Stellaluna By Janell Cannon

Diary entry #4

I had a terrible day at work. My vacuum was broken (I'm a houseman at a hotel) but nobody is allowing me to get a new one or switch out the cord or whatever. It's a cord style where you can switch it out and all I need is a new cord and it fucking frustrated me to no end. I'm just gonna buy myself a new cord because I'm not arguing for my ability to get my job done.

Also fun fact about the "houseman" role. It's basically cleaning hotels in the areas where people don't sleep, everywhere besides the rooms. But anyways I said to a random guy on the elevator that I was a houseman and he said I looked more like a housewoman to him (OOF) but something about different identities and stuff. It made me freeze up. If my work counselor wasn't right there I may have said something about, hey, you were right the first time! But my work counselor was there so he'd probably snitch to my (grand)parents, I didn't chance it.

I want to tell people that I'm a guy actually but I'm so afraid of being caught. Can't wait till I get tf out of here (my grandparents house)

I AM SCREAMING HOLY SHIT TOMODACHI LIFE WAS MY SHIT WHEN I WAS A KID!!!

RAAHHHHH I LOVE ART SO MUCH!!!!

....nevermind

thst wikipedia poll tricked me earlier I was like aw I got the rickrolling article I don't want that one. maybe I should try again for a different article.

Here’s my epic autism moment- my pizza tower and PvZ ocs!!

Why is a plants vs zombies zombie oc trans? Because I said so, that’s why lmao. If a plant can go by they/them, surely a zombie can use pronouns. Idk lol

Anyways here’s the description of both of them-

Alice/August (he/him for both)-

They are my self-insert, with August being an alter-ego/transformed version of Alice (not actually my deadname.) I designed them with a noise/noisette kinda style. August is extroverted and courageous, while Alice is introverted and cowardly. When Alice feels confident and happy enough, they transform/switch into August. People think they are completely different people, but they at least share the same body. They’re kind of a representation of my online and offline self. Alice is usually called a “she”, but he’s a he. He doesn’t tell anyone what he goes by, and avoids the question whenever possible.

Nico (he/him)-

Nico is a zombie that is generally very intelligent compared to the others, but he is much less tough. He has a bit of a “zombie” accent, but tries to get speech therapy to get rid of the voice. He is the son of Dr. Edgar Zomboss, possibly explaining his above-average intelligence; it’s unknown if he has any siblings. Zomboss refuses to call him his son, referring to him as a “she” and by his deadname “Nicole”. Nico does not eat brains, but will occasionally eat pork brains as a sort of treat. He’s on the plants/humans side, and wants to defeat his father. He has an advantage, as he learned a lot about his father before he left his household so he knows a lot of his plans. Plants know not to attack him, as he’s pretty visually distinct.

[Start ID: First image is of my Pizza Tower oc, Alice/August. They have blonde hair, blue eyes, and wear glasses. August is who Alice tranforms into when he feels confident/happy enough. Alice wears a white shirt, blue jeans, and has his blond hair in a bob. August wears a teal cape, a binder, and cargo pants and has his blond hair short in a middle part. The second image is my plants vs zombies oc, Nico. He looks like a typical pvz zombie, except his pupils are slightly larger. He wears headphones, has brown hair, wears a white shirt with a binder underneath, wears cargo pants, and has a trans pride pin. /End ID]

Shout out to that period of time when I was a little kid and I would ask for hugs from random people even though that was an objectively awful idea

🫠👍

(Dw I don't do that anymore but I still love hugs from people who are my friends)

Shout-out to the autistics who crave hugs. Shout-out to the autistics whose love language is touch.

And shout-out to the autistics who were denied a timely diagnosis because a misinformed professional thought you were "too affectionate" to be autistic.

You aren't any less autistic because of how you show affection. And you aren't nearly as rare as pop culture and outdated research would imply.

This is very different from my usual posts, but this seemed too important to not speak about. I implore you to read what's below.

I know this is a very scary time for many trans people and those with trans loved ones. But I promise you, we will be ok.

Diary entry #17

Vent I guess

Ed warning and dysphoria and sh

I wish I could be normal about my weight. I'm overweight. If I looked like a guy then I think I could forgive it but I don't and know my curves are more visible everyday and I want to die!! /hj on that last part

The universe is cruel in the way that I can't lose weight unless I eat like triple digits (calorie wise) every day because I binge so fucking much. So I don't fit in normal or even ed communities online because I'm like that.

Nothing I have ever done has ever fixed my binging problem. I think it's a medicine side effect thing but my grandparents don't want me to change them. I don't know why.

When I was in my active ed phase I wanted to shrink to the point where my chest would become small enough to be male passing. That was the main reason. I know I wouldn't pass as male bc of my voice but I just wanted some control over my stupid life.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I can't go on T in my house because i would be quickly caught, so I have to move out but moving out is hard. I just want to be a guy and I don't understand why it's a problem.

I wish that there was a way to make my grandparents understand that this dysphoria will kill me one way or another. But I think they've already made their mind, there's nothing I can say. I could try to cut my breasts off and they would just think I'm more mentally ill and send me to the ward.

I could kill myself and they wouldn't wonder why for a second, they would think "oh she was just mentally ill." They don't listen to me and don't want to. I think me killing myself would be a better ending for them than me being trans and thriving, although they'd never admit it.

They aren't even bad people, they have a lot of flaws and this is one of them. A really, really bad flaw, but they really think being trans is evil.

Just ruminating here I guess

Diary entry #15

Feeling a little bit better. I've been reading a lot recently, the pvz comics and also "american teenager" which is a book about trans kids' perspectives! It's really good so far!

My brain is whirring with different fanfic ideas.

I ordered a crazy dave figure and sunflower plushie and I'm so excited!! I wish they shipped soon but whatever i guess lol

This is the first line of official pvz merch in forever. I wish they made an Edgar Zomboss figure or plushie or whatever but I'll take what I can get haha!

I know I'm just distracting myself from the horrible reality ahead but it's nice to be distracted sometimes

I think I'm at like peak hyperfixation when it comes to plants vs zombies; idk how much longer it's going to last but judging on my other hyperfixations it might be a year or more before it fully fades.

[ID: a screenshot of a Youtooz pre-order with a Crazy Dave figure and Sunflower plush /END ID]

I've only seen you and your art for like 5 minutes and you've improved my life by at least like 5% ty

it’s autism 🎃🍁🍂🧡🦌