DEH Quotes #16!

NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

spotify has a vendetta against me. tell me why it just went from happy-go-lucky, upbeat It Must be Believed To Be Seen from the Charlie and Chocolate Factory musical to WHAT WOULD I DO

AUGHHHHHHHH

I am looking respectfully at the other guy and the previous guy and sobbing profusely

Do you. Do you get it.

Original under the cut!

GUYS OH MY GOD!!!!

look what I found at Barnes & Noble!!

I'm actually obsessed. I'm ACTUALLY obsessed.

crying in trousers right now actually

Dude. DUDE.

and the- the fact that the beginning of In Trousers (The Dream), the opening few notes, they mimic Falsettoland (Reprise)'s first few notes..

I'm screaming in trousers and I am not okay the marvin trilogy makes me physically unwell

Do tumblr Falsettos enjoyers like it when people post edits in here? Is that a thing people do? Anyways here's one!!

:>

stardew valley

that's it

that's the post

Heyyyyyyyyyy

It's ur favorite table member. Just wanted to ask you something

How do I get the butches interested in me? I'm trying to get over on the butch side with no luck :(

What can I do to draw in all of the butch baddies?

-love and ballads, the pelican harmer's gal.

my girly! hello 🫶

be yourself, slay, be gay do crime. listen to indie music. listen to girl in red.

definitely keep up the aesthetically pleasing lifestyle, and never stop the Oscar Wilde craze.

most importantly, have fun, be safe, and probably search the beach areas because that's where all the pretty and tall girls go. I've had many-a-crushes who I met at the beach lol.

also, don't crush on pelican harmers, they are def gonna end up bad for your health.

-your dearly beloved, the butch Oscar Wilde estranged parent

9!! Part 9!!1!1! >:0

-

Evan: You actually rank you're friends by their appearance???!

Jared: Calm down, number 2.

-

Alana: Everyone, synchronize your watches!

Connor: I don't know how to do that.

Evan: I don't have a watch?

Jared: Time is a construct.

-

Evan: Apparently, we're getting someone new in the group. (Miguel)

Zoe: Did you steal them?

Jared: New or used?

Evan:

Evan: Wonderful responses, both of you...

-

Zoe, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Connor, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Jared, pulling out a Pokemon card: Jolteon, I choose you.

Evan, trembling: What are we playing

-

Connor: Can I be frank with you guys?

Jared: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.

Evan: Can I still be Evan?

Zoe: Shh, let Frank speak.

-

Alana: You know those things will kill you, right?

Jared, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.

Connor, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.

Evan: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

-

Connor: On a scale of "damn Daniel" to "fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Zoe: In between "It's an avocado, thanks" and "how did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer I would say "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you, Jared?

Jared: Probably "Road work ahead"

Alana: I speak many languages. But this

Alana: This is not one of them

-

Evan: How did any of you not hear what I just said??

Connor: I've been zoned out for the past 2 and a half hours

Zoe: I got distracted about halfway through.

Jared: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

-

Zoe: I think we're missing something...

Evan: Teamwork?

Alana: Cohesion?

Connor: A general sense of what we're doing?

-

Zoe: Yo is Jared sleeping, or dead?

Connor: Hopefully dead, I hated his guts.

Evan: Ah, same.

Jared: Okay, first of all fuck you-

-

Zoe: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Jared: Not if they consent to it.

Connor: Depends on who your stabbing.

Evan: YES?!?!

-

Alana: Why's Jared so sad??

Zoe: So he took one of those 'Which character are you' tests.

Alana: Go on

Zoe: He got Evan.

-

*Squad reactions to being told "I love you"*

Alana: Thanks fam!

Connor: Oh no.

Zoe: *Cries* I love you too

Jared: Sounds fake but okay

Evan: *A flustered mess*

Miguel: Can I get a refund?

-

Evan: Croissants: dropped

Alana: Road: works ahead

Zoe: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Miguel: Shevacado: fre

Jared: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Connor:

Connor, grumpy and tired: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

-

Alana: Just be yourself!

Connor: Be myself? Alana, I have to one day win Miguel over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Evan: ...Couple weeks.

Zoe: 16 years.

Jared: Jury's still out.

Connor: See, Alana?

Connor: "Be yourself". What kind of garbage advice is that?

