I Just Wanna Stick A Knife In My Arm

I'm sorry if I'm difficult to deal with. I don't know how to deal with myself either.

One day we shall grow wings

One day we shall feel free

The thoughts that drag us down

Rip our skin

And cloud our skys

Won't be able to touch us

We will be above the clouds

In a place that no one's seen

The people who spit in our faces

Prod at our hearts

And watch us sink low

Won't be able to touch us

We will br above the clouds

In a place where no one's been

There no tears shall be shed

Except for ones of relief

And our hearts will open

We cant feel pain in the palace in the sky

Will you hold my hand as we fly?

One day we will grow wings

I so badly want to absolutely cvt all over my arms but I had to go and tell one person and now they check my arms. You wanna help me? Let me freaking cvt

Me in the mirror on a daily basis

Ahh no dont kill yourself ahhh you're too sexy

So I've been on and off adhd meds for a bit

And I've noticed sonthing

On them its quiet. Quiet in the way where I want to sink into it. I lay in my bed and just dissociate. Quiet in the way my thoughts try to fill the silence. At least i can focus better. When the silence isn't filling me with anxiety and thoughts of my own death.

But off them

It's loud. I can be happy and energetic. And quiet and disengaged. There's so many things running through my head constantly. I have more motivation. Can I focus? No. But that way I cant focus on my own demise either.

Idk what to do. In school, being on them is worth it cuz I cant pass my classes without them. But otherwise its just

Let me sleep lol

If anyone has any advice for finding adhd meds that work and dont wanna make me kms and give me crippling anxiety-- please lmk

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

Mom walks in: why are you crying?

Me: life's hard

Mom: are you trying to be funny with me? *begins yelling*

Why thank you mother i think im funny as well :p

i want to get my shit together so badly

i also want to just give up

Just a poem I wrote..

So let the winds carry my body,

To brighter places, where you might be,

Lift me up above the clouds

I’ll search all of Tennessee

I wish I didn’t have to unlove,

But know, in dreams, you’re still my dove

A love that never quite got to run

We walked, we crawled, and laid to rest under the sun

I wish I didn’t have to unlove

A bottomless black hole I see

Where nothing lives, and sadness feeds

A soul rotting into the other

Decomposing in the depths of eternity

In the vast darkness that entangles me

I’ll always remember you in the fall

That’s where it first began

I wish I didn’t have to unlove you at all.

forced to say “it’s okay!” Instead of throwing a fucking chair at their head