Some Days You’re Just The Squashed Nutrigrain Bar That Exists At The Bottom Of Every Purse Or Bookbag

why you should all consider getting chickens

a small backyard, a decent fence and the will to make a safe coop for your fluffy dames is all you need to make it happen

they will eat your vegetable scraps and gobble down pretty much any kind of food waste, turning discarded crusts and mushy fruit into big fat eggs full of protein!

and depending on which breed you buy, they will lay an egg almost every day. free, nutritious food every morning! what other pet will do that?

it’s a misconception that eating eggs is inherently cruel, or that you need a rooster for your chickens to lay eggs! all the eggs you buy in supermarkets are unfertilised, which means there is no chance of that egg ever hatching. you’re not eating a potential life, your chickens will lay eggs regardless of whether there’s a rooster around

so only buy a rooster to go with your lovely ladies if you want baby chicks - otherwise, just get some girls and enjoy those omelettes!

the way cage egg farms are run is terrible, and you can’t always be sure that a free range farm is as idyllic as the picture you see on the carton. lots of sad chookies who can’t perch or scratch or eat grass and clean themselves. :( 

this way, you will always be certain that your girls are happy, healthy, doing what chicken are meant to do and eating what chickens should be eating, which means bigger and better eggs for you!

you can give eggs to your friends! give eggs to strangers! eggs for everyone!

tiny and furious lawnmowers. chickens LOVE grass, especially clover. if you have a small backyard, they will do all the work of keeping the grass trimmed. 

a caution, pls buy your chicken a friend - they will get lonely if you only buy one. my friend had two chickens and one died, leaving Gizmo all alone. she got depressed and stopped laying, so they put her in the rabbit hutch. now she has a best friend bunny called Jimmy and she’s very happy! she often sits on him and purrs.

chickens are good around most other pets - cats and chickens usually regard each other with mutual indifference and disdain, but they generally bond with dogs. however, if you know your pooch or kitty is particularly aggressive, make sure you check it won’t be a problem!

scratch scratch scratch, scratch party!!

one time I was cleaning out the stables and my chicken came over, saw that I was using a big rake and went !!!! scratch time!!! and she started scratching furiously next to me like she was trying to help

they’re very clean animals and will clean themselves every day with a dust bath and a thorough preening

when it starts raining it takes them a good 10 seconds to process what’s happening, then they RUN to shelter

gloriously stupid tiny velociraptor running

peck peck peck. is food? I check! peck. not food!

rip all snails and slugs that live in your garden

they will also go after mice and spiders

chicken poop is great fertiliser! when you clean out their coop, spread the poo on your garden and watch your flowers and veggies grow!

kiddos LOVE chickens!!

seriously, looking after chickens is a great job for little kids - any little fella can fill up their water and give them some food, and collecting a warm, fresh egg every morning is so rewarding for them!!! 

hours of entertainment watching their antics

some (not all) like a cuddle! the ladies will let you know what their preference is. they may also gently peck and groom you because they love you.

you can give them fancy names like lottie, ethel and lady beatrice so it sounds like they’re a supporting cast in a Jane Austen novel

in conclusion give a pretty chicken a happy home today

Just remember. There is no such thing as a fake geek girl. There are only fake geek boys. Science fiction was invented by a woman.

How do you go about drawing chunks of patterns maybe like embroidery detail, like the shirt and socks when you did the commission for Sleebyfrog's Cato?

Hey! So I actually did a small tutorial on lace drawing a while ago! However here’s another lil info dump about lace garments in particular! (With another, more simple method on drawing large chunks of lace!)

(Also in reference to the Cato piece I did a while back- Sleebyfrogs actually designed the lace for that themselves! So you may need to ask them if ur more interested in the way that looked!)

Slurs are not oppressive because they are offensive, they are oppressive  because slurs by nature of being slurs draw upon certain power dynamics  to remind their target of his/her/their vulnerability in a certain relation to power and as an extension of that, to threaten violence and exploitation of that vulnerability.

Never forget

My favorite Shady/Illegal tips

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never “I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. “Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.

Anderson Cooper saving a boy in Haiti during a shooting. A slab of concrete was dropped of the boys head.

We imagine mutations to be a little bewildering to chromosomes…