Exam Season Is Coming Around, Which Means I Should Make Sure I'm Not Weak, But I Can Also Use The Excuse

Not to sound like a pick me but I don't like ppl I know irl reminding me of an e.d. only my boyfriend and best friend know abt it and while my friend doesn't really mention it, my boyfriend used to. He'd bring up calories and shit when picking what to have for dinner and it's just like, shut up?? I already obsess over it and it's genuinely draining me, it's not a quirky thing to lose weight and be healthy. Don't remind me even more.

Comparing myself to my friend (skinner, also struggling with an ed) <<<<<<<

Things I'm looking forward to

Thin arms

Thin thighs

Smaller hips where you can feel my bones better instead of fat

Smaller belly

Slimmer face

Looking more elegant

Looking good in jeans

Maybe I won't be skinny as a stick this summer, but I sure will be thinner by my birthday. Watch me lose 30kg by then.

I have a friend who's (naturally?) really skinny and she was telling me abt how she sometimes gets bruises from resting on wooden/metal chairs. I WISH I had that struggle.

If worrying abt my weight/body could burn calories >>>>>>>>>>

food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly food makes me ugly

Currently in exam season so i allow myself to eat more (i fear that getting a degree is more important than starving atm), but I'm still teaching myself to only eat when hungry and avoid snacking too much, esp on sugars. Since my fasts, my hunger has gone down and i feel less the need to eat as often. At least snacking, anyways. Like, yeah, i crave food but i have less the feeling like i'm hungry and NEED it, just simpky the idea of it that i can usually just get over.

I've been on and off fasting for 12 to 24 hours the past week and a half or so and low key, it's a vibe. I'm then more tolerant of what I eat, esp when I have one meal a day. My exams are starting on monday, so I might eat a bit more through the day (like, more than 1 meal).

As much as I love ana, I value my education more than anything.

Nobody:

My brain throughout the day

how long have you been fasting for?

how many calories are you gonna eat today

how many calories have you burned

why don't you move more

why do you eat rn?

that's too many calories

don't eat don't eat don't eat

try to fast a bit longer

maybe we should eat so we don't pass out

why can't I just be skinny

fatass

why'd I eat that

I ought to force myself to fast for logner

Do I deserve this?

ugh why does he have to come over again, don't make me eat

thigh gap

why are my thighs/belly so big

I wish I was thinner

i hate being so wide