Holy Shit

sorry i sent you fifteen messages on three different apps in the middle of the night and then fell back asleep before you responded it’s because i never stop thinking of you. it will happen again tomorrow. i love you

its like I hate that I did it but the pain after is what keeps me going. it reminds me that im still alive and even if my emotions are numb I can still feel pain, it shows me that im not a lifeless robot

idk if I hate or love the sting after sh

I feel this but with family/friends :(

I want love but I don't want to have to beg for it. Please love me too. Please acknowledge me. It's like you don't want me here anymore...are you better off without me? Is everyone better off without me?...

Where do i go if nowhere and no-one feels like home anymore

I has decided that if I’m never heard from again it’s because my finals have successfully offed me, finals:100 Daphne:- Literally all I’ve done today is cry, study, cry while eating the lunch I don’t deserve, cry more, study more, panic cuz I broke the necklace given to me by my late grandfather, cry cuz I couldn’t find it only to find it after 2 hours, lay on the floor and cry more till my roommate got home, then go with them to eat, feel worthless because my friend got mad that I asked to get a drink, then apologized after I said that I didn’t need the drink and that I was sorry then I proceed to cry on the phone with Charlie because he asked me how my day was and even though he was high out of his mind he called to talking me through my panic and calmed me down and then I found out that I have a final today and started freaking out yet again

Oh yeah, Charlie is my very supportive boyfriend and the love of my life :3

The longer you’re clean the worse the relapse

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

On Isolation

I thought that I was better

I genuinely thought that I was getting better, that I was moving on from my past. That I wasn’t the same 83 pound ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. But now I can realize that recovery isn’t a liner line, it’s a wave that has high highs and low lows. Some days it’s be a high, while others are a low. I may be depressed and doing things I shouldn’t do, but I’m not starving myself and I’m not cutting myself. And for me that’s a win. Yes I’m hurting in other ways, but I’m not bleeding and I’m not skin n bones anymore. I have scars that show I lived and I’m 105.8 pounds now. Technically I’m still in the bmi underweight category but not by much. I’m at a happy weight. And while yes sometimes I forget to eat, and others I say that I don’t deserve to. That’s all a part of my recovery, it might not be how others recover as each and every person handles things differently. All forms of moving forward- yes even the ups and downs- are a valid form of healing and progress. It shows that you are strong and kicking whatever it is that you are facing in the butt.

Sorry that this was so long, I’m on day three of not sleeping and needed to get this out. Good night or good morning, I hope you all have a lovely time. -3rat

i deserve to be an eel. in a crevice with a bunch of other eels. opening and closing our mouths over and over