I Think It's Great To Talk About Stuff Like This Because The More Uncomfortable You Make It, The Harder

I think it's great to talk about stuff like this because the more uncomfortable you make it, the harder it is to address. This is a great treatment of the lust/porn/masturbation issue, and I wanted to share it with y'all! :) -Katherine

Editor’s Note: I’ve received countless emails, messages and questions regarding about lust, porn and masturbation. I’ve had my tumblr since November of 2011 and I think it’s time that I write something about this very touchy and sensitive topic. What you’re about to read are things that I’ve learned in the past as I wrestled and struggled with this sin. These are things I’ve learned either from different people, from different books, and from God through His word and His Holy Spirit. I understand that every single guy and gal are on a different journey with this sin. So I’m not saying that what I write on this entry is what you should do, rather the purpose of this blog entry is to encourage, empower, and enlighten others as to how to face this battle and come out victorious through Jesus Christ. My desire and prayer is that you would find encouragement, wisdom, knowledge and hope that there’s an answer and a solution. I can testify to that for I am a living testimony. There’s victory over this struggle and the answer lies in Jesus Christ and I pray that you would see that through this blog entry. Let’s get started shall we? :)

I was first exposed to porn when I was a little kid. I can’t remember exactly how old I was but I remember I was really young. How? It might’ve been when I was at my friends house and his parents weren’t home and we thought it was a good idea to mess around with his parents movie. I’m not sure how and where exactly I got my eyes exposed to porn but I was young.

From that point I just started watching porn and it became a routine and I didn’t think it was wrong. I wasn’t a Christian either so I thought it was natural for guys to watch and masturbate. Little did I know that my foolish choices at that time was going to affect me when I became a Christian.

At the age of 15 I gave my life to Christ. I still remember coming home from that youth conference and just feeling so fired up! God now gave me new eyes, new mind, new heart and new life. I knew that any lustful activity just needs to stop because the bible tells me so and it’s wrong. I was on a good streak and I lasted at least 3-6 months of not watching, not doing. But something went wrong. All of a sudden the whole “I’m not suppose to do this because it’s wrong and the bible says it’s wrong” no longer held any weight or power to stop me from succumbing to a lustful heart and this is where my battle with lust started. I remember hearing a good message and thought to myself, “Man, that message was so convicting, God I will never do go back to those lustful things. I’m done.” Or meet with my accountability partner and have a long “prayer session” and after that I would feel good. Or set up all these rules of do’s and don’ts but at the end of all these things I’ve mentioned, I would end up doing the very same thing I hate doing. Can you relate to my story? I’m sure most of you can if not all. So what is wrong exactly? What is lust? And if you’re struggling with lust and any other forms of lustful activity how do you fight it? What do you do?

First you have to know that SEXDRIVE and Sexual Desire isn’t the problem nor the issue, LUST is. SEX isn’t the answer or the solution to your LUST problem, Jesus is. God created you and me with sexual desires and drives to be with someone. But the enemy twisted the truth about our sexuality through Lust. Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden.To Lust is to go beyond attraction, appreciation of beauty or a healthy desire for sex. It is very self-centered and selfish and it makes these desires more important than God.

I mentioned earlier that in the past I’ve failed spectacularly in the area of lust even though I heard a powerful message, or met with my partners or even got rid of ‘stuff’ I found myself going back to the same patterns. Why? mainly because I’ve held the wrong standard for holiness. The wrong source of power to chance. And the wrong motive for fighting sin. My ideas and thoughts about being holy was completely twisted. I thought If I don’t watch/look at porn or masturbate for certain amount of time I’m doing pretty good. I thought I can rely solely on my partners and I’ll be fine. And I thought setting down some strict legalistic rules will help me stay on my toes I was wrong.

