All The Suck For The Awesome

Tarsem’s The Fall #1 - Resonating

The Fall is my favorite movie, so on many occasions I was confronted with the question, ”What do you like about it?” In this series that I’m starting right here and right now I’d like to investigate the reasons behind my connection to the movie. I want to start by the most personal tie.

When I first saw the movie I had no more than a vague idea what it would be about and a brief sample that I had watched just to know if it’s as beautiful as promised. As the story unfolded I was, of course, swept away by the beautiful imagery and the generous and unpretentious way a child’s imagination is translated to film but of course this wasn’t my first time seeing gripping visuals.

At the bottom of my experience there lay a powerful component: Much like Alexandria uses an avatar in the form of nurse Evelyn at one point of the story, I too have found a character to embody me. Prior to my first viewing I had had a very unpleasant happening with my heart and I was still far from having a ready medical report, so I was compressed into a two-dimensional state, consisting of uncertainty and fear, these very efficiently feeding each other. Later I turned out to have a manageable condition but at that time I was thoroughly afraid of dying. As a twenty-one-year-old this was my first time of facing mortality in its reality and eventuality. To me the way Roy took the defeatist standpoint was a familiar attitude, as I was also regarding my state very grimly.

Roy: “ It was the natural order of things... all things must die.”

The catharsis at the end of the movie, with the idiosyncratic added heartbeat-sound, could really move me. Although I saw no analogy there with my life, I still felt lifted up and hopeful, which was something I craved.

Months later, when I revisited The Fall, I had had new developments and I finally knew considerably more about my health. I was in no imminent danger but I was ordered to keep away from a very long list of kinds of physical exercise, which made me morose. I, a young person, had known the world most profoundly through times spent with the thumping in my ear, signalling that I was at my top speed or at the limits of my strength. Sports have been to me, what I’m sure is easily relatable, the place to feel very clearly that I was alive.

Deprived of this physical but pure joy I felt, and to a certain extent still do, that I had been handicapped, robbed of my physical future. I saw that I was restrained to the bounds of moderate movement and I was filled with the hateful expectation that my life, however distant from actual danger now, would undoubtedly be deemed to be shorter than what I had originally hoped for.

Over time my fears had somewhat dissipated but whenever I watch poor Roy struggle with his very physical inadequacy and his hopelessness I also see myself. The Fall is a story, in which people use a story to shape reality (had I no medical issue I’d probably love this movie most for being so meta) because stories, however escapist, have actual impact on the audience’s reality. I had always been invested in fiction because I understood that it has the potential to be almost supernaturally powerful, however, no story had cut deeper than this and none had treated me with more care than this.

Remember, remember the fifth of November.

V

Forget the People

The news having spread quickly and having reached the last poor, unemployed soul, a miserably thin crowd came up to Mr Dis App’s door. As he walked out with his humble luggage, they overwhelmed him.

He had thought he had braced himself against the jeering and scolding and ridiculing. But the judgmental people were shouting wishes of safe passage, the cynics wailed without any comment and his loving mother said her heart was breaking for him.

Nothing too predictable but still, all acceptable from people with no fate and spirit. This would be, Dis App pondered, a gesture unconserved.

He had one backpack, one messenger bag and--what he knew no one would know is a piece of luggage to his new life--a watch.

“Where is Scott?” he asked himself.

But he knew, fate is no mirage, it would not dissipate if he blinked or looked away.

And the used car was indeed parked at the end of the street.

Cottages with unmanaged surroundings. Weeds and poppies all the way to the city limits.

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby  (via sunst0ne)

Breaking the Ice

For about half a year I've been stuck. I haven't written a single word worth mentioning. And that's a problem if you're trying to write something. I had a conflict that I had to rewrite before the climax of my story and nothing worked. I resolved I would not progress with he whole novel as long as this problem is not solved and today, with pride I say, I have solved it. It's possibly the sweetest, neatest, greatest, most dynamic, most intense part of the whole thing.

But why couldn't I write it? I've been in a bittersweet relationship with the Creator of everything. Last time in church, the scripture said that what the Lord requires of me is:

to try to live in love,

to live according to His laws,

and to be humble toward Him.

None of the above has been fulfilled lately. But He reached down to me and, so openly, he set the rules for me. I was finally told exactly where I'm lacking. Everywhere, apparently. But it's good, it's really the best. I finally know that I should do these three. And I'm so thankful! Knowing this is salvation. I'm saved... once more. This is the biggest thing of my life and now that it's done--not for the first time, sadly--life can/must move on for me. Move forward ;)

i was with a new friend yesterday and he was telling us how he worked on a maple syrup farm and then he kind of pulls me aside and was like “hey don’t tell anyone but i can get you some maple syrup at a nice discount price but technically it’s not legal but let’s keep that on the down low” and i think i just made friends with an illegal maple syrup dealer

Come, try, Guess my name, But here’s the catch, Get it wrong, Your life I’ll snatch

Rumplestiltskin (via skeletondetectionagency)

I'm not afraid this era won't be remembered, I'm afraid it will be.