My Coming Out Story
My Coming Out Story
Disclaimer: Due to the personal nature of this story names have been changed as to not reveal peoples identity. I’m not sure why I decided to post this story now. It’s something I’ve hadn’t written for awhile but never knew when or where to place it. I’m posting it now and I hope that if someone needs it now in their life they can read it and feel a little better about how things are going. When I was little I really didn’t have a concept of what gay was. I grew up in a loving christian home with my mechanical engineer turned youth minister mom and my current electrical engineer dad who was also the music leader at church for a number of years. There were also my three siblings of which I was the second oldest. My life revolved around church. It was literally where I went to preschool and I spent at least five days a week there well into my teenage years.
Growing up in this way wasn’t bad. I had a great community and family. However, that changed. I remember thinking during my elementary school days that I thought of guys and girls the same. The only thing was that I understood that when you get married girls marry guys and vice versa. That’s just how it was and I thought everyone felt the way I did. You just had to pair up like that.
I had heard the word gay and understood the concept of it when I was in elementary school thanks to my church and one kid at my school. My mom told me he was gay and I didn’t believe it because he was so nice and from what I understood gay meant bad. (He came out when we were in middle school and was one of my inspirations later on.)
Still the first time I had a personal connection with having that label was when some girls started a rumor that me and one of my best friends who was also female had kissed on the playground during recess. This was an outright lie and my violent tendencies at the time due to (at that time) unmedicated ADHD caused me to lash out and beat up the bully which got me sent to the principal's office. I didn’t tell anyone why I had beat up the girl just that she was being mean to my friend. As I was a frequent flyer in the office at that time they didn’t really question me all that hard anyway. Now that I’m older I can’t really tell you why I didn’t tell anyone what the girls said. Whether I was embarrassed, scared, or just too stubborn to give them an answer I don’t remember I just know I didn’t.
Fast forward to middle school and I was a far more awkward, less violent teen. At this point I was still pretty unaware of the world around me in regards to the LGBT. I knew that there were some kids in my grade that had come out as LGBT that kid I mentioned before among them. Still to me it was something that was viewed as a bad thing they were sinners. It was all what church had taught me whether it be explicitly by some or implicitly by the majority it was still something I picked up on as a child.
Then one day my mom told me that we had been invited by two of her friends from college to have lunch with them. It was at one of my favorite little cafes so I was really excited. She told me they were psychologists and that they were together. She also told me they were two men. I was shocked. I didn’t think gay people could have significant relationships like straight people. On top of that I couldn’t imagine my mom -- who by all accounts was the symbol of a perfect godly woman to my entire church community -- could be friends with them.
Her response to my shock: “We’re christians, they are not, we hate the sin but we love the sinner. Despite being gay they are still good people but since they aren’t christians we can’t hold them to the same standard as us. They simply don’t believe in it.” (I paraphrased but this is the general idea of the conversation)
It was the first time I had heard such a sentiment and I went into that lunch with a curious perspective. I was still a little shy so I didn’t ask about it but I watched them together, made note of their wedding bands (gay marriage wasn’t legal then but they were symbolic to them), and witnessed their love for each other. After that I started finding myself paying more attention to my peers who had come out. Many of which I ran in the same circles as. The more I watched and interacted and bonded with them the more my bigoted thoughts that gays were these lustful bad people faded and I realized they were normal people.
That’s when I realized something. Not everyone loves both guys and girls and just picks a side. I learned that bisexuality existed. The next step I took in my journey was repression. I was a christian. Christians were not gay. I was not gay. I could not be gay. I was just imagining it and it’s not a big deal. Afterall I still like guys so we're fine.
This lasted until my sophomore year of high school, choir class, and a girl with freckles, short multi colored hair, dazzling eyes, and the singing voice of an angel. The panic was real and my emotions would not shut up. I couldn't come to terms with it. With any of it.
I denied my feelings for most of that year until one day I was with two of my friends. We were all writers and talking about different stories we were working on. Then one of them paused in the middle of what she was saying and turned to me saying “these characters are gay. We know you don’t believe in that stuff but that’s what it is”
I looked back at her in shock and I responded with “that’s okay. I am a christian and while I might never practice that myself I’m okay with other people doing it. Hate the sin, love the sinner” my friend smiled at me and said that was the first time she’d heard such an accepting thing from a christian and continued telling us about her story as we headed to class.
I was glad I put a smile on her face and made her feel accepted but honestly I felt like a complete piece of garbage. I’d simply parroted back to hear all the stuff that had been shoved down my throat for my entire life. Did I really believe it though? I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation for the rest of the week. I also couldn’t stop thinking about that girl from choir class but that was honestly nothing new.
About a week later our school had standardized testing going on. Which divided up kids into computer labs by grade and last name. Me and one of my guy friends we’ll call him Cane had luckily been seated near each other. During one of our breaks when we were allowed to talk. I went over and leaned on the desk next to him. He vented to me about how he had a crush on one of our mutual friends and was thinking about asking her out but was nervous. I gave him encouragement as best I could then he inquired whether I was interested in anyone. Before I really thought about it I answered yes. He asked who and after only a few moments of deliberation I admitted that it was the girl from my choir class. He acknowledged and agreed that she was cute before continuing on. I looked at him in surprise and pointed out to him that she was female. He said he knows and that it wasn’t that big of a deal if I liked girls. I thanked him and asked him not to tell anyone because I still wasn’t sure. He agreed to keep it under wraps but did tease me a little for my crush.
After that conversation. I finally took the leap and began to look up the LGBT community online. I found forums and support centers and ted talks and messages and christians saying that LGBT was okay. I was ecstatic but still I was worried so I prayed and the more I prayed and researched and talked with other LGBT people the more I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest. Finally I could admit to myself that I was in fact bisexual and I was okay with that and so was my God.
I still wasn’t comfortable coming out to anyone yet. So I spent more time on online forums for LGBT youth and writers. I learned about the community and I embraced my crush on the girl in choir. Even though it didn’t pan out and I fell for a boy we’ll call him Reese and started dating him my junior year. It felt like things were going okay. I was able to tell one of my friends call them Alex finally that year and they intern told me that they were asexual. We were able to support each other in our closets and were happy.
During my Junior year even though my feelings for the choir girl faded I ended up meeting another girl in my Fire and Rescue class at the career education center that partnered with my high school. We’ll call her Polly. She was an incredible person, bright and beautiful and unabashedly herself all the time. We bonded over marvel movies and writing. Even though I was dating Reese at the time I was falling head over heels for this girl. It took me a while to figure it out as slowly me and Polly became better friends but I was developing feelings for her.
Finally, my senior I got the courage (with support of Alex) to come out to my main friend group. It was at a marching band competition and everyone was super supportive. My best friend you can call her April she said she wasn’t surprised and Reese who was still my boyfriend at the time said he loved me and would always support me and this didn’t change that. I even came back out to Cane again because I had genuinely forgotten that he already knew. He reminded me of what he said that day. That it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t tell a soul. They were all proud of me for owning who I was. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
However, it couldn’t last. When I was telling April one of the band mom’s overheard and gave me a shocked and disgusted look. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to. She was known for being the gossip of the group and she was a religious friend of my moms. If she had overheard then it was only a matter of time before she told my mother.
I was terrified. When I got home from the competition I watched my mom to see if she was going to react at all to me. She didn’t and I realized she hadn’t been told yet. I was relieved but knew that I wanted to be the one to tell my mom. I didn’t want her to hear it from a secondary source, especially not the gossip. So I got on one of my forums and talked to some LGBT friends who encouraged me before I took a deep breath and headed into my parents room.
