Blew

Emperor Nero:

French fries? No thanks I only do that to Christian’s

In 50 years I picture myself being a little isolated hermit on a little house on a big hill tinkering with my creations and giving stew to any passing travelers

Still can’t believe there’s a 3 year time period in which you can’t legally drink and drive

Humans haven’t ruined the world, think of it as accidental remodeling.

I love Percy Jackson because it introduced me to Greek mythology. I love Hamilton because it made me interested in US history. I love the Song of Achilles because it got me to read the Iliad. I don’t care if it’s canonical, interpretations are great because they get people more interested in the source material.

I am deeply saddened to report that I have completely and utterly failed to make anyone my April fool on this worthy day. I suppose it was I who was the spring simpleton.

Often when I set something down, the little gnome that lives in my shadow likes to steal it when my back is turned. It’s a very parasitic relationship

Instead of coffee, get tased by the police this morning. Its electrifying.

my favorite customer service slip ups

When I die I would like funeral games to be conducted in stead of a will. They shall have to earn my spoils if they truly want my inheritance of $2. Naked men wrestling optional.