But the main reason why we pursue holiness and choose to deny lust along with it’s other forms is because of this: God created us for so much more. He designed us to be satisfied with Him and to translate that satisfaction and pleasure to someone through sex in marriage. He isn’t withholding our sex drives by not watching or masturbating, rather He is saving us for a life filled with love, joy, peace and satisfaction. He is saving us for something so much better. Yes it’s not easy and it’s a fight and a sacrifice but in the end it’s worth it.

As Christians we need to remember that nothing that we can do or add to make us justified before Him, Christ did all the justification. Not watching porn, or masturbating isn’t gonna add up a ‘points’ to God, or make us more worthy, rather it’s sanctifying us and leading us towards a life of holiness and purity.

If we understand this truth about how we stand in Christ, all of a sudden our motives and hearts towards lust changes from “I’m not gonna do it coz it’s wrong” to “I’m not gonna do it because I don’t wanna break my Father’s heart.” That’s a huge difference. The other one is motivated by legalism and will power and the other one is motivated by love and grace. God’s standard of holiness is radical. Ephesians 5:3 says this:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity.. because these are improper for God’s holy people.

God’s standard of holiness is this: Not even a hint! - That means if you struggle with lust then get rid any kind of triggering factors that encourages you to fall into that sin. If that means you need to get rid of your TV in your room, have your parents/spouse/friends create a password for your computer, throw away any provocative magazines that come to your mail, refrain from any movie that most likely have sensual sin, ANYTHING. Get rid of it, stay away from it, Not even a hint.

So does that mean we can’t look at the opposite sex coz we fear of committing lust? No. Of course not. Truth is, it is not lust when we find someone to be so attractive, to have a strong desire for sex, to be excited about sex within marriage, to experience sexual temptation. It only becomes lust and sinful when we go past those things I’ve mentioned above. It is important to distinguish these things and to know what’s lust and what’s not. What’s natural and what’s sinful. it’s not about approaching your sin in a legalistic way, but instead it’s about being obedient to God and being good stewards of the life and the body He has given us. Now what, how do you exactly face and fight this battle? What do you and how do you prepare yourself when Satan comes at you prowling like a lion ready to deceive you? Identify any lust trigger factors. There are numbers of factors that can trigger you. And when you identify these factors it will help you better equip and prepare yourself.

Time of day- Is it at night, after work, when you’re tired etc.

Locations- could be alone in your room, friends house, etc.

TV- be responsible on what you feed your eyes.

Books/Newspapers/Magazines- Be radical about what your read.

Music- Be mindful about the songs you listen to.

Internet - this is obvious.

People/relationship- are you in a healthy & godly relationship or not?

Now that you have your list, pray and ask God to give you solid brothers/sisters to help you in this fight. People who would be genuine about your struggle and will faithfully strengthen and build you up. You can have all these lists but unless you genuinely repent from this sin and have strong hatred towards this sin and a strong and burning desire to be victorious in this area, nothing will happen. Unless you seek friend and get someone to keep you accountable and really take action, you will only find yourself stumbling over and over again. You weren’t meant to fight your battles all by yourself. Jesus sent his disciples always in pairs that means we are meant to work with people and encourage others in our walk.

I have to say one thing though, accountability is great but you have to set your mind and heart on the right place with this. In the past I’m afraid to act on my sin because I don’t wanna disappoint my partner or I want to have a ‘good thing’ to say whenever we meet. This is a wrong mindset. Accountability isn’t meant for that. It’s about partnering, walking, and encouraging the other person not relying. At the end of the day you rely on Jesus’ grace & love and His Spirit to empower you and strengthen you daily.

In my own experience and walk, here’s some really practical ways to develop and cultivate a godly lifestyle:

Spend time with God through prayer, reading His word and worship. - Pick a book in the bible. Start your day with prayer and asking God to give you a hunger for his word daily. Read one chapter a day and journal your thoughts and what God has revealed to you that day. Make it a habit to memorize a short passage. Pursue intimacy with Jesus and make it your priority.

Be in community. Serve in your local church & community. - by doing this you are being proactive and getting out of the house and cultivating a healthy godly lifestyle. Talk with other Christians and just get out there instead of staying home.

