people to stalk you and let him know where you are and what you’re doing; making you feel like you’re always being watched and always surrendered by their influence
hurt themselves physically if you make an attempt, or even say that you’re leaving
attempt suicide if you make an attempt of leaving
attempt at murder if you try to leave
Financial
create and maintain a financial situation where they are the only one having income, and they’re able to control how much money you get to spend
withhold financial knowledge from you so you’d be clueless about their finances, and managing finances in general (you can’t get an idea of how much money it takes to get thru a month)
refuse to give you your right to keep your money separately from theirs
create financial trouble that you have to solve, taking up all of your savings in the process
take your money without asking, and the amount you’d never consent to, and they give you excuses and pretend it was 'necessary’
accuse you of 'spending irresponsibly’ as an excuse to confiscate or control the money you have on your person (or in your account)
throw a fit if they find out you have any money on you that they’re not aware of/have approved of (if you borrow or win or earn money that they didn’t give you)
make sure you’re overwhelmed with tasks and problems and emotional trauma, to the point where you don’t have a chance to get out and find a job, or go and look for resources for getting out of abuse
stand against you getting more education, or starting any new activities with people around you (making sure you don’t get any social connections that could lead to a job)
get you fired from a job by spreading lies or calling in and harassing the employer about you
forcing you to spend any money they know you have saved up, so you’d have no money to plan escape
It is NOT EASY to leave, and statistically it takes several attempts to leave an abusive situation. Be aware that it’s hard because they’re sabotaging your every step, not because you’re not doing enough. Abusers often wont show their abusive side until they’re absolutely sure that you have nowhere else to live, and no other place to go. All of the things on this list are psychologically damaging, and terrifying to live thru. All of this is abuse. Nobody has the right to tell you this is your fault. Keep trying. Keep fighting.
If you’re struggling to leave an abusive situation, here’s an article on How to Leave an Abuser.
Abusive parents will program you so extensively, that when you’re asked:
‘What have your parents done to you?’
the only thing you know how to answer is:
‘They gave me the roof over my head and clothed me and fed me.’
Because that’s whats repeated to you almost every day of your life to be grateful for, you don’t have the words to describe the devastating abuse and hatred, because they don’t want you to have the words for it. All they teach you to say is ‘I’m grateful and it could have been so much worse’.
That’s how nobody can ever find out about the abuse. They make sure the children won’t know how to answer even if asked.
The Strike for Gaza is ending, but the genocide hasn't! Please continue boycotting and showing your support however you can🍉
[image ID: December 7, 2021 tweet by butchanarchy that reads,
If 1 in 4 adults in America truly are estranged from their families it is due to the fact that we have normalized a culture of abuse, not that “cancel culture” has gotten out of hand.
Cutting off someone you have kinship ties with, especially if they are a parent, is not something people do at the drop of that hat or when the mood takes them. It is something that happens when a mutually respectful relationship has shown itself to be impossible.
/end image ID]
skipping the first part because parent
Desensitizing and normalizing abuse
This person has me seeing a lot of media with abuse in it, and compares it to their behaviour.
This person talks about abuse that is worse than what they're doing, to remind me how good they are in comparison.
I feel like I need to accept their views and be understanding to them or else I am a bad person
I've seen this person act awfully towards other people and I got used to the idea that it's normal and it might be me one day
I know this person thinks horrible things about other people, and I'm scared they'll think the same about me
This person thinks that not being tough and enduring abuse would make me a weakling
This person shows me that being a little rough and violent is just a joke and not a big deal
This person likes telling jokes in which they make fun of someone by humiliating or insulting them, and is convinces me it's just good fun
This person doesn't think their actions would affect someone strongly
This person doesn't seem to feel much guilt when they hurt me, even when I would be horrified to hurt someone else this bad
if someone complains about their behaviour, then that person is called oversensitive, or a killjoy
This person talks about horrible things they've been thru, even when i'm too young to perceive or understand it
This person thinks people who complain about abuse and violence are bad and weak, and just need to endure it and get over it already
This person thinks abuse victims are themselves to blame for participating
This person thinks victims of abuse secretly want it
Guilt-tripping and punishing
I feel like a bad and selfish person if I say no to them
This person explained to me that everyone else does this kind of thing too, and I am stupid if I refuse to do it
This person convinced me if I didn't accept what they do to me I would become spoiled, selfish and rotten, useless person and a burden
This person says what they do is "tough love" and it's for my own good
I feel like I'm hurting this person if I don't give them what they need (want)
I owe obedience to this person, I am afraid to fail them
I feel if I don't do or think as this person says, I immediately lose all value in their eyes
If I try to resist this person, they compare me to everyone else who hurt them and make me feel horrible about myself
