Fictober Day 1

Fictober Day 1

Prompt:

"Im not begging you to stay."

"Why not?"

Stucky, angst, post-endgame

Prompt from:

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“Don't do anything stupid ‘till I get back.”

“How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.” Bucky responds, giving Steve his best smile as he pushes down the feeling of abandonment.

But Steve notices. He always does.

“Buck? You alright?” Steve asks, hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky swallows down the lump in his throat, shaking his head as he glances away.

“Its nothin’, Steve. Go get your girl. You owe her a dance, after all.”

Steve scoffs, shaking his head.

“You're upset I'm leaving, aren't you?”

Bucky nods and shrugs his shoulders. “Like I said. Its nothin’. I'm not gonna… I'm not begging you to stay, Steve.”

“Why not?”

That question sends chills down Bucky's spine, his thoughts pausing. But he pushes it down, ignoring the feeling that maybe he should beg for him to stay.

“Why should I?” He asks defensively. “That wouldn't be fair to you, man. You deserve to have a nice life. Who am I to prevent that?”

Bucky scoffs, glancing down at the ground, hair hanging in his face.

“After all this time, you're just gonna abandon me, Steve. What happened to ‘til the end of the line’?” His voice cracks, but he keeps going, his words barely whispers.

“Is this the end of the line?”

Those words send a chill down Steve's spine. He has to take a moment, his eyes wide as he stares at Bucky, comprehending his words.

“Buck-”

Bucky cuts him off with a shake of his head.

“Don't. Don't pity me. Don't stay just because you feel bad, Steve. I'm just dead weight. Leave me behind. You don't need me. No one does or ever will. You're not the scrawny Brooklyn kid in the alleys any more, afterall.”

Steve stares at him, heart pounding. “Bucky, don't say that about yourself. I-I'm sure you'll find a nice girl, settle down. You'l find someone who needs you, I promise.”

“But thats just it, Steve.” Bucky says, looking up at him, voice broken, eyes hardened. “I need you. I love you, Steve. I don't want no nice girl. I want you. Its always been you.”

Oh. The realization hits Steve like a shock of lightning, pieces clicking together in his mind as he thinks back on the old days, when it was just him and Bucky.

The way Bucky would always look at him like he hung the moon. Or how he remembered even the simplest things about him, things no one else did. Or how his eyes lit up everytime he walked into the room. It explains it all.

“Bucky, I-”

Steve scrambles for words, heart shattering. *How could he have not known? Is it too late?*

“James. Look at me, man.” He says, fingers reaching out to cup his cheek, Bucky's eyes widening at the gesture. “I never thought… I never thought you liked me like that. I was just that scrawny kid you took care of. Plus, at that time, it wasn't exactly sociable acceptable, now was it?”

Bucky shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Nah, it wasn't.”

“Exactly. So I brushed it off, Buck. I found someone I liked. I tried to ignore the feelings I had for you. That I still have for you.”

Bucky's breath hitches, eyes widening.

“I'll stay, Buck. Just promise me one thing.” Bucky nods at Steve's words, eyes on his.

“Don't keep somethin’ like this from me again.”