No Matter How Much I Think I Person Might Love Me, I Know There Is Someone There Who They Would Choose

january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn't happening

dudes who are normal will be like im joker insane but women who have not felt real since they were seven will be like im average normal

if i ever come off a little weird and you wonder if theres something wrong with me there is theres actually so many things wrong with me but im doing such a good job being normal. so you should actually be proud of me you should smile and be like wow youre doing such a good job and then be on your merry way

SPOILER WARNING FOR TSATS

My personal opinion of TSATS that no one asked for-

I personally loved Nico and Will’s relationship throughout the story, it felt realistic considering their situation and their miscommunication seemed accurate as no relationship is going to be constantly perfect, though I do wish their conversations were a bit longer

I love Will but I feel like this book left a lot of things unanswered about him, like they wanted to follow up on a promise of development for him but weren’t exactly sure how to follow through, especially with a book so focused on Nico. If this story had lasted even 2 books instead of 1, there would have been more development possible

The first half of the book, I loved. The trogs, Menoetes, Gorgyra, all of it felt the closest to books with Nico and Will I’d read in the past. Once they got to Tartarus was around when I started noticing this weird feeling, like something wasn’t right. It wasn’t super in your face or anything, but there was more that caught me off guard

I say this in the most love filled way possible, but parts of the book felt like a tumblr post

I honestly don’t really get the whole ‘Nico’s out of character’ thing I see people saying. His change feels natural, a part of his healing as he learns to accept joy into his life and focus on being a teenager. If anything, the dumb references seemed exactly like him, just a side we haven’t gotten to see in a while

If anything, Will seemed the most out of character, which makes sense. He’s someone whose POV we haven’t seen before, stuck in a place which is bringing out parts of him that don’t usually show on a surface level. The Will that so many people had in their head before this book was seen through other eyes, and now people are acting disappointed that he’s not who they thought he was when we weren’t given enough information to form a fair original impression of him

The one thing that kind of grated on me in this book was, unfortunately, the gay stuff. Nico and Will’s relationship felt so natural in the past, it felt almost more supportive to have it treated so plainly, a simple fact that Nico and Will were dating, and that was that. And don’t get me wrong, I was all for more representation, and things like Piper’s partner being mentioned or just simply Nico and Will being together was incredible. But now it just seemed to be all over the place, and again, often when it was mentioned it felt like a tumblr post

Wtf was up with Hazel and Reyna?? You know?? His two living sister figures?? I appreciate that we finally got some closure on Bianca, but to see Nico barely mention the other two kind of bugged me

The trogs should get a mini book. I said what I said

Idk bout y’all but Bob calling solangelo his sun and his star was some of the cutest shit-

Wtf was Nico’s coming out though like it still felt like it wasn’t fully his decision, after Cupid it seemed a little weird not letting his coming out be a private moment with the people he trusted most

Kinda confused how Nico survived his first fall to Tartarus when he didn’t have shit to protect himself? And yet with Will they had to make a half pipe to survive. How did Nico not just become a pancake on impact?? <- genuine question, anyone got ideas??

I think part of what made this book just slightly off for me was the lack of other characters. Even when it was just Percy and Annabeth in Tartarus, there were more familiar monsters, new friends, and there were other characters chapters in between theirs. I think that was why the Underworld part of the book resonated with me more than the Tartarus part, there were more characters to help the book move more smoothly

Also, they were fighting against Nyx, who is literally night. I know maybe my expectations were too high, but I was kind of hoping for more of a clash between night and the child of the sun

Overall, I liked this book a lot and it helped me reconnect with a part of myself I hadn’t explored in a while, but there’s a lingering ache of disappointment that I didn’t love it. Whether it needed more books to come to its full potential, or I raised my expectations too high, I don’t know. I’m still happy to own the book, to have read the book, and maybe the remaining melancholy is just a feeling of having to let go of characters, but I’d say this book did at least give some closure to all the sadness Nico has been through. The book did market itself as a ‘Nico Di Angelo Adventure’ so it makes sense he got the most insight

I could never live near the sea for two main reason, 1. I hate how annoying the sand is. 2. I would drown myself within the two weeks living there.

Random pieces of advice

The world is less scary and chaotic if you lie down on the floor

Noticing different kinds of light (stars, candles, sunshine or city lights) can bring back the feeling of wonder and hope

If you can’t shower, washing your hands and face will help you feel better and cleaner

If you can’t clean anything else, changing and/or washing your bedsheets can do wonders

Fresh air and being outside in general can help with depersonalisation

Spending time around animals can help you recognise what’s important and calm anxious thought cycles

Techniques for emotional regulation in children can really help adults too

Putting random asortment of food on a plate without creating an actual dish still counts as a meal

Drink something warm

Delete that app

Treat yourself as if you were a kid. Buy yourself a toy, play around, learn about cool new things

Fast paced life isn’t morally better and it’s not good for everyone

There is no good reason to keep yourself hungry

Singing to your full lung capacity can be a great way to let out built up emotion

Tension in the face can cause headaches. Try to massage your face regularly

Nothing is as important as your health

You are a whole person on your own, you don’t need someone else to be there to deserve love and attention. Your life can be full as long as you are present

You should cry things out whenever you feel like it

Slow walks are still movement and they do count

It’s never as bad as you imagine it

Try changing your toothpaste flavor if you hate brushing your teeth

Anything can be a stim toy - one of my favourites is a heavy dragon necklace that has a complicated surfice. It’s fun to touch and hold and it’s not even “actual” stim toy

Procrastinating and feeling bad about it is true waste of time. Learn to truly rest. It takes the same amount of time but it is useful

Sometimes you have to force yourself to do the things that make you feel better

Don’t trust the thoughts you have after not sleeping for a while

Friendships don’t have to be forever to mean something

i love talking to people in real life and being like “oh yeah i have instagram but i don’t really use it… i don’t have facebook or tiktok or anything like that either… idk i just don’t want to waste my life on social media, i prefer to live in the moment” and then i go home and spend 12 hours a day on tumblr

Okayyyy, im reading y’all and yes. There were things that didn’t make sense, or that i liked (their first kiss being when nico was grieving, nico a little… not as he was in other books)

But it is a child’s book!!!!!! Of course there would be things like ??? But it was good

tired of being brave about things i will now be openly pathetic

my mistake is that i thought everyone would remember me as i remembered them