Symptoms Of Trauma Are Proof Of Abuse. If You’re Struggling With Anxiety, Self Doubt, Self Hate, Low

“If you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. I know how hard it is to have this desire for closeness for a certain someone while having this urge to push that someone away. I’m still learning how to feel deserving of love despite how much pain it has caused me in the past. I’m still learning how to overcome my past traumas because I still have this fear of eventually being rejected, hurt and having all my emotional investments towards this certain someone tossed out the window. I’m still learning how to communicate my abandonment issues without feeling like the powerless person in the relationship. I’m still learning how not to let my emotional issues get in the way of me having the love that I want to deserve because as for now I think she’s too good, too perfect for me. I’m still learning, and maybe that’s all we can do for now as long as we don’t push that certain someone we love away. And maybe we aren’t good enough, and maybe we are, and maybe there are no maybes when it comes to love. I don’t know what’s certain anymore with relationships nowadays, but I’m sure of one thing: that not every person who is willing to love you is out there to destroy you. And you and me and everyone who feels this way must learn that it’s okay to fall in love with someone who lights up the entire sky and try not to think of that someone as someone who’s temporary and just don’t push that someone away even if it’s hard not to. Because what the world needs less are people who feel like they’re entirely to be blamed for their loneliness. So if you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. You deserve love.”

— Juansen Dizon, To Those It May Concern

“you fall in love too quickly and with the wrong people”

—

this happened with my fp multiple times and I felt foolish afterwards for how I had internally reacted. can any of my bpd peers relate??

He did not say hello to me, why didn’t he say hello? He always says hello, every day, but he did not today. My mind whirls, panic rises within me.

He is leaving me, he hates me. Why didn’t he say hello? Talk to me! Talk to me! Pay attention to me, please do not ignore me!

He does not care for me anymore, he has not said anything to me. It is like a crashing wave, knocking me down, barely able to breathe.

He is abandoning you.

The words that weigh me down like a thousand rocks on top of my body crumbles me to pieces and I rush to leave him first before he can utter the terrifying words and leave me. My defense rises; intense anger and distress engulfs my body.

Trying so hard to ignore the negative voice in my head, I try to recall all the times he had talked to me, reassured me, made me feel so happy like I had been flying and soaring with nothing stopping me. But my memory is blank, and it feels cold and rotten. There is no warmth, and it feels as if those glorious and assuring memories never happened. It has always been barren and dark.

I do not look at him, I do not talk to him.

He deserves this. He did not say anything you, he hates you.

The words creep into my brain like an evil ghost whispering words into my ear, making me believe them. My teeth grind together, the tears well up in my eyes as I realize that I have lost him for what seems like the millionth time.

“Hey.”

My heart leaps, and I feel whole again.

He talked to me! He loves me! Why did I hate him again? He is not leaving me! I have never been upset in my life.

It continues. He talks to me, I feel happy and amazing. He ignores me, and I crumble and fall, retreating into the shadows and telling myself that he does not need me, and that he hates me. I idealize suicide, because it seems better than being abandoned the person who has stolen my fragile heart and soul.

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Me: are you okay?

FP: Yeah! I'm good!

Me: no, are you sure?

FP: I just said yes

Me, internally: they're lying to me because they hate me.

Positive Message of the Day

It’s okay if you can’t love your body yet. It’s okay if you can’t accept yourself yet. It’s okay if “thanking” your body or “finding inner qualities you like instead” don’t help in creating higher self-esteem. We battle against messages all around us telling us to hate our bodies. These are not easy things to unlearn. Be kind to yourself; what matters is that you’re trying.

A friendly reminder for people with repressed memories

You didn’t make your abuse up.

Your abuse is real.

Your abuse is 100% valid.

Your memories of abuse aren’t fake.

Having repressed memories means that your brain tried to protect you from the horrible pain you have endured, and it’s more common than you think especially in csa survivors.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It takes 21 days to form a habit.

21 of struggle

21 days of hardships

21 days of pain

21 days of sadness

21 days of crying

21 days of aching

21 days of tiredness

It takes 21 days to change everything.

In only 21 days you can be a better person

21 days to reach your ugw

21 days to get back on track

21 to live a healthier life style

In only 21 days we will be okay

Youre mindset can change

With just 21 days youre year will be saved

Know I’m with you

You can do this, okay

Just survive those 21 days.

🌸❤💕🌼🌹🔆

We were young when we fell in love, I didn’t know how to love you the way you should of been, I was a storm and it destroyed you in the process, and I’m very sorry that I did. The years went by and you’re still on my mind, me that used to be a storm subsided, and I wish now I could give you the love you deserve.

Kiss me in public. Put your arm around me so people know I’m with you. Call me babe in front of our waiter. Pull me in because I’m just not quite close enough to you. Make me watch that one tv show that’s your guilty pleasure. Tell me your biggest fear and I’ll promise to protect you. Kiss me at red lights because if you don’t then I’ll kiss you. Show me the one song you can never listen to without crying. Don’t hide the tiny details about you. Because I’ll remember every one of them.