My dad was away on business so it was just my mother. I told her I had something to tell her and she gave me her attention. I explained that I had come to accept myself as I am and that I knew God had also accepted me as the way I am. I told her I was bisexual and waited watching her.
She stared at me for a long moment. Her face was a mixture of confusion and fear and the next words out of her mouth I will never forget she asked “does this mean you’re going to hell?”
I felt like someone had just pulled the floor out from under me. She didn’t understand and spent the next couple minutes trying to convince me I was mistaken or that this was wrong. We stayed civil and eventually she just said she needed to process this and sent me back to my room. I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next day at school I told my friends what happened and they comforted me. When I got back from school and band practice I hid in my room until that evening when my father got home from his business trip. He came to my door and told me we needed to talk. My younger sisters were banished to their room as me, my mom, and my dad - who had been told by my mom - sat in the living room to discuss the fact that I was gay.
Shortly after starting the conversation/argument a boy (Derek) who was like my older brother came over. He wasn’t biologically related to us but he had a key to the house, would often come over, referred to us as his siblings/parents, and was referred to by us as our brother/son. Me and him were very close and despite my parents wanting to send him to the other room I insisted he stay as things had already begun to get heated between me and my father.
Derek helped keep the tension down but there was still plenty of yelling. He acted as an impartial mediator for most of it. My dad yelled a lot, my mother cried, I both yelled and cried. It was a rough night. It ended with me storming back to my room. A while later Derek came to my room and talked with me. He explained that he didn’t understand or know if he agreed with it but he’d make the effort and be there for me. I thanked him.
My house after that was tense to say the least. My parents avoid the subject at all costs. My sisters knew thanks to the yelling that night but didn’t comment on it. The next time my mom brought it up was to tell me that I couldn’t tell my cousin about it because she would spread it to the rest of my dad’s side of the family. She also said I couldn’t tell her mother, my grandmother, because she had a heart condition and it could kill her. Sometimes I still wonder how my grandmother would have reacted had I told her before she died. She once told me she had a friend who was gay and that she cared about him deeply. I think she would have accepted me.
The first time my siblings brought it up was when me and my two younger sisters were left in the car while my mom ran into the store. We were listening to music and chatting when my sister asked “so how long did you know you were bi” I was surprised because up until then I hadn’t realized my sisters knew I was bisexual. I explained it to them briefly and asked what they thought of it. They both said they agreed that people should be able to love who they want to love. Though my sister Greta thought it was kinda gross because she didn’t get how two of the same gender could have sex. Still it didn’t change anything for them and they apologized for how our parents had been handling it. I was so thankful for their support.
By the end of my senior year I was out and proud to all of my peers. I came out to my friend Hannah and Derek's girlfriend Mary at the same time as a casual drop in a conversation. Neither reacted at the time but asked me about it later. Mary more directly wanting to understand as both her and Derek are very religious. While Hannah was more of making a comment about me eyeing a girl that I had a crush on and being obvious. I can’t remember when I came out to my older brother James who lives in a different city. However, he never really questioned it beyond being tense when I brought it up around our parents. I was becoming bold in my identity. I had even written a love poem about about girl (Polly) for an english class assignment to stick it too a homophobic teacher.
I ended up breaking up with Reese pretty early on my senior year as I realized what I felt for Polly. To this day I still consider my feelings for her the first time I fell in love with someone. I cared about Reese deeply and still do but only ever as a friend. Since we were in middle school people had been pushing us together and while we fit together on paper and from the outside. My feelings inside didn’t match and I didn’t want to lead him on. Polly was the one I truly wanted to be with but the same couldn’t be said for her. She had met a boy in her senior year and they were starting to talk. She really liked him and I was her main confidant for her feelings. I took them and I encouraged her to pursue a relationship with the boy because I knew she felt for him more than she did for me. She loved me but only as a friend. As her and her boyfriend got closer I worked to let go of my feelings for her gradually.
Meanwhile my parents were like a looming dark cloud and it felt like I was stuck in a cage of some sort anytime I left the shelter of my friends. This only got worse when I graduated that spring and summer rolled around. I tried to get out of the house as much as possible but I didn’t drive and this made things difficult. The relationship between me and my parents began to get more and more strained to the point I almost ran away one night after my mom punched me.
I began to view leaving for college that fall to be the holy land. My montra became that if I could only survive the summer I could make it. Me and my friend Hannah were going to the same college and going to be roommates. I was going to get to study what I loved and be who I was. I went into survival mode. Then the biggest mental strain hit.
Every year since I was nine years old I went to church camp for a week in the summer. I had been going longer than I was supposed to because my mom was a leader of the camp and my whole family got to go even Derek and Mary. Normally Hannah would come as well but she had something else come up that year and couldn’t. I knew the place very well and absolutely loved it. It was a time of year I looked forward to and couldn’t wait to go back too especially since I was now a worker at the camp instead of just a camper.
This year was tougher than most. I was given a lecture about not telling anyone that I was bisexual before I left because if they found out I was gay I wouldn’t be allowed to come back to camp. I was horrified at the idea and tried my best not to think about it. Even when I got a crush on my fellow female camp worker. It was a stressful week and it all culminated one night.
I can’t tell you whether I believed what I felt in that moment. It all felt like a blur like I was about to shatter under the weight of everything bearing down on me all the lying and fighting. I think part of me wanted to believe that me being gay could be prayed away that night and that I could just stop having to deal with all this pressure. So that’s what happened. I told one of my leaders and they asked me a bunch of questions like had I kissed a girl or had sex and then they prayed for me.
Afterward I told my mom and she literally cried about it hugging me and thanking God that I was healed. I felt sick and I threw up before I went to sleep that night.
I went to college that summer as a straight girl and I held on to that label for most of my first semester. I loved college. Me and my roommate/best friend Hannah met three great friends that first semester, Sylas, Kurt, and Randall. Sylas was busy a lot so we mostly hung out with Kurt and Randall. All of us played D&D together and had movie nights. Me and Hannah also found a christian group on campus and got settled there.
I thought I was happy with my life however I still felt sick and disjointed anytime the concept of homosexuality got brought up. It was a hard time and I prayed about it alot. I talked to some of my church friends about how I had turned back to straight. Until one day a video ended up in my recommendations and it was a ted talk. I clicked on it not realizing what it was and found that it was a gay christan woman talking about how these two factors don’t have to be mutually exclusive in life. I was riveted, I watched the entire video twice and felt my heart be convicted. God never wanted me to be straight; he never wanted me to change who I was. I loved me how I was. It was the people who had the problem.
The minute Hannah got back to the dorm I came back out to her. Her exact words were “ah so you finally figured that out”. I was so grateful to have her in my life and we talked for hours after that. Not long after I started coming out to people again and in turn Randall came out to us about how he was bisexual as well. I finally felt free again. Going back home that winter was tough, however, it was made better by the support of my friends with regular skype calls and group chat messages. Not to mention since my parents thought I was straight they weren’t pressuring me anymore.
When I went back to school things were still going great and I ended up meeting a girl named Eve in my EMT class. We immediately hit it off and started talking. It wasn’t long before I formed a huge crush on her but she was getting over a break up and I didn’t want to push. Still we became extremely close. Eventually, she did start dating a guy me and Hannah knew from a gamers club on campus. I had missed my shot. Then I went home for spring break and had to stay due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It was hard being away from my friends and stuck in my parents house. Still we all had regular skype D&D sessions and texted a lot on the groupchat.
