Shadetpf - Shade

I always am about to go to sleep at a beautiful 11pm and then something happens to me

being successful in your fav subject feels so validating

bpd culture is my mother saying everyone has to walk on eggshells when i’m around.

(girl you’re kind of one of the reasons i’m like this tho)

trying to make the world right when I have done everything to tilt it off its axis.

4 years

hopefully he likes this surprise.

I want the blissful sweetness of doing nothing

Richard "Dick" Grayson

i think one of the saddest parts of grief is how time robs you of indulging in it

each april, i think of that day and i try to allow myself to feel that grief, but yet i cannot grieve fully because of the people i love, the life i live, and the expectations i face now

the people who knew at the time of what happened are gone; life has taken us in different directions

now, i have no one close to me who understands what that day did to me

my family hardly remembers, the best friends i had back then have moved on, and i have a boyfriend who didn't even know me when it happened

so what am i to do? how do i explain this void in my heart that only comes around once a year during the month of april? how do i explain this inexplicable urge to curl into a ball, brought on only by the weight of my memories?

i have two events scheduled the day of. i won't even have time to waste being upset, mourning what happened to me that day. i will go out and do my social duties, conversing with my friends and peers, only to return home and regret not letting myself mourn.

it'll be 7 years. 7 years of regret. every year, april 30th comes around and i feel the weight of emptiness that day left in me. yet, i am the only one privy to it's significance. no one else understands; there is no way for me to tell anyone the truth. i don't want their pity and i don't want their concern.

i went through that day alone. i laid on my bedroom floor, weeping for what i gave up. but now i cannot do the same. time has robbed me of that chance; it has robbed me of the grief i was once allowed.

this month will be rough. 7 years is a long time to grieve. i am different than i was then, for better and for worse.

the rainy weather is perfect for homework