I’m Done!

Thought Soup

Honey don’t listen to them all

Don’t let yourself fall

Just keep doing what you were doing

The dream of life keep on pursuing

Don’t fucking stop

Pull out of that garbage smelling parking lot

Don’t let go

Keep moving even if it is slow

I know you sweetheart, you always make it

Keep that fire inside of you lit

Don’t let it go out

Cry your heart into a drought

Come on, love pull yourself out, now more than ever

You are definitely clever

Run you clever girl

Stop believing that you aren't a pearl

Just keep on your feet

Let the future uncurl, I promise it will end up feeling complete

Don’t ever let them force you to sit

One thing about you that amazes me is that you always make it

I know that this isn't what you think, I know it all seems like a mess

But you'll make it don’t think any less

You, have no clue

How much I believe in you

You will find a reason for that pain

Sorry I won’t explain

It will be a great surprise

You have the ability to see through lies

That perfectly terrible loop

Your brain right now is, thought soup

Just another bump in the road

You can take the heavy load

I am the future yet at the same time the past

That desert of the darkness is very vast

But "the best way out is always through"

So for now just make do

Bang Bang

My heart is made of gold

And it's oh so heavy it hurts

With every bang, bang Today

My broken is showing I don't think

I was supposed to be here It's like this isn't my life

I belong in a different one My life is at an advanced placement level

While my brain is at special education level

I'm too sensitive

And too weak They were right

About me after all Bang, Bang

Myself

The reason I may look like a party pooper or down

Is because when I used to walk up to people and tell them my name they would give me a frown

They wouldn't say anything so I would walk away

Then I would see them sneaking peaks at me and laughing, but someday...

I would go sit away from them on the concrete wall

Or I would get a basketball

And shoot hoops all by myself

I put my high hopes on a shelf

Sometimes when I would make a hoop someone would run up to me

And kick the ball away, then laugh at my plea

For peace

I was the one who tried hard with elbow grease

But now I just go sit there anyway

To save myself from all the pain

That's why I don't go up to people and tell them my name

I just always ended up ashamed

Ashamed to be me

Whatever I did they laughed at

Someday hopefully they will realize that

They were all the bitches

That should die in ditches

Sorry I just wish I could make them pay

And that still happens to me today

Even in high school

People think making fun of me is “cool”

Why are they so cruel?

I hate going there

Because most people don't care

And they say that there are only raggies in this town

I bet you don’t know that word, go look it up, the word raggie might be a noun

But I actually try and work hard

Even though I get scarred

Every time someone says that

It makes us all sound worse than rats

Whoever says that isn't even trying

They just like to see people crying

I'm shy

Because I don’t want cry

I'm done trying

Speed Of Light Thoughts

Numb fingertips

Heart of hell

The wind doing flips

Finally

The darkness turning into burning light

I don’t like it with the sun

I need to live on the dark side of the planet

I've got a word stuck in my head and it weighs a ton

It can’t be taken away with any of the elements of the earth

Fire, air, earth, and rain have nothing on me

It’s attached to my life

If you unstick it from me, you'll be handing me over to death

Such strife

I don’t know what it is anymore

Thoughts going at the speed of light

I can't see them

Or catch them

There isn’t a stem

I wish I was sober

I'm lost in the fog

The fog you can't escape

I try to run out of it

Without something to stick to it is as foggy as scotch tape

An agenda wet with water molecules

Lightning thoughts tire the storm

The storm gets lost in my fog; it's thick

How do you plan on finding me, when I don't know where I am?

How are you going to get me out of this brick?

I want to feel my fingertips, have my heart be free, and have the wind die down

I want to hear my thoughts and have the enigma of the ride

Too Much

This is the story of my life

I get too much love

Too much

And I’m just not built to hold it

Perhaps I was built for the low life

But sometimes I get too many punches

Too many

And I’m just not built to hold your knuckle sandwich

I’m starting to think I wasn’t made for loving you

I’m too full of hate and anger

Too full

And I’m just about to take it out on you

Because you have too much love

You’re too clingy

Too clingy

I’m not built for you to suck away my life like the leech you are

The more you latch and attach yourself to me the more you repel me

Too much death

Too much

And it has and is currently surrounding me

Along with the presence of a rock and a hard place

Too much love and too much party punch

Too much,

To ever digest

When will it end?