During the months I was stuck at home I got a job working at the local Home Depot. I was excited to work as it was my first real job. My grandmother had owned a family business but I didn’t do much other than stock shelves there. Here I was a cashier and I enjoyed my job a lot even though it could get crazy. Then one day I was at my register and a fellow coworker I was aware worked in the paint department approached my register with a polar pop and asked where her wife was. I was confused and she noticed I was new and said not to worry about it and have a good day. I watched after her and saw her go up and greet my head cashier who was a female and give her the polar pop before heading back to the paint department. I was astounded.
Not long after I had it confirmed that her and the female head cashier were married. Another cashier came out to me as non-binary and another cashier told me her brother was gay and she’d be the loudest ally ever if anyone tried to mess with me. I felt accepted like nothing else. It was incredible to feel so validated and free to be myself in my workplace.
Going back to school that fall was difficult due to COVID-19. Me and my friends (Polly as well as she began attending college with us that year) could no longer host D&D at my and Hannah’s dorm like we did before because of the regulations. Thankfully Eve came up with a solution. She was the only one of us who lived off campus in a house she rented. We were welcome there anytime. I still had a massive crush on her and when I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend over the summer I almost asked her out. However, another guy had beaten me to it. We ended up going over to Eve’s house multiple times a week and I would go even when the rest of the group wasn’t before long I was sleeping over at her house regularly. Often when it wasn’t even planned. I was even dubbed the most responsible friend by her grandmother who absolutely loved me.
Then her boyfriend at the time dumped her. The entire group rallied to comfort and support her. She took it really hard and I stayed over for a weekend to make sure she was alright. My feelings really started to grow as we got more physically intimate with cuddling and laying in bed together still it was all considered platonic. I really wanted to ask her out but didn’t know when it was too soon. Hannah and Polly both encouraged me to ask her out.
Then another boy showed up in her life. I was greatly concerned and disheartened as their relationship was progressing in her typical pattern. I thought I had missed my chance. However, the boy made a fatal mistake as Eve is demisexual. She doesn’t like moving into physical contact beyond cuddling too quickly if at all and he started to push her to kiss him. She immediately stopped the relationship after he made overt moves that disregarded her clearly made boundaries and he was derogatory toward her.
About one or two weeks later I was over at her house one evening and we were talking about him and dating and life. I finally took a deep breath and told her there was something I needed to tell her and I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I confessed to her that I liked her and wanted to date her. I didn’t ask her out specifically though because she has told me in the past she has trouble saying no so I left out the question and simply told her how I felt to do with what she felt was right.
She was shocked and immediately started smiling saying she liked me too. I was elated. We talked more about how we had been feeling and how we had both been worried about what the other would say and how she had been blind to my pining which apparently her last serious boyfriend had picked up on and was why he dumped her. (He later told her that he saw how we were together and began to see that me and her fit better than him and her and he wanted us to be together.) We started dating that night and I immediately called Hannah and Polly to tell them the news joking that since I couldn’t tell my parents that I wanted to tell them and they jokingly responded by giving Eve a talking to about not hurting me.
The next couple months were ups and downs but me and Eve had each other to support and our relationship was very steady. One night when I was having a depressive episode because of my school situation (I was failing my virtual classes). I called my brother James to vent to him. While he was comforting me I told him that I had a girlfriend and he was immediately accepting, asking all about her and acting like it was normal until I brought it up specifically her being female. He assured me it didn’t matter and that he still wanted to meet her but wouldn’t tell my parents.
That winter I had to go home again for break which would be a couple months. Eve gave me her spare PS4 and a headset so we could play games together long distance and we spent our last couple days together as much as we could. Prior to me leaving she surprised me with necklaces for us that were each half of the star wars rebels symbol. Her’s had the phrase “I love you” engraved on it and mine had the phrase “I Know”.
That winter I missed her even after going back to work and finding that another character that is a part time drag queen got added to the staff. They also pretty much adopted me and my head cashier came out to me as gender-fluid. All of them were proud to hear I had a girlfriend and I was finally able to tell someone not my family all about her. I missed her a ton. So me and Eve came up with a plan.
After some figuring with my parents she was able to come visit for a couple days between Christmas and New Years as my “good friend”. It was a great time. My three siblings that were there all knew she was my girlfriend, my little sisters having figured it out when the three of us were talking. One of my sister Georgie admitted that she was considering herself to maybe be asexual and my sister Greta (who at one point said being gay was gross) came out to me as also being bisexual. We all are able to support each other.
Eve’s visit went really well and my parents adored her and she adored my parents. Though it was stressful especially right after she left and my grandmother who was visiting asked -- at the dining room table where me, my grandparents, my parents, and all my siblings were sat-- “did your girlfriend leave?” There was a split second where me and my siblings shared a telepathic moment of panic before remembering that in my grandmother’s vernacular she simply meant my friend that was a girl and I simply answered yes.
As winter break moved along I began to discuss other options with my parents about my schooling. With my ADHD and my manner of learning, virtual classes were not working for me. I had failed most of my online classes meanwhile being near the top of my classes in my in person classes. It was an obvious disparity the only exception being my math class which was a hybrid class and I will admit was a failure mostly due to my lack of ability to understand math.
I’d already been considering the idea since my depressive episode calling James who’d been the one to suggest it during the fall semester. But now the conversation was whether or not I would sit out the spring semester. After some discussion and the fact that I didn’t have a job in my college town but did at home and Hannah wouldn’t be coming back to school after graduating early. Meaning I wouldn’t have a roommate. (Polly and me had a fight and are not on speaking terms). The decision was finally made I would not be returning to college in the spring.
It was a hard decision and I had to tell Eve. I took sometime to figure out what I would say since I knew it was going to be hard. Finally I worked out the words and told her that was going to be gone for longer than planned. I knew long distance would be hard and suggest we try to make plans to stay in closer contact with each other that way it wouldn’t be as bad. I’d told her when we first started dating that communication was the most important thing to me in a relationship.
A week passed and we didn’t really discuss it as we were both busy with our individual jobs. Then I got a text from her saying she wanted to talk. The next text I received was her breaking up with me. She said she didn’t want to be the only one making the effort to see each other since she had a car and license and I didn’t. She further said she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship since she was into physical intimacy. She’d decided we should break up and that was that. But she still wanted to be friends because she liked my family.
I was very placated in my response. It was a complete shock. Both because it was over text and also it had seemingly come from nowhere. She’d never communicated such feelings to me.
I reassured her that I never felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship. I also told her we could still be friends but that it would take us time to figure out our balance with each other.
I called texted James when it happened and he asked if I was okay. I responded with I don’t know and he immediately called me. We talked for a while and he comforted me about the situation. The next person I told was Alex. They comforted me as well and we figured out a day where we could hang out, watch movies and eat ice cream as the normal break up fix it. I was grateful for both their support.
I was hurt by Eve’s actions. I took a risk bringing her to my home with my parents. If they had found anything out about us. I don’t know what would have happened and to call it quits without even trying to work through it or communicate how she was feeling. It felt like I wasn’t worth the effort of her feelings or time and investment.
I’d made the first draft of this before the break up and the ending had read “I hope one day I will be be to get support from my parents as well but even if I can’t, I hope that I will st least be able to be my true self around them and introduce Eve as my girlfriend”
That’s changed now. I don’t just hope that I can introduce someone as my girlfriend I hope that whoever I bring home will be accepted by my family for who they are and me for who I am. I’m not straight. I never have been. I might marry a man someday I might marry a woman but whoever I bring home. I will still be bisexual and I will never stop trying to be a voice for those who can’t speak up. Once I’m not under my parents roof. I hope I can live my true life and help those who have been muzzled and closeted for far to long as I have.
