Being A Female Means Needing To See 10 Different Doctors To Get A Proper Diagnosis Because They Always

“Are you making sandwiches again?”

Reblog with an inside joke you have with your friends.

“Yes, Captain America has LEGS!”

reblog if you believe that gender neutral bathrooms should be available everywhere

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.’ Watson replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’ ‘What does that tell you?’ Watson ponders for a minute. 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?’ Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.’

What were your poems about? You’ve gotten me curious.

My English teacher apologetically told me my poems were to controversial to tell in class (we’re in the poetry unit right now) and I can’t tell if I should be proud, concerned, or miffed.

Today in math class:

[Image description: a picture of a blackboard with math written on it. Below the math is the phrase “Pf: I’m too lazy,” followed by a box that signifies the ending of a proof.]

(Am I doing this right?)

I would totally attend a Utopian service.

HUMANISTS:

Expectation- Grow! Strive! Excel!

Reality- Government of, by, and for the most insufferable shitheads you knew in high school

BRILLISTS:

Expectation- Unlock the mysteries of the human psyche!

Reality- Your president is a smug sack of shit who’s also computer-racist

EUROPEANS:

Expectation- Unbreakable bonds of cultural tradition

Reality- “You seized my borderlands, you executed my hero, you conquered me a thousand years ago, and I remember.”

COUSINS:

Expectation- Altruism, community, common good

Reality- Some rando’s crashing on your couch six out of seven nights and it’d be too awkward to say anything at this point

UTOPIANS:

Expectation- Join our constellations and build the future! Also, Fursona-Pokémon are real and you can have one!

Reality- I Fucking Love Science + ENDLESS SCRUPULOSITY HELL

MASONS:

Expectation- Power. Order. Eternal tradition.

Reality- Facebook feed is endless unironic “when did THIS [modern architecture] become hotter than THIS [Byzantine spires]”

MITSUBISHI:

Expectation- Noble stewards of our terrestrial inheritance

Reality- Everyone’s least-favorite rent-seeker, and you don’t even have close to enough property to have a say in anything

WHITELAWS:

Expectation: Morally upright, clean living, stable communities

Reality: Mormonism but without the pretense of spiritual development

GRAYLAWS:

Expectation- Join the one group that isn’t directly run by lunatics

Reality- Somehow even more milquetoast than just becoming a Cousin because your ba'pas are

BLACKLAWS:

Expectation- Proud, honorable libertines, shining example of voluntary self-governance

Reality- The worst possible overlap in the Venn diagram of ancaps and LARPers

1926. If Harry Potter Was An Anime.

Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.

Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus

I’m still laughing at this because it’s obviously not red, it’s blue and black, geez.