If I say no to this person, I will become useless in their eyes
If I try to resist this person, they will punish me, and start to resent me
No matter how much I resist this person, it makes things worse for me
No matter how much I resist this person, they wear me down and exhaust me until I can't fight them anymore
If I say no to this person, they ask again and again until I say yes, or make me do it by force
I feel too weak to resist them and I think it's my fault
I know I should resist this person, but I feel like they're only one who love me and I can't bear to lose them
I invested so much time and love in this person, I can't bear risking them leave me if I keep resisting them now
If I resist or confront this person, they ignore me for days/weeks and I feel they hate me
I don't feel like I have a choice but to keep doing what I'm told by this person
If I don't do what I'm told, things might escalate into violence and I am too scared to risk it
I'm scared of what they'll do to me, or themselves if I resist
this person explained to me that I'm silly for trying to resist them and what they want me to do is the right thing and I should do it, even if I feel unwilling
this person insists it's not a big deal what they're doing to me and that I shouldn't overreact to it
Isolation and secrecy
I feel uncomfortable telling anyone about what's happening between me and this person in private
I'm scared if I tell anyone, they wouldn't understand, or they would get angry at me for allowing for it to happen
I feel if I told someone, I would be blamed for everything that happened
I don't have many friends or people who would care about me
I'm scared if I told someone, the person doing this to me would make sure I was blamed
I don't want to be disloyal to this person, I know telling someone would make them look bad
I feel like I must keep everything a secret
this person told me not to tell anyone
this person made threats to me if I told someone
I'm scared of what this person might do to me, or themselves, if I told someone
This person convinced me to get distance from my friends and family, and to not trust other people with anything that happens between us
Rules and terrorizing
I am not allowed to challenge this person, or doubt anything they say. Whatever they say is the truth must be accepted as such, even if I secretly think they might be wrong
I'm not allowed to make this person angry, or I might end up in more pain than I can handle
I'm not allowed to leave or abandon this person, it would make me feel so guilty it would be unbearable
I was allowed to defend myself from this person at the start but I'm forced to give in eventually
I've known this person to do awful things and they might do it to me
I'm aware of how much worse this person could do to me, they keep reminding me to be grateful their behaviour didn't escalate further and how it could
Arguing with this person escalates into insults, humiliation, threats and blackmailing
I'm scared of what this person might reveal to others about me
this person threatened to commit suicide or hurt/murder me if resist
I feel cornered and obliged to go along with this person's demands, to consider otherwise fills me with terror and guilt
I'm terrified of being abandoned by this person, even though being with them is very painful as well
I feel guilty about the things I've allowed this person to do to me, but I don't feel able stopping them from doing more in the future
33...its too much
Am I being groomed to accept abuse? Checklist
This is the checklist for recognizing if you’re groomed into accepting abuse, this checklist doesn’t cover sexual grooming, and for sexual grooming click here. Bold the points that are true for you, italicize if you’re unsure. Even if sexual grooming isn’t covered here, the same methods are used in sexual grooming as well.
Creating an illusion of bond (this step can be skipped if they’re already a part of family and expect trust by default)
This person makes me feel important and special
This person claims they feel admiration and affection for me because of my maturity and intelligence, and that’s why they’re drawn to me even though it might look inappropriate
I am surprised this person would feel anything for me (because of age-difference, they’re a teacher/adult or otherwise authority figure, or because nobody else in my life thinks I’m worthy being cared for)
This person gives me special privileges
This person tells me personal secrets, and I am surprised they trust me with them
This person acts like they already knew me when they just met me, and acts like we’re very close already, even when there wasn’t much time spent together
This person considers me a part of their life very fast and I am flattered by it
This person was very quick to declare affection and love for me
This person shares intimate details of their life with me and I feel special for it
This person makes me feel like they’re the only one who really loves me
This person said they were the only one who really loves me
This person knows things about me nobody else knows
This person makes me feel at ease to talk about my trauma, even when I don’t feel like I could tell anyone else, they don’t judge me
This person seems to think the world of me right away
This person calls me affectionate nicknames that don’t match the length or type of our relationship
This person gives me presents and gifts out of nowhere and I feel indebted and grateful
I feel indebted to this person, even if I didn’t want the gifts they gave me
This person was there for me when no-one else was and I wont abandon them no matter what
This person praises and compliments me for everything I do they want of me, but their praise stops whenever I want to go against their word
Desensitizing and normalizing abuse
This person has me seeing a lot of media with abuse in it, and compares it to their behaviour.
This person talks about abuse that is worse than what they’re doing, to remind me how good they are in comparison.
