I Carved You A Little Pumpkin Tumblr.  Holidays, Carving Pumpkins, Carving Turkey, Cutting The Christmas

“ Sometimes i feel so happy, sometime I feel so sad.  Sometimes I feel so happy, but mostly you just, make me mad, baby you just, make me mad. Linger on, your pale blue eyes, linger on, your pale blue eyes.  Thought of you as my mountaintop, thought of you as my peak, thought of you as everything, I’ve had but, couldn’t keep, I’ve had but couldn’t keep.”

Here’s me drunkenly playing” Cheap Day Return “ by Jethro Tull, I have terrible audio equipment and suggest headphones to even hear me....

having written two books prior, both i threw in the trash ( one was well over 200 pages ) i started one the other day that im fairly sure of, and by sure of i mean im sure it needs to be written, not sure that people will read it, but people believe in jesus and 12 step programs, what the fuck do people know?!

Here is another song I played on the kids guitar ( its actually a really nice playing spanish guitar its just...small ) which I play admittedly different on purpose, I never liked the original rhythm it doesn’t feel right.  Though his is much better, this is Bob Dylans “ You Belong to Me “

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

I don’t Glorify Drugs

I did/do drugs because I am now, and have always been bored, and lazy, seeking a universe other than my own.  When I was a child I was a very deep thinker, and was bored with the things people did around me with some exceptions of course.  Being a drug addict isnt cool, but its also not some thing to be demonized. 

All humans are drug addicts.  Maybe you cant put down your soda coffee and donuts, you’ll die of diabetes or colon cancer.  Maybe you cant stop excercizing and roid rage ya heart out or get balerina cant have my period skinny.  maybe youll get addicted to your own chemicals and base jump from shorter and shorter things.

When you’re a kid, a teenager its natural for people to want to do what theyre told not to, and even smarter kids, will be drawn to mind altering things as an experimental scientific sort of thing.  I will comment on drugs alot on this blog dont worry.

Drugs are cool when you’re 15, when youre 25, 35, 45, its either because you’re weak or you hate life enough to escape it any and every way you can ( like me, i wont turn down a free drug to this day ) and if its just you fine, do it, giggle, od, no one gives a shit youre not special im not special.  But dont do it if it ruins other lives, give the kids away, then die in a gutter, simple right? 

I’m lying, drugs are SO cool, its great being happy for 4-8 hours, then feel like shit the next day, then after alot of that, its so cool to be hot, and cold, and hot again, its awesome being constipated for 4 days then shitting nonstop for 6, its the COOLEST. 

Vicadin/whiskey dick is super fun, and then when ya coming off em its super fun to cum at basically the slightest touch, its just, the best of both worlds.  All that said I’m pro drug, do hallucinogens, expand your mind, its better for anxiety and depression than xanex, ask a neurologist.  We all die, what we learn, say, do, and think are all that matters, if drugs make you feel not like the asshole you are, do em, works for me.

Concerning Politics

One of my favorite books, “ No Longer Human “ by Osamu Dazai was written in 1930s Japan, during which his drinking buddy, Horiki, brought him to a secret communist meeting, thereafter horiki never showed up again, and he did it out of whatever reason, but he made a comment that the communist movement was mostly right, and so obvious it didnt merit discussion, much like debating 2+2 equaling 4, and thats where America is at, Trump supporters, are retards, people against trump, are retards for trying to sway the retards behind him, and i dont really give a shit what you think on the matter, if you can be sold so cheaply you should be counted a moron, regardless which side it is you defend, its simple 2+2 to anyone with a mind.

Nietzsche once said “ Distrust in all those whom the urge to punish is strong “ and youd be hard pressed to find a more true statement, not that im OVERLY intellectual but i have my moments, and the more you know the less you know, and if you think otherwise you dont know.  Not that im defending neo Nazis like trump but, as Nietzsche also says

“ the poison which weakens the weaker nature strengthens the stronger, and he doesn’t call it poison, either.  We’ve, since our inception as “culture(s) have backed one horse or another blindly, any real political mind, I think, will tell you theres no way to totally fix anything, light beats the dark, but dark beats the light as often, we are in a limbo of fates between the smug and the moronic and which prevails isnt a testament of right or wrong, but rather, which particular power can flex the most at any given point, everything you have thought, think, or will think is a lie and until you understand this basic fact, you will never understand anything at all...

Shamisen > Banjo.  Lady Gaga like you’ve never heard