Cultivate godly habits. - Read books that encourages you to love and go deeper with God. Listen to songs that encourages you to fall in love more with Jesus. Whenever you’re at a store, coffeeshop, etc, ask for the Holy Spirit to give you opportunities to minister to people either through praying for them, encouraging them with simple words or buying them lunch or coffee. The pleasures that you get from these things are priceless.

i’ll close with this one. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. You’ve probably failed in the past but I know deep down inside your heart you’re disappointed but you’re not close to giving up. There’s still a part of you that wants to strive for victory and there is coz God is working in your heart already as you read this. So even after you read this blog and still find yourself stumbling, get up and start all over again. Godliness and Holiness isn’t an overnight fix, it’s a lifetime and it’s a process. The last thing you want to do is give up. Don’t listen to the enemy, and grab onto Jesus right away. He loves you and will never give up on you. Ever. As long as you’re alive and breathing, you have a chance to change, and repent. His grace is sufficient for you are His child and He’s got his grip on you and will never let you go because He has called you to be a vessel and instrument to this perverse world.

If you want to cultivate a lifestyle of walking in purity and holiness, then you need to abide in Jesus Christ. In John 15 Jesus talks about us abiding in him coz apart from him, we can’t bear any fruit. Apostle Paul talks about how God can’t be deceived, what we sow either in the Spirit or flesh, then that’s what we will reap. You can’t expect to bear fruits of the Spirit or come close to victory over porn, lust and masturbation if you’re daily sowing in the things of the flesh instead of the things of the Spirit. But If you abide in Christ, set and fill your minds with godly things, and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with His presence everyday, I promise you, and it may even surprise you but the urge, desires and cravings of lust will slowly and eventually start to fade away because it will be replaced with the Fruits of the Spirit. We will bear the fruits of Christ and the fruits of godliness and holiness but that’s only possible if we abide in Christ daily. Look to Jesus, He is greater and powerful than any of your present trials and struggles.

Grace and Love in Christ, Mark Muldez.

New Year's Reflections

At the beginning of 2015, I was broken. Broken like something that didn’t work right. Something had gone wrong in my brain and I was glitching. I had just come out of the worse year of my life, and January 2015 followed possibly the most serious emotional/psychological crisis of my young life. I wasn’t me. My self esteem was virtually nonexistent, replaced by omnipresent self loathing. All of my relationships were in shambles, corroded by incessant deceit and self sabotage. I honestly wasn’t sure how I was even still in school based on my grades. And I had strayed so far from the moral path I wanted to be on that I didn’t even recognize myself. I was broken. My life had become nothing but a toxic cycle of lies, guilt, tears, denial, avoidance, and self destructive habits*.

And 2015 was the year that God fixed me. I am in awe of His care for me. He had orchestrated the perfect cure for the bugs in my system, because He knows what is good for His children. He reminded me of who I am. Summer 2015 was basically like a hard reset for me. Like when your laptop freezes so you hold the power button until it restarts. That’s what God did to me this summer. He sent me to Africa where I felt more alive and more myself than anywhere else ever before. He reminded me of the purpose He placed inside me and the plan He has for my life. Then He sent me to camp where I met girls who not only understood the regrets and struggles in my past, but could relate and sympathize, and they accepted and loved me unconditionally. I learned that I’m damaged, and I’m not perfect, and I glitch sometimes, but I’m still capable and usable and worthy of love. It’s amazing to feel God’s grace in the realest form I’ve ever felt it. The grace that makes me beautiful despite my flaws. The grace that makes me usable despite my weaknesses. The grace that justifies me. The grace that makes me worthy despite my wretched unworthiness. The grace that is so much greater than my perception of my imperfection. The grace that showed me that I can’t shrink myself into something that God cannot love because His irrevocable love transforms me into something greater than human measures.

2015 was a good year, by the grace of God.

*for the record, my self destructive habits weren't substance abuse or self harm. They were just skipping school and sucking dick. harmful but not quite as bad.

