Existential Dread - Blog Posts

The fear of missing out makes me wish I was immortal

apathy’s a tragedy and boredom’s a crime !

existential dread

Sometimes I think about putting my essays on substack or something but the idea of getting no views while actively feeding the ai scrapbot makes me want to

So.

Do you ever forget what gender you are and then someone says like "She's the only girl....*blah-blah*...." and then you're hit with a "Oh, shit. I, too, am a girl. What the fuck."

Or am I weird?

Reblog c we love Mongo and TribeTwelve

WH0 THE FUCK IS M0NG0

Bouta go to sleep but I need to yap about the dream I had last night.

PICTURE THIS- you're me, waking up fully clothed at he ass crack of dawn but somehow also a bright morning.

You're ready to go to school, walk to the bus stop (not even 4 houses away) and stand at the stop sign

(you start having conversations with the people at the bus stop BUT OH NO)

you're conversation stops- you glance down the road anticipating the worst...

A red trolly- I sign of bad omens, is making its way down the road. It's taking it's sweet time but still going at a pace that makes you want to get outa there

You all start panicking and thinking about places to hide

(this is a 'mock nightmare', it's one of those dreams that feel scary enough to make you feel hella uneasy but not enough to be dreadful)

You talk with one of the girls (who is low-key a baddie) and she says go to Ms. (Neighbor)'s house and hide in-between the bushes and the porch railing, so you do

The Red Trolly rolls up

(btw there aren't even trolly lines in your city, that's how scuffed this bs is)

You try to duck down as low as you can, BUT, because you're in a dream, you're body doesn't do exactly as you ask. so you remain the tiniest bit visible

This is your doom. The aura emminating from the Trolly is heavy and frightening. The feeling of despair washes over you as you watch the trolly conductor step out and stare you down.

He says something about how he's "Going to get you this time!", and you run into the neighbor's house.

He's already inside and at the door, you sorta run sorta evade around the house. Heart beating out of your chest, blood flow pumping to you ass of all places.

He catches up to you. His face is one of determination and irritability. (What I saw) He has sort of a tired dad look mixed with an angry police officer vibe. His brown hair combed back, barely noticable stumble and frowned lips make his appearance even more indignant than it is.

He's all up in your space. You can't take it anymore. He's grabbing you, trying to get you outside so you can go into the Trolly. You don't want to so your next course of action?

'Seduce him.'

Yeah.

That's actually I heard at that exact moment. We're gonna seduce this mf

You start trying to coo at him and quell his irritable self, he calms a bit, hearing you out as you start glazing on him and his assumed achievements more than a Lebron James fan glazes their idol when they watch a Lakers™ game.

He starts going with it, getting comfy. You're both really feeling whatever this chemistry is. The door is still open but no one dares go near the house with the Red Trolly in the vicinity. The room you are grinding on him in is near empty.

He has his hands on your waist, maneuvering you both around the room while your actually dey humping and making our with each other

(yeah this turned into a wet dream reeeaaal quick 💀💀 no joke)

You push him off, sabotaging your pleasure, and he starts mumbling about needing to go anyways...

He makes quick work out the door, driving the Trolly away. As soon as he and the red vehicle are gone, the Aura of Death™ goes along with them.

The end.

Btw this is one of my RECURRING DREAMS, had this one in 4/5th grade I believe ☝️😎(😭🙏)

I've never felt more intimatly aware of the threat of nuclear war than these past fews hours of my life.

Like no joke I had a dream that the would went into MAD* and for some reason,,, no one was panicking.

*Mutually Assured Destruction

Like we were all scrambling and internally afraid yes but at the same time- most of everyone (at least in the vicinity of my city) was calm.

Like it wasn't a surprise. We all just knew we had to start packing bags and find somewhere to go.

I fucking hate that this could happen at any point now too. Like with the American election results turning another page in our unfortunate history.

Unless things go smoother than gravel in these next few years, I'm pretty sure I won't be surprised if MAD does happen.

That's how fucking bad this shit is. It's quite literally one of the endings to a Worst Case Scenario.

Honestly I can only hope we come back to our senses someday.

For now I will cope by consuming JJK brainrot and just getting through life.

There are over a billion bugs in the world (some may even say more than a quintillion), and they all know your name.

