@aheadsplitintwo

I truly hate the word "unalive." There are so many other euphemisms that fictional Italian mobsters worked so hard to provide you with and you just ignore them.

TRANSMASC SWAG FINALS

(for real bc I made it a week this time <3)

SONIC POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW SHOWDOWN

ROUND ONE MATCH FIVE

Propaganda for Starline:

"crushes on Eggman, gets rejected, stalks the man and acts like he's over him (not), damages 2 kids irreversibly JUST to imitate Sonic and Tails. Dude died by being gaslit. Idk what's wetter or more pathetic than this"

Propaganda for Surge:

"She bases all her self worth on whenever she is able to beat sonic in a fight or not. Sonic always kicks her ass tho. I think it's pretty pathetic."

IT’S FUCKING PRIDE MONTH LET’S GO

REMEMBER YOU’RE ALL FUCKING VALID

GO FORTH AND BE GAY

ROUND 2 PART A: MOST TRANSMASC SWAG

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

SONIC POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW SHOWDOWN

ROUND ONE MATCH FIVE

Propaganda for Starline:

"crushes on Eggman, gets rejected, stalks the man and acts like he's over him (not), damages 2 kids irreversibly JUST to imitate Sonic and Tails. Dude died by being gaslit. Idk what's wetter or more pathetic than this"

Propaganda for Surge:

"She bases all her self worth on whenever she is able to beat sonic in a fight or not. Sonic always kicks her ass tho. I think it's pretty pathetic."

Round Two - Aquamancy (water) 7/8

Propaganda under the cut (beware of potential spoilers!!)

Hahli:

hahli my beloved. light of my life. she starts out as a normal, powerless water elemental biomechanical entity on a tropical island before going on a quest to become the Best Sportsball Player and also helping to save the island from evil roombas and eels that pilot mech suits. then she goes back to the post-apocalyptic city that she and all the inhabitants of her island forgot, for a while, before heading out on a dangerous journey with a bunch of her friends to help save god and also the six actually-elementally-powered warriors. after a brief sojurn through hell, she and her friends get struck by lightning, turn into actually-elementally-powered warriors, wash up on the beach of an island where ex-mafia thugs have enslaved the population, save said population, save the actually-elementally-powered warriors that they went after in the first place, and almost obtain god's defibrilator before it falls into the ocean and that's where she really begins to shine. from mild-mannered historian lacrosse champion to Hahli the Barbarian. she bluffs. she fights dirty. she gets mutated into the most badass fish warrior ever. she gets FINS that look like WINGS and GILLS that look like BREATHING TUBES. she can summon the powers of the creatures around her, and, seeing as those creatures are fish, and she, as a previous Powerless Water Elemental Village Literally Built On Water Swimming Champion, knows what fish, generally, can do, she becomes an absolute powerhouse. unstoppable creature of the depths. beautiful colour scheme. she used to have a moustache

Chaos:

No propaganda :(

UNDERDOGS STAND WITH UNDERDOGS

STAND WITH STARLINE

WE’RE COUNTING ON YOU

ROUND ONE PART A: TRANSMASC SWAG