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depressionanddeconstruction

7 months ago

On twitter I’m seeing dozens of threads from Black activists warning people against burnout, giving all sorts of useful tips about preventing and managing it for the sake of a long-term, sustainable effort.

On tumblr I’m seeing a hell of a lot of young white kids yelling at anyone who actually follows those steps, and acting like burnout is a moral falling rather than a well-proven psychological phenomenon.

Be careful who you get your information from. Don’t let guilt lead you to make choices that will harm both you and the movement.

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depressionanddeconstruction

11 years ago

I really enjoy your blog, katherine :) you're answers are so interesting and clarify so many things. God bless, xox.

Thank you so very much my darling! You are the absolute sweetest :) I'm very glad you've been enjoying my answers :) hopefully there will be many more to follow :)Lots of love! -Katherine

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depressionanddeconstruction

11 years ago

Your opinions on polygamy?

Hmm..I have to say that I am not so much a fan of polygamy.

By way of explanation, I would have to say that it’s because I’m a big believer in the idea of “One Love”. That is to say, I’m not going to have sex until I’m married, and ideally, I plan to be married “until death do us part”. So I personally am not open to the idea of divorce except in the case of abuse or infidelity or some other such extreme circumstances. “Irreconcilable differences”, to me, is not an option. So that being said, my vision for my life is being in love with, being married to, and having sex with, only one person. I want to be so close to someone that I know them inside and out. I want to know all their strengths and all their weaknesses and love them for both equally, because that’s what makes them who they are. I want to be totally open and vulnerable about myself with someone and have them accept me for who I am. I want to have the irrefutable confidence that I want to spend every day until the end of my days with this person. I want to whether the storms of life with this person. I want to fight like crazy with this person. I want a life-partner. Like me and him against the world, you know? And to me, such an intimate experience with only one person makes it all the more valuable and precious. Especially with the sex thing, especially for me.

But that’s just the romantic in me. Let’s talk about what the bible has to say on the topic of polygamy.

In the bible, there are many examples of man who had more than one wife. Sure, King Soloman had 700 wives and 300 concubines on top of that! (1 Kings 11:2-3) [Sidenote: what the heck are you gonna do with that many women? I mean even if you slept with a different woman every day, it would take you more almost three years to get through them all! I bet he didn’t know most of their names.] That being said, most theological scholars seem to think that the polygamy was a cultural thing and only tolerated, if not condoned by God.

In Genesis, after God takes one of Adam’s ribs to make Eve, it says “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:24) That seems pretty clear. It even says that two become one, so that seems to support the monogamy argument.

Later on in the New Testament, Paul (who was a pretty funny guy) is talking about how he’s a bachelor because it allows him to focus more on his evangelical mission, but that it’s better to get married than to “burn in lust”. Because, for some reason, the members of the early church in Corinth seemed to think that sex is bad. This is completely false! Sex was created by God and it is a beautiful thing. So Paul is basically saying that sex is not a bad thing, but you shouldn’t really be sleeping around, because that’s not the way God intended it. Paul’s point is that trying to avoid sex completely is almost impossible, painful, frustrating for everyone involved, and a really good way to disappoint yourself. So marriage is the ideal situation here. Paul says, “But because of the temptation of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2) [Sidenote: The verse after that talks about how husband and wife should fulfill each other’s sexual needs. Well-known pastor and author Rick Warren tweeted that verse, which I think has got to be the most awkward scripture tweet ever. Its awkwardness is surpassed only by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins who mistakenly told someone that his favourite verse is Psalm 38:7, which says “I have a painful disease in my loins”.]

So anyway, it would seem that the bible supports the idea of monogamy. I personally think that the way God designed sex was for one man and one woman within the bonds of God-consecrated, holy matrimony. (This is a discussion on polygamy. I’ve already talked about homosexuality at length here, here and here.) Therefore, my seemingly romantic “One Love” idea is actually firmly grounded in my religious beliefs.