Strange Occurrences

I woke up last night with somewhat of an existential crisis? I was blinking but I couldn't feel it. I was breathing, but it didn't feel right. Like I didn't need to breathe to keep living. It was an odd experience, but I just kinda went back to sleep.

I woke up again around 4am. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I sleep with the teddy bear I got from a friend on Valentine's day. But like. I woke up and it was sitting straight up, hanging off of the couch somewhat by its heart at the front. Staring in my direction. I have a fear of dolls or anything doll-like in general, so I chucked it onto the table.

It was hard to go back to sleep. I had this looming sense of dread wash over me, like someone was around. I was so scared, I woke up my dog for comfort just so I could get up and turn the lights on...

i exist and that’s terrifying

there is no plot or set story narrative

i’m just here and one day i wont be

where will my mind go when it has no puppet left to string up and dance for me?

i’m scared

"Man this existential crisis is great" - Me, because the depth these thoughts are gonna give my fictional oc is crazy

Man life is funny when you just stop giving a shit. Like you distance yourself. Act like you're not a human experiencing the fall of humanity, imagine ur an alien watching it. Watching them scramble to pick up the pieces they themselves broke.

However we got here I don't know, but for this metaphor let's say god's how. God is you in this metaphor. You've just placed your very fish hungry cat into a fish tank. The fish tank has to water but a multitude of fish. All the cat must do is eat the fish. The cat then grows a fucking hand and fucking fills the tank with water. Then when the cat cannot breathe it's shocked. It hops and skips for air and gives up because, "Well not much I can do about it; I mean I'm only a cat." The cat is thinking. So the cat just slowly fucking drowns. And you just stand there like,

And you're simply in too much shock to help your drowning cat and honestly the fish might be dead too they were out of the water for a while. And what the fuck is going on and why the fuck did your cat GROW A FUCKING ARM!??!?!?!??!?

Anyway so in this metaphor, God is you, the cat is humanity, the arm is economics and fossil fuel and colonisation, the fishes are earth and existence, and of course the water is the global issues we're facing.

The point is, if a cat growing an arm and drowning itself isn't funny to you, get rid of the water pussy. Get it? Pussy. It's a cat metaphor- Anyway! If it is funny to you then like just fucking watch! Like see what happens. I don't know!? Maybe the arm comes back and grabs a bucket. The funniest and most likely outcomes are,

1.) The cat just fucking sits down and takes it, slowly drowning with a care in the world. (We all die like the dinos did)

2.) The cat freaks out and pushes the fish tank over and it explodes into a million shards of glass. (Apocalypse senario)

3.) The cat stands up and steps out of the tank. (Moving planets)

4.) The cat drinks the water and then chokes and dies (We use our problems to cause more problems)

5.) The cat grabs a bucket and slowly dumps out the water. (We fix this shit)

Either way I'm rooting for 5 but I cannot wait to see what happens, especially if it's six. Oh six is the cat growing gills which is basically just the frog in a pot metaphor where we all just get used to the planet being on fire and not being able to breathe nice air.

Any bye!!!!!

is this all there is? fuck. fuck. fuck.

I implore the great old oak, she who holds knowledge; she who holds power.

I implore the great old oak, forgive me; forgive us.

I implore the graceful cherry blossom tree, he who vigils life as death; he who makes the violence art.

I implore the graceful cherry blossom, stay with me; do not fleet from us as life does

I implore the soon barren earth, hold my hand; guide us to our fate

I implore the soon barren earth, she who mothers; she who guides

I implore the blinding sun and silent moon, they who shine; they who lead time

I implore the blinding sun and silent moon, do not stop the chime; judge us all for our greatest crime.

I implore she who holds power, he who makes art, she who mothers, they who shine.

Please forgive and be confined.

Please guide and flow time.

Two fun (separate) ideas for Nightmare that have been festering in my mind for the past bit.

1. Nightmare has every memory of his past self as a child. He firmly believes that the real Nightmare died and that he's just the corruption. Every single day, he questions if having the exact same memories makes him a copy of the same person that never got to grow up. (This could go in either the "nightmare never died" or the "nightmare died, but corrupted nightmare is still valid" type of existential routes. Either way, fun!)

