Starlight68912 - Very Short And Kinda Dumb

Let me talk about Dazai Osamu.

Dazai is often so animated, whether it be flirting shamelessly with beautiful women, or trying to get on Kunikida's nerves, or messing with naive little Atsushi, or irritating the living heck out of Chuuya.

But, emotions? In a previous post, I talked a bit about deciphering Dazai's emotions, about how he shows real and true emotions only in certain very calculated and planned situations.

Even for a person who rarely shows true emotions, it is visible how his face changes when the Port Mafia is brought up. His voice, his eyes, the tightness in his jaws— everything changes.

Season 1 Episode 3, when Kunikida is describing the Port Mafia to Atsushi.

For me, this is a very important hint to decipher him, a tiny gap in space-time from where I can peek into his heart.

In Season 1 Episode 5, when he intervenes the sergeant's nervous rant to say, "No, this wasn't the Mafia's doing", he's a changed man. He not only describes, but reminisces and relives the numerous times he's seen the event he's describing unfold.

He doesn't meet anybody's eyes, he's staring into space. His voice is lower, a sharp contrast to the usual high pitched, lulting, lively voice. This isn't the voice he uses to talk with his colleagues in the Detective Agency, with Atsushi.

In Dead Apple, while facing away from Atsushi, he says, "I might have stayed there, murdering people." His head is angled towards the ground, voice low.

(what might he have been feeling then? that's a topic for another day.)

In Season 2 Episode 9, while he's talking directly with the Port Mafia boss, Mori-san, there's is somethingly uncannily odd about his face— eyes open far too wide, smile far too forced.

I've searched long for the right word to describe this expression— it's uncomfortable.

Haunted.

He's uncomfortable, he's uneasy, but he doesn't know that, he can't acknowledge that, he wouldn't accept that, because how do you hide what you don't know you're feeling?

∘

The problem here is, Dazai cannot see that he himself, was also a victim. He sees himself only as an abuser.

The fact that he's also a victim, a young boy who watched his boss murder an old man, a young boy held at gunpoint so he couldn't go to save his friend— he doesn't understand his abuse. He doesn't understand he was also wronged, he always sees himself as the wrong do-er.

Which is why he never let himself heal, because in order to do that, you have to notice your injuries first. Like he literally covered himself up in bandages, figuratively he did so too— made up a smile and built walls all around him, impenetrable, insurmountable.

In these specific moments though, his face betrays his mind.

His face makes it very apparent that he was affected, is still affected, regardless of whatever he tells himself.

It's in these moments, that you see he has a living, beating heart, scarred and heavy and haunted with the trauma of his unspeakable past.

It's in these moments that you see he's human— still, despite, after all.

∘

shit that actually happens in pokemon:

a giant castle rises from the ground around the main government building. this is basically peta’s fault.

you ride a dragon-god into space to fight a meteor alien. this is plan b. plan a was to send the meteor alien to another dimension.

one guy tries to get rid of the oceans. one tries to get rid of dry land. What Happens Next Will Shock You.

a dude jumps straight out of the water onto an evil pirate ship, lowers the gangplank, then swims off to let a teenager deal with it.

there is a 1/3 chance that a runaway 11-year-old yakuza/mafia prince broke into a laboratory to steal an adorable plant creature.

you can buy a useless fish for several thousand yen from a shady salesman. this is actually a very good investment.

the devil, the god of death and the bringer of eternal nightmares all really really really like cake.

the space cultists would have won if dragon lucifer hadn’t showed up.

god is a goat, and if you take it to the right place, it will make you a baby god.

the most powerful trainer in the world (a 14-year-old with a pet rat) went up a frozen mountain for no apparent reason. he only comes down after you beat up his rat. this is absurdly difficult.

the effective ruler of the unova region is a magical catgirl space princess with a bunch of pet dragons. 

there’s a nine foot tall guy wandering around. his height is the least interesting thing about him. and his best friend is a flower fairy.

I watched Grave of the Fireflies and now every time I think about it I feel sick and just horrible overall but its fine ig 🙃

I love artemis fowl bc the author decided to write about fairies who live underground & have magic, but the coolest thing about them by far is their super tech.

like yeah elves exist but more importantly they have laser weapons

“Colorism isn’t real.”

huh?

Kunikida: Ranpo, did you eat all the donuts?

Ranpo: No.

Kunikida: I can see the white powder on your pants.

Ranpo:

Ranpo: That’s cocaine.

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

in hoenn love always loses