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Dirt on My Face Chapter 2: Unbelievable
Chapter 1
I was woken by the cold shock of snow being tossed in my face. I spluttered and sat up in the crook of Malic’s branches. “Malic!” I whined “what was that for?”
The tree laughed with a shake, his branches clattering with each other. One branch swooped down toward me. I ran a hand along it and on it’s end formed a beautiful red apple. I plucked it delicately.
“Well I guess breakfast makes up for it” I muttered. I bit into the apple and savored the sweet taste.
Few trees in the orchard produced apples to share anymore. The only reason they had before was because of the dryads of the village enriching them with their magic. Now after years of that magic’s absence many of the trees had returned to their quiet fretting.
Once I was done eating I climbed down Malic’s branches, my feet splashing up some snow with my landing. “Alright I’m off to the beavers then” I told him. “I’ll be back later” I lifted a hand to his trunk and felt his warmth run off on me. With a smile I hurried off into the woods.
The natural order of the woods was to move fast and keep hidden. This was especially certain for dryads. The Witch hated our natural magic that could make things grow. Beaver supposed that was why she destroyed the village when I was younger. I wasn’t as sure.
My father had been well known in The Wood. He spoke out against the witch and wasn’t afraid to fight for what was right. The Beaver’s don’t really talk about it but I knew that any resistance that might have formed when I was younger had been squashed upon his and my mother’s deaths. Despite this I still held hope that things would get better.
I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard the familiar bark and trample approach of the secret police. You couldn’t be seen by the secret police. My heart rate picked up and a jolt of fear shot through my veins.
I scrambled over to a nearby tree nearly face planting in the dirt. After placing a dirty hand to his trunk I was granted a hiding place up in his branches. I prayed the wolves would pass by below without an issue.
Unfortunately my luck is horrible. Two patrols met and stopped to compare notes right below me. I took this as a spying opportunity though, and tried to hear them below. Making sure to keep out of any kind of line of sight were they to look up. I shifted on the branch and accidentally banged my forehead into a higher limb. I held on and made sure not to fall or make too much noise. Holding a hand to my head I forgot they were covered in mud. Further attempts to clean my now dirty face failed.
"What did you find?" said a gruff voice I knew as Maugrim head of the secret police. If he was here then whatever was going on had to be serious. I abandoned trying to wipe my face clean and listened intently.
"Not much sir the trees aligned with us don't have much recollection of an event such as that." Spoke one of the wolves from the other patrol.
“Of course, not many here support her majesty." Said his companion
"This isn't good her majesty will not be pleased" stated the wolf with Maugrim
"Do any of you really believe that these rumors are true?" the first wolf spoke.
"Quiet don't speak like that" the second scolded.
"This is the fifth time we've gotten such an accusation in the last couple days." he argued.
"Silence" Maugrim snapped. "Do not question the Queens orders or I'll gut you myself on her command"
"Yes sir" the wolf out of turn whimpered.
"Now back to work" the wolves headed off at Maugrim’s command.
I listened for their sounds to fade before climbing down. “Thank you” I whispered to the tree before heading on off to the Beaver’s.
“Beaver! Beaver!” I called crouching down to knock on the door. “You’re never going to believe this.”
The door opened and Mrs. Beaver gave me a questioning look. “Arbor? What in heaven’s name are you screaming about and look at your face it’s covered in dirt”
I scrambled into the house. Breathing heavily. “Maugrim was in the woods” I explained “he said they got a report of something.”
“Maugrim?” Beaver inquired, hobbling out of a back room “where in The Wood?”
“Will you both keep your voices down” Mrs. Beaver scolded lightly. “The last thing we want is someone over hearing you”
“Out near Tumnus’s and the lamppost. They said they were getting reports about something in the woods and something about rumors” I told them taking a seat at the table.
Beaver sat across from me and leaned in speaking in a low voice “rumors? Tumnus’s? You know Badger told me something the other day-“
“Oh now don’t go sharing it with her” Mrs. Beaver interrupted quickly. “It could be dangerous. She’s only a child”
“Hey I’m not that young” I objected “I can take care of myself”
Mrs. Beaver huffed “you are indeed a child and you have no business getting mixed up in all this”
“What even is this?” I exclaimed.
“Aslan is-“
“Beaver!” The woman of the house silenced her husband.
“She deserves to know! Just think of her parents” Beaver told the Mrs.
“Her parents?” Mrs. Beaver sighed and lowered her voice “and just look what happened to them”
“They fought against the White Witch” I spoke up “and I want to as well”
“Now you listen here child” Mrs. Beaver gave me a motherly stare. “I don’t want you getting wrapped up in any of this. You understand me?” She walked over to the counter and collected some berries and biscuits into a little box she closed and shuffled back over to me “now you take these and go home to Malic. Go. Go on” she showed me to the door.
“I’ll be back tomorrow with your box” I told her grumpily. “And more information”
“You better now off with you” She pestered me along. “And don’t be causing anymore trouble”
“Bye” I waved one last time before turning and dashing off into the snow.
“Be careful!” I heard Mrs. Beaver's final call.
The Beavers have been taking care of me ever since my parents died. Them and Malic. They were my family here in the woods.
I ran through The Wood weaving among the trees. The box Mrs. Beaver had given me clattered in my jacket pocket. It was fun to just run free.
Then I heard the sleigh bells. I stopped in my tracks. Frozen, I listened. There was the sound of trampling feet and I ducked behind a rock not long after the Witch’s sleigh came rocketing past. I stayed very still watching it go before getting to my feet.
As she disappeared from view I felt a breath leave my lungs I hadn’t realized had been stuck. My luck really stunk today. First the wolves then the Witch’s carriage herself. I took another deep breath and turned to continue on my way when I froze. Standing not too far off was a boy.
He was dressed in blue with dark hair and eyes. A light dusting of freckles on his face and slippers on his feet he was roughly the same age as me. He looked completely out of place here in the woods. “Wh-who are you?” he asked, a rustling went through the trees and I realized very quickly that they didn’t know him. He wasn’t a dryad like me. He was a human. “Who are you?” he repeated again.
I opened my mouth to respond a little shocked just looking in his eyes. “Edmund!” There was an exclamation and the boy turned toward the voice. Without thinking I quickly ducked behind a large oak and was gifted up into his branches. Crouching there hidden.
A girl had appeared from the woods and greeted the boy. She was dressed in pink with short brown hair and more freckles. They talked for a moment. They were talking too softly for me to hear with the exception of a whining the boy made rather loudly when he shoved the girl away from him.
She turned and began to lead the way back to wherever they were from. I watched them go and saw the boy look back to where I had been with a perplexed expression. It felt weird knowing he was thinking of me.
Once they had vanished from sight I slid down the tree and felt my heart start pounding in my chest. Two humans were in the woods. Two more and we would have the entire prophecy. Spring was going to come. Narnia was going to be free. I let off an excited giggle and turned, making to head back to the Beavers with my news.
I began to run but was stopped when something leapt into my path. I slid on the snow and fell. Looking ahead I saw a wolf stalking around blocking my path. “Well, well, well, look what we have here” I turned to see Maugrim stalking forward behind me. “The rumors might not have worked out how we thought, but we still got something for our trouble. A lone little dryad”
I scrambled onto my feet looking between the two wolves and the woods. “Try it” the second wolf snapped menacingly.