2. Nightmare has DID. The corruption actually did nothing to cause this; it was all the villager's abuse. He only noticed this after the corruption though, and he blames it on that. (Maybe, one day, something causes him to have a third alter, and suddenly the first two are spiraling as they try to figure out what just happened)

[The phrase "even the worst days end" on a background of trees with eyes carved into them. Original from the Dead West Patreon]

so you know how people overthink

i’d rather underthink. just flood the mind enough to push out the thoughts

does anyone else feel like there’s no point to life anymore. like we’re literally in a floating rock in space and humans just felt the need to create stress and school and work and money and shit. i just feel like the natural state of things is to live like animals, and i don’t know what went wrong when we evolved from monkeys, but it’s just wrong. life isn’t meant to be like this. we’re born into this world without a choice and there’s really nothing good about it. life would be so much better off if i was just a deer or some shit and ate grass all day. responsibilities, success, wealth, and accomplishments are nothing compared to the universe, and yet we treat them like an end goal. everything that humanity has done for itself is wrong. the natural order of things is simplicity, i believe. sure, big houses and phones and good food are nice, but everyone would be so much happier if they just didn’t care. do what makes you happy, because you don’t have responsibilities. everything is fake, so act like it. why do you try to be successful and rich when the happiest people aren’t jeff bezos or elon musk. the happiest people are the ones who have given up their responsibilities to society and just exist. that drunk uncle you have might be rude or unsuccessful but he’s happy. your dog who exists to love is happier than you who exists to work. i find it horrible when people say that your job in life is to make life better for the next generation or to make others happy. nothing lasts, so enjoy your time on earth. sorry for making you read my 3 am existential crisis fuled, barely legible rant, but i just want to know if any other people think that life is meaningless, so why not just enjoy it like a camel or a cow would, living alone and grazing lazily all day.

This image you see here seems totally harmless at first, untill I tell you the story behind what it REALLY means...

See, years ago when I was younger than I am right now, I had a hamster named Jimmy (short for Jimmothy). He was a hamster with many hopes and aspirations that, sadly, he never had the time to follow through with; such as his abandoned rock opera project. Jimmy never had the time for anything due to his unfortunate bowl situation. I had to be very careful with what I fed Jimmy, sometimes his normal hamster food would cause irreparable damage to his colon! He certainly was smart for a ham, but not smart enough to predict what was going to happen to him next...

See, one morning I took Jimmy outside for a quick walk (we did this routine walk around our neighborhood every other day because the vet told me it would strengthen his collapsed large intestine). While I was distracted by one of my evil neighbors who decided to strike up conversation, Jimmy got loose from his shackles. Actually, he didn't break free, someone or some THING took him!!! I saw a trail of poop going into the woods, I KNEW he was out there... So I ran home as fast as I could to prepare. I got my miniature ambulance and my caltrop from my cabinet and prepared a bowl of pop corn to soothe myself before I went to battle with the beast that took Jimmy. But the SCARIEST thing happened........

When I came back from peeing I walked to my table where I had set down my pop corn, but it wasn't there? I had sworn I left my pop corn on the table, but in case I was wrong I had searched my home for the bowl. Under the table, above the table, left of the table, around the table, it was nowhere to be seen. That's when I remembered there was one last place I hadn't checked, Jimmy's cellar. So I went down into Jimmy's cellar, shaking and tearing up at the thought of him, and that's when I saw IT. Perched on top of my delicious bowl of pop corn was some sort of demonic mutation that took the form of Jimmy. It was hairless and wrinkly, much like my balls. It looked up at me with a piece of pop corn in its tiny palms. I whipped out my cellular device, my slimey hands almost caused me to drop it, and I snapped the very photo above this post.

When I slipped my phone back into my pocket, I confronted Jimmy. "Give me back my POP CORN!!!!!!!!!!" I spoke, softly. Jimmy just shat there, only occasionally shoving a piece of pop corn into his hideous mouth. That's when I knew, I had truly lost him....

So I pulled out my mini gun and shot him. It was the only thing I could do.

4 months later, I still think about Jimmy... And what I had to do for the sake of ALL humankind... It haunts me. It truly haunts me. So please, share my story so the world can see the TRUTH.

RIP Jimmy ❤️‍🩹🦅 he was racist