I Can’t Believe I Have Signed Myself Up For At Least 4 More Years Of Exams And Mental Burnout

12/09/18 - 1/100 days of productivity

Today is an inset day (even though we’ve only had 2 days back haha) and I’m using it to research the author of the German book we are studying.

I will also do some maths today and write up yesterday’s biology notes.

(Sorry for not posting in a couple of days - I’ve had a nightmare trying to readjust and I was panicking a bit. I’m ok now!)

I love bees!

save the bees🐝

1/5/2021 When art and science collide...

This week, I learned about organometallic catalysts for propene polymerisation. I found it an interesting topic, though frustrating: despite understanding the process, I can’t visualise the process to rationalise which catalyst gives which product. That’s kind of the whole point of the catalysts, and I was annoyed that I was fighting (and losing) an uphill battle. But that’s okay, because I found a way around my problem.

I wanted to make a 3D animation of the process since I couldn’t find any, though that would actually require my learning how to model molecules and animate them - that’s a little beyond my skill set right now. Learning to animate molecular processes is long-term goal I have set myself as a little side project, but for now I’ll have to settle for more traditional means. So, I drew the process out and made a graphic for my reference instead.

Software: Autodesk Sketchbook for iPad

26/09/18 - 15/100 days of productivity - studying with a full-on cold :(

Happy Wednesday guys! I had a full day of lessons today. The routine is pretty much the same as Tuesday (and, as you’ll find out, Thursdays and Fridays too). Anyway, this is what my Wednesday looked like :)

06:45-07:20 Up, washed, dressed and out the house

07:35-08:00 Commute to school

08:00 German quizlets in the sixth form work room

08:30-08:50 Form time with my lovely bio teacher! Fun times

08:50-09:50 Chemistry ft a fun rant from my teacher (not really it scared me even though it wasn’t aimed at me!) about how we are all deluded if we think we are going to succeed by putting such little effort into things

09:55-12:25 Double German! (With a half an hour break in between, don’t panic). Half was spent studying Der Vorleser, the other half on grammar

12:30-13:30 French with my favourite teacher. I did a listening assessment and... not much else to be fair 😂

13:30-14:00 Lunch/ form competitions. I represented my form in skittle sorting with one hand. I won my heat but came in third overall so far. The rest of the forms play tomorrow. We are out of the running for the form prize but I did get the bag of skittles haha

14:00-15:00 Biology - the topic was regulating gene expression on the transcriptional level and I LOVED IT. What an amazing way to end the day!

15:40 Arrived home to chill out. Honestly I feel awful so I decided to take a break.

17:00 Tea time :)

17:30-20:00 Maths revision before I move on to A2 stats (ew)

20:00-21:00 A cup of tea for me... plus some Vick’s Vapour rub and paracetamol haha

Night all! I might do another of these when I’m not ill so you can really see my life - this is nothing compared to how I normally work. Yes it’s a lot but I have to plough through.

Me voilà hahaha

has this been done yet?

11/4/19

Mindmaps make everything look so much more manageable

Today has been really productive. I went to school for two hours for some biology revision and then went to meet a friend for lunch. It was such a lovely day that I chose to walk the hour back home rather than catch a bus so I could listen to the audiobook version of Nineteen Eighty Four. However, as punishment for being healthy, I now have blisters on the soles of both feet :(

Happy New Year!

Hi guys! I’m so happy I’m bringing you all along into 2019 with me!

This post is mainly to sum up what I feel I have achieved in 2018, because I think it’s so important to take a minute and appreciate how far you’ve come towards meeting your goals. I’m also going to chat about 2019, just because. But before I do, I want to wish you all the best for this year. Work hard but look after yourself - you owe it to yourself to be healthy :)

So this time last year I was officially diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder. I did not leave the house at weekends or in the holidays. I avoided all contact with people. I was miserable and apathetic 24/7 and I just wanted to sleep or cry. I was too anxious to even go into a shop alone, let alone even think about applying to universities or plan trips abroad without an older member of the family. In fact, had I not been terrified of leaving the house alone, I would not be here to see 2019.

However, a very very good teacher of mine was my shoulder to cry on, and she encouraged me to finally get a GP’s help after years of struggling alone in denial. 2018 was my year of recovery.

I still have depressive episodes. I am still anxious. But on the whole, I am human again and I am okay. Fragile still, but able to see the good in situations and not panic when I can’t. The chains that restrained my ankles are free, so I can put my best foot forward at long last.

As part of my recovery, I put myself out there. I visited universities from Birmingham to London, and I stayed with a host family for a week in Nantes. I was fortunate enough to be given a place on the Sutton Trust Summer School at Cambridge, where I met so many amazing people. I got closer to people I’ve known for years, too, because I know the time I have to see them every day is limited and fast running out. Although difficult at first because I do not respond well to change and time pressure, I know that this is the life I want.

This year is going to be my most tumultuous and scary yet. In 2 weeks, I fly to Berlin with my best friend, just me and her for my birthday. I am responsible for the budget (oh Lord) and looking after us. On said birthday, I will find out whether Cambridge accepted or rejected me. In the summer, I will sit my A Levels and find out if I achieved my goal - and I will leave the school I love so dearly forever. In the autumn, I will be settling into a new city as a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed fresher at whichever uni I choose, ready to embark on my chemistry degree. And I will have to leave behind so many people, which kills me inside.

But I know that the people who are supposed to stay in my life absolutely will. And alongside all the nerves and the sadness, I am optimistic that I will meet so many amazing humans at uni and beyond. I have been waiting for the chance to spread my wings and become a strong, independent woman for myself, and this year is when I’ll get to do it.

There is only one thing I do know for certain: my life at the end of this year will look incredibly different to how it is now.

Bring it on!

03/10/18 - 21/100 days of productivity

Ok, I’m knackered now. I love chemistry but graphs are so awful to draw by hand because it’s so easy to mess up 😂

That curve of best fit though (looks a bit funny at this angle but it’s a perfect curve irl)👌🏻

I’m back home now and life has gone back to normal unfortunately. However, I am determined to make the most of the three weeks I have left of my holiday

This is amazing!

here is a gif showing how blood flows through the heart in case you need extra motivation