I glanced between the wolves one more time before steeling myself and dashing forward. They were right behind me howling and barking and chasing. This was just a game to them. One grabbed my heel and I fell forward into the snow. Fighting against them a clawed paw tore at my arm ripping the fabric of my jacket and stinging my arm with pain. “Stop struggling we’re not going to kill you.” Maugrim growled as I gripped my arm tightly “her majesty would like to meet the last of the dryads”
I felt my heart beating in my chest. This was not good.
Do autistic kids "grow out" of their autism? Why does it sometimes seem like there are so few autistic adults?
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This really helped my mental health more than I can say
Self Care Tips From Tumblr: When you feel like everyone hates you, sleep. When you feel like you hate everyone, eat. When you feel like you hate yourself, shower. Someone out there feels better because you exist.
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[Watching Raiders of the Lost Ark]
Son: Who are the bad guys in this movie? Husband: The Nazis. [pause for a beat] Again. Except not in space this time. Me: Yes, Nazis, take note: whether you’re on land or in space, either way Harrison Ford is coming to foil your plans.
The Derivative Chapter 10: Influence
Chapter 1 <- Chapter 9
I slammed the door as I came trudging in from the backyard. My grandfather looked up at me from where he was leaning on the counter.
“In a mood are we?” he asked.
“I’ve just been banished from the garage by Charlie and Larry,” I explained grumpily. “Apparently their working on something I can’t see but my book is in there somewhere”
“Somewhere?” Alan questioned “don’t you remember where you put it?”
“I remember where I put it but it has evidently been moved in the course of their work” I informed.
Alan sighed and straightened up “well come on I’m sure I can negotiate for its rescue”
I smiled slightly “thank you”
He led the way out into the backyard and over to the garage. “Charlie you in there?” Alan called as we approached the door then he looked around the door frame “hey your niece needs her book that you two moved around in here” he explained.
“Alright” Charlie sighed “she can look but I don’t want her messing with any of this” he gestured vaguely at the chalkboards and papers he had spread about.
“Wouldn’t dream of it” I muttered looking around for my book.
“What are you two geniuses into now?” Alan asked, looking at the work. “And what are my old city planning maps doing out like this? What’s happening?”
“To me it looks like they’re working in probabilities based off the variables and labels. I'd say some kind of public location” I informed looking behind one of the chalkboards.
“Abby what did I say?” Charlie snapped uncharacteristically.
“Jeez I was just looking not messing” I stated in defense.
Uncle C sighed looking exceptionally stressed “no one’s really supposed to know.”
“Charles, perhaps it would be best to inform your father and the enigma of the impending Armageddon.” Larry objected.
“Armageddon?” Alan questioned as Charlie muttered words of anger to his friend “No, don’t tell me you two spotted another one of those asteroids hurtling towards the Earth, huh?”
Alan was joking but my stomach began to churn as I took a closer look at the math. All the locations were big public areas. Soft targets.
“Several thousand, actually, but that Armageddon we have decades to resolve” Larry objected to my grandfather’s statement.
“Charlie what is he talking about?” Alan questioned with a chuckle.
Charlie was about to brush his father off when he was cut off by the high pitched exclamation of his best friend “a truck carrying nuclear waste was hijacked. Yesterday.”
“What?” Alan questioned.
That was when all the pieces clicked in my mind “wait so the locations you’re narrowing down their possible targets aren’t they?” I asked in shock. “My God”
“Now wait a minute” Gramps spoke up “why didn’t I hear anything about this on the news?”
“Because they’re not telling anyone” Charlie muttered with a pointed glare at Larry.
“What do you mean they’re not telling anyone?” Alan asked with slightly irritation edging his words. “How the hell are people supposed to protect themselves? And what does she mean about targets?”
“In the first place, uh, we- we’re not even sure that there, that there is a bomb, so-”
“A bomb?!” Alan cut his son off.
“Well, we don’t know where it’s going to go off.” Charlie advised.
“Well, maybe not. But I would suggest that, uh, people quickly taking a ride out of town in an easterly direction might be of help right now.” Alan stated.
“Well, possibly not, with these current wind conditions.” Larry mused.
“Look, an evacuation without information will lead to mass public panic.” Charlie pointed out.
“Well, speaking for the huddled masses, I’d rather not have some government official making that decision for me right now, thank you very much” Alan declared, picking up one of his maps off the table which revealed my book underneath. “And what are you doing with my maps?”
“You really are something, you know that?” Charlie snapped at Larry. The two began to bicker as I stepped forward to grab my book. Then Larry finally got a word in edgewise with a sharp point.
“He is a planner and she a budding mathematician”
Charlie turned to his dad who was looking at the maps and realization seemed to dawn on him. “You know what, Dad?” he called “you can help us.”
“How can I help you?” Alan questioned. “Charlie, I’m not a physicist and I’m certainly not an expert on nuclear contamination.”
“But you were a city planner” Uncle C pointed out walking over to the man “you know about urban density, and these are your maps.”
“And another person to run equations would be quite helpful,” Larry added, looking to me. I picked up my book with a sigh.
“I wanted to help. Now I wish I didn’t need to” I muttered Larry just nodded in understanding.
We continued to look over the maps and crunch numbers Charlie and Larry guiding me through some of the more complex calculations. Then Charlie's phone rang. “Hey Don” we all turned to him surprised. “Well don’t we have-” a glance at his watch “-six hours… they pushed it-” he turned to those of us in the room “Ah, he needs to know now.” I looked to the boards raising my hands to my head in complete panic. There was no way to be sure, multiple possibilities.
“Well, we still have algorithms to test and variables to explore here” Larry objected.
“Okay, um… okay, we’ve pinpointed seven likely targets” Charlie spoke into the phone “there’s one in Westwood, there’s two in Century City.” Charlie paused as I presume Don spoke to him on the phone “Downtown. Okay. He needs downtown so,” we all eyed the map pointing out the two possible targets. “Okay, there’s, there’s, there’s two. One in Driscoll Plaza and another in Angeles Square.” Charlie looked at us after seconds of tension “he needs one just one, one of them” Charlie murmured.
“Statistically, they’re both of nearly equal probability,” Larry explained.
“Math can’t tell us which one” I breathed out.
“Right. Mathematically, we have no justification for choosing one over the other” Charlie explained just as Alan reached over and grabbed the phone away from his son.
“Donnie, go with Angeles Square.” The man declared into the phone “I know what Charlie says, but I know these maps, and I would choose Angeles Square. It’s the height of the buildings. It creates what we used to call an urban canyon. The air currents through the buildings spread the radiation much further. If I wanted to inflict as much damage as I could, that’s where I would go. Angeles Square. I’m telling you.” Alan pulled the phone from his ear.
“Great now we just sit and hope” I muttered leaning on the table. Releasing the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
_______
“Well we didn’t do so bad today, did we?” Alan asked, coming over to the table a bit more chipper than any of us.
“No, today, was good.” Larry voiced. “But what about tomorrow?”
“Yeah and Don was still very close to a bomb that could have had nuclear material so” I shrugged picking at the frayed end of the ripped knee of my pants as they were pulled up to my chest.
“Yeah, uh, you know I think I understand why you like helping Don so much.” Alan said “it’s not a bad feeling” he paused. Me, Gramps, Larry exchanged looks as the curly haired young mathematician in the room stayed uncharacteristically quiet. “What’s the matter, Charlie? You’ve got that look that you get when you can’t stop worrying about something”
“He’s right. You seem a little perturbed” Larry agreed.
“You’re still not mad about my pulling that phone out of your hand, are you?” Alan questioned.
“I was going to say Driscoll Plaza,” Charlie admitted. “Before you grabbed the phone out of my hand I was- I was about to say Driscoll Plaza, and I would’ve been wrong.”
