Green's My Colour.

jeff buckley and the sheet of him writing lover, you should’ve come over

WELCOME TO THE WANTING. IT IS HEAVY HERE. (cc: @jonismitchell)

caption: The Wanting, @jonismitchell // Água Viva, Clarice Inspector // Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen // x // Imitation of Life (1959) // South London Forever, Florence and the Machine // Plainwater: Essays and Poetry, Anne Carson // All Too Well, Taylor Swift // New York Movie, Edward Hopper // Reading too much into a Tongue bite by Me // I want you to Love Me, Fiona Apple // IWYTLM genius annotation // Ada Limón on Preparing the Body for a Reopened World // The Unabridged journals of Sylvia Plath // He Held Radical Light: the Art of Faith, the Faith of Art, Christian Wiman // x // Hunger, Florence and the Machine // Eye Level: Poems, Jenny Xie // Big God, Florence and the Machine // Ada Limón // Emily Dickinson correspondences with Sue // Sharks in the River, Ada Limón // x // Nobody, Mitski // I will name this tragedy after you by Me // Litany in which certain things are crossed out, Richard Siken //

Dark Academia // Fall Reminiscence

escapes for when you feel anxious

exploring a flowery town with cute villagers 

drinking a milkshake in an empty diner at 3am

real life that feels dreamlike

cute sunflower field dates

in love with the universe

softest love songs 

living inside an 80s tv show

drinking tea on a cozy raining morning

you’re an angsty teen in a coming-of-age film

summer road trip in the west coast

vacation in san francisco 

living in an old French film

stargazing and contemplating the meaning of life

late night drives in a 90’s movie

watching a pink sunset over the beach with your best friend

going to the beach in a camper van in 1960′s california

falling asleep on the moon

city lights at midnight

remembering someone else’s memories like they’re your own

wandering the avenues of vintage new york city

being the guardian of a snowy forest

exploring an art museum

eating fruit in a small italian seaside town

push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

i had an interesting dream last night.

i was listening to someone tell a wonderful story set in a fantasy world with magic and talking animals. the world was full of rich colors and vibrant plants that overtook any man made buildings. i don’t remember exactly what the story was about, only that although the main character had known sadness and hardship they were able to overcome and live happily and truly.

i woke up feeling hopeful for the future.

i desperately want to be happy. i can feel the ache for it deep within my bones where purest part of my soul screams for it. like without it i will die.

sometimes i think i have it. i let myself get comfortable with the carefree air i carry with me and the laughter that fills my lungs are heart. i feel complete as if i have everything i could ever want and question what it was like to feel alone and hopeless.

and then all of a sudden something slips.

and it is like i have awoken from a wonderful dream to only be thrust back into a cold reality. every interaction i have is made through a sheet of glass, voices muffled and touches separated. and the screaming is back.

i know i will one again be back within the warm realm of belonging where joy seems to reside. but this cycle exhausts me to my core and makes me question if i will ever be permitted to stay bathed in happiness and light.

Don’t let yourself be used and walked on. If you’re feeling upset over something, tell the person. It’s important to communicate your feelings! Your feelings are not a burden! Your feelings matter! They are valid and talking about them openly is perfectly healthy.

Ready for some more smooth jams in 2019!