When He’s A Red Flag But You Need Him

“have you ever just cried because you’re you”

Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring

once i learn how to properly communicate and understand my own emotions it’s over for you bitches

mia goth | 2015

I only post on here when I’m drunk or high.

I feel stuck between life and death, a sort of purgatory. My mind stuck in a realm of fiction and daydream. Is this normal? Surely it can’t be.

I see people around me, going on about their daily lives, the second I bring up the feeling of derealisation, they seem to shrug, unsure of what I’m speaking about.

It is an odd thought, to wish so badly you could rewrite your brain, and yet, another side of you thinking ‘but what will be you without me?’.

And so I sit in purgatory, surrounded by books, movies, character ai…

Never fully there. Never fully aware hat they are living in reality.

Finally finding out what’s wrong with me: 😃

Finding out it’s incurable: 🤡

The surface of Pluto, painted by James Hervat for Astronomy magazine in the 1970s

Perhaps it shouldn't, but it does.

It pisses me off when people, especially those close to you, are aware of certain things. That you were nearly sent to a centre for an ED, one that you've had for seven years. One which causes a fistfight to occur in your brain everyday of your life. They know these things, and yet, they don't understand that their words hurt. Because the second you (how dare you) pick up weight, all of a sudden its their goal in life to make it known that you have.

As someone who has grown up with an underactive thyroid, developing an ED is not uncommon. It is 10x more difficult to lose weight, and often this is just the outcome. And as soon as you hit your goal, something could happen that throws your whole body out of whack - for me, it was a new job. The stress causes hormones to go crazy, and in turn, thyroid levels to go down; drastically. And this leads to weight gain - unintentional and uncontrollable weight gain. And yet, those who know the story, still feel the need to rub it in - that something happened that was out of my control. That my body itself, hates me as much as I hate it.