When Writing toxic Family Dynamics

When writing toxic family dynamics

Toxic family stuff isn’t always screaming matches or broken plates. Sometimes it’s quiet control. The expectation to shrink, the pressure to be perfect, the guilt that rides shotgun. It’s complicated. And it’s deeply, deeply personal.

✧ Make the love real, but conditional.  One of the most damaging things about toxic family is the illusion of love. It’s not “I love you no matter what.” It’s “I love you when you obey.” Let your character notice that.

✧ Control shows up in micro ways... Who’s allowed to speak. Who’s allowed to feel. Who apologizes first, even when they’re not wrong. Control doesn’t need to be loud. Sometimes it’s a raised eyebrow or a guilt trip.

✧  Let them question reality. Toxic families are great at gaslighting. Your character might constantly wonder, Was it really that bad? Am I being dramatic? Let them doubt their own memories. That internal confusion is real.

✧ The guilt will be crushing. Leaving a toxic family doesn’t feel empowering at first. It feels selfish. It feels wrong. It feels like betrayal, even when it's survival. Show your character grieving the fantasy of the family they wish they had.

✧ Let them try to earn love. Your character might work their ass off trying to “be good,” hoping maybe this time they’ll be enough. Toxic families move the goalposts. Let that break them a little.

✧ Show emotional whiplash... One moment everything is warm and nostalgic. The next, it’s tense and full of landmines. That unpredictability is the dynamic. Use it.

✧ Don’t make the villain cartoonish. Even the abuser might think they’re doing what’s best. They might bake cookies and say “I’m just worried about you.” That’s what makes it so damaging. Write them like people, flawed, manipulative, real.

✧ Let your character unlearn in layers. Even after they leave, they still flinch. Still fold under pressure. Still crave approval. Recovery isn’t clean. But it’s worth it. And when they finally say no, even just once, let it be electric.

More Posts from Lunercrystaldoesart and Others

1 month ago

Writer Jargon 101 ✨

Show, Don’t Tell – The golden rule! Instead of flatly stating emotions, reveal them through actions, dialogue, and sensory details. Like, don’t say, “She was angry.” Show her slamming a door or clenching her fists.

Head-hopping – When you switch POVs in the middle of a scene without clear demarcation. It's confusing and jarring, like taking a sudden detour while driving.

Purple Prose – Over-the-top, flowery writing that can come off as trying too hard. A little flair is fine, but don’t smother your reader with excess.

In Medias Res – Starting a story in the middle of the action. No boring build-up, just bang—we’re already in the heat of things.

Foreshadowing – Dropping subtle hints about what’s coming next. A small detail now could be a huge reveal later. It’s like dropping breadcrumbs leading your readers to an epic twist.

Chekhov’s Gun – If you introduce an object or detail, it better serve a purpose later. No random things just hanging around. Everything matters.

Canon vs. Fanon – Canon refers to the original source material, while Fanon is the fan-created version. You can take liberties with Fanon, but Canon needs to stick close to its roots.

Saturation Point – That place in your writing where things become too repetitive, too familiar. You’ve got to find a way to push beyond it to keep your writing fresh and engaging.

Bait and Switch – Leading your reader to expect one thing, then suddenly giving them something unexpected. It’s like pulling the rug out from under them.

Plot Device – Any element (object, event, or person) that drives the plot forward or allows the resolution of the story. It’s the item or moment that has to exist for the plot to make sense.

Vignette – A brief, evocative scene that focuses on one moment or idea, often without a formal plot. It's about capturing a snapshot of a bigger picture. Think of it like a small, poetic portrait within a larger narrative.

Mise-en-Scène – A French term used to describe the setting or visual elements within a scene, especially in film and theater. It refers to how everything is placed or designed to create a specific atmosphere.

Framing Device – A structure or technique used to tell a story within a story. It's like having a character tell their experiences through flashbacks or letters, giving the plot a layered, nested feel.

Endowment Effect – When writers unintentionally overvalue a character or plot point simply because they created it. It’s the I’m so proud of this, it’s got to stay! mindset. Sometimes less is more, so watch out for this.

Conflict (Internal/External) – Internal conflict is the emotional struggle within a character (e.g., wanting something but being afraid of it), while external conflict comes from forces outside of the character (e.g., fighting an enemy or dealing with societal pressures).

Pacing Breathers – Moments in the story where the action slows down to allow the characters to breathe and reflect. These help balance the high-energy scenes and give readers time to process.

Symbolism – Using objects, actions, or settings to represent larger ideas. Think of a wilting flower symbolizing the decay of a relationship. It’s subtle but adds layers to your story.

Subtext – The hidden or underlying meaning in a scene or dialogue. What isn’t said, what’s implied but not directly stated. Like that tension between two characters that’s so obvious but never spoken aloud.

Red Herrings – Misdirection! These are the details or clues that seem significant but lead readers down the wrong path. It’s like planting a fake trail to keep your reader guessing.

Narrative Whiplash – When you suddenly change tones or perspectives, jerking the reader’s expectations. It’s like riding a bike and then suddenly taking a sharp, unexpected turn. Used well, it adds suspense, but too much can feel disorienting.

To those readers who became writers, we intuitively know what works and what doesn’t, but just in case I’m putting it out here so writing becomes easier!

1 month ago
More Head-canons/analysis Thingys

More head-canons/analysis thingys

Luisa and Mirabel have a really great and sweet relationship. Luisa seems genuinely very kindhearted and like she takes her role as big sister seriously. She also doesn’t treat her differently for having no powers.

When she gets in the way of Luisa, she responds with “careful sis”, unlike Isabela who responds with an angry “what is your problem!?”

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More Head-canons/analysis Thingys

And unlike Isabela who is jealous and thinks Mirabel has it easy, Luisa is never seen showing that kind of attitude despite being probably one of the most overworked Madrigal, to the point of being compared to a mule (beast of burden).

The one time we see her yell at Mirabel, she apologizes immediately saying “uh, wow… sorry, that snuck out there”, showing that she almost never gets angry at Mirabel, if ever.

In Surface Pressure she tells Mirabel to give her burdens to her and Mirabel smiles for a split second (while Luisa worries about things that will hurt Mirabel). They also don’t have the kind of animosity that Maribel had with Isabela at the start.

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And finally, I mean… look at this 🥺

Mirabel looks so uncertain, I’m wondering if they forgot her again but Luisa noticed and dragged her into the photo.

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I hope if a series comes out we will get to explore this dynamic more.

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1 month ago

The most passive-aggressive message ever

The Most Passive-aggressive Message Ever
1 month ago

reblog if you believe fanfics are as valid as books that were published and sold by authors who write as their main careers. I'm trying to prove a point

1 month ago

I feel like if humans didin’t die and Tessa got to grow up she would be like Steve Irwin for drones

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lunercrystaldoesart - Your Local Fiction-Kin!
Your Local Fiction-Kin!

Just a silly artist trying to get by!

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