I feel like I need to accept their views and be understanding to them or else I am a bad person
I’ve seen this person act awfully towards other people and I got used to the idea that it’s normal and it might be me one day
I know this person thinks horrible things about other people, and I’m scared they’ll think the same about me
This person thinks that not being tough and enduring abuse would make me a weakling
This person shows me that being a little rough and violent is just a joke and not a big deal
This person likes telling jokes in which they make fun of someone by humiliating or insulting them, and is convinces me it’s just good fun
This person doesn’t think their actions would affect someone strongly
This person doesn’t seem to feel much guilt when they hurt me, even when I would be horrified to hurt someone else this bad
if someone complains about their behaviour, then that person is called oversensitive, or a killjoy
This person talks about horrible things they’ve been thru, even when i’m too young to perceive or understand it
This person thinks people who complain about abuse and violence are bad and weak, and just need to endure it and get over it already
This person thinks abuse victims are themselves to blame for participating
This person thinks victims of abuse secretly want it
Guilt-tripping and punishing
I feel like a bad and selfish person if I say no to them
This person explained to me that everyone else does this kind of thing too, and I am stupid if I refuse to do it
This person convinced me if I didn’t accept what they do to me I would become spoiled, selfish and rotten, useless person and a burden
This person says what they do is “tough love” and it’s for my own good
I feel like I’m hurting this person if I don’t give them what they need (want)
I owe obedience to this person, I am afraid to fail them
I feel if I don’t do or think as this person says, I immediately lose all value in their eyes
If I try to resist this person, they compare me to everyone else who hurt them and make me feel horrible about myself
If I say no to this person, I will become useless in their eyes
If I try to resist this person, they will punish me, and start to resent me
No matter how much I resist this person, it makes things worse for me
No matter how much I resist this person, they wear me down and exhaust me until I can’t fight them anymore
If I say no to this person, they ask again and again until I say yes, or make me do it by force
I feel too weak to resist them and I think it’s my fault
I know I should resist this person, but I feel like they’re only one who love me and I can’t bear to lose them
I invested so much time and love in this person, I can’t bear risking them leave me if I keep resisting them now
If I resist or confront this person, they ignore me for days/weeks and I feel they hate me
I don’t feel like I have a choice but to keep doing what I’m told by this person
If I don’t do what I’m told, things might escalate into violence and I am too scared to risk it
I’m scared of what they’ll do to me, or themselves if I resist
this person explained to me that I’m silly for trying to resist them and what they want me to do is the right thing and I should do it, even if I feel unwilling
this person insists it’s not a big deal what they’re doing to me and that I shouldn’t overreact to it
Isolation and secrecy
I feel uncomfortable telling anyone about what’s happening between me and this person in private
I’m scared if I tell anyone, they wouldn’t understand, or they would get angry at me for allowing for it to happen
I feel if I told someone, I would be blamed for everything that happened
I don’t have many friends or people who would care about me
I’m scared if I told someone, the person doing this to me would make sure I was blamed
I don’t want to be disloyal to this person, I know telling someone would make them look bad
I feel like I must keep everything a secret
this person told me not to tell anyone
this person made threats to me if I told someone
I’m scared of what this person might do to me, or themselves, if I told someone
This person convinced me to get distance from my friends and family, and to not trust other people with anything that happens between us
Rules and terrorizing
I am not allowed to challenge this person, or doubt anything they say. Whatever they say is the truth must be accepted as such, even if I secretly think they might be wrong
I’m not allowed to make this person angry, or I might end up in more pain than I can handle
I’m not allowed to leave or abandon this person, it would make me feel so guilty it would be unbearable
I was allowed to defend myself from this person at the start but I’m forced to give in eventually
I’ve known this person to do awful things and they might do it to me
I’m aware of how much worse this person could do to me, they keep reminding me to be grateful their behaviour didn’t escalate further and how it could
Arguing with this person escalates into insults, humiliation, threats and blackmailing
I’m scared of what this person might reveal to others about me
this person threatened to commit suicide or hurt/murder me if resist
I feel cornered and obliged to go along with this person’s demands, to consider otherwise fills me with terror and guilt
I’m terrified of being abandoned by this person, even though being with them is very painful as well
I feel guilty about the things I’ve allowed this person to do to me, but I don’t feel able stopping them from doing more in the future
If you bolded and italicized 4 or more of the points of any but the first category, you have underwent some form of grooming. If you bolded and italicized more than 25 of the points, you have been thru extensive and extremely malicious grooming. Anyone put thru this would find themselves helpless and cornered, it is not your fault if you’ve been subjected to this, and you did not attract it into your life.
If you bolded a lot of things in the first category, but not the others, and this relationship is still new, be careful because they might start doing the second phase of grooming at one point. (If the relationship between you and this person already lasted for years and never escalated into any abusive or coercive behaviour, you can ignore that advice).