“Oh” Alan murmured around the bite of food in his mouth “well, come on, Charlie. I was the one that didn’t give you the right variables. You know, the heights of the buildings.” Alan reassured. “Listen, if you’ve got one failing, it’s only that you don’t think like a criminal. Of course, what does that say about me?” he chuckled slightly
“That you’re a great influence” I replied sarcastically.
“I would’ve been wrong,” Charlie murmured again.
__________
3rd POV.
Don pulled up outside his brother’s house and hopped out of his car. His pace only slowed slightly when he saw Abby sitting on the porch reading. She looked up at him.
“Did you catch ‘em?” she asked.
“Got the guys not the cesium” he replied grabbing the door knob then paused. “Wait how did you..?” she bit her lip and glanced toward inside “ah damn it Charlie”
“It wasn’t his fault. Blame Larry’s fear and my nosiness if anything” she objected.
“So if Dad was helping I’m guessing you were as well then?” Don inquired and she nodded. He growled “Abby you can’t do that and if I wasn’t in a hurry you’d be getting an earful right now alright.” he flung the door open and headed inside Abby hurrying behind him.
He stalked over to where Charlie and Larry were seated at the table “alright we have the guys but they aren’t telling us where the caesium is we think it’s still on the truck and in our perimeter but we have no idea where they stashed it.” He quickly briefed them on the situation.
“Larry and I have been doing some research on tracking radiation signatures.” Charlie replied as Abby took a seat at the table “now between the sense that scan from planes and those you could install at random points in the area, we would be able to triangulate a location for that radioactive material.”
“All right, well, that’s great” Don felt some of the anxious energy he had been feeling coming in here ease away. “How long would it take?” it started coming back as the three geniuses in the room all shifted in their seats.
“Like a.. Like a week.” Charlie replied “or maybe two.”
“A week? Charlie, the truck is leaking radiation, you understand?” Don said insistently.
“He’s right, Charles.” Larry spoke up “I mean, these casks were not designed to contain cesium for extended periods of time. This material in particular has an insidious method of attack.”
“Which is?” Don prompted sitting down next to his daughter.
“Look, even in small amounts, whether ingested or inhaled,” Larry began to explain they spread throughout the entire body, they invade and destroy the soft tissue. Longer exposure and we’re talking acute radiation poisoning; the Walking Ghost phase.”
“That sounds bad,” Abby muttered almost to herself.
“The Walking Ghost phase?” Don questioned that tension within him building again.
“Yes, like the people in Chernobyl. Somebody starts feeling nauseous, they vomit, they start feeling better, they think they are better. But no, it’s- it’s just a grace period. A week later, it’s internal bleeding and certain death.”
Charlie let off a breath leaning back in his chair and Abby brought her knees up to her chest in her seat. “You said you have the guys that stole the truck, right?” Charlie asked, getting to his feet.
“That’s right,” Don agreed.
“They don’t know where it is?” the mathematician questioned.
“Well, Charlie, they’re not talking.” Don explained.
“None of them?”
“No. they’re trying to use the truck as leverage if anything,” Don told them.
“They had a plan going in.” Charlie determined.
“We got ‘em separated. We’re trying to play them against each other, but” Don sighed dread creeping into his gut.
“What about putting them together?” Charlie suggested.
“No, Charlie.” Don objected “you keep suspects isolated in the dark. That’s how it works”
“I understand that.” Charlie clarified “that, that’s not what I’m speaking about. I’m actually talking about something completely different. I’m talking about something called The Prisoner’s Dilemma”
Abby straightened behind Don and Larry nodded “game theory”
“Game theory” Charlie parroted his friend and continued “the mathematics of decision making. How to achieve the optimal outcome from a complex situation. So for instance, um” the man thought up an analogy “say two people were to commit crime. Now, if neither of them talk they each get a year. If one of them talks, he gets no time at all, and the other guy gets five years. If both of them talk, they each get two years. So you see, unless they can trust each other not to say anything talking is the best strategy”
“Yeah, but I already told you they’re not talking” Don pointed out.
“Well, maybe that’s because none of them realize how much the others have to lose.” Charlie advised.
“Risk assessment” Abby muttered.
Charlie smirked slightly at his niece's insight “precisely.”
_________
“I mean it was pretty impressive” Don voiced as he and his family left the restaurant. “These are three hardcore dudes, and Charlie’s up there scibbling all these crazy equations”
“Crazy equa..? You hear that, Dad?” Charlie muttered as Abby started to giggle “Crazy equations. Now, I did a risk assessment analysis based on a model used to determine a bank’s exposure to mutual credit obligations. That’s what I did.”
“Yeah, it’s a compliment. I mean, the point is, is that they bought it.” Don explained.
“Don’s right. I mean the important thing is you’re getting the truck back. Isn’t that enough?” Alan pointed out.
“Yeah, I mean, you know, you can get an award for a performance like that” Don congratulated.
“A per..? It wasn’t a performance” Charlie objected. “It wasn’t a scam. That was math. That was actual math. I don’t make this stuff up.”
“Want to hear about math?” Alan chimed in reaching into his jacket pocket “here, here’s math. Dinner was $102 divided four ways is 25 bucks apiece. Pay up.”
“Wait I’m a minor dependant I don’t have money he does” Abby objected pointing at her father who pulled out his wallet.
“Actually I gotta hit an ATM. I don’t have any cash” Don replied.
“Now that’s a scam” Alan complained and the men descended into bickering as Abby laughed.
“Hey keep laughing and I will make you pay your share” Don threatened. “Especially since I’m considering grounding you”
“What?” Abby questioned her laughter quickly fading.
“I told you I didn’t want you helping on cases math or not and you didn’t listen” Don replied firmly even though the expression on Abby’s face was beginning to weaken his resolve.
“But I was helpful I didn’t get hurt there was no way for me to get hurt” Abby defended “what’s so wrong with crunching a few numbers in the garage every now and then”
Don sighed biting his lip “because your sixteen and I don’t want you getting dragged head first into my world of guns and destruction”
Abby looked to the ground and opened her mouth. Don got the feeling she was about to say something poignant but she hesitated and instead closed her mouth looking back up at her father with a determination that caught him rather off guard.
“Fine I’ll stop whining about working on big stuff for now but once I’m eighteen I’m getting my clearance and you can’t stop me” she declared.
Alan and Charlie both smiled slightly at the girl's stubborn statement. Don sighed knowing there was no way he was changing her mind. So instead he hooked her around the shoulders pulling her into his side as the family continued down the sidewalk “alright kid but right now you’re still grounded.”
Chapter 11 ->
Happiness Will Come To You.
This puts into words how I feel all the time when I’m writing a story.
I’ve been seeing a lot of anti-Nazi ones, which is great, but I felt like we needed one to show our support for the Jewish community.
The Derivative Chapter 14: Judge
Chapter 1 <- Chapter 13
“Hello, Gramps?” I called coming into the house with Amita.
“Kitchen” the man called back.
“Hey” Charlie greeted us with a smile from where he sat at the kitchen table with Larry.
“How is CalSci’s most recent addition to the student body?” Larry inquired.
“Pretty good” I replied, adjusting my backpack on my shoulders. “Homework sucks”
The three adults chuckled light “well that doesn’t ever change” Amita scoffed and we took seats at the table.
“Hello ladies” Alan greeted, coming in with a tray of coffee cups.
“Hi Mr. Eppes,” Amita smiled.
“Alan, please” the man replied, setting the tray down and taking a seat.