Or will it never?

It’s been too much

But I’m done caring about the past which has only been one extreme to another like,

One foot in a bucket of ice and another in fire

Too far on opposite sides

Too far

They do not balance out in a nice way

One extreme and the other one

Hopes and dreams too far

Too much,

Too far

Metal People

Why aren't the metal people melting in this heat

Why am I still out here? It's because I can smell sand and salt 

And the heat reminds me of summer

Although

I am questioning what in the world am I doing The birds chirping

The traffic

The anxiety It feels like a good day

For the beach and nothing else To get your feet burned in the sand

And the sharp feel of shark water But I'm here on an uncomfortable park bench

Made to look like a place to sit

Made to be uncomfortable So much for the brick and concrete, cars and calc I could have drove home and be arriving there now

But why would I want to be there Have I become one of the metal people

Just here watching the other people I guess not quite yet

Because I can feel the human slowly dripping from the pits

What Sweet Luck

Hair like black lace

A beautiful kind of tangled

I'm happy that I was once her case

Sophisticated

Yet humble

I'm intoxicated

On you

You hate chunky orange juice

I hate being away from you

So for now, you are my muse

You are becoming abstract thought

I find this interesting

My eyes searching but not

Getting caught

I'm high

On you and your missing presence

And yet you feel nearby

I'm reaching

For her extra crazy hope

That she’s superb at teaching

With her bad analogies

Her and her flawed

Perfectness

She was just the right kind of odd,

I'm like a spider with a web and she’s like a bug that’s stuck

She has no idea that she has been caught in my poetry

What sweet luck,

Because I miss you so

My Stupid Castle

And it looks like

This could be the end

Of this perfect palace

This new life

Was so sweet

With beginners luck

The fairy godmother magic

Could only hold out for so long

A kite flying

Then getting pulled back down

By the person who is flying it

At least

I didn’t get stuck

In a tree

My stupid castle

Was not built by a genius

It was built

By this peasant

Who was not destined to be a ruler

I now see myself once again

As not worthy

And I was silly to think I was

Depression

Is trying to kiss me

And sneak into my system

Through my chapped, chewed, cracked lips

I thought that we weren’t dating anymore, just friends

I can only keep

My dreams alive for so long

Before I become too worn down to maintain them

Being whipped

By disappointment

I can feel

Failure

Making its poisonous way back into my blood

I don’t know how to

Make myself clean again,

By sterilizing my depression

With

Hope

Big Loud People

Big loud people

Who can’t go a second without talking

Crowding my introverted type of brain

I'm a small person

Who needs to recharge from hectic chaos

Then they yelled out that they were leaving

And a sigh of relief went out the door as they left

They backed out of the driveway as if the house was blowing its nose

And the house breathed in a silence

A comforting silence

A refreshing spring breeze

That blew the curtains and the weight off my chest

After a while the silent stillness

Brought in the ghosts

That were guided in by the light white curtains shimmying around

Buried Deep

Die

Survive

Die

Survive

It's already buried deep down there

I hide it behind a secret glare

"Maybe someday we'll talk"

Could you just take a walk?

Fuck off

Step off

I'm fine

What I'm thinking is all mine

Tell? Never

Whatever

I'm fine I tried to portray

Just go away

Why must you ask every time?

The answer is always going to be no, and that I'm fine

The more you bring it up the more I'm going to think

I don't want to think about it, tears no longer on the brink

It's all over and done

It's buried all the way, just leave it, if you get pushier trust me I'll run

Some relationships I don't want to mend

That hand don't lend

It's been too long

What's wrong?

I'll never tell

It's already buried deep in a well

You've said that you've been there

And everywhere

But you don't know

Just go

You wouldn't get it

But it's already buried in a pit

In your office, pure,

Adrenaline, you'll never know what I endure

In there my mask 

Will always last

I'll never tell, clenched teeth

It's already buried beneath

Just give it up

Because I'll never throw it up

Solid living death

Forever hold my breath