Bernatk - Heatherfield Citizen

When am I ready?

We work very hard for things we want and for others that we don't. But it's about all right. However, mostly our efforts turn out to be fruitless. Why is this? Why isn't my book published yet? Why am I not married?

Most often we question the methods and the degree of our commitment but other times simply accept failure. None of this and at the same time all of this is right. How can that be?

Firstly, we can never work too hard. There's always a bit more we could do. Yes, even when we feel we've done our best. It is constantly possible to push a little harder, to get somewhat better. And there are times, when our work needs polishing. It's extremely hard to admit, when what we think we've worked for with all our might, cries out for being corrected. It's truly damn difficult to say, that it isn't that good after all.

Secondly, we easily get obsessed with a wide range of variety of things, from what we ought to keep ourselves far. And then it's inevitable, that we lay down our weapons and armours, and whisper lowly: I give up. Then we become free to do what can work for us.

But no matter what we do and how we do it. Sometimes we are destined to achieve success at certain fields, still, we struggle and yet get nowhere. That's because we might not be quite ready. The Oracle tells Neo in the Matrix: Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something. And sometimes, very rarely, it looks like we're all waiting for something, just don't know what. We think we'll know when we see it. But it's not something we can see or something that's basically external. No. Just like in Neo's case, we've got to start believing. Faith is the last barrier, that separates us from entering the promise land.

The best thing :)

Wish I had what I needed To be on my own ‘Cause I feel so defeated And I’m feeling alone  And it all seems so helpless And I have no plans I’m a plane in the sunset  With no where to land 

And all I see It could never make me happy  And all my sandcastles  Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me Let me know your touch  Let me know that you love me  Let that be enough 

It’s my birthday tomorrow  No one here could know I was born this Thursday Twenty-two years ago  And I feel stuck watching history repeating Yeah, who am I? Just a kid who knows he’s needy.

Let me know that you hear me Let me know your touch  Let me know that you love me  Let that be enough

Let me know that you hear me Let me know your touch  Let me know that you love me  Let that be enough

Merry Christmas to you all :)

My girlfriend has a peculiar memory when it comes to dreams. Everyday she just tells them in great detail. I think they are as real experiences to her as real events. Well I'm not that kind of person, to say the least, and I'm getting worse at it day by day.

But before we start, I must say, that it isn't a depression-note kind of thing.

Today I woke up, tired, tense and puzzled but there was absolutely no way for me to figure out what I saw in my dreams. The first thing that came to me was this thought: Oh gosh, it could've marked my day, it's good that I don't remember a bit of it. Strangely, though, it did mark my day. It had affected me as if I was just living it all day through.

I think this little thing about me helps us understand: understand me and understand ourselves. We are a new breed, one that has facebook, smart phones and incredible knowledge about the universe. But there's one thing we don't have: an identity. We just start out with a feeling that we cannot understand, nor describe but it's still there, defining our choices. We've successfully peeled back the layers of superstition and natural norms, thus we've enabled ourselves to create a world that reflects our dreams and desires without safe-guards. Unfortunately we've been so efficient in destroying the chains that held our kind back, that we've undone ourselves.

Is the status quo really so profoundly bad? No, absolutely not. But it's still true that we've depleted ourselves, we've negated the essence which made us us. We've forgotten dreams, yet, they are the only things that have effect on us. Who are we? And who am I? No ones. Our struggle to show our worth has concluded in a very thorough worthlessness in our nature.

However, there's still hope. There still is a beacon of light, a guarantee for us, that our breed can become something. We've just got to remember our long-forgotten dream-selves and that's what we have to fight for in order to break the line of facelessness. It's going to be a war. And we've the chance to become the heroes. Let us delay no more, let's beat on, let's alter our courses and find ourselves in the light of purity and beauty.

I like being reminded of love.

How to fail university

First of all, attend a university, which you are most certainly not fond of. Work really hard but not as much as you see fit, instead push as hard as expectations require, and burn out. Once you're incapable of doing anything further, it won't be hard to fail enough tests to fail several subjects. I know you're smart enough to get to the exams, even if you were a total mess when you had tests. Once you're miraculously facing a couple of exams (it's wondrous because you haven't yet failed by merely the tests), make sure you're extremely busy with unrelated business and when it comes to the very week of the exams, procrastinate! More than ever in your life! More than altogether in your life! Then, when you've done enough procrastination and that voice in your head is shouting, that you should study, do some studying but pay attention to do it very skin-deeply. Okay, you're at the exam and you've completed an utterly half-ass process of learning, a.k.a no learning at all, you can be at ease, for there's a fair chance, that you'll fail. Every single subject. One by one.

There you have it, my secret recipe for failing uni.

This is an ironic approach of telling my story at how I've performed so far. OK, maybe the end was just a predection, but a very realistic one. My point is not to gain some of yourvaluablepity, and definetely not to set up an example. Well it is in fact an example but not one to follow.

What I'm trying to say with this excessive and rather sarcastic post is hidden in the very first sentence. Do not EVER give in to reasons, that lack the consideration of YOU. Every single person is unique and has a life, that has the potential to be full. However, this diversity naturally implies the pointlessness of schemes. We can't live by the guidance of movie-themes or advices of people we look up to (or sometimes ones, that we don't even look up to). We have to find our own way. And the path, that we'll follow, will eventually determine, whether we arrive at our destination or not.

Our primary aspects of considering careers are its profitability and the likelihood of being employed. But these won't make our lives worth living. Either we accept it, or not, the truth is, that we spend a major part of our days in the little boxes we call workplaces. And it matters enermously if it's right for us. And not in a sense of us being able to provide our family with everything. Our profession has to make us happy. As St. Augustine said "Love and do what you will.".

My conclusion will be hard for some of you to swallow but please bear with me. The Bible says, that we shouldn't worry about our needs for they will be fulfilled be the Divine Providence of God. And this is what makes me calm while I rerender my plan for the future. My faith gives me confidence to say all this. This is why I'm not afraid to say, that there's a certain destination I aim for. This is why I'm on the side, that says you can bravely follow your dreams. Because when you're convinced, that your dreams are justified by the Great Maker, you fear not what is yet to be faced.

There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Let me share a secret with you: this is the time of your life. Or there's a very big potential in it. Why? Maybe: how do I know that? Quite simple: It always is. It surely sounds like a common place but let's search through the depths of it.

I'm not trying to express a carpe diem kind of philosophy, for that is most commonly mistaken for the worse. I'm not packing my message into good-sounding witty phrases for those serve little good for the people, who are very quick to scroll down and just consume the easily digestable parts of every post on the site.

Returning to our (maybe it's just "my" but as long as you're reading, we both share this) topic, what is the great deal about today? Or about your life? What grand adventure may await you? We have this concept, that these are the priviliges of exceptional people and maybe it's true. But I'm not asking you to attempt things, that are not meant for you. We are called or more like entitled to be the creators of amazing things. Some of us could be leaders of nations, movie stars, inventors but others bring these incredible things to the world, like being the ever-smiling cashiers or raising well their children. The how is always individually altered and understood, so I really cannot give you specific information. However, none of you need it! Because these ways are spectacular, obvious. Yes, we walk blindly, suffering because of our own ignorance and fear. Be courageous!

I could go on for quite long but I'm gonna stop right here. Because the rest is really up to you. I'm not telling you to find your way, I'm only asking you to look for it.

You'll find another.' God! Banish the thought. Why don't you tell me that 'if the girl had been worth having she'd have waited for you'? No, sir, the girl really worth having won't wait for anybody.

F Scott Fitzgerald - This Side of Paradise