We each took a cup and started to chat as we drank. I’d been attending CalSci for a couple weeks now and it was already far better than high school. Even though I was the youngest in all my classes being just shy of seventeen.
“Oh so I was at the court today looking for Don,” Charlie explained, “and he was talking to the prosecutor Hodges. I think he was going to lunch with her before I interrupted.”
“Lunch as in friends or lunch as in a date?” Amita inquired, sipping her coffee.
“It didn’t seem like a friend's thing” Charlie stated “I think he was asking her out” I shifted in my seat at the information.
“You say her name is Hodges?” Alan inquired standing up.
“Yeah. Nadine” Charlie offered as we all got up to follow the other man toward the living room “she seemed pretty interested in him, too. Although I’m not really good at reading those kinds of signals”
“No you're not” Amita muttered and we exchanged an amused look behind the professor’s back.
“You know that term dark matter?” Larry spoke up “that has always perplexed me. It fallaciously implies that the 95% of our universe that can’t be observed is some amorphous eventles, just, uh, emptiness” he shrugged as we all took seats. Amita and Charlie taking the couch and me grabbing a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table.
“I’m sorry?” Amita looked at him questioningly.
“The random musings of Professor Fleinhardt” I offered with a grin that made the others chuckle lightly.
“I suppose it’s all too human,” Larry continued uninhibited by our humor “instead of just admitting to the present limits of our knowledge, we simply declare things to be unknowable.”
“This somehow relates to dating?” Alan questioned from where he was still standing.
“Oh I’m sorry; to reading signals” the physicist clarified, coming around the chair he had been standing behind “and, of course, to Rhonda Pickford.”
“I’m not familiar with her work,” Amita said.
Larry sat his coffee cup on the table clapping his hands together to gesture with them “she had a crush on me in fifth grade” he admitted.
“Oh” Amita murmured as I had to restrain a small laugh.
“And of course girls in fifth grade suddenly became 95% unknowable,” Larry explained.
“Huh, isn’t that the truth,” Alan muttered.
“I’m not following” Charlie voiced in minor confusion.
“Then keep up” I replied back sarcastically even though I had no idea where the eccentric man was going either. My Uncle just shot me a look as Larry continued.
“Oh well, you see, I labeled her to be dark matter, and I just moved on to more accessible pursuits. Like uh,” he chuckled slightly “space invaders, actually.”
“So what happened to this, um, uh Rhonda?” Alan asked as Larry sat down.
“Oh, she became a professional cheerleader.” Larry informed.
“Really?”
“She did. Yes, she did” Larry muttered.
“I doubt that Don actually views women as dark matter.” Gramps objected.
“I think I might be some kind of proof of that,” I murmured taking a sip of my coffee. I was trying very hard to keep the overwhelming amount of sarcasm out of my voice.
“Well, she’s a prosecutor.” Amita voiced “I’m sure he’ll see her again.”
“Actually, Don thinks there’s a chance that the man she’s prosecuting may be behind the murder of the judges wife” Charlie informed.
“So they’ll be seeing each other a lot” I wasn’t sure my attempt to make that sound like a question rather than an annoyed statement quite succeeded based on the hum my grandfather made to my right.
“You know something?” Larry spoke up again “under that reasoning wouldn’t that make this prosecutor just as likely a target?”
We all mulled over that thought before Amita declared that we needed to talk about something brighter and changed the subject. I sighed picking up my empty coffee cup and saucer heading for the kitchen.
I entered and placed my dishes in the sink. A moment later Alan came in to do the same thing. I shifted to the island getting a cookie from the package we had sitting there. “So, uh, you’re alright. Right?” Alan asked, turning on the sink to rinse mine and his cups.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I inquired leaning on the island.
“Well you just started college which can be a little overwhelming and this thing with Don and dating” he muttered as I took a bite of my cookie.
“I’m fine Grandpa, it’s just a little weird thinking of my dad dating” I explained.
“I see,” Alan nodded, “any particular reason?”
I shrugged “not really” sometimes I hated how observant my grandfather could be. “Thanks Gramps for the concern but really I’m fine” I told him and promptly left the kitchen before he could probe anymore. Dark matter indeed.
______________
“Says the guy who only eats white food” I muttered, popping another piece of popcorn in my mouth.
“Touche” Larry nodded as we walked down the hall at CalSci. Him with his tray of food and me with a bag of popcorn “still I must agree with Alan that it is a fairly odd food choice”
“Have you ever tried it?” I argued.
“Well no,” Larry conceded as we reached Charlie’s office.
“Then don’t judge” I stated. The man shrugged as I opened the office door and walked in.
Within the office was my uncle and Amita along with another woman I didn’t recognize. However I could spot the badge and gun from the doorway. Meaning she probably worked with my father.
“Oh, well, this is where all the fun is, huh?” Larry voiced.
“Professor Fleinhardt, my dear niece,” Charlie greeted us.
“Hey Larry, hey Abby” Amita called from her place sitting at a computer.
“This is Megan Reeves” Uncle C introduced the woman “she’s working with Don”
“Uh, hi. Hi” Larry stammered in greeting as Megan smiled at him.
She then looked to me “you’re Don’s daughter?” Megan asked me with a curious look.
“Um, yeah you must be his new partner?” I inferred recalling what Don had told me about Terry’s leaving and the new female agent assigned to his office.
“Yup” Megan nodded.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Larry murmured, gesturing to my and his food as he ate.
“Oh, no, not at all” Megan assured as I tossed a couple more pieces of popcorn in my mouth. “You realize all your food is white?” she questioned the physicist.
“Mm, yes, I prefer white food.” Larry explained.
“Why is that?” Megan inquired further as Larry headed around me and my Uncle toward the desk.
“Supersymmetry” He offered “it’s a theory that describes the nature of connectivity in complex multi dimensional space” he moved some files in order to sit in the chair behind Charlie’s desk.
“You know symmetry is also a term we use in behavioral science to explain obsessive behavior” she suggested.
“Oh, is it now?” Larry questioned with an amused tone.
“I have a two year old nephew who won’t eat anything but pasta with butter,” Megan explained as I pulled my popcorn out of the reach of my scavenging uncle. “We’re a little worried he might be a budding scientist.”
“Larry has a tendency to live out his theories,” Charlie explained. Megan chuckled, lightly nodding in response, an endeared smile on her face. I glanced between her and the physicist, a small smirk growing on my face “Amita, are you ready to show us the 3-D scatter plot distribution of all the relevant cases?”
“Sure,” the computer guru replied, finishing her typing. We all looked at her screen curiously to see the scatter plot.
“It looks like a random buckshot of points” Megan muttered.
“Except for a small number of cases that stand out” Charlie advised. Amita typed in the next filter criteria and most of the points dropped down to the bottom of the graph.
“Wow, that’s a lot less files than I originally gave you” Megan observed.
“Yeah and we’re not even done yet” Charlie murmured. “Amita,” Uncle C grabbed a pad of paper and started writing. I glanced over his shoulder and quickly realized the filter he was putting together. “Do you think you can filter the rest through something like this?”
Amita took the paper and looked it over “It looks kind of like decision theory”
“Except it’s reverse decision theory isn’t it?” I voiced, giving my uncle a look. He nodded “Smart move”
“Thank you,” Charlie smirked. “Decision theory values are determined by risk and reward” he explained further to those who might not be aware.
“Corporations use it to weigh business plans, what products to develop, what companies to do business with.” Larry chimned in.
“Like a hunter searching for food.” Charlie analogized “he’s constantly evaluating his terrain, his available prey, and rival predators weighing them against his own appetite, his own strength, his needs. Until he makes what he considers an optimal decision.”
