venoms-big-ass-eyes

Latest Posts by venoms-big-ass-eyes

Anne: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Venom: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Eddie: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Venom: Good thinking.

*Eddie and Venom sitting in jail together*

Venom: So who should we call?

Eddie: I’d call Anne, but I feel safer in jail

Eddie: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Anne: You’re a hazard to society

Venom: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Eddie, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Venom, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Anne, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Dan, trembling: What are we playing

Eddie: Venom was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

Venom: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Eddie: Venom, you ate a chair.

Eddie: Is something burning?

Venom: Just my love for you.

Eddie: Venom, the toaster is on fire.

Eddie: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Venom: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

Eddie: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.

Venom: Three words.

Eddie:

Eddie: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Dan, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons

Eddie:

Eddie: fsh

Venom: I prevented a murder today.

Eddie: Really? How’d you do that?

Venom: self control.

Eddie: I'm incredibly fast at math.

Dan: Alright, what's 30x17?

Eddie: 47

Dan: That's not even close.

Eddie: But it was fast.

Eddie: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Venom: What's that?

Eddie: Remorse code.

Venom: I'm even angrier now.

Anne: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Eddie: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Eddie: This is a mistake

Venom, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Eddie: But not today

Venom, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Eddie: I made tea.

Venom: I don’t want tea.

Eddie: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Venom: Then why are you telling me?

Eddie: It is a conversation starter.

Venom: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Eddie: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Venom: You love me, right, Eddie?

Eddie: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Eddie: I can explain.

Anne: Can you?

Eddie: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Venom: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?

Eddie: Go the fuck to sleep

Venom: What gif I don't want to?

Eddie: Fuck You

Eddie: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

Venom: Wednesay

Eddie: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible