What Do I Do If I Feel Anxiety When I Go To Imagination To Fulfill Myself? How Do I Make It Go Away?

Now that you know you're not a solid person, do you just go with whatever pops up in mind? I imagine the effect of experiencing doesn't change much, other than feeling unconditional freedom? Does sadness even come up in an extensive way at this point?

Who feels "unconditional freedom"?

What you're asking still assumes there's a “me” who now operates differently because something was "realized" — but there was never a "me" to begin with.

Whether a thought arises, or sadness passes through, none of that was ever “mine” or “not mine” to begin with. So no, it’s not about “following whatever pops up” or “never feeling sad again.” It’s just not personal anymore. There’s no one trying to manage it.

So if sadness arises, it arises — but it’s not happening to someone, and it doesn’t need to be held onto or avoided. It just moves through like anything else, without a story around it.

I could go on to explain what “it” is — awareness, presence, whatever word you like — but none of that ever reallycaptures it. The mind tries to grasp it by asking more and more, but it’s not something that gets clearer with extra thinking. The answer can be shared, sure — but it’s never truly understood unless it's seen directly, not as a concept, but as what’s already here before thought even begins.

Rebecca Perry, Beauty/Beauty; from 'Kintsugi 金継ぎ'

Thinking about when Neville said a man with a disciplined mind is incapable of hearing and accepting as true anything that doesn't fill his heart with love... Let love be your compass and you can't go wrong.

Hiii I'm starting my manifesting journey again. I'm discovering stuff like states, fulfillment in imagination etc recently. My primary desire rn is to go to a med school in my country. Due to some medical issues, I wasn't able to study much these past 2 years. I need to crack an entrance exam for entering into med school.

So what should I do? If you were in my place... what would you have done? Like there's a specific cut off we need to cross to get into medical school....so should I imagine getting such marks , or should I go directly to the end...just being a doctor.

i'd go directly to the end of being in med school! completely forget about all the requirements you "don't meet," because now you DO meet them in your 4D, and you're already in med school anyway so it doesn't matter what the requirements are anymore!

now i'd focus on fulfilling myself in imagination. so, i'd try to think and daydream about things that im excited about doing in med school! maybe you're excited to learn, or to make new friends, or to be away from home! whatever makes you feel most excited about having your desire, i'd dwell on that in my imagination whenever im feeling down or doubtful, and remind myself it's already mine.

any time you think of med school, jump to fulfillment. "it is mine" "it is done" "there's nothing left to worry about" "im glad everything worked out perfectly" !

hope this helps!

I had to log back in just to post this. I posted it on IG first and thought it was fair to leave it here too.

TLDR; look for where exactly you and "that" are located and see it's impossible

not my prodigal ass returning

is it a normal sign that the more you begin to focus on your “I AM” the less you begin to understand?

a realization i had after spiraling about not being in my dr, and just giving up on trying, on trying to shift, trying to think perfectly, or follow ND perfectly and trying to think thoughts or pretending like i knew what the fuck being limitless or awareness means or whatever, or trying to see the world as a dream and pretending that i didnt desire.

this feeling called I AM. thats all i really, genuinely knew. its just always there. it doesn’t even require thinking. it just is.

and i just went back to basics. deconstructed some shit and then later had a realization that i wrote on my notes: “i dont know if i am not a human, not a person, or some limitless being but all i know is that there is this feeling of knowing that follows me everywhere. in my dreams, in the waking world, whenever.”

the more i have began to ponder on that feeling the less certain i am about everything else. everything is just an idk rn. idk whats real or fake or if im not a person like nd blogs say, but all im beginning to realize that i will always be so certain on is I AM ( aware) to the point i never even look at it. and everything appears and disappears through effortless awareness. this world when i go to sleep comes and goes.

I'm not sure what's "normal" or not on this path tbh, but I understand what you're getting at. I felt similar, like I just realized all things perceptible are just constructs/concepts and you can only ever be absolutely certain of your own experiences in this illusion because that becomes your truth but even that is subject to change, memory is fickle and easy to manipulate when you know how to. Everything is always changing except the sense of I AM. The deeper I went into this realization, the less important everything became, the less I put things on a pedestal because it really doesn't matter in the end what people say, it only matters how I perceive it, or how useful it is for me, and if it is something I can verify through my own experiences. If it's not, well who knows? Doesn't mean it's false necessarily but everything in this "reality" is just a dream anyway and *that* is a strange intuitive feeling I had at odd times long before I ever learned about non-duality. Just gotta do what's right for you and follow what feels right. And for me, that included giving up trying to understand all these concepts intellectually after a point. In the end, they're just more concepts, they are not Truth itself ("do not mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself"). It just becomes an endless exercise, these things are not meant to be merely intellectualized but applied and experienced directly in life after all.

Can't remember where I read it but there were a few different texts that talked about how this path is all about increasing your own Knowingness and that resonates with me. Or rather, it's more about unveiling the Knowingness that's already there. So all we can ever do is go by our current Knowingness and use that as a guide for our path (as well as Self).

How do you completely drop the old story? I know it’s not serving me but I just can’t seem to let it go

you need to actually understand who you are and drop the ego first, realize you’re nothing but a dreamer and the “old story” is nothing but a dream to put aside to dream a more pleasant one.

The major steps are first, becoming aware of the fact that we are master over matter (and matter includes the body). Then, the second major step is becoming master over mind. And when we become really masterful over mind we are able to and we do let go of mind and operate in the realm of omniscience, in the realm of knowingness. Then we are fully aware of the infinite Being that we are, and are in the ultimate Happiness. We should start with the first step, consciously controlling matter. Whether we are aware of it or not, everyone is controlling matter all the time. Whether one wants to be a demonstrator or not, he is. It is impossible to not be a creator all the time. Everyone is creating every day. We are not aware of it because we just don't look at it. We have demonstrated or created everything we have! Every thought, every single thought, materializes in the physical world. It's impossible to have a thought that will not materialize (except that we reverse it). If we think the opposite right after we have a thought, with equal strength, we neutralize it.

So this thing of demonstration that we are all trying so hard to accomplish, we are doing all the time, unconscious of the fact that we're doing it.

You are a creator, so long as you have a mind and think.

━ these were all Lester's words.

Predicting the Q&A that will follow and answering you these.

Q: Does that mean if I think my dog died my dog will die???

Ada: Did you take that thought to be true? What reason would you have to suddenly believe your dog is dead? No, thought materializes when it's absolute, that is when you think "My fridge is in the kitchen", you have no doubts or questions coming along with that, it's a statement you take as real. You think your fridge is in the kitchen, and so it is. You have no feelings regarding that, it is just a statement, it is just reality.

Q: Okay then, how do I make reality of me being Lara?

Ada: This is why I insist to see you aren't either. You can't let go of Vanessa now because you think you are her. Can you think of your fridge being in the living room while you're convinced it is in the kitchen? You don't even allow yourself to, if that thought comes into being - you brush it off, you can't take it for a possibility because you know the fridge is in the kitchen. If you really thought you were Lara, the way you think your fridge is in the kitchen, then that would be materialized with no question. Do you ask questions about Vanessa being materialized? No, she is. No questions asked. You may have all these big feelings about her, but she is because you think so so strongly in the first place, you never allowed yourself to doubt it. Stop thinking it is so and see. what. happens. This is why I insist on equal-mindedness toward all bodies/persons, because then you can just pick and have it be so instantly. Now you don't pick because you go back to dealing with all of Vanessa's baggage, because you think she is the All, the background, the source - and you need to work with that, change her thinking to change her reality. There's this have to, have to, have to━you can't let go of. But Self is not Vanessa.

Being your Self is having all the fridges floating in space, picking one and placing the fridge wherever you want with a thought.

Revert to your natural state and have any thought be absolute the way Vanessa in this moment is to you absolute.

law school

back to masterlist

series

➵ peace is not known to man

∟ summary: after turning his back on the prosecutor’s office, lawyer han joon hwi attempts at a clean slate, starting his own private firm. but, there was no way for him to move forward without clearing his former suspect, his current coworker, lawyer kang sol. with lee man ho, their main suspect, escaped and an empty apartment, can they prove her innocence?

(part I) (part II) (part III) (part IV)

➵ push and pulI

∟ summary: during a trial, a lawyer must be ready for anything. they should be able to navigate their way through any sudden obstacles or arguments. but through her time at law school, this is the first time her opponent has used kisses as an argument strategy.

or: joon hwi decides it’s time to test how far kang sol’s concentration can last. you know, to prepare her for the trial. no other reason.

(part I) (part II)

➵ caught up in a dream (in a technicolor beat)

∟ summary: a dream or real life? when sol sneaks out of joon hwi’s room after a one night stand, he assumes the whole night to be a very vivid dream. a little too vivid. but of course, it had to be a dream. right?

aka: idiots to lovers but heavy emphasis on the idiots.

(part I) (II)

➵ underneath the singing moon

∟ summary: a story in two parts, from two people who watched as their life flowed past. a solhwi & jisolB fic

(part I) (part II)

➵ darling, you're the one i want

∟ summary: Kang Sol A was never known for her luck, but she suspected it to be more like a curse when after almost 5 years, she bumps into her rival and the bane of her existence: Attorney Han Joon Hwi. What’s worse? She has to work with him and she’s sure that she’ll either kill him or kiss him before this is all over

After Kang Sol B was freed from the clutched of her mother, her new found freedom spurred her into a night in bed with the mysterious Ji Ho. Yet, when he walks into her office the next day, she is faced with the realization that she is now working with the same man she slept with. What’s worse? He’s insufferable and she just might have to kiss him to shut him up.

(ch. 1)

one shots

➵ you're my sunshine in the rain when it's pouring (won't you give yourself to me?)

∟ summary: Kang Sol A was not afraid, she wasn’t built to be afraid. But what else could you call the pang that rippled through her heart as she noticed the two figures huddled at the cafe near the entrance of her school?

➵ there's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (wanna share?)

∟ summary: They were light and dark, yin and yang. Kang Dan and Kang Sol were a set, unbalanced without the other. Despite their differences, it was always clear that neither sister would leave the other.

Until one did.

aka: what would have happened if kang dan made her flight.

➵ and when the seasons change (will you stand by me?)

∟ summary: when kang sol’s mother has to work late, she has to take care of byeol. it’s just her luck that she has an exam the next day, one for professor yang of all people. joon hwi, being the kind classmate he is, offers to study with her.

or: byeol is solhwi mastermind, and she’s says everything we wanted to say to the two dummies

➵ a king and his rusty throne (i'm just skin and bones)

∟ summary: Lawyer Han Joon Hwi never yields, fighting endlessly. The court was his domain, where he held the power over his opponent. The only exception, of course, is his 5'6" passionate, animated girlfriend, Attorney Kang Sol.

➵ cause we're dancing in this world alone (when people are talking)

∟ summary: a puzzle with a missing piece and a kite with a fragile string, finding what they need most in their young, shaky lives.

or: ji ho finds understanding through the most uncharacteristic gesture.

➵ jumping in eyes closed, hands tied

∟ summary: Prosecutor Han Joon Hwi and Lawyer Kang Sol A have been avid rivals since they met at Hanguk Law School. Every courtroom turns into an intense dance between the two talented individuals, the tensions high and the arguments captivating. Their win rates were neck and neck, and the tension between them was just as thick as ever. Little did everyone else know, Han Joon Hwi and Kang Sol A held a secret underneath the sheets.

➵ wednesdays at 11 pm

∟ summary: a progression in time, lives, and goodbyes.

➵ golden (like daylight)

∟ summary: three times han joon hwi tried to confess to kang sol, and the one time kang sol confessed to him.

➵ he’s earth and heaven to you (you can’t conceal it)

∟ summary: Kang Sol A, just wants a one normal year. Just one year without some kind of explosion, or murder, or world ending event. Unfortunately, disaster has struck in the form of a 5' 11" insufferable, quidditch player and genius Han Joon Hwi.

headcanons

➵ wicked love, leaves me blind