In conclusion: Polygamy is not a lifestyle that I would choose, based on my beliefs and personal moral code, but like anything else, I will not condemn another person for choosing that lifestyle. These are the choices I’ve made for my life and will not be arrogant enough to try to extend them into yours.

Thanks for the question :) Love chatting with you guys! Peace and love! -Katherine

I'm pretty unexceptional looking...

And I'm about to tell you why that statement means absolutely nothing.

Most people would not describe their appearance as special or extraordinary. If someone were to ask you if you're attractive, you'd either say no, or you'd proceed to give a vague, equivocating description of your mediocre beauty. Even supermodels and movie stars have acute and sever insecurities. There's not a single person in this world who legitimately views themselves as head-turning attractive. In fact, I think we're all too comfortable with the idea of looking "average". We style our hair the way everyone else is doing it. We wear the same clothes every one else does. We all just want to blend in and not draw undue attention to our person. Our fondest wish is to look like everyone else. Do you deny it?

HOWEVER, not one of us believes that we really are actually like everyone else. Whether you think that's a good thing or a bad thing is not for me to decide, but you know that you're unique. You know you're different from every single other person around you. If you do think that's a bad thing, I'm here to tell you that it's not. You have interests, skills, talents and passions that are unique and entirely your own. And that's awesome and super cool and you are special and amazing specifically because you are not like any single other human on the planet.

But here's my point. Judging by appearances is literally the dumbest thing ever because the outward appearance gives absolutely no indication of who someone is. Too often we get too caught up in the outward appearance and it consumes us. We narrow our minds to the here and now, the tangible and touchable. Even though the physical body is present and right in front of us right now, it is a meagre representation of the person inside. Every single person is exceptional and extraordinary. People who look perfectly average and even might look "boring" have entire galaxies inside their heads. They have unwritten novels and unheard music and unknown inventions inside of them. They have love stories and ancient histories and imagined eternities in their hearts. So even though we spend most of our time trying to blend into our surroundings, our characters make us stand out from the crowd because of our various vibrant and dynamic personalities.

That was definitely not as deep as I thought it was. I wish I could impress upon you how incredibly important this is to me. I don't even know if that made sense, I just really really wanted to tell you all my thoughts on this topic.

Peace and love! -Katherine

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depressionanddeconstruction

11 years ago

Lost Generation

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depressionanddeconstruction

12 years ago

have you ever experienced or witnessed a miracle?

Hmm...I don't thiiiiink so. Obviously, I've seen lots of divine stuff: tongues and interpretation, slain in the Spirit, prophesy, etc etc. I'm been in the room with people who were healed. Two examples come to mind: 1) A woman with chronic pain for years instantly pain-free. 2) A girl with scoliosis literally feeling her spine being straightened.

The former is from YC, October 2012 and the latter is from YB2, August 2012. I've heard so many first hand witness accounts from friends, family, and church family who report amputated arms growing back and countless healings. If you count a healing as a miracle, then the answer is yes. I actually, for some weird reason, put miracles in a different category, so I'm inclined to say no. Haha Have a great day! Peace and love! -Katherine

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depressionanddeconstruction

7 months ago

please reblog the fundraisers you see on your dash. please. if you claim to care about palestine, NOW is the time to prove it. everyone said gaza will be worse off if trump wins - well, now he has. the least anyone can do now is reblog and share and DONATE to as many fundraisers as possible. especially if you're american. you want harm reduction? this is harm reduction. help gazan families.

you can't decide where to start?

gazafunds

mohammad, nawal, and baby roaa

yousef, khadija, and baby majd

ahmed, his family, and their cat soso

nairuz and hussein's spreadsheet | gazavetters' spreadsheet | the butterfly effect spreadsheet

fundraisers linked on my blog

esims

pick a name. any name. read their story. realize that what you feel now, they feel everyday, a thousandfold. donate whatever you can. at the very least, reblog if you can't.

there is no excuse not to.