-

Evan, walking into his apartment: Hello people who do not live here.

Jared: Hey.

Alana: Hi! :)

Zoe: Hello.

Evan: Guys, I gave you the key to my apartment for emergencies only.

Connor: It was an emergency

Connor: We ran out of doritos.

-

Zoe: Hewwo.

Alana: Hihihi!

Evan: Hello, humans.

Connor: Three kinds of people.

Miguel: I want pudding.

Connor: Four kinds of people.

Jared: WHAT'S UP FUCKERS?

Connor: Five kinds of people...

-

Evan: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

*After Good 4 You*

Alana: Nope, absolutely not.

Connor: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Zoe: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Miguel: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Jared: Can't wait to go to you're funeral knowing I could've changed that outcome.

-

Evan: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be stuck forever in that position, forced to starve to death?

Jared: How should I know?

Zoe: You say, as if we don't use you as a source of information on the occult.

Jared: *Sighs*

Jared: You wouldn't be stuck.

-

Evan: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Jared: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Evan: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Connor, high as a kite: edible

-

Evan: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Jared?

Jared: ...No.

Connor: I do.

Evan: I know, Connor.

Connor: I'm sad.

Evan: I know, Connor.

-

Heidi: So, how was your day?

Evan: We almost got surprise-adopted.

Heidi: What..?

Jared: We almost got kidnapped.

Heidi: Oh, okay.

Heidi: *Slams on breaks* wAIT, WHAT?!

Random Incorrect DEH Quotes I Found While Poking Around (Pt. Two) :

-

Evan: The human body is %70 water, so we are basically just all cucumbers with anxiety.

Jared: Excuse you, but with the amount of salt and alcohol that I consume daily, I think it's more accurate to say that i'm an anxiety pickle.

-

Evan: You often use humour to deflect trauma.

Jared: Thank you!

Evan: I- never said that was a good thing..

Jared: What i'm hearing is that you think i'm funny.

-

Jared: I've met a lot of pricks in my life, but you, Evan, are a fucking cactus.

-

Jared: I will FIGHT the next person to insult Connor.

Connor: Bitch why, i'm a piece of shit

Jared: ALRIGHT SQUARE UP YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD-

-

Connor, walking in: Sorry I was late, I was doing... stuff.

Jared, slamming open the door and looking noticeably disheveled: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING S T A I R S-

-

Jared: 4/20 is in 14 days, and I want you all to know that I will not tolerate any weed jokes. Not on my good, christian blog.

Connor: But your Jewish-

Jared: Not when it comes to the devil's lettuce, you heathen stoner fuck-

-

Death: I've come to kill you.

Evan: Let me ask Jared.

Death: It isn't a choi-

Evan: He said no.

I KNOW, I SAW IT AND MY BRAIN JUST DID THAT THING WHERE IT FINDS THE PERFECT SCENARIO FOR SOMETHING-

Random DEH Incorrect Quotes I Found While Poking Around (Pt. Four) :

-

Jared: You know what I’ve always wondered? How do tall people like you sleep at night when the blanket can’t possibly cover you from your shoulders to your toes?

Connor: It’s fucking four a.m.

Jared: So you can’t sleep?

Jared: ….Is it because of the blanket?

-

Alana: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of items you have lost throughout your life

Evan: Self-esteem! Haven’t seen you in years!

Connor: Oh wow, childhood innocence! Can’t believe you found this!

Zoe: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Jared: Moral code, is that you?

Alana:

Alana: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mom left me but do you guys need a hug?

-

Connor: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Evan: This knife is actually my magic wand.

Zoe: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a magic wizard duel.

Jared: *Cocks gun* Magic missile.

Alana: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

-

Alana: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Zoe: Have everyone stand.

Evan: Bring three more chairs!

Jared: The most important ones can sit down.

Connor: Kill three.

-

Good For You & Words Fail Be like:

Alana: Looking left because you don’t treat me right.

Heidi: Looking right because you left.

Zoe: Looking up cause’ you let me down.

Jared: Looking down cause’ you fucked up.

Evan: What the fuck is wrong with you guys

*andrew trying to pretend like he didn't just go through the whole of a day in falsettoland*

Why does Whizzer sleep like an ill victorian child??