My Existence Feels Wrong. Like I Wasn't Even Supposed To Be Here To Begin With.

"Oh my fine!" Yeah please excuse me while I go did through my mother's medicine cabinet to collect pills and stick a pencil sharpener into my leg.

I feel fake

I love them with all of my hesrt

But my hearts so broken and beaten

Do I even know how to love

I want to scream run

I want to scream hide

I have to protect them from the broken shards of glass i will surely try to throw

Am I selfish for wanting to hold them close

Am I selfish for wanting them to leave when they're my whole world

Am I selfish when I know i help them

But if they knew the truth

They'd be destoryed

I love them so much

Is love holding on or letting go

Mom walks in: why are you crying?

Me: life's hard

Mom: are you trying to be funny with me? *begins yelling*

Why thank you mother i think im funny as well :p

Tw sui talk and attempt

Me having to support my boyfriend after I tried to kms and apologising.

Am I selfish for wanting to scream that mabye it was harder for me??

Am I selfish for wanting the tiniest bit of support??

Like im sorry I tried to kill myself but obviously im going through some shit.

He then proceeded to dump on me how he was sucicudial and acted like he got it

I'd been suicidal for as long as I can remember

Im sorry me killing myself fucked with him I really am

But I feel like he didn't even bother to consider that mabge it fuxked with me

Mabye I get flashbacks and panic attacks because of it

I so badly want to absolutely cvt all over my arms but I had to go and tell one person and now they check my arms. You wanna help me? Let me freaking cvt

As if life just kept going, the world spinning, people laughed, talking, breathing –

... and you're standing in the middle of it, but motionless. Mute. Decoupled.

As if you were just a spectator of your own existence.

I don't need someone to talk to. I need someone to kill me.

"everything will be alright" yeah maybe after I die

Just a poem I wrote..

So let the winds carry my body,

To brighter places, where you might be,

Lift me up above the clouds

I’ll search all of Tennessee

I wish I didn’t have to unlove,

But know, in dreams, you’re still my dove

A love that never quite got to run

We walked, we crawled, and laid to rest under the sun

I wish I didn’t have to unlove

A bottomless black hole I see

Where nothing lives, and sadness feeds

A soul rotting into the other

Decomposing in the depths of eternity

In the vast darkness that entangles me

I’ll always remember you in the fall

That’s where it first began

I wish I didn’t have to unlove you at all.