“But reverse decision theory flips it around” I offered.
“You take the optimal goal and you reverse the process,” Larry added.
“In other words you start with the final decision?” Megan inferred.
“The murder of Alison Trelane” Amita explained.
“That’s right.” Charlie agreed “and then, determine which predator is most likely by inclination, by opportunity to have made that decision”
The computer chirped as the final results boiled down to two points. “There you go” I murmured “your hunters”
____________ 3rd POV.
“So Charlie tells me you were shot at this afternoon. Huh again?” Alan muttered as the Eppes family sat around the kitchen table for dinner.
Don sighed annoyance flaring in him as he shot a look across the table at his little brother “oh, yeah? Well, what Charlie should have said was more like” he paused trying to figure out how to better phrase the encounter he’d had with Raymond outside the courthouse. “I was in the vicinity of shooting. Let’s put it that way.” he hazarded a glance at his daughter sitting next to him. She didn’t look up but impaled her next bite of food on her fork with a bit more force than probably necessary.
“He saved this prosecutor” Charlie declared, probably trying to earn favor with his brother with the praise but just bugging him more. “And yet, he still won’t ask her out, for some reason.”
The only one to catch the eye roll demonstrated by the resident teenager was Alan who made note of the reaction. “Really? What’s the problem” he questioned.
“Yeah, she’s hot, man. She’s perfect” Charlie encouraged. Don started shaking his head in denial “she’s interesting. You said she was perfect.”
“No, I didn't,” Don objected.
“So now you only date women who have something wrong with them?” Alan inquired of his eldest.
“I’m not dating anyone,” Don clarified.
“So I noticed.” Alan murmured.
“Yeah what’s that about?” Charlie asked.
“Look, you know” Don finally snapped holding up a hand “with what I do, relationships are, they’re- they’re just not easy, okay? Especially when you’re a single father?” Abby’s head popped up ever so slightly and Don somewhat regretted adding the last statement “would you just trust me?”
“Come on, Don,” Alan objected, “just because something might go wrong doesn’t mean that you don’t take a shot.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, okay?” Don’s voice raised slightly with his mounting frustration at both his family and himself. “It’s more complicated than that. Among other things, I don’t want to put someone at risk. I don’t want to be a risk for someone.” he paused and spared a glance at his daughter who was now looking at him with her sharp gaze “another someone” he muttered in addition “you understand?”
“I see,” Alan murmured leaning forward slightly “which means that police and lawyers and judges shouldn’t get married?”
“Yeah well look at judge Trelan” Don pointed out “Think I want to go through that? No, sir” Don sighed and glanced over at Abby again he did a double take but she’d already turned away by his second look. She no longer held that sharp look she’d given him and a tension in her shoulders had eased. She almost looked sad about something.
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
“Here’s our new home,” Janice announced, leading her daughter into the building she was calling their home.
“It stinks in here,” Abby commented.
“It’s called having character squirt” Janice’s latest boyfriend spoke from where he appeared in the living room with a beer in hand.
“Hey Danny” Janice greeted him with a kiss. “Abbs, why don’t you go upstairs and settle in?”
“First door on the right” Danny offered the instruction. Six year old Abby left her mother down stairs with Danny climbing the steps.
The first room on the right was a dingy place. There was a mattress in one corner with a window next to it. The grey, probably at one point green, paint was peeled in places. Water marks were on the beige ceiling and the wood floor creaked with each of Abby’s steps.
The girl dropped her bag and walked over to the window looking out at the yard below. There was noise down stairs and moments later Janice came storming down the hallway.
“You said you stopped Danny!”
“I have babe I swear!”
“Then what are you doing hanging out with Darryl?”
“He’s my brother!”
“He’s a meth head!”
Abby decided to tune them out as they fought. Busying herself with making up her bed with the sheets in her duffel bag.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
Abby POV.
A tap on my shoulder drew me from my memory. I slid my blinders to the top of my head and looked up to see Don looking down at me, a questioning look on his face.
“What’s up?” I inquired.
“I just wanted to talk to you real quick” Don muttered “about what Dad and Charlie were saying at dinner” he began “I know that me dating might not be the most comfortable subject for you an-”
“I think you should,” I declared before he could finish.
Don froze where he’d been scratching the back of his head and gave me a confused look “What?”
I sighed “I think you should ask the prosecutor out”
Don opened his mouth as if to say something but he closed it again with a sigh when nothing came out. He came over and sat down next to me on the bed. “So you’re okay with this?”
“Not really” I admitted taking my blinders off my head and fiddling with them “I mean my mom dated a lot of guys and most of them pretty crappy and part of me can’t help but relate that to this” I murmured Don nodded taking in the information. “But I don’t think not wanting to be a risk for someone is a reason not to date them. I mean you deserve to be happy and it’s really their choice if they want to take that risk with you”
“So if I asked Nadine out?” Don prompted.
“I wouldn’t be thrilled about it but I’d give her a shot” I declared.
Don nodded “alright” just then his phone beeped he looked at it and sighed “I got to go”
“Be safe” I told him as he got up and headed for the door.
“Made a promise remember?” he replied with a light smirk before heading down the hall.
A second later Alan appeared in the doorway. “How much of that did you overhear?” I asked with narrowed eyes.
“Enough to know I’m proud of you” he declared.
“Yeah well he deserves it” I replied and we shared a smile.
___________
“Okay, Donnie, it’s time to eat” Alan announced as me, him, and Charlie headed into my father’s office.
“Hey,” Don greeted.
“You eat dinner yet?” Charlie inquired.
“Lobster at the Oceanfront. Charlie’s buying” Alan declared.
“And hurry I’m starving” I added.
“Let’s go, I'm driving” Charlie stated, holding up his keys.
“Yeah, well, that’s not an incentive” Don objected, grabbing his coat and giving his brother a look.
“Which is why I need another adult witness,” Alan replied “insurance purposes, you know?”
I chuckled lightly then spotted a blonde haired woman that was all dressed up coming toward us. She stopped before us with a smile. “Nadine,” Don introduced, “this is my father Alan, and, uh, Charlie you know right? And this, uh, is my daughter Abby” he introduced me last with a hand on my shoulder.
“Hi nice to meet you” she smiled at all “Charlie good to see you again” then her gaze shifted to me “and it’s a real pleasure to meet you Abby, your Dad speaks quite highly of you”
“Uh thanks” I murmured, exchanging a look with my father.
Nadine then addressed Don “I need to grab something out of my car. Can I just meet you out there?” she asked.
“I’ll be two seconds,” Don assured her.
“All right” she then smiled at us, all waving farewell, as she walked away.
“Wow, she is one hot looking prosecutor” Alan murmured.
“Alright, easy there, pop,” Don spoke up.
“I know I'm your father” Gramps replied “but she’s still one hot looking prosecutor”
I shook my head “please stop” I muttered and the men chuckled, Don messing up my hair slightly as we continued to walk forward.
“We’re trying to figure out what to do about Hector Machado,” Don explained. “I mean, this guy might end up collecting reward money for reporting a crime that he probably arranged. So it’s a working dinner.”
“Which explains the professional working dinner cologne” Alan pointed out.
“Busted,” I murmured.
“Hey” Don objected with a slight smirk as he walked away from us “I never ruled out the possibility of some kind of quantum entanglement”
Alan looked to Charlie with a questioning look “that’s not one of mine” he admitted.
My grandfather’s gaze shifted to me “not mine either, but I like it” I replied and we all shared a small laugh.
Chapter 15 ->
a non-selective plan for the resurgence of fic commissions
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