Accountability Post #3 (21 June 2022)

Reflecting on 2021

Hey Ya’ll,

Not gonna lie...I am so happy that 2021 is over. Apart from the pandemic, there was a bunch of other stuff that happened in my personal life that I wish didn’t. I know I’m, definitely, not the only person who, unfortunately, relates to this. These past few years have reinforced the fact that we can’t control every single event that happens in our lives. The most we can do is the best we can to get by. 

I shed a lot of (unhappy) tears during 2021. I got my heart broken multiple times. I compared myself and my life a lot to my peers. I, often, felt as if I was living in a different timeline than some people. While I was watching other people reaching all of these incredible milestones (e.g., getting a new job, being promoted, becoming homeowners, finding romantic partners, getting engaged,  etc.) I, constantly, felt like I was just stuck. My mental health deteriorated. I neglected and lost myself. I felt like a complete loser in comparison to my peers. I also felt very jealous and, at times, bitter. I really longed for something incredible to happen to me as well. But, it just felt like one let down after another. The worst part is, I barely had time to breathe before the next negative thing happened. I was a wreck, basically...and not a lot of the people in my life even knew this. The ones who did were only aware of what I told them. I, often, left out details from my venting sessions because I was afraid it would be too much and they wouldn’t understand. So, they did not know the full extent of what I was experiencing.

This past week, I have been doing some reflecting on the past year as a whole. I, ultimately, decided that I never want to feel the way I felt last year ever again. That was the lowest I have ever been and just the thought of ever getting to that point again makes me nauseous.

Last night, I spent some time creating a vision board of how I want my 2022 to look like. I have never made a vision board before, but I have made new year’s resolutions in the past. Though...I have yet to actually accomplish any of the resolutions I have set during my 25 years on this earth thus far. Since I’m more of a visual person, I figured that a vision board would be an effective way to supplement my new year’s resolutions/goals/intentions (whatever you prefer to call them) for this year. I ended up creating mine on Canva. I then saved the document as a JPEG file and made the image my desktop wallpaper. That way, every time I open my computer to do homework, send emails, watch Netflix, etc, I am reminded of everything I want to accomplish for myself.

I know that there are a lot of changes I’m going to have to make in order to stay consistent with my goals this year. I’m fully prepared to make them. I’m not sure what it is, but I really have a feeling that this year is going to be different. And no, I’m not jinxing myself by saying that. I’m setting my intention for the life I want this year and putting it out into the universe to help manifest this. I know intention is not enough, but it is an important step in my pursuit of having a much better year in comparison to 2021 and having the best year I’ve had in a long time.

So, with that...here’s to a (for the most part) fresh start. I’m wishing a thriving year filled with many positive experiences and less tears for all of us. If your 2021 was actually a a positive year, then I wish you another positive year. I think we all deserve more happiness and less negativity, trauma and tragedy. 

Though, as I stated previously, you can’t control every single event that occurs in your life. So, additionally, I want to reiterate the following; do the best you can to get by. Even if it’s just waking up and getting out of bed, that is enough. You are always enough.

I’m really looking forward to how this year progresses for all of us. If you have also set any goals/intentions for yourself, I hope you accomplish them. 

Stay safe friends :) 

@velvetmysoul

Really can’t seem to catch a break lately.

I’m exhausted.

2022 smells like success, healing, transformation, blessings and self love.

So, my birthday was last week (got to kiss my health insurance good bye btw) and I just realized I had not yet updated my age in my bio...but for anyone who cares, I have, officially, made it to 26 lol 

@ toyoufromsteph

Reblog if it's okay to befriend you, ask questions, ask for advice, rant, vent, let something off your chest, or just have a nice chat.

please, please and please.

23 April 2023- Reset

So, I know it’s been a while...

I’m sorry for not being consistent with posting on here. It’s been a really rough few months. 

There are multiple sources of the stress I’ve been experiencing, both in my personal life and at work. 

I’ve been really depressed and lonely and have been dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I haven’t been to the gym in several months, so I haven’t even had much to report here anyway...

I’ve been feeling horrible about myself and I feel like my life has been very stagnant. It also doesn’t help that my birthday was just a few days ago. I feel like this has added to the existential dread I’ve been experiencing this weekend...

I know I need to start taking care of myself again. It’s just really hard sometimes.

But, I intend to start doing that. I’m going to treat this coming week as a reset. 

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to restart my health and fitness goals. I’m going to start going to the gym again and incorporate more nutrient-dense foods into my diet. I’m going to start focusing on myself and my needs more. I’m going to revisit the vision board I made for this year and remind myself about the intentions I, originally, had for 2023 (before stuff started going to shit). I’m going to start journaling again. I’m going to become re-attuned to my spirituality and more proactive with my spiritual practices (e.g., manifesting, cleansing, meditating, etc.). I’m going to start trusting myself again and working on improving my intuition. I’m going to be more consistent with self-care. I’m going to continue to go to therapy